Chapter Text
“When we’re both 30 and if we’re still single, let’s date.”
It was said so innocuously when they were basically kids. Yoongi was not even 17 yet and Jeongguk was 15 and they were probably sleep deprived, but at the time, it made sense.
It happened when Yoongi had just gotten dumped by his then girlfriend, and Jeongguk, his best friend came to his aid to have a sleepover and pig out on snacks and watch anime to help him forget about the breakup. The younger had never been in a relationship, so he probably didn’t have any idea what Yoongi was going through, but still came over to support him.
Jeongguk had brought up the pact when they were both lying in their sleeping bags, it was nearing 4 am, so he didn’t think he was being serious. But Yoongi had laughed at the suggestion, Jeongguk had whipped his head towards him and he could hear the pout when he sullenly asked him why that was funny.
“Because you don’t wanna date me? Plus I’ll be 30 before you.” Yoongi had let out another chuckle, trying to understand why he’d even suggest something like that.
“I’m not saying I wanna date you,” there was a whine to his voice now, “but that dating is apparently hard and I don’t wanna die alone. So, we should just make a pact now, just in case, you know.”
Yoongi turned his head to his friend, but it was dark in his room. He could only tell that Jeongguk was now looking away from him, but he couldn’t read his face. He wished he could, he was usually good at reading his face. “So, when you’re 30 then?”
“Yeah, when I’m 30, if we’re still alone and sad,” Jeongguk whispered the last part.
And while Yoongi knew this was a stupid idea and one he could come to regret, he knew it wouldn’t happen. His best friend would not be single when he was 30, Yoongi could guarantee it. Because well, if Yoongi loved him this much at 17, then someone else would love him even more at 30.
“Okay,” Yoongi whispered back.
He could hear Jeongguk look at him again, “really?”
Yoongi only smiled a little, “yeah really. Why not?”
“Don’t sound too enthusiastic.”
“You just said you didn’t want to date me and now you want me to be enthusiastic about potentially dating you later?” He was trying to keep it light, not wanting to think about Jeongguk not wanting to date him, which he already knew, but still.
And luckily Jeongguk laughed at that, “okay fair. But I’ll have you know, I’d be a great boyfriend in the future.”
Okay, maybe Yoongi is regretting this decision, so again he had to stick to jokes. “You better learn to cook ramyeon yourself by then. I’m not cooking it for you forever.”
“Deal.” Jeongguk sat up, Yoongi could see his silhouette and could see him stick out his hand. So, Yoongi sat up too, and shook his hand, binding their silly not gonna happen pact.
“Deal.”
✨
15 years later
It was two months till Jeongguk’s birthday and Yoongi was reminded of their pact they had made 15 years ago. Jeongguk had just called him saying his boyfriend of 3 years had broken up with him.
So now Yoongi has bags full of soju and snacks, and lamb skewer takeout, making his way to Jeongguk’s apartment. That pact had always been in the back of his mind, mostly because he’s spent all those years dealing with the fact that he’s been in love with him the entire time, but realizing that he would never actually have him the way he wanted. Jeongguk has never felt the same as him obviously, and he wonders if Jeongguk even remembers what they said when they were younger. He doubts it, they’ve never spoken of it since and it probably just was made by kids in the heat of the moment. Plus, there’s no way Jeongguk won’t bounce back and find someone else to love. Maybe not right away, but he’s not going to settle for Yoongi. (Even if secretly part of him wishes he would.)
Still, tonight is about Jeongguk’s breakup and Yoongi being the best friend that he is by being there for him. He’s certainly not bringing up this pact, just like how he never has for over a decade. It’ll just be something he’ll think about when he’s a little sad about never getting to be with his best friend like he wishes he could be.
Once he gets to the apartment, he sets the takeout down to punch in the code. They’ve always given each other’s apartment codes or spare keys the second they moved somewhere new. Hoseok has always said they’ve been too dependent on each other their whole lives, but Yoongi thinks it’s just more efficient. Because he bets Jeongguk is in his room crying under a pile of blankets, so there’s no way he’d come to the door. So, this is just easier for emergencies. The lock beeps and finally he’s making his way inside, kicking off his shoes quickly so he can set all of the bags before his arms give out.
“Jeonggukie!” He yells loud enough, hoping his friend will hear him. “I’ve got all your favs! Specifically lamb skewers, you need to come get them while they’re still hot!” When he still doesn’t hear any movement, he makes his way to Jeongguk’s room.
So, he was right about him being under a bunch of blankets, but he can’t hear any noise of crying. Not even sniffling. Worried, he slowly walks over to him, “Jeonggukie, you awake?” Still no noise, so he pulls back the blankets and finds Jeongguk just laying there, no tears, no nothing, just a blank stare. He sits on the edge of the bed and runs his hand through Jeongguk’s hair, “how’re you, little prince?”
Jeongguk still doesn’t say anything, but he does close his eyes as Yoongi’s fingers comb through the strands of his hair.
“Come on, let’s get you up and get some food in you.”
Finally, Jeongguk opens his eyes and looks up at Yoongi. “I really did love him, you know.”
“I know you did, Ggukie.”
There’s a big sigh from Jeongguk, “but honestly, I think I knew this wasn’t going to last.”
And now that’s the first Yoongi had ever heard about that. He’d only ever heard how perfect Junho was, how they were going to buy a house next year, and how if they could get married in Korea they absolutely would and would obviously be together forever. “What do you mean?”
“We’d been drifting for a while, he’s gotten really busy with work and we’ve barely spent any time together the last few months, and it really wasn’t the biggest deal. Part of me wasn’t even that upset about it. Isn’t that awful of me?” Jeongguk sits up, dislodging Yoongi’s hand which falls back into his lap. “He told me about 3 months ago that he was looking to get a job in America and if I thought I’d want to come with him.”
“And you didn’t want to?” Again, this is more news to Yoongi. His best friend has never told him about this, it hurts a little, but he’s trying to ignore any of that to just focus on the now.
Jeongguk just glares back at him, as if what he said was offensive. “Of course I didn’t! This is my home, my family is here, my friends are here…you’re here.” The last part is said so quietly, Yoongi almost doesn’t hear it.
He decides to brush past that and not think about Jeongguk not wanting to be without him. “But we all would’ve understood, because you loved each other.”
“I’m not even sure if it was really love love, though!” He practically shouts back, but quiets back down. “I think I was settling for him, because he was handsome and smart. But when he asked me that, I immediately knew my answer, I didn’t even have to think. I told him I needed time to decide, but I already knew.”
“That doesn’t mean it isn’t love.”
Sighing again, Jeongguk nods, “but I still don’t think it was true love. Maybe there was some love there, but…” and he gets quiet again, almost whispering “I never heard the bells with him.”
And now it’s Yoongi’s turn to sigh. Jeongguk had always been a romantic, he’d watched a movie about soulmates hearing bells when the couple saw each other and immediately decided that was the only way to know if someone was the love of his life. “Bun, you know that isn’t real.” Because they’ve always talked about this when they were kids and it was always Yoongi reminding him that it wasn’t real life, you’ll never hear bells to know someone is your soulmate. Soulmates were also just not a real thing.
“Yeah, I know. But I still never really felt what I thought love should feel like.”
“How do you know what love is supposed to feel like?”
Jeongguk glanced down at his hands like how he usually does when he’s embarrassed, “I know that you’re not supposed to be relieved when they break up with you.”
And now Yoongi is confused again, “But you were crying on the phone.”
“Well, we’d been together for 3 years and I was upset I had wasted all this time on someone I’m realizing I was never really in love with. Sometimes I think I’m still just a dumb kid.”
“Hey, you’re not dumb.” He reaches out grabbing Jeongguk’s hand and squeezing it.
“So, I’m a kid then?”
“Of course you are, I’m your hyung, you’ll always be a kid compared to me.” Chuckling lightly, he feels Jeongguk squeeze his hand.
“You’re not even two years older than me! You just like to act like a grumpy old man.”
“You’re damn right.” He tuts and grins back at him, “kids these days, no respect for their elders.”
It does what it was supposed to and makes a laugh bumble out of Jeongguk. “You’re so dumb, hyung.”
“See! No respect!”
Jeongguk just giggles harder and tips sideways back onto the bed. It makes Yoongi keep laughing at him, he loves hearing him laugh. Maybe it’s a side effect of being in love with him for years, or if it’s just because Jeongguk’s laugh is infectious. Might still be because of love.
Eventually they both quiet down, but when Jeongguk meets his eyes, he looks sad again. “Do you think I’m a bad person?”
Furrowing his eyebrows, Yoongi frowns down at him, “why would I possibly think that?”
“Because I was relieved?”
“Gguk-ah, that doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re allowed to feel like that. And maybe you just didn’t realize that maybe it wasn’t love until now, but that doesn’t mean you’re bad or that it was wrong to date him.”
A tear falls out of Jeongguk’s eye and before he can clear it away, Yoongi reaches over and brushes it away.
“It’s okay to cry now, I’m here.” And that’s when the dam breaks, more tears spill and Jeongguk sits up quickly, wrapping himself around Yoongi in a tight hug. Yoongi just holds him, running his hands up and down his back. He can feel the tears seeping into his shirt, but he honestly doesn’t care. There’s probably snot too, but he just cares about his best friend and being there for him.
“I love you, hyung,” he mumbles into his collarbone.
