Chapter Text
it was 2am when jeonghan woke up. he was always known to have light sleeping habits. he looked at his phone which was on silent and saw that the manager had called 10 times and left 54 messages.
manager hyung: where is seokmin?
manager hyung: is he in the dorms?
manager hyung: i'm really worried about him.
manager hyung: he was supposed to have his solo photoshoot at 11pm
manager hyung: jeonghan it's been 3 hours he's still not here.
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jeonghan's eyes widened in worry. he expected seokmin to be with managernim but apparenty he was not. this wasn't some prank right?
jeonghan got up quickly looking next to him to find the bed empty. jeonghan had slept weirdly well yesterday so he didn't notice that seokmin was not there.
it made him look like such a bad hyung but in reality when he left seokmin alone he was worried about the other.
hannie: he's not here. bring the company car quick. we're going to the practise room.
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manager hyung: why are you awake jeonghan. it's okay, go to bed i'll look for him myself.
jeonghan: i'm coming. he's my best friend. you shouldn't be one talking since you're also awake, you know i'm a light sleeper. if you don't come i'll run to the company building barefoot if i have to. come quick.
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within just a few minutes jeonghan could see the company car appear outside their dormitory. along the way when jeonghan was getting ready seungkwan also woke up, probably also worried about his best friend.
"what are you doing awake? go to sleep!!" jeonghan whisper shouted at the younger.
"i'm worried about minnie."
jeonghan sighed, "quickly get ready and get changed, meet me outside the dormitory in 5 minutes."
"where are we going?"
"do you want to come or not."
that's all jeonghan had to say for seungkwan to run off.
"boys the least you could do was wait in the foyer so it's not as cold. it's literally 40°F (4°C)," the manager nagged as the two boys got in the car.
the manager quickly stepped on the pedal as they went to the company building. the manager stayed in the car as jeonghan and seungkwan rushed up to the practise room.
fuck. he wasn't there. this is bad. holy shit.
seungkwan gave jeonghan a worried look.
"he'll be okay, right hyung. h-he wouldn't do something stupid after all that happened today. r-right hyung?" seungkwan said on the verge of tears.
"kwan-ah. we need to stay strong for minnie. he's probably staying strong for us too. he'll be alright but we need to be strong for him first. minnie would be more worried about you if you came up to him breaking down. let's go. i'll check the rooms on this floor and you check the rooms on the next floor. this might take a while but i don't think he would've gone too far."
seungkwan nodded, blinking back his tears before rushing up to the next floor.
20 minutes later and neither boys had found anything.
"I couldn't find him in any of the practise rooms neither in the floor kitchen or hidden in any other spots."
"did you check the bathrooms?" seungkwan replied.
"i should probably do that," jeonghan said quickly, "y-you should probably check t-the higher levels j-just in case."
"you're not saying... hyung!"
"we never know. he's sensitive and we should've treated him a lot better."
the two boys parted again before rushing to their designated areas.
jeonghan had never run this fast and for this long in his life but if it was for one of his members he would gladly do it everyday.
the older was slowly losing hope as he had check all 4 bathrooms on the floor, only one being left. jeonghan rushed into the bathroom and quickly checked the cubicles, gasping as he saw what was in the cubicle at the end.
he immediately phoned seungkwan," seungkwan call the manager and come to bathroom 5 on level 3."
"hyung did you find him? how come i can't hear him? is he okay?"
"s-seungkwan-ah. he looks p-peaceful. t-there's blood all over him a-and cuts."
silence.
is this what they really did to him? drive him to an edge? drive him over the edge?
"i'm coming, hyung stay strong remember?" seungkwan said before hanging up to call their manager.
"fuck this is what we've done to him," jeonghan cried as he gently caressed the boys soft hairs.
jeonghan tried moving the boy's body so he was more comfortable but jeonghan was out of energy.
luckily, the manager and seungkwan rushed in, the older calling emergency services, seungkwan helping jeonghan to help seokmin to a more comfortable position rather than slumped over the toilet.
seungkwan and jeonghan watched as seokmin slowly woke up. the 97 liner's eyes were dull and had no light.
