Chapter Text
Once his breath deepened and steadied, the funeral parlor consultant brought the blanket up to his shoulder, covering Xiao’s small body before tucking it. Despite Liyue’s warm air, it can get cold at times at night. Zhongli sat back in his chair, now finally alone as Xiao slept.
Xiao looked so young when he allowed his face to relax like this. His resting face made it quite a challenge to approach, not to mention his stubborn nature to avoid any interaction with mortals. With eons of slaughter, karmic debt was apparent in Xiao’s face, carefully concealed behind the fixed exterior of a warrior. This was one thing that Zhongli couldn’t protect him from, the one thing that wasn't included in the contract and the God of contract was helpless about it. The four other lives lost to the venom of their souls would remain to be the reminder of Morax’s carelessness. People come and go, Zhongli knew that. Despite this, it didn’t mean Zhongli never mourned.
To all that has fallen. Menogias, Indarias, Bonanus, Bosacius. He felt each and every one of their souls withered. He knew when they withered. Each time, a heavy anchor hung from his heart, deep and aching, the guilt he bore for not being able to stop their unfortunate death. In spite of knowing that even he could not defy fate, Zhongli mourned and his heart filled with unspoken regrets. They were all dear to him. He had lived long enough to see mortals and gods alike succumb and fall.
If it was that simple, he could order those adherent karma to cease and never to come back. Of course, nothing was ever that simple. His mind wandered back to the moment just now, how Xiao winced, his face contorted with pain as he squeezed his eyes shut. He did a double take when Xiao suddenly went slack, leaning forward towards him. Thankfully before he could let himself tumble to the floor, Zhongli caught him. The consultant leaned forward from the chair he was sitting, resting the adeptus’ forehead against his shoulder while his other arm slithered underneath his arm to support his upper body from slacking awkwardly. Xiao’s breathing was laboured and it fretted the man slightly. Then a squeaky whimper escaped from the back of his throat, accompanied by the occasional twitching of his body. It pierced Zhongli’s heart.
Guizhong was right, people could say that he was cruel and heartless, but truly, he cared deeply for those who were dear to his heart.
He let out a sharp exhale to himself, irked that once again he was thinking of the past when he was supposed to be letting things go. A ghost smile followed, plastered on his face at the bittersweet thought of it.
"Sleep well, Xiao."
Zhongli got up, put his chair back and exited his guestroom.
—
The next morning, when Zhongli woke up Xiao was still quietly slumbering, curling on himself. He was relieved to see that the adeptus was still in his house where he left him, it was his request to stay. Xiao may be stubborn, but he kept true to his words. If he had decided to stay, he stayed.
Liyue would survive whilst Xiao rested. Unlike Xiao who deserved his sleep, Zhongli had some errands he needed to do. One of them was paying the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor director a visit to inform her of yet another leave of absence. That was sorted fairly quick, Director Hu didn't press on when she heard his reasoning, surprisingly. Maybe she knew somehow that Zhongli didn’t want to disclose his reasons, she had, afterall, a keen instinct.
"Don’t worry about it. Is it only for today?" Asked Director Hu.
"Yes, I'll be back tomorrow to continue working on the unfinished paperwork." He confirmed.
"Ah, alright, don't fret about it, take care!" Director Hu gave him a pat on the back before sending him off.
Next on his list of errands was buying almond tofu for Xiao as well as a meal for himself. Wanmin restaurant was the place to go, he felt like getting something comforting and probably something to persuade Xiao, for the millionth time, to appreciate more of Liyue’s food. Maybe he will like Wanmin’s bamboo shoot soup. Thankfully he did remember to bring mora this time lest avoiding more debt on his behalf.
His trip around Liyue was a pleasant one, not many people were up and busy in the morning, only those who were working to start the day early. The air was fresh as always and Zhongli felt warm seeing Liyue thrive and lively, but he had always appreciated those quiet times when the shops had just barely opened their doors. He would love to enjoy some more time outside, but he had a guest back home, it would be rude and careless of him to leave him alone, so home he went.
