Chapter Text
In the ten minutes it took to bike to Richie’s house, all Eddie could think about was what the hell he was even going to say when he arrived. He had seriously contemplated just turning around and going back home, but Eddie Kaspbrak refused to be a coward. No, he wouldn’t, not this time.
But he still had his doubts. Would Richie even be home? Eddie couldn’t think of a logical reason why he wouldn’t be considering it was a Saturday and they weren’t already together, but maybe he had decided to hang out with their friends without him for some reason. Maybe he didn’t even want to hang out with him at all anymore. The more Eddie thought about it, the more he was regretting his impulse.
But he needed to find out what was going on. He planned out what exact questions he would need to ask to find out what he needed to know, and by the time he reached Richie’s neighborhood, he felt as prepared as he supposed he ever would.
His hand didn’t even hesitate before rapping on the front door, the noise of his knuckles against the thick wood resonating loudly through his ears. He was forcing himself to remain as calm as possible, leveling his breathing manually and keeping his hands by his sides to keep from fidgeting.
He heard Richie’s feet pounding down the stairs and across the foyer and took one final deep breath before the door opened. “Oh, hey Eds!”
“Hey,” he replied, and he watched Richie study his face. “Can I come in? I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh, um, yeah! Sure,” Richie said as he opened the door wide, keeping his magnified eyes focused on Eddie.
He took him upstairs and to his room, which they usually didn’t spend much time in. There was so much else to do in this house, it was usually just reserved for sleeping. Eddie figured he took him there because he hadn’t said specifically if they were going to do anything else besides talk.
“So, what exactly do you wanna talk about? Are you gonna tell me you fucked my sister or something?” he said jokingly as he closed the door and flopped down onto his covers, tossing his glasses onto his bedside table. His eyes were closed and he was splayed out like a starfish.
“Yeah actually,” Eddie replied in the most serious voice he could as he sat down in Richie’s beanbag, and the look on Richie’s face was priceless.
“Seriously Eddie? What the fuck?” Richie said, sitting up in alarm.
“No, you idiot. Gross. I wanted to ask you some… stuff.” He didn’t really plan the conversation out word for word, despite how much he had wanted to, because the bike ride over here simply wasn’t long enough.
Richie just flopped back onto his elbows but kept looking at Eddie, even though he couldn’t actually see him without his specs. His expression was calm, ushering Eddie to continue. “So, you remember that day we were gonna have a bonfire? Bill sent you and me to the gas station to pick up some stuff.”
He watched as Richie’s expression darkened. “Yes,” was all he answered.
“And you remember… you remember what happened with Henry and Victor?”
Richie nodded, eyes dropping down to where his hands now messed with the buttons on his shirt.
“He called us fairies. And he called you a- a f*ggot. They sounded like insults, but I’ve never heard them before. And you seemed like, really upset by it. What was that all about?”
Richie didn’t answer at first. He stayed quiet for what felt like hours, just staring down in front of him with a slight frown showing on his brow. Eddie waited silently, Richie’s expression reminding him of how he’d looked for a while after that specific encounter with Bowers.
When he finally spoke, he put his glasses back on and sat up on the edge of his bed. “They’re like- bad words people use for gay people,” he started, looking Eddie straight in the eyes. “And he’s been calling me that basically all year, and it’s caught on. People call me it all the time, and I don’t even know why, like if they actually think I’m gay or if they just use it to insult me.”
He paused, and Eddie’s mind was turning. He was calling them gay? Why? “Okay, but why did you say then that everything was your fault? He was just being an asshole, like always, you didn’t make him that way.” He scooted forward on the beanbag and folded his hands in his lap to stop his leg from bouncing. He was still so confused.
Richie took a deep breath and sighed, but kept eye contact with Eddie, almost an uncomfortable amount. “When we kissed as kids, it was like kissing my mom,” Ouch , that hurt for a reason Eddie couldn’t focus on right now, but at least they were acknowledging that it ever even happened. “It wasn’t weird or anything, at least not to me. But as we got older, people started calling me those words, and I guess I was scared that it was true just ‘cause we used to kiss sometimes. And as far as I knew, people had never called you anything like that, and I didn’t ever want them to, so when Bowers showed up and started saying those things while he beat the shit out of both of us, I felt really shitty about it. And I thought maybe he would start to target you just as much as he did me.”
“But Bowers always targeted me. He targeted all of us, we was just too easy for him. That wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, but,” he seemed to be getting frustrated, “It wasn’t the same with you guys. When I was alone, he was way worse, and I still don’t know how I never ended up in the hospital ‘cause of him. And to you guys, it was mostly just physical, but to me, he threw every awful word he could think of at me. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that too.”
Eddie saw the water well up and his eyes glaze over behind his glasses, so he went over and sat next to Richie on the bed. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea. None of us did, I don’t think. I’ve never heard anybody call you that before, I would’ve beat the shit out of them.”
Richie laughed and his eyes slowly dried. “Yeah right, like you could.”
He put his arm around Richie’s shoulders, the upwards angle a bit uncomfortable, but he wasn’t focused on that. “Seriously though Rich, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know any of that. I could’ve at least tried to help somehow…”
“It’s okay-” Richie cut himself off when he turned his head to look at Eddie and their noses almost touched. Eddie’s heart started beating ten times too fast and his breathing accelerated just as much. He had half the mind to reach for his inhaler.
Before he could give the plastic thing poking through his pocket another thought, Richie shrugged Eddie’s arm off and turns to face him almost completely, his hand reaching to cup Eddie’s face. He leaned in, but Eddie put his hand on his chest, holding him back, despite how much he wanted to let them return to their old habits. Richie’s face became pure panic, then it looked like his brain was calculating the fastest way to play it off in the next two seconds. Eddie just kept his hand there, like a barrier.
“Didn’t you literally just say that kissing me was like kissing your mom?”
The panic left Richie’s face. He smiled wide, his teeth flashing, still close to Eddie’s, reminding him of their childhood together. “Idiot. That was before we started puberty.”
“Gross,” Eddie said, unconvincingly, before leaning back in and connecting their lips for what seemed to them both like the first time.
Eddie couldn’t even describe how different it was now. Now that they were older and Richie had finally managed to be serious about something, and Eddie had been brave about something.
Richie put his hand back on his face almost immediately, and Eddie finally dropped his hand back into his lap.
This was the best thing that had happened to either of them since October, 1988.
By the time they got back downstairs, the sun had almost set already.
“D’you wanna stay for dinner?” Richie asked once they reached the kitchen. They were still basically attached at the hip.
“I dunno. I think my mom cooked something already. Maybe… maybe you could come to mine? We always have leftovers anyway.”
Richie looked at him like he’d just told him the most surprising thing that had ever happened in the history of the universe. Then, he gave a shit-eating grin, “You’re just scared of walking home in the dark by yourself, aren’t you?”
“Shut up, no I’m not,” Eddie replied, shoving him as they walked towards the front door, having decided Richie was coming without saying anything more.
Richie stopped before they reached the door and wrapped his arms around Eddie, pulling him close and giving the side of his head a peck, before separating and pulling him outside by the front of his shirt.
Eddie knew everything was changing. But somehow he also knew that nothing really was.