"seokmin-ah, stay awake please honey. you've got this," jeonghan begged as tears flooded down both the boys cheeks.
but seokmin was too tired to stay awake, closing his eyes, once again, slowly.
this process repeated a couple times. seungkwan knew seokmin was fighting because he knows seokmin well enough to know that he would never completely give up.
the emergency services arrived 10 minutes later, carrying seokmin in a stretcher to the hospital bed where the hurt boy was strapped down. it was scary for jeonghan to watch the boy being handled unconscious and weak as they put an oxygen mask over his mouth and fluids into the iv.
30 minutes later, they sat outside, the other 10 members rushing in after receiving the phone call. no matter how early or late it was they would always rush to the hospital if a member was injured.
seungcheol was sitting on the edge of his seat, face held in his hands. he was almost crying, trying to hide it from the rest of the members, jeonghan sat down calmly, praying that seokmin would be okay because who knows what the boy did in there for the past 8 hours. joshua sat on the furthest side of the chairs in a row, silently twiddling his fingers. jun kept moving around unable to stay still in hi seat. soonyoung was bouncing his knee, mumbling words to himself. wonwoo was breathing a bit too loudly. jihoon sat on the chair with an expressionless look. mingyu looked like he wanted to punch someone. minghao was glaring at the wall, seungkwan was spaced out, hansol was trying to calm down by listening to music and chan paced around in circles making everyone dizzy.
after what felt like forever a nurse came out, "family of lee seokmin?"
7:17am to be exact. about 3 hours after they had treated seokmin. their seokmin.
the boys stopped doing their habitual activities and nodded towards the nurse. "at the sight of the incident mr lee made progress by trying to stay awake but since then he's been waking up for a few minutes before going back to sleep but now he's doing a lot better. the passing out was due to low levels of nutrition and energy, overwhelming feelings, extreme stress and of course the panic attack. oh yes, and we bandaged the cuts on his arms, legs, face and neck. luckily they weren't infected or too bad. he seemed to make a big impact on them though considering we found out that it was from his nails."
"h-he hurt himself?" mingyu asked.
the nurse nodded with empathy in her eyes, "you'll be allowed to go in but i don't want to overwhelm him for now since he only properly woke up 30 minutes ago."
"jeonghan, mingyu, minghao and seungkwan should go first," seungcheol motioned as the other members agreed.
when the four members entered the room, minghao and mingyu were the most shocked, seeing the small scratches the nurses didn't bother to bandage scattered everywhere where there weren't bandages already. this was bad. they never expected it to be this bad. they couldn't imagine what the other cuts looked like. seungkwan and jeonghan who had already seen seokmin's state were still shocked by the damage.
seokmin turned around, not wanting to face the other members. minghao wanted to collapse seeing his best friend like this.
"seokmin-ah. we're so sorry for what happened yesterday. that was unruly and unexpected of us. we should have never said any of that horrible stuff to you. i can't express how much i love you. we should have been more considerate and not let our stress get to us. we're so sorry. sorry for breaking your trust, sorry for saying everything we said, sorry for everything in general. we love you so much minnie," jeonghan spoke
"y-you're not mad?" seokmin asked as he turned around painfully, putting pressure on the cuts on his right side.
"minnie, why would we be mad?!" mingyu asked.
"because i'm stupid, i'm worthless and i can't do anything. i'm so weak that i ended up in this dumb hospital. i just want to go home," seokmin admitted.
this was bad. this was worse than they thought.
"minnie-hyung! you're not stupid, you're not worthless, you're not weak! don't say that about yourself. i'm so sorry that i couldn't protect you," seungkwan sobbed as he brought his older brother into a hug.
"i love you seungkwan-ah. i love all of you."
the four boys wanted to cry right there on the spot. what did they do to deserve such an angel.
"b-by the way," seokmin started before stopping.
the members motioned for seokmin to go on.
"w-where is seungcheol, soonyoung and jihoon."
jeonghan could see the way seokmin's eyes were full of hidden fear.
seokmin was scared.
"t-they're just outside. it's okay if you're not ready to see them yet," jeonghan started before any other member could. he knows the eyes seokmin gave. full of fear. he watched as seokmin's chest went up and down a bit harsher and the heart monitor start beeping faster.
mingyu grabbed seokmin's hand. the first time they weren't playfully fighting, "you'll be okay min. they're not going to hurt you or scream at you. they know what they've done."
seokmin whimpered before calming down a little at the familiarity of the boys around him. no longer did lee seokmin feel lost, isolated or dissociated by the comfort of their words.
"i-it's okay. i want to talk to them. can't hide from them forever."