-
Xiao stirred awake to the sound of birds chirping and the sun seeping through the translucent blinds from the window to his left. Everything last evening had been a blur. He remembered most of it, but he didn’t remember when he had started sleeping. Not to mention he let himself oversleep like this in Zhongli’s residence.
“I see you’re awake.” Xiao turned his head towards the door, finding the familiar figure standing by the door frame. “How are you feeling?”
Xiao pushed himself to sit up, he felt… oddly refreshed. He wasn’t going to lie, that was one of the best sleep he had in years. Despite his stiff body, he was far better than-
He was being vulnerable in front of Rex- Zhongli…
The embarrassment hit him like a truck once again. They talked about it last night. While he felt awkward and uncomfortable being open with his troubles, but Zhongli wanted him to. Paimon also mentioned something along the lines, ‘he helped you back.’, perhaps he shouldn’t hold his guard up all the time, especially with Zhongli or Rex Lapis, whoever the man was at the moment.
“Xiao?” He relaxed at that.
“I’m alright.” a brief nod. “I feel… stiff, but aside from that I feel better.” He added, still feeling awkward and wondered if it was necessary at all to mention it.
The man warmly smiled at that, “that’s a relief to hear. I was thinking of calling a healer, do you think it’s necessary?”
“No. I’ll manage. My wounds are healing, a healer isn’t necessary.”
Zhongli nodded in acknowledgement. “I brought some food, I suggest you eat some before you carry on with your day. There’s also food that I would like you to try.”
“I’ve tried mortal foods and they’re all insufferable except for almond tofu, don’t bother.” Xiao immediately dismissed the idea. Zhongli sighed, but a smile appeared on his face either way.
“Have you tried bamboo shoot soup? Its taste is very refined, the people of Liyue really have perfected the recipe from the last I remembered. Perhaps you would find it too strong for your liking, but maybe it will change your opinion about mortal food, especially local liyue cuisine.”
“I doubt that.” Xiao scoffed.
The other man simply gave a light chuckle at that. Xiao stood to follow him out of the room, finding no difficulty walking. His nose was tickled with an odd smell, most likely the food Zhongli was talking about. It wasn’t exactly reeking, but he wasn’t used to the smell. He adjusted himself eventually. The adeptus didn't fall for his persuasion however and opted for a classic homemade almond tofu instead.
"Did you go all the way to Yanxin for the almond tofu?" Xiao questioned, wondering aloud but not lifting his head to look at Zhongli who sat across from him.
"Heh, Of course not." Zhongli lightly chuckled. "Xiangling is competent to recreate the dish, so I trusted her. I bet it taste different, but—"
"No, it tastes fine." Xiao cut him off. “I- I like it, thank you.” There was a strain of hesitation in Xiao’s voice, but nevertheless, Zhongli smiled at him.
They ate in comfortable silence, only the sound of their utensils occasionally hitting the rims of their ceramic bowl and the sound of neighbors going about their day filled the silence. At least the silence was comforting. Deep inside, Xiao still felt bothered. Something was troubling him, but he couldn’t place a finger on it either, because he didn’t know why he felt bothered.
Perhaps it was Zhongli’s words that night, “However, contracts aside, do you really think I wouldn’t, even the slightest bit, regard you as a dear friend of mine?”. Or the fact that he felt like he’s out of place. He had, afterall, overstayed in his house that it felt so odd.
“Is something troubling you, Xiao?” Zhongli’s voice piped in, breaking his train of thoughts.
Xiao looked up, his gaze meeting Zhongli’s firm eyes. He considered asking a stupid question, but he chose not to. Although his question hadn’t been answered, he was too afraid to ask. Worried if he would be stepping over boundaries, but at the same time he knew Zhongli was too patient to be irked with a simple question. He looked away awkwardly before opening his mouth to speak.
“Am I allowed to leave after this?”
The young adeptus quickly felt a bubbling panic emerging inside when he realized how potentially rude his question was. It wasn’t his original question, but he needed to redirect his thoughts to avoid having the talk where Zhongli needed to sit him down like a child kind of situation. He wanted to know why Zhongli was so persistent in letting him stay here.
