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tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering STRILONDE SQUAD HELL GROUP CHAT
TG: hey guys!!!!!
TG: i haev some inCREDIBLE news for all of you :o
TG: me and jade were in the lab today
TG: and we figuredd out how to undo the sprite-merging thingy!
TG: were gonna get hal back guys!!!!!!
TT: That’s great, Rox.
TG: “thats great rox”
TG: oh come on at least *act* happy :)
TT: I am happy.
TT: I just don’t put exclamation points where they’re unwarranted.
TG: im teasing u boi
TT: Oh.
TG: i dont blame u for feelin weird about it
TG: but it was arquiuss choice to go back 2 “normal”! we gots to respect that
TT: I suppose so.
TG: wait a minute
TG: does that mean
TG: no, davepeta doesnt want to be split up, chill outttt
TG: okay phew
TT: I’m assuming the same goes for Jasprose?
TG: oh hey were all online at the same time !! :D
TG: that like NEVR happens
TT: Roxy?
TG: yea yea shes staying half cat
TG: all of u are so weird abt those guys
TG: they arent even rly alternate selves any more
TG: bein all mixed up with other ppl adn all
TT: We’ve had this conversation before. I’d rather not have it again.
TT: Seconded.
TG: thirdeded
TG: …
TG: well nOW that were all here….
TG: what should we talk about?!?!?!?!
TG: with all my time spent in the lab i dont get nearly enoguh time to chat w my fam
TG: tell me evvverythign thats been goin on w u guys
TG: romance, perhaps ;)
TG: oh come on
TG: what could possibly have changed since the last time we talked
TG: me and karkat arent at any sort of risk of breaking up
TG: rose is literally married
TG: and dirk is
TG: well
TT: …
TG: see
TG: i just thought id open up the floor 4 anybody who wants 2 share!
TG: thouhgts
TG: feelins
TG: juicy details ;)
TG: this is a family group chat
TG: has that literally ever stopped you before
TG: touche
TT: Here’s a bit of a non sequitur:
TT: Has anyone seen John in the last few days?
TT: He wasn’t at his house when I went to drop off some embroidery I’d done for him.
TG: pestered him a few times but no i havent
TT: How recently? He won’t answer my messages.
TG: that was… a couple weeks ago actually
TG: hes not all holed up at casa lalonde again is he
TG: not the boring married women casa lalonde
TG: the cool mom casa lalonde
TT: Wow, Dave.
TG: nopeeee he only ever pops over here to eat our food
TG: the boys a cryptid i havent seen him for more than thirty seconds at a time in forever !
TG: but im not the parent u shoud b askign about johns wherabouts ;)))))))
TT:
TG:
TG: what
TT: Roxy, don’t.
TG: WHAT
TT: I must admit even I didn't see that one coming.
TG: dirk tell me shes lying
TT: …
TT: You’d think that on the ranking of “Strilondes Most Likely To End Up With John Egbert”, Dirk would be at a solid fourth place.
TT: And yet.
TT: The more I think about this, the more I feel I should've known it would happen all along.
TT: Don’t get ahead of yourself, Rose.
TT: It isn't serious.
TG: oh my god
TT: You guys know that Jake will disappear for months on end when he needs space.
TT: We talked about it, and it makes sense for it to work out this way. I kind of need someone to cling to at all times.
TT: Dave, you should at least sympathize with that.
TT: Damn.
TG: i just cant believe that my best friend has now done it with BOTH of my parents
TG: this is so against the bro code
TG: the bro gods are weeping quietly in their pantheon at this flagrant disobedience of their commandments
TG: oh cmon dave me n john nEver
TG: oh thank god
TT: Oh, thank god.
TG: what????!
TT: I feel a lot better about a member of our family corrupting John if at least the union isn’t heterosexual.
TG: wait so are me and rose the only ones not part of the giant poly mess then
TG: and karkat and kanaya by extension i guess
TT: Vriska and Terezi.
TT: I find it so intriguing that the trolls come from a society where having multiple partners is the norm, yet all the remaining trolls are in monogamous relationships while the majority of humans are part of your Giant Poly Mess.
TG: its cause quadrants suck thats why
TT: I do think the concept of moirallegiance is something that could be introduced to human society with positive consequences.
TT: But otherwise, yes, Dave, quadrants kind of suck.
TG: i feel like were getting off tipic
TG: *topix
TG: r we all gonna ignore the fact tht DIRK AND JOHN?!?!?!?!
TG: whered dirk go
TT: Yes, let’s talk more about that.
TT: Dirk, “we talked about it” is so vague. How did it happen?
TG: ok i actually kinda want to know
TG: like i cant believe somebody finally broke thru egberts massive walls of no homo
TG: we all kind of knew it was inevitable
TG: like if i can do it so can he
TG: but i was starting to think he really was the last straight person alive
TG: i kno!
TG: like even jane cracked before he did can u believe it
TG: altho how could she resist when me n callie are so enticing *waggles eyebrows*
TG: WHERES DIRK
TG: one sec im mesagign hal
TG: …
TT: …
TG: …
TT: Okay, fine, I’m back!
TG: gotcha >:)
TT: I find it inaccurate that you’re labeling everyone not in a monogamous relationship part of the “giant poly mess.”