"now?"
seokmin nodded.
a few minutes later the rest of the members filed in, showering their 97 liner with love and giving him a big apology from the damage created.
everything was going all well and seokmin didn't feel too scared or neglected. all the members apologised countless amounts of times making the centered boy laugh at the craziness of his hyungs and dongsaengs.
2 months later, soonyoung was going to check the regression calendar after he helped jihoon into headspace yesterday. while soonyoung was there, he checked to see when the members had slipped last. he looked through seokmin's row but could not find a single day for the past 2 months ticked off. he would speak to the younger boy soon.
soonyoung was concerned about seokmin's headspace.
"jeonghan, i noticed that seokmin hasn't slipped within the past 2 months and it's worrying me because he's never like this," soonyoung said in an almost panicked state.
jeonghan hid a worried look before staring into soonyoung's eyes, "i'll talk to him, calm down youngie."
soonyoung nodded before jeonghan patted his shoulder and left.
jeonghan went to go get seungkwan, mingyu and minghao, telling them what soonyoung had told him before going into the boy's room. when they got into the oldest 97 liner's room, he was facing the opposite side of the door, sitting on the edge of his bed.
"minnie?" mingyu called out making seokmin turn around a little too quickly.
"hmm?"
"sweetie why haven't you regressed for the past 2 months. we're getting worried," seungkwan started, touching seokmin's hairs in attempt to get the younger to fall into headspace.
silence for a second. seokmin didn't know what to say. he lowered his head carefully in embarassment.
"honey, we're not trying to force you to slip or anything we're just worried about your stress levels. you know you can always come to us right??" jeonghan continued.
seokmin nodded, his head still cautiously hung down towards the plain floorboards.
"do you want us to help you try and regress now?" mingyu asked.
again, seokmin hesitated before nodding.
seokmin himself didn't even know if he could do it. there was an anxious feel to slipping for the first time since the incident. he could feel the members caressing him, holding stuffy animals and talking softly to him. seokmin was grateful for their attempts but everything felt blocked out as his eyes began to slightly blur, biting his lip harshly as he felt like regressing but some part of his body was refusing.
after 30 minutes, jeonghan realised this was not working at all. the centered boy got up before quickly saying, "give me a second."
four pairs of eyes looked at the boy in worry, "minnie-" minghao started.
"leave him for a second," jeonghan simply said, a sad smile plastered on his face.
"then what do we do hyung?" seungkwan asked in despair.
"i don't think he's ready. i can tell he's really trying because it's not good for him but i think on the inside something is telling him not to trust us especially after what happened two months ago. you know how sensitive he can get in headspace."
the others nodded. another minute of silence.
"so what do we do now?" mingyu asked.
"we just give him time for a moment and wait until he's ready to come to us. give him a lot of love in the mean time so we can regain his trust."
just as jeonghan finished speaking, a whimper was heard from close by. shit.
jeonghan's eyes widened before running to the bathroom next door, the other three members following quickly behind.
the door was slightly opened, seokmin was sitting on the floor, a few scratches as well as one deep one across his arm along with old scars.
the boy now in headspace gasped as he saw the other members. seokmin wanted to break down. cry of embarrassment. his members witnessing him for the second time. jeonghan quickly picked the boy up and placed him in his lap, "you're okay bun."
the other members took the hint to get some of seokmin's little space items. "is he confirmed in little space?" mingyu mouthed to jeonghan.
jeonghan nodded before mouthing back, "he's babbling quietly."
jeonghan attempted to place the boy into seungkwan's arms as he had the bottle but the boy in headspace let out a small whine. seungkwan motioned for jeonghan to keep the boy.
jeonghan held the boy as is he was glass before pressing the tip of the bottle to seokmin's mouth, allowing the boy to drink the warm fluid.
"we need to have a talk about this with the rest of the members," jeonghan whispered as he watched seokmin's eyes start to shut.
only now had jeonghan realised the old scratches that looked about a few weeks old. was this a usual thing?
an hour later, jeonghan laid the sleeping boy on his bed while he went to gather the members in the living room, "we need to talk about minnie."
"has something happened again?" hansol asked worried for his birthday twin.
jeonghan slowly nodded, "i don't think he fully trusts us. seungkwan, minghao, mingyu and i tried to help him slip into headspace earlier but he looked extremely out of it. he asked to leave for a second but i heard a whimpering from the bathroom and found him. his arms were scratched up again."
jeonghan was on the verge of tears.