“Of course. I still would like you to stay a little while, but if you insist, and if you are back in shape, then by any means leave whenever you like.” Zhongli replied calmly.
“But answer me this, Xiao. Do you feel obligated to leave?”
Well it wasn’t as if Xiao felt like he needed to leave. Obviously he had his duty to fulfill and he didn’t want to potentially harm his former master in this mortal body with his own karma. Another minor factor - maybe a major one at that- is that he felt slightly uncomfortable being in the man’s presence at the moment. Zhongli had seen a side of him that he carefully concealed and he saw Xiao getting overwhelmed by karmic debts. What would he say about that? Not to mention he never really wanted to burden the man who was in his retirement.
“Yes, Liyue needs protecting, I have been away far too long. You are also retired, I wish not to bother you further.” He reasoned. It’s not like Xiao’s lying. He just never like to be direct with his reasons if it involves his own feelings.
He could feel Zhongli’s eyes scrutinizing him. He barely paid any mind, despite the uncomfortable gaze he felt prickling at his skin as he ate the remaining of his almond tofu. A sigh followed not long after before he heard the man put down his spoon, resting it on top of his ceramic bowl. Xiao felt a long talk coming, so he wasn’t surprised. He just wondered if he had ever disappointed Zhongli or Rex lapis for that matter.
To his surprise, Zhongli stood silently, approaching the kitchen behind him and reaching up to a cabinet. He grabbed a small vial, this time the actual remedium tertiorum in his hand. Xiao actually felt perplexed. Here he was, thinking that Zhomgli would start his lecture about last night and whatnot, but the taller man simply packed for his needs before leaving.
"It's the usual dose, tell me if you need anything else before you depart. Anything in particular I can aid you with?" Zhongli questioned.
Xiao who couldn't contain his confusion asked, "Don’t you want to know about Bosacius? Why are you letting me leave so easily?"
"I can save that talk for some time later, once you are ready to talk. Right now, I can sense that you are getting restless the more you stay in my house." He replied calmly.
Xiao cursed internally at that. Zhongli wasn't supposed to know but the man was of course undeceivable even as he resided to be a mortal. Xiao fathomed if he was at all showing his uneasiness. His stoic face maybe wasn't so stoic afterall. He was reluctant to leave now, because this is Bosacius they were talking about.
"I apologise. But it was my intention to find out what happened to..." he paused, "I can spare some time talking about what happened before I start mixing details that would rather be told immediately." Xiao reasoned, looking anywhere but Zhongli’s eyes as he spoke.
"If you insist."
Xiao began to talk about last night's occurrences, how he found Bosacius' remnants, manifested by the mystical chasm underground to mess with him. He described how the remnants were exactly Bosacius, reckless, independent and powerful as ever. Xiao mentioned how Bosacius and Yelan's ancestor were trapped together before they met their fate and succumbed to the chasm’s catastrophe. He left those unimportant details untouched, but he still managed to talk a lot just about an eventful day.
Zhongli who listened couldn’t help but to smile at Xiao’s slight enthusiasm when he talked about his fellow friend. Oh how he missed the days, the memories still fresh in his mind when the yakshas would gather together with laughter adding to the warmth. He had to still suppress his laughter as he remembered that day where Xiao’s face was intentionally decorated beautifully by Bosacius.
The memories were like gold in his heart. Time is cruel, he knew this every day like an old friend. Even so, he was amazed by Xiao’s resilient nature to keep on going. Despite his pain and burden of duties, Xiao kept his loyalty to a contract that had ceased with its god. He couldn't be like him. Look at him now, choosing the easy way out. He wished he could bring back Bosacius, and every one of Xiao's family back to him as a repayment to his deeds for him and Liyue, but even Zhongli can’t defy fate. He would do anything to bring back those he cared about, Guizhong, the Yakshas… but even Archons were tested with time. Time was the ruler that everyone bows to, and it was only with time that they realized how precious it was to have just one second with those loved ones, as a cloudy fog was present one second after. No one knows how fate works, even Archons.
