Chapter Text
It felt just the same as it had all those years ago. Even if he never did it again, by now it was stuck with him. Ingrained into his brain as if like some survival instinct he should feel and remember all over.
Yet the action was as simple as baking a cake. Which was actually close to what it was.
The batter was thick, and required more effort to stir. He scraped around the edge of the bowl, dragging the spatula across the bottom of the bowl and up to the surface of the batter. He repeated a similar motion a couple more times before looking back over to Alfred, who was filling the muffin tray with brown cupcake liners.
Just the same as it always was. It wasn't really like this place had time to change.
"Here, my boy, come pour the batter into these liners,"
Jason clutched the mixing bowl tightly as he moved over to the counter next to Alfred. It was a habit he had picked up in fear of dropping the glass.
He gently placed it down, satisfied with the small clink as it made contact. The two of them began scooping the batter to fill the liners half ways in silence. Jason had been content with just that, but Alfred had other ideas.
"May I ask a question about your future, Master Jason?" Jason's lips pulled into a thin line. He forced his face to relax, and instead opted for biting the insides of his cheek.
"Maybe," he spoke again after a minute, "depends on the question."
"I should hope it is not an uncomfortable one, although you are more than welcome to leave the question unanswered."
"Okay," he shoved down the rise of panic. He didn't want to talk about the pit. But that's okay, he assured himself, Alfred said he didn't have to answer.
Alfred was never the type of person to pry in uncomfortable places. At least, he was when he was younger. He snuck a glance over the man's calm face as he spooned the batter into the tray patiently.
He wasn't the same Alfred. But god damn did he seem like it.
"Okay," he bit his lip and shoved his own spoon back into the batter. "Shoot."
Hesitation crossed Alfred’s face as he opened his mouth. Jason might have winced if he weren’t pouring his focus– and batter– into these paper muffin liners. Totally.
“Would you like to come for a ride with me later?”
…
“What?” No mention of death, no mention of Bruce or… or anything. Alfred gave him a side eye, and Jason’s face tightened. “Shit– I uh, I mean Pardon? Could you uh repeat that?” He resisted the urge to cough into his hand.
Alfred looked pleased at that. “I’m glad you have retained your manners, Master Jason. I was asking if you would like to come for a ride around town with me later this afternoon. I have a few errands to run, among them was to pick up the young master.”
"I don't think Bruce would like that," he said with a slight edge to his voice.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Master Jason, But I wasn't aware that you cared what Bruce would think." He said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Right," he let out a half laugh before pushing himself up onto the marble countertop. Alfred didn't seem to pay much thought as he scooped up the two trays and expertly slip them into the oven.
"Well I can't really go out in…" he gave an awkward gesture to his suit, "this."
"No that would be quite inappropriate," Alfred agreed, dusting off the remaining flour into his apron. "You're quite a few sizes bigger than any clothes Jason has, so I suppose you will have to choose some from Master Bruce's selection."
Jason gave a slow nod.
"How about you go up and change, while I put the kettle on and make us some tea? Perhaps we can dust off the old chess board you were eager to use."
Jason grinned and slid off the counter. "Sure, I might shower if that's okay with you."
Alfred nodded, "certainly." With that, Jason did not hesitate to make his way to Bruce's room. He would rather get the trip over and done with.
The pair could be later found in the library. Both were facing each other, set between them was a chess board. Jason had time to shower and change into a fresh outfit, which was probably making his mood quite a bit better than it had been before. Though, he wouldn't admit out loud that the simple act of self care had such an impact. It had been a while since he had probably taken the time to get out of uniform.
He also wouldn't admit out loud that the softly familiar smell of Bruce that clung to the clothes was also doing a great deal to calm his nerves.
Jason moved his white horse, taking one of Alfred's black bishops with him. He set the piece aside, and didn't look up from the board as Alfred took one of his pieces.
"Check." He stated simply, although he didn't need to at all, since Jason could see it with his own eyes.
Jason was so close to beating Alfred. But the man just always found a way to turn the tables back around so that he was the one to triumph.
Jason moved his king one space over, and Alfred moved another piece along with it.
"Check," he said once more, Jason felt his eye twitch.
After a few more seconds of analysis, (if you could call it that) Jason let out a deep sigh, he flicked over the king and slumped deeper into his seat.
"Giving up so soon?" Alfred said, amusement lacing his words.
"C'mon, you know I wouldn't have won even if I had three more hours to try."
Alfred let out a small chuckle, "Very well then. Would you like to play again."
"Thanks for the offer Alfie, but I think I've had enough of losing at chess." Although the words together might have seemed as if he were feeling bitter, he knew Alfred could tell he was not upset.
The man stood up from his chair and began to rearrange the board back to its starting positions. Jason helped him complete the task.
"I believe it's for the better that we stop for the day, the muffins need to be taken out now."
Jason hummed softly in acknowledgement, and soon the two made their way back to the kitchen.
A warm eroma had engrossed the kitchen by the time they had made their way back in. A smile tugged on Jason's face as he leaned against the counter. He watched Alfred pull the tray out with delicate hands wrapped in thick oven mitts.