"so... what can we do to completely fix this mess," wonwoo asked.
"that's the thing. even i don't know anymore."
the members talked a bit, sharing suggestions before the boy who was sleeping before was seen walking perfectly fine and rubbing his eyes.
"min, could we talk for a second?" jeonghan asked.
"yeah, what's up?" seokmin asked.
he's not in headspace anymore. usually seokmin stayed in headspace for long amounts of time jeonghan thought.
"we need to address some of the things that happened two months ago," jeonghan said slowly, not wanting to overwhelm the boy.
seokmin gulped before nodding. had he been bad again? what happened for him to be the center of possibly negative attention.
jeonghan started explaining about the whole situation and about seokmin's trust and how the members would never do anything to intentionally hurt the boy. it was hard for seokmin to process everything since his mindset got worse. the other members also supported support and ideas to help seokmin with his negative mindset. seokmin felt extremely grateful for his members trying to help him even though it wasn't their fault his stupid brain could not cooperate.
about a month later, the members were still worried about seokmin but they didn't pry on him too much, instead showing him small acts of care and that's when it happened.
seokmin came into the living room nervously, watching seungcheol, soonyoung, wonwoo and jihoon playing a video game.
seokmin was scared at first to ask them for anything since the boy knew they hated being disturbed mid game. gathering all of his courage, seokmin started, "h-hyungies? can go 'o the p-park with minnie?"
the other members were extremely shocked, gasping. they immediately froze, stopping their video game. nobody really knew what to do next since usually the other 97 liners, seungkwan or jeonghan would take care of the boy before and after the incident. the fact that seokmin had went to them definitely was progress.
seokmin felt extremely worried for a second his heart almost dropping when he got no response. tears started welling up in his eyes with fer of rejection before soonyoung spoke, "of course love! do you need us to help you change?"
"yeye! channie also come?"
"of course darling, anything for you," jihoon responded with a dad smile.
"is channie in headspace? do you know who he's with?" seungcheol asked," walking next to the younger boy who was skipping across the dorm.
"channie with sol!!!" seokmin squealed.
"ahh i see baby," wonwoo said as he changed the boy into some casual clothes for going out to the park.
"do wonnie know if shua is wittle?" seokmin asked for his favorite headspace buddy.
"no honey, but we can ask him."
wonwoo: are any of you guys feeling little? i'm going to take minnie and channie to the park with seungcheol, soonyoung and jihoon.
jeonghan: is minnie okay?!
wonwoo: he seems happy.
jeonghan: relief. i'm watching a movie with seungkwan and he's drunk somehow so i can't go sadly. tell me what happens. have fun!
wonwoo: this early in the day?
jeonghan: exactly i don't know he got so wasted after one drink
wonwoo: haha be careful jeonghan. seungkwan will see this chat soon enough.
jeonghan: yeah yeah
wonwoo: shua, you in headspace?
shua: no, why?
wonwoo: minnie is asking for you
shua: i slipped a few weeks ago so i might need a little bit of help if that's okay :(
wonwoo: of course we can help you, it's no problem shua
shua: (✿◠‿◠)
jun: if you need more caregivers i'm free right now
minghao: me and mingyu are out grocery shopping. tell the other littles we love them.
wonwoo: jun, that would be good, minghao of course!
wonwoo got off his phone as the boy in headspace tugged at his oversized t-shirt, "are you ready baby?"
seokmin hummed before putting a finger in his mouth.
"uh-uh. we can't be doing that minnie, do you need a paci or bottle?" seungcheol asked, carefully taking seokmin's slobbery thumb out of his mouth.
the youngest of the five pouted, "paci!!"
once seungcheol got seokmin his paci, the boy started whining for his channie and shua. luckily, hansol came quickly with channie who was wearing a plain, white t-shirt with a purple dinosaur and jeans.
just a second later, shua came out of the room, seungcheol carrying the boy who was holding a stuffed animal.
"shua!! channie!!" seokmin exclaimed, bursting into a giggly fit.
shua smiled widely while channie kicked his feet in excitement.
the next hours were spent with the three littles squealing and screaming around the private park while the caregivers watched their littles with a father's smile.
they were so happy and proud that seokmin was able to be open about his little space and fall calmly without taking things out harshly.