“Thank you for searching the truth, Xiao.” Zhongli nodded in acknowledgement.
“His unknown cause of disappearance had always stung my heart. When I realized the chance I had to search for him, I can’t spare that. Despite knowing that he was most likely long gone…” Xiao paused, he felt tears stung his eyes and immediately tried to hide it. “I could not help but to- hope that he was still there.”
Odd, when Xiao talked about this with Aether, he didn’t feel the need to lament let alone cry. He didn’t even think he was possible of crying. But right now his eyes were getting blurry and it was getting harder to control his breathing. He felt shameful for crying in front of Zhongli, he felt naked and vulnerable, but Xiao knew he was safe, because he knew Zhongli would never use that against him to control him or anything.
Zhongli silently closed their distance, tugging Xiao’s shoulder blade delicately and brought him closer against him. He rested a hand at his shoulder and the other circling around his back. Xiao was reluctant to the hug at first, but he eventually rested his head against his shoulder, slinging his arms around Zhongli’s back and stayed like.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I could have come for him earlier, or- help him back then.” Xiao’s tone wavered.
“Maybe, but Bosacius wouldn’t want you to come and help him either way. No one would have known the chasm’s true nature, there was nothing you could do to help him without getting stuck in the Chasm.”
“Why?" Xiao whispered, childish it may sound, but he was genuinely questioning the archon that he served. "Why didn't you save him? Or any other Yakshas?"
The question jabbed his heart. It was a regret he would never be able to get over with. Despite his powers he couldn’t do anything about karma, even his own erosion.
"You know well that karma can not easily be taken away from someone. It was a burden you and I share respectively, even I could not lift my own erosions away. I would do anything to eradicate your karmas if it was possible. Fate is cruel… we as immortal beings could only watch as people around us come and go as we wait for our own time to come. I would do anything to save them before it was too late, but alas, these hands could only do so much, and destiny is inevitable." Zhongli answered, barely holding his tone steady. He knew that pain very well, of seeing the people you called home be taken away and never to find the same person again.
Zhongli’s words last night clicked in his head. This was why he cared so much about him.
"Is that why you care so much about me? That one day I will cease to my own karma and you can do nothing about it?"
"Yes." Zhongli honestly replied. "Believe it or not, your presence is enough to calm my worries."
It made so much sense. Six thousand years of living was never easy and Xiao realized just how many individuals he had lost during his time as an archon, the grief and regrets that he felt was something that probably had never healed, but put aside and shoved deep down to the last of his priorities. The adeptus couldn’t help but to feel sympathy for the old man.
"I see…" Xiao responded shortly.
Something deep inside sparked, a sudden urge to do the unthinkable grew stronger as the silent settled. Xiao nuzzled closer towards Zhongli. He was sure this was never to happen again and just once in a lifetime, but at the moment he felt warm, safe and calm and he wanted to know just how he appreciated Zhongli, more than he ever showed him.
The taller man let out a shuddered breath as he pulled Xiao closer. He didn’t expect Xiao to be open about physical touch. That time may come later, where they would finally part by fate, but Zhongli learned to cherish the moments he had right now, being content just seeing Xiao, fine and spared from fatal injuries.
"I care about you, remember that, Xiao."
"You don't have to worry about me." Xiao urged, despite knowing that any second in the future was vague. He wouldn't know when his karma was going to strike next, bearing on his shoulder once again and breathing turned into a taxing labor. Nothing of that was happening right now, and on the contrary, he felt lighter.
"It is my choice to worry about you." Zhongli assured. Gently, he rubbed Xiao’s back in a comforting, repeating motion.
Xiao couldn’t return that phrase, or else it would kill the comfort hanging in the air. No other words were exchanged as they quietly held each other. They both might not know what the future holds, but if anything Xiao learned that day, that it was nice to have someone look after him. Even if he was still a little bit off with the feeling of someone concerning him, he was grateful to still have Zhongli. He would never in his life forsaken nor stop himself to work for Liyue, because Zhongli had done so much for him. This he promised, as the golden thread of trust and care bound them together.