TT: That implies all of us are involved with all of us somehow.
TT: And while it’s certainly easier to call it a mess than explain all of the various intricacies, I'd rather not insinuate that I am sleeping with women or that any of the Crockenglishharleybert family are sleeping with each other.
TG: dirk ew
TG: sorry we just all sort of know whats going on with who so its easier than saying like “all the individials not involvwd in monogamous relationships” everytime
TG: *individuals
TG: *involvrd
TG: *involved
TG: *monogamus
TT: No, you spelled monogamous right.
TT: No, you spelled monogamous right.
TT: Jinx.
TG: hahahahahaha
TG: aaaanyways dirk i know when ur stalling!!!!
TG: u better tell ur family allll about ur steamy egbertian affair
TG: wonk wonk etc
TG: come 2 mama
TG: gross
TT: If we let Dave veer down the Oedipal track we’ll never get the conversation back. I’m cutting this train of thought off before it can leave the station.
TT: Dirk, you still haven't told the story.
TT: Spill.
TG: (nice metaphor sis)
TT: I would if y'all would let me get a word in edgewise!
TG: YALL
TG: FUCK
TT: Dave shut up oh my god.
TT: Let’s all agree to not say anything until Dirk explains himself.
TG: …
TG: …
TT: …
TG ……,.
TG: …………..
TT: …..
TG: (dirk pls)
TT: ……………….
TT: Fine.
TT: First of all, it is pretty much the opposite of a steamy affair.
TG: (hes lyin theyre totally doign it)
TT: Roxy.
TG: (sorry)
TG: (wOnk)
TT: I won't disclose the details of my sex life. Unlike some of you, I have integrity.
TG: (HA)
TT: (No comment.)
TT: Thanks, guys.
TT: I will, however, tell you that it’s been going on for about a month but I’ve been hanging out with John since after Halloween.
TT: Look, Jake and I are working on our shit.
TT: But there’s so much nasty history there that we agreed that we can spend a few years exploring our options. For him, that means spending a lot of time alone, and I respect that. For me, that means learning to have casual relationships, platonic or otherwise, and he respects that.
TT: It became pretty clear pretty quickly, though, that my “options” are incredibly limited.
TT: John is literally the only guy among us that isn't either related to me, already in a relationship, or named Jake English.
TG: look this is all well and good but we dont want logistics we want DEETS
TT: You would, wouldn’t you?
TG: …..
TG: what are you accusing me of
TT: At this point I think it’s kind of inherent in the Strilonde genome to be attracted to John Egbert.
TT: Unless you’re a lesbian, of course.
TT: Thank you.
TG: hes right dave
TG: i may no longer have any interest in dating him but i think we can all admit
TG: john egbert is a hunk ;)
TG: everything about this feels wrong
TT: Dave, the other day you and Rose were discussing in detail the usefulness of troll tongues. In the group chat. With your entire family. I don't think you get to be the judge of what is wrong.
TG: wow that was practically lalondian of you
TG: *slow clsp*
TG: *clap
TT: Guilty as charged. But we were talking about Dirk, weren't we?
TT: Goddamnit.
TT: What exactly is it you guys even want to know?
TG: LIGHTING ROUDN
TG: ah yes the elusive lighting round
TG: lets all fire off our deepest thoughts about electronic light features
TG: ill go first
TG: ive always harbored a secret attraction to lava lamps
TG: :(
TT: I knew it.
TT: I always wondered where all the lava lamps I alchemized on the meteor had disappeared to.
TG: dave!!! omg O.O
TG: i think lava lamps are pretty tame compared to a giant octopus kink
TT: It’s such a shame we didn't discover an alien species with lava lamps for genitalia.
TT: I think we know who the real winner is here.
TG: GUYSE get back on track!!!!!!!1!
TG: if u keep this up dirks gona dissapear again!!
TG: does dissapear have 1 or 2 ss
TT: One.
TT: One.
TG: got him ;)
TG: wait a minute.
TG: the whole reason we started talking about this was because nobodys heard from john in a while
TG: is he
TG: *gasps*
TG: is he at ur apartment
TG: like right now
TT: ...holy shit.
TG: is he like
TG: with you
TG: is he like WITH with you
TG: oh my god are you guys in bed
timaeusTestified [TT] banned himself from STRILONDE SQUAD HELL GROUP CHAT
TG: OH MY GOD
TG: *CACKLING* >:D
TT: Nice work, team.
TG: i cant fucking believe it
TG: we broke dirk strider
TT: Come on, it’s not like he’s particularly hard to break.
TG: tru :(
TT: We Strilondes are a particularly breakable sort.
TG: hey goign back to my original point…..
TG: hal is actually back already!
TG: i was wondering if u guys would b ok with me adding him 2 the group chat???
TG: he isnt part troll or part animal anymore so now hes 100% strilonde
TG: it only seems fair :o
TG: well
TG: hes not actually evil right thats just dirk being dirk
TG: not at all! hes learned a lot i think
TG: thats probably fine then
TG: rose????
TT: I don’t see a problem with it.
TG: omg great :)
TG: ill have to formaly ask him when i see him again at the lab
TT: Oh, don’t bother.
TT: I’ve been here the whole time.