Chapter Text
They both woke up arms in arms in a dark room.
Akutagawa coughed. “yeah idk”
ATsushi got up to turn the light off
“Lol Akutagawa what are you, a girl? Why are you holding flowers??”
“Um.” Akutagawa looked down to see a blood covered flower in his palm. “I think it camr from my esophagus ..”
“That’s insane . Flowers don’t come from esssophagussies” Atsushi laughed
“Ok well idk ok..” Akutagawa blushed, which caused more itching in the back of his throat. Damn where is his inhaler at..>???
Ok well I’m going to try to find a way out” Atsyshu said
He opened the door and it opened
“Ok I think we can leave this ominously dark room now” Atsushi smiled, taking Akutagawa;’s hand as they left the room which he had jsut opened.
Akutagawa looked down at their joined hands, feeling a blush crawl up his neck. Is this what .. love feels like?
He farted . Nevermind he just had to squeeze one out
They walked down the hallway which opened up into a street.
“Oh wow, look! There’s the ADA!” Atsushi gasped and pointed at the building which had caution tape surrounding it.
“Atsushi I don’t think we should go over–”
“Let’s go!”
They ran to the building.
Atsushi frowned as he saw… . Poe crying?
“Omg what’s wrong Edgar Allan Poekins?” Atsushin frowned :(
“Ranpoe… He died from hanahaki disease.”
“Hannah hacks what?”
“Hanahaki disease.. IT’s this thing where u have to confess to the one you love or else you die from flowers going up your throat. Ranpo was in love with me but was embarrassed and ashamed of his feelings so he never told me and then he died. Oh… if only he knew that I wrote lemons about the two of us :’(“
“Poe I think we call it smut now to be politically correct.”
“Oh sorry, I mean smut.
“Omg that’s horrible,. I actually have heard of this lols I wrote a smut about me and Akutagawa- not this Akutagawa hhaha *laughs nervously* but another one And we were in this situation.”
Akuatgawa froze, feeling a tingling in his throat. “Do you mean Gin? You wrote smut about my fucking SISTER?”
“More like fucking your sister haha but no I mean another Akutagawa family”
“Oh okay,” he said and felt the tingling die down. Maybe he’s in giving head withdrawal or something?
They went under the crime scene tape to go to the cafe because they were kinda really hungry.
They opened the door into the door, and sat down on the table.
“Okay. How do you think we can make Poe stop cryinf.” Atsushi said
“uhhh Tell him to stop being a crybaby and beat him up?” Akutagawa suggested
Atsushi scoffed, “that’s Not what you do to cheer someone up. That’s what you do to make them traumatized. Probably why your like this.”
“Well you are also traumatized so be quiet!!! I bet you don’t have another idea!!”
“Yeah i do!!! we gotta get some chocolates to eat while he cries and then we get him some book to distract him from his problems!! Works for me— i mean other people. Definitely not me.” Atsushi looks away with his arms crossed.
Akutagawa pauses for a moment before responding, “Y’know… that idea isnt half bad!!! it might work for a sad soul like Poe!”
Atsushsi looks back at Akutagawa. “Really??!”
Akutagawa nods, “I’ll look for some chocolates in the cafe’s storage closet. You can come up with some sad story on this napkin.”
uhhh a few hours late errr
Atsushi finishes up his paragraph of emo and sadness on his napkin book right as Akutagawa slams a mysterious box on the table.
“Uhh, what’s in the box?” atsushi asks
“drugs.”
“ for us? omg ur so sweet babagril 😝😝”
Akutagawa feels a warmth creep up onto his face and he looks away and coughs. “No. for Poe.” He opens the box and reveals chocolate covered almonds. “If he has this amount of almonds he should die from the small trace of poison in here.”
Atsushi frowns, “dang it. I could really get some drug business going on. like Jesse punk man from that amurican show.”
“too bad. did you finish the sad story?”
he slides the large stack of napkins toward him and leans back against the chair, “Yeah, read it yourself. I think i could make children cry forever if they read this.”
Akutagawa skims through the napkins, tears forming in his eyes. “It’s perf!!!!!! 💅💅”
He places the napkins neatly on top of the poisonous almond chocolates and closes the box. “He’ll be seeing Ranpo soon!!”
Atsushi jumps up in the air like Mario and snatches Akutagawa’s hand, “let’s go my bro.”
They open the door and leave the door up to the ADA where Poe resided, sobbing his heart out.
Akutagawa opened yet another door and started singing Opera style, “Ohhhh Poe!!!! We have a get well soon treat for you!!”
Poe turns around to face them then faces away. “I dont want it unless it’s some way to bring back Ranpo!!!! Or some Ranpo doll!!!!l
Atsushuiui grins, “Trust me, you’ll be brought back to Ranpo!! You just need to open the box!” He grabs the box from Akutagawa and places it in Poe’s lap