He set the tray on a spot on the counter not too far from Jason and plucked off the gloves. He grabbed an already filled kettle, and gently placed it down onto the stove as Jason spoke to him.
“So besides what you’ve already told me, what else did you need to get done?”
“I have a parcel to pick up for young Master Jason at the post office, and a few groceries to acquire for tonight's meal." He paused, looking at Jason, "of which I was hoping you would help me prepare?"
"You know I would love to." Jason said after a moment, before the two finally turned their attention to their food.
Today had been full of things that Jason hadn't done properly in years. He certainly had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, of course Jason was happy to be cooking with Alfred after possibly 5 or more years. Of course he was content with driving around with the man like he had when he was younger. However, venturing out into Gotham is where his feelings got tricky.
Jason had rarely gone on unmasked strolls through the city's streets since his return to life. And like with most things, of the few times he had, there were only two different times he hadn't been doing it for the purpose of ending a life.
He had spent so much time behind his helmet that Jason sort of forgot what it was like to be a normal person. Now looking back on it, he realises how hypocritical some of the things he had said to Bruce were. He preached about how Batman ruled Bruce's (and honestly, everyone's lives) when he himself was barely himself anymore.
Jason hadn't been Jason, for the purpose of being Jason in a long long time. Even before his death, Robin had been integrated neatly into his routine, enough that he would argue that Jason hadn't really been Jason even before his death.
Looking back, maybe the only time he had ever unapologetically been himself, or not tried to be anyone else, was before Bruce. How sad of a thought was it that maybe Jason had only ever been him when he was living the shittiest years of his life?
Jason turned his attention away from his scarred hands and instead out the window. Better to get out of this train of thought before he snowballed and unturned every carpet of his mind looking for the answer to the universe.
He shakily exhaled, which did not go unnoticed by Alfred. Even if Alfred hadn't spoken up to distract Jason from whatever was bothering him, he would have known that Alfred noticed simply by the fact that he was, well, Alfred.
"I was thinking that perhaps we could get the groceries first. Then we could pick up the young Master. I'm sure he would be happy to get his parcel himself."
Jason absently nodded, he glanced over to Alfred as he did, but he was only partially paying attention. Alfred seemed content with his response though, and silence once again enveloped the car.
Jason took to looking at people's faces as they drove by. It was something he had been doing since he was a child, and had been morphed into an anxious tic he performed.
Dark eyes, dark hair, looks depressed. Dull red hair, brown eyes. Blue eyes, light brown hair. Brown hair, brown eyes. Blonde hair, blue eyes, and an obnoxious pink coat. Bald and black eyes, brown hair…
They turned left at the lights, and suddenly Jason had a sickening feeling of deja vu. He blinked, trying to ground himself, before bringing his attention back to his task.
Black eyes, dark hair… no way, was that the same guy?
Jason blinked and they had passed the man, he looked back to the people.
Red hair… light brown hair… brown hair… these were the same people he had just seen.
And that blonde, with the Friday shoulder length hair, sunglasses perched upon her nose as if she wasn't living in Gotham… the bright Barbie pink jacket that made his eyes bleed.
Jason turned his line of sight to the windshield. Looking straight ahead.
The car slowed, just as it had before they turned, and Jason was sure he didn't need to see which blinker Alfred had switched to know what direction the two were headed.
They moved forward, and with a sickening feeling of dread, Jason watched as their car turned left.
He looked to Alfred, then back to the road and…
…An unfamiliar street.
What?
What just, what's just happened?
"Master Jason? You've gotten quite pale, are you alright?"
Jason blinked and closed his mouth, before opening it again to speak.
"Y-yeah uh. I don't… I'm fine, yeah." He honestly sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than Alfred.
"Would you like to go home?" Alfred tentatively asks him.
He bit the insides of his cheek then shook his head. "No.. No, I'm fine." He let a small smile form on his face as he looked over to Alfred.
The shopping trip had been relatively uneventful for the two, minus the one time Jason could have sworn he took an item off the shelf and into their shopping cart, only to find it back in front of him. Despite the hiccup from earlier, they finished the small trip perfectly in time to pick up the other, smaller Jason.
Jason was seated in the back of the car this time, watching through the opposite window as his younger self walked along the school entrance to the pick up spot. He hurried along, bag bouncing behind him as he rushed to the car. Jason couldn't help but snicker at the concentrated expression on the boy's face. Part of him forgot how small he had been.
He forgot a lot of things about himself.
The younger boy almost tore the door off its hinges trying to open it but didn't seem to notice it as he quickly slid into his own seat and pulled the door behind him. He had seemingly yet to notice Jason sitting almost right next to him as he began to chat with Alfred.
Jason looked up from his bag as Alfred pulled out from their spot, and finally noticed the older of the two sitting next to him. He smirked at the boy's slightly shocked face.
"For the sidekick of the world's greatest detective, you're not very aware of your surroundings."
The kid scowled at him, though Jason could tell there wasn't any real heat behind it. "Well you're me, so you can't speak."
Jason shrugged, "I'm the older, more mature version of you, though. I always double check my cars for older versions of myself before I get in."
"Older? Yes, maturer? No."
"Did you just say 'maturer?'"
"Shush."