Chapter Text
“How I ached to rid myself of the roses blooming in these veins, yet it resides within the remnants of this rotting corpse.”
- Kieran (@lumopolis)
When he woke up, there was a kind yet worn-out face peering over him. The Divine Priestess had her hands on his chest, a circle of Hydro infused power washing over him. Her forehead was beaded with sweat, her pink hair loose and frizzy. Gorou flexed his fingers to make sure they were working, then put his hands on top of the priestess’s.
“Sangonomiya-sama,” he croaked. “That’s enough. Thank you.”
She flinched when she heard his voice, then set her jaw. “How can you say that?” she asked, her eyes narrowed, and it was the first time he had seen Her Excellency this crushed. “You almost died, Gorou.”
He looked away. “I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist, but I know I’ll be dying soon anyway. I don’t want you to waste your energies like this, especially when we have a battle coming up.”
“How could you still insist on fighting in this condition?” she exclaimed, her voice broken.
“Sangonomiya-sama,” he said again, “I’ve made myself clear on this.”
The air was charged with bitter sparks. The priestess pursed her lips and removed her hands. She left without another word. Gorou squeezed his eyes shut, tears trickling down the corners of his eyes. He felt so pathetic. It wasn’t enough that he was pining over a boy he could never have; he had to render himself unfit for war as well. He wouldn’t back down, though. He gave his word that he would fight, and there was nothing that could stop him from doing that.
He lay there for a few minutes, occasionally coughing up blood. He had become accustomed to the deep aching that lingered in his bones. His breaths were shallower than they used to be, his veins green and brown, pulsing directly under his skin. As he sat up with great difficulty, the doors to his room opened. Kazuha peeked his head through, quiet as usual. Obvious relief was written on his face, and he rushed over to Gorou’s side.
“Are you feeling better now?” he asked.
Gorou nodded, not trusting his own voice. Kazuha didn’t pry any further and nodded back. It took a few minutes of awkwardness for Gorou to realize that the other boy was avoiding eye contact. Not once did Kazuha look him in the eye, something that was clearly out of character for him. For some reason, this hurt him a lot more than he thought it would. He cleared his throat, wincing at the violent burning in his esophagus.
“I’m sure you have many questions,” he said, his voice lower and raspier than usual.
“Will you answer them if I ask?”
Gorou laughed bitterly. “I’m afraid I can’t.”
Kazuha finally looked at him. For the first time ever, there was something like pity in his eyes. Gorou’s hackles raised. He could hear Kazuha’s hurt voice drifting through the room. “I didn’t think so.”
🜁🜃
When Kazuha stepped up against the Raiden Shogun, sword against sword, Gorou felt his heart drop. His vision tunneled. There was no way Kazuha could survive this; the Raiden Shogun would destroy him, no matter how powerful he was, there was no way he could repel her –
The usually dull Electro Vision hanging at Kazuha’s hip brightened, flashing a brilliant purple, his Anemo one pulsing in synchrony. Streaks of wind and electricity rippled through the air, and the samurai momentarily repelled the Shogun. She pushed back with ease, however, and Kazuha fell backwards, the Electro Vision fizzling out. Shock and horror turned to morale as the Resistance fought back. But no matter how proud he was of his soldiers, there was a sense of disbelief and resentment that ripped through his body. He felt disgusted with himself for the jealousy that bloomed in his heart. Kazuha would never be his. Why was that so hard for him to accept?
🜁🜃
Where is General Gorou?
That was the most asked question post-war. Although he fought with them in the battle, he disappeared afterwards. Some soldiers claimed that he was taking in for questioning due to disloyalty. Others claimed that he fell in love and eloped with another general. Those with more maturity and sense, however, insisted that not long after the battle, General Gorou collapsed, forcing some of the newcomers to carry him away. Sangonomiya-sama, who should have been celebrating the end of the war, frantically rushed after them, her Hydro jellyfish sending a drizzle over their heads.
Isolation was painful. Gorou heard all these rumors about him. He couldn’t blame anyone for spreading them; as their general, he was quite close with his subordinates, so their curiosity and concern were warranted. That didn’t mean he was immune to the pain of being separated from his comrades, however.
Throughout the battles, he had multiple episodes. The worst one came at the end, when they had fought the Raiden and won. He felt his body seize up and his head rolled back into his head, an indescribable pain sending his body into shock. He was unable to think – or function – in any capacity. He was sure that this would be when he took his last breath. He had tried to send out a few final prayers, but he passed out before he could formulate a single thought.
He wasn’t sure where he was when he woke up, but he could vaguely see Kazuha’s face hovering above his. He wondered how many times he passed out and woke up in such a sorry state around the people he respected most. Wasn’t it enough that he had to endure this pitiful existence? Was it necessary that the people he loved had to see him in such a pitiful and broken state? Self-hatred surged through his body, anguish causing him to choke up.
His usually keen ears seemed like they were clogged. He attempted to move them and barely succeeded. This was enough for Kazuha to notice that Gorou was awake, though.
“Gorou? Oh, thank the archons.” He immediately grabbed some water and clean cloths. “Can you move? Do you need anything? Here, try to have some water.”
He felt a hot liquid stream down his cheeks, his vision turning bright red. Blood, he thought bitterly. Kazuha’s muffled voice was laced with shock. Gorou could barely feel the softness of the cloth against his face. When he opened his eyes, Kazuha’s visage was glowing in the light, silver rivulets streaming down the Anemo wielder’s face. Gorou’s body convulsed, but he barely registered the flowers that forced themselves out of him. Memories clouded his mind.
Kazuha resting on a rock under the sunlight, curled up like a sunbathing cat. His hair rustled in the breeze.
Kazuha gently kicking the legs of a chair. Alone, it would make no difference, but when Tomo’s weight hit the seat, the legs came crashing down. Kazuha’s laugh had filled up the room, to the point where even Tomo – clearly in pain – grinned, mesmerized by him
Kazuha gently taking Gorou’s hands in his, swiping over the cuts with a healing salve and wrapping them in bandages, his voice stern yet kind.
Kazuha with his hair down, his bare upper body glistening with sweat as he swiftly moved his katana, the sword dancing through the air.
Kazuha with his eyes closed, as if in a trance, his lips hovering over a leaf, a soft melody filling his ears.
Admiration, love, respect – a deep reverence that bordered on worship. These feelings coursed through the blood that dripped down his cheeks. This very blood symbolized the love he was being punished for.
He coughed, thorny stems ripping up his throat. When Kazuha’s voice reached his closed off ears, he realized the samurai was screaming at the top of his lungs. “I’m sorry!” Kazuha shrieked, his movements uncoordinated and hysterical. “I’m so sorry, Gorou. I knew you loved me. I just couldn’t reciprocate your feelings!”
It didn’t matter if Kazuha didn’t love him, Gorou thought. He just needed to say it himself, albeit once, to have the words intertwined with his blood. He mustered what remained of his energy to speak, the agonizing pain slowing his breathing. It wasn’t enough though. His voice was barely audible, a croak rather than a sentence, the words undiscernible under the bright red blooms.
Kazuha continued to scream, but his words were incomprehensible. In a few moments, Gorou’s unbearable pain lessened to a dull ache. He felt his chest expand.
And then he couldn’t feel anything at all.