Chapter Text
He locks himself in his room with his candy, a tub of peanut butter, and a spoon and gets out all his work books. He spreads them out over the floor around his bed. It’s a process. He picks up the source book he was trying to take notes from earlier and the notebook he was using. He disregards whatever he had been writing and starts a new page. Time to crank.
It actually works as a pretty good distraction. He at some point heard some knocking on his front door, but he ignored it. Nothing can break his roll right now. He cannot and will not leave this room. Unless he needs the bathroom, but even that is to be avoided for as long as possible.
He gets halfway through writing the research essay before he realizes his legs are majorly cramping and his back hurts from hunching over on his bed. He looks at his clock. It’s now significantly later in the day. It’s actually getting dark now. The days keep getting shorter, and he hates it.
He decides now might be a good time for a small break since he’s already broken concentration. He needs to stretch his legs anyway. He gets up, uses the bathroom, goes to the kitchen, gets a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos - he mentally says it like an announcer for pro-wrestling announcing the wrestlers - and goes back to his room to lock himself in again. He comes back out again five hours later to eat half a block of cheese and then goes back in.
By Sunday late morning, he hasn’t gotten any more sleep, but he’s cranked out a ten page research paper, an exceptional powerpoint and the speech to go along with it for a different class’s final, and the beginnings of a feasibility study for a class that has absolutely nothing to do with anything he plans to do in life ever. Once that’s done, he can study for his philosophy exam which is last in the week’s line up and should be easy anyway. He really likes that class. He’s been acing it all semester. It’s just a gen-ed, but it’s fun. …except for the assholes who clearly don’t care about anything except themselves.
He decides to shower, find something that’s not cheese, peanut butter, or candy to eat, and then maybe go take a nap. He ends up eating some leftover soup his Jie-jie made for them in their last care package and thanks all deities for the existence of his beautiful sister.
He finds his phone buried under his pillow where it slid after he tossed it sometime yesterday. He silenced it so that he could get work done and then forgot about it, so it probably needs some charging. He checks. Yep, it’s dead. Cool. That’s fine; he got a lot done.
He clumsily puts it on the little table by his bed, and it crashes to the floor. Oh well, he’ll find it.
He vaguely knows there’s probably a few texts from Wen Qing telling him to call her when he’s ready, and there might be a text from Jiang Cheng checking in on him. And there’s most likely at least a call or text from Lan Zhan, but honestly, he doesn’t want to think about that right now. It’s just going to bring up all the other Thoughts that he doesn’t want to think about right now. He just wants to sleep. He can deal with all that later. Future Wei Ying’s problem.
And with that, he faceplants into his pillow on his newly-cleared-of-all-homework-shaped-things bed, and falls asleep. It’s easier when there hasn’t been any caffeine in your system for almost twenty-four hours. Fancy that.
When he wakes up, things are hazy again. Is he dreaming again? He doesn’t want to be dreaming again. His body feels heavy but he pushes himself up with his elbows so he can look for his phone. It’s on the little table. Huh. He checks it. There are so many notifications. Ugh. His eyes are too blurry and too difficult to open to read the time. He thinks it’s night time. That can’t be good.
The lamp next to his bed magically turns on. He groans. Stupid dreams and their nonsense. Why do they like to cause him pain?
“Is that what happened?” He hears to his side. It’s soft and low. What a nice voice. “Did you have a bad dream?”
Wei Wuxian drops his head back down. “Noooo…. It was a too good dream. It had Lan Zhan in it.” Fingers are now gently rubbing at his hairline. It feels so good and strangely tender. He doesn’t want it to stop.
“Oh, why was that painful?”
“Mmmm…. Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because he…” His eyes shoot open. “Lan Zhan?” He shoots up onto his knees on his bed. Lan Zhan is in his room? What? How? He’s crouching beside the bed right next to where Wei Wuxian’s head was. Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Zhan with owl eyes. How is here? Maybe he is dreaming. He puts the heel of his palm to his forehead. It’s starting to ache. Maybe he has a fever. That’d be a nice excuse to just…not leave his apartment ever again.
“Hello, Wei Ying.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you. I thought there was something going on.” He struggles some to come up with the next words. “I was hoping to talk to you. Jiang Cheng let me in. You were already asleep.”
God, he’s so… earnest. How is he so beautiful and perfect? Like not just physically, but just, like, in the way he is.
He keeps talking. Has he ever spoken this much unprompted before? “I am sorry to have surprised you. I saw the schoolwork lying around and straightened up some. Everything is organized by subject and project. And I cooked. I thought you might be hungry. You have been busy.”
Wei Wuxian laughs. He can’t not. Oh Lan Zhan. He’s too good. “Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan, ah, Lan Zhan!” He shakes his head smiling. “You’re always going to take care of me no matter what, eh?”
Lan Zhan hums an agreement and blushes. It’s difficult to see in the dim lighting from the bedside lamp, but it’s there. Aiyah, he loves Lan Zhan so much.
Ay, there’s the rub. It’s love isn’t it? Always has been.