Yoongi can only smile slightly, “love you too, Bun.” It’s not the kind of love he wishes he could get from Jeongguk, but he accepted a long time ago they were only going to be friends. And if this was the only way to keep Jeongguk in his life, he would suppress any feelings of love and just be there as friends. “Come on, let’s clean you up. Those lamb skewers are probably getting cold.”
He feels Jeongguk nod, before pulling away. “Thanks, hyung.”
“Anytime Ggukie.” Standing up, he holds his hand for him, when he grabs back, Yoongi pulls him up and pushes him to the bathroom. “Go wash your face, I’ll go warm up the food.”
It’s much later, after the takeaway has been cleared and multiple soju bottles have been drunk that Jeongguk decides to bring up the thing that Yoongi truly thought Jeongguk had forgotten about.
“You know I’m almost 30.” Jeongguk was swirling the last bit of what was left in his soju bottle, but wasn’t looking at Yoongi as he said this.
Yoongi’s not really sure where this is going yet. “Yes, the last of us. The baby is finally joining the 30 crowd.”
There’s a huff, “I’m not a baby!” But the pout on his face isn’t selling it.
Yoongi just chuckles, “you’ll always be our baby.” He wants to say that he’ll always be his baby, but Jeongguk isn’t his like that. Plus now that they have a friend group, it wasn’t just the two of them.
He just huffs again, before looking up at Yoongi’s face. “Okay, that’s not the point right now. I’m almost 30 and now I’m single.” He doesn’t say anything further and Yoongi’s stomach drops. He can’t possibly be talking about the pact. Why did he actually remember it? Or maybe he doesn’t…maybe he’s just having an early mid-life crisis or something.
“Yeah? And?” Yoongi tries to act like he’s not freaking out.
“What do you mean ‘and’? Did you forget?” Jeongguk is still pouting at him, which is just so not fair.
“Forget what?” He still goes to deflect and pretend he doesn’t know anything, maybe it’s safer that way.
“You really forgot our pact?” Jeongguk then looks down at his soju bottle, before chugging the last of it, but he looks more heartbroken now then he did when Yoongi first came to the apartment. Which is never what he wants, but Yoongi still just can’t get over the fact that he’s remembered the pact and is now bringing it up. They’ve never talked about it again.
“You were actually serious?”
Jeongguk’s head snaps up, “of course I was! Were you not serious? Did you just say that to me because you thought I was some dumb kid?”
And now it’s Yoongi’s turn to be shocked. “Woah, I never said that.” He’s gotta fix this now. He moves to the other side of the table they’d been sitting on the floor around until he’s next to Jeongguk and pulls him into an awkward hug, which he goes into a little reluctantly. “We just never talked about it again, so I thought you were just saying it to make me feel better when we were kids.”
Jeongguk sighs again, and moves closer into Yoongi’s side. “I mean, I was doing that. But I still think dating is hard and clearly I’m not good at it, so why not you and I just date now?”
“Jeongguk, you just got out of a relationship. You don’t actually wanna date me, you’re just upset right now.” He can feel Jeongguk’s stare up at him, but he actively ignores meeting his eyes.
“But we made a pact. You can’t break that.”
And now it’s Yoongi’s time to sigh, “You still have two months until you’re 30. You’ll probably find someone else in that time.” Which is true, Jeongguk was never one to stay single. It always felt like the minute one relationship ended, he’d jump into the next one. Some for less than a week, some for a year or so. Most were just a few months, this last one was his longest one. So, they all thought this one was for real. Yoongi had really gotten to a point of being okay about it. Sure, it hurt to see the person you’ve been in love with most of your life with someone else. It’s why he was never able to date himself. If he went on any dates, it was blind dates or setups by friends. But he just could never make it work, because of his love for Jeongguk. He really had resigned himself just to be alone. So, he doesn’t want Jeongguk to be drunkenly bringing up their pact right after a breakup, when Jeongguk can and will find someone else.
“You don’t know that.”
“Plus, you’re drunk. We’re not fake dating when you can’t even see straight.”
Jeongguk finally moves to sit up, “it wouldn’t be fake dating. We would really date, because that’s what we said. We’d date each other if we were both alone. Which we are.”
“Thanks for that. But fine, I will only agree if we wait until you’re actually 30. That’s just two months.” He has to do that, because he knows he’ll find someone else and maybe this time Yoongi can finally move on. Because he can’t date Jeongguk just because of a pact and not because he actually wants to be with him. That’ll hurt worse than watching him with other people.
“Fine, but you have to swear it. If in two months we’re both single, we will date. Legitimately, not ‘fake dating’” he adds into air quotes and then holds out his hand..
“Deal.” He grabs his hand, giving it a shake. He’s not worried, because Jeongguk will find someone else.
✨