He just didn’t want to acknowledge it. It’s too big of a feeling. But it’s too late for him. It’s never gonna change. Might as well acknowledge it. He’ll just have to stay by Lan Zhan’s side forever now, no matter what. That would be a good life.
“Would you like to eat?” Lan Zhan asks. Wei Wuxian wants to squish his cheeks.
“Mhm. Sounds amazing, Lan Zhan.” He smiles. It feels easy in this moment. Yesterday is forgotten. At least, for now it is.
Lan Zhan nods and stands. He helps Wei Wuxian off the bed, and they head to the kitchen. Their hands linger a bit, but that doesn’t mean anything really. They’re best friends. And Wei Wuxian is happy about that. Most of the time.
In the kitchen, Lan Zhan has cooked stir fry. Wei Wuxian is confident that at least half of those ingredients were not in this kitchen prior to Lan Zhan arriving. How does he do that? How does he know what’s needed when? Maybe Wei Wuxian’s dreaming again. He’s not fully convinced either way really.
He wishes he could kiss Lan Zhan. If he was dreaming he could. But it’s terrifying to find out what would happen after if he wasn’t dreaming. Can he test this somehow? He pinches himself. Yeah it kinda hurt, but like, he also was expecting it to, so maybe that’s not a reliable test? Maybe Lan Zhan can pinch him. Ooh, or maybe Jiang Cheng’s around and he can slap him. He knows Jiang Cheng would enjoy that.
“Um, Lan Zhan?” He hums in response. “Is Jiang Cheng here?”
“Hmm, no, he left a while earlier. I believe he was going to the library to study.”
“Oh.” Well there goes that plan.
“Do you need him?”
“Oh, no. Well, not really. I wanted to ask him something I guess.”
“Oh, I see.” He turns to the food he’s plating. “Wei Ying.”
“Yeah, Lan Zhan?”
“Are you… Do you not want to be alone with me?”
“What? Lan Zhan!”
“Is there something wrong? Did I do something?”
“Lan Zhan! What? No!” Wei Wuxian races across the three foot wide kitchen to stand in front of Lan Zhan. He gives into the urge to cup his face with both hands. “Lan Zhan, no, there’s nothing wrong, and no, you didn’t do anything.”
“Oh.” He doesn’t look very convinced, and Wei Wuxian knows he’s going to have to explain more.
“This is about yesterday isn’t it.”
Lan Zhan nods once, even while Wei Wuxian’s hands are still holding his face. He’s so cute.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I woke up that morning convinced that something that happened in my dream was real, and, and…” Wei Wuxian swallows and his eyes flick away from Lan Zhan’s for a moment. “And well, it wasn’t real, and, well, that doesn’t really explain anything, does it.”
Lan Zhan moves and cups Wei Wuxian’s face in both of his as well. They’re both now standing in Wei Wuxian’s tiny kitchen holding each other’s faces. How does this stuff happen to Wei Wuxian? Is this actually a dream? Wei Wuxian is pretty sure it’s not.
“Wei Ying. You had been crying yesterday. Why? Were you sad that your dream wasn’t real?”
Wei Wuxian tries to look away but he’s having quite a bit of difficulty in doing so now that Lan Zhan is also holding his face. He swallows and bites the inside of his lip. “Yes,” he finally replies.
“Mn.” Lan Zhan says. “And was I in that dream?”
“Maybe.” Wei Wuxian would like to think that that didn’t sound as pouty to Lan Zhan’s ears as what reached his own ears.
“Hm. Why couldn’t you look me in the eye yesterday?”
“Aiyah, Lan Zhan!” He disentangles them from each other. He needs to back away. He needs to breathe and reacquaint himself with reality again. Maybe this is a dream after all. Since when does Lan Zhan ask so many questions? That’s usually his territory! “So many questions!”
“Wei Ying. What did you dream about? Why can’t you tell me?”
“Lan Zhan! I can’t– It’s just– Because it’ll ruin everything!” He shouts. He doesn’t ever shout at Lan Zhan. Not unless it’s from across a courtyard to get his attention. Or maybe sometimes he gets loud from excitement. But it’s not usually very shout-like, and never directed at Lan Zhan.
“What? How could your dream ruin everything?”
“Because, Lan Zhan, it will!”
“How do you know? What could possibly ruin us, Wei Ying?” He looks so… sad. If the big sad eye emoji was a person, it would be Lan Zhan right now.
But Lan Zhan doesn’t know. He thinks they’re just best friends. If Wei Wuxian told him…he’d feel uncomfortable. Yeah, Wei Wuxian thinks their friendship could survive it. He thinks. But it would be painfully awkward for a while and probably would never return to normal. And Wei Wuxian might, might, be able to recover from the rejection, but his feelings would never go away.
“Lan Zhan, why are you asking me so many questions? Why now? What’s gotten into you?” It’s more accusatory than he meant it to be.
Wei Wuxian can see Lan Zhan shrink back into himself, like he didn’t even realize he was showing so much of himself. Wei Wuxian hurts watching him withdraw so much of himself and hide it away. Wei Wuxian aches. That knife-to-stomach feeling from yesterday morning is returning.
“Mn. I will stop asking then.” He turns to the food, now sitting innocently on their plates.
Wei Wuxian sucks in a ragged breath of air. That’s not.. That’s not what he was hoping for, and yet it is. He did not think this through.
“Lan Zhan–”
“The food is plated. Should we eat? Or, I can go now if you would like? I am sorry if I have been intruding. You obviously did not want to see me.”
And just like that Wei Wuxian is crying. He gasps a sob, and can’t quite suck it back in before it’s out. It's just, out, now. It’s released. And Lan Zhan heard it.
“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan gasps. And suddenly he’s there, kneeling, on the floor, in front of Wei Wuxian, who is also, apparently, kneeling on the floor now.
Wei Wuxian can’t breathe properly right now. Please call back later.
Lan Zhan grabs his shoulders, caresses his face, brushes tears away. “Wei Ying. Wei Ying, please breathe. Please. I’m sorry. I was upset. I’m sorry. We’re fine. You don’t have to tell me about your dream. I’m sorry I pried. Please breathe.”
Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “No, Lan Zhan, I’m sorry.” Sob. “I’m sorry.” Heave. “Please don’t leave me.” Breath. “I want to be by your side forever, you know.” He squeaks. “It’s planned.” Sob. “It’s set. It’s in my day planner, you know.” Breath. “The one you got me.” He smiles, but it looks quite cracked open to a whole new layer of emotions that aren’t normally so displayed.
“Wei Ying.”
“I’m scared, Lan Zhan. You’re everything I want, and I’m scared I’m not what you want. I want all of you. I like you. So much. I love you. And I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself, because it’s too much, Lan Zhan. It’s too much, and I–”
Lan Zhan’s face is smashed against his own. It takes an extra second to realize it’s because they are now mid-kiss. It’s a good one, too. Well, no, it’s not actually. But how could kissing Lan Zhan ever be bad? The kiss is too forceful, and Lan Zhan is trying to open his mouth with his tongue and teeth, and, and, it’s a lot. It’s a lot, but it’s wonderful.
Lan Zhan’s hands are gripping Wei Wuxian’s deltoids almost painfully, and it takes a minute for Wei Wuxian’s brain to catch up enough to join in on the proceedings.
He begins kissing back in full, and his hands rise to grip Lan Zhan’s shirt near his ribs. And overall, he melts into Lan Zhan’s warmth. His body is positively radiating heat, and Wei Wuxian is finally close enough that he can absorb all of it. His eyes have closed on their own. He forgot how to breathe. Eh, that’s not really needed anyway.
Wait, no, yes, it is. He pulls away from Lan Zhan despite so desperately not wanting to. He breathes heavily, taking in as much oxygen as he can. His hands are tense against Lan Zhan’s collar bones, keeping him a small distance away until his head can catch up to everything happening.
“Lan Zhan.” Though it doesn’t sound like it, there’s a question somewhere in there.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan croaks desperately. And somehow, there’s an answer.
Wei Wuxian wants to drag him right back into another passionate kiss and perhaps drag him to his bedroom, but there’s just. So much. To process. And the pieces of the puzzle really aren’t quite fitting like they should yet.
“Am I dreaming again?”
“No.” Lan Zhan is still breathing heavily, too, which makes Wei Wuxian’s chest squeeze in glee.
“So this is actually happening?”
“Mn.”
“You like me?”
“Mn. Love. Want. You’re everything I want too.”
“Lan Zhan.”
“Mn.” Lan Zhan rests their foreheads together.
“Lan Zhan!”
“Hm?”
“Lan Zhan, I love you.” He grins. He grins so big it hurts.
And Lan Zhan smiles. He really smiles. It’s small and gentle and sweet, and there’s a glimpse of teeth showing. Wei Wuxian wants to wrap it in the softest handkerchief he can find and stow it away in one of those pretty little boxes people always seem to just have somehow, and he’ll keep it and look at it always. He gives into the urge again to hold Lan Zhan’s face. His beautiful face. With those eyes. Wow. They’re amber in color. That really is their color. There’s no other color that would describe it more accurately. Not even if he knew more gemstones than the normal few. Amber. Wow, they’re molten.
He drags his Lan Zhan back into him and wraps his arms tightly around Lan Zhan’s broad shoulders as they happily kiss, and kiss again, and kiss again. And then they’re kissing. And then they’re giggling. Wei Wuxian just can’t contain it. It’s bubbling over. His best friend who he has loved for so long, so, so long, is here, in his arms, on his kitchen floor, kissing him.
“Lan Zhan, you’re mine forever now.”
“Mn.” Lan Zhan smiles. It’s the best smile in the whole world. “You’re mine too now.”
He grins. “...Hey Lan Zhan?”
“Hm?”
“Can we eat now? I’m really hungry.”
Lan Zhan breathes out in a way that resembles a laugh, and Wei Wuxan has to laugh too. “Mn. Let’s.” And he stands up, and offers a hand to Wei Wuxian to help him up.
And, of course, Wei Wuxian takes his hand.
Their hands definitely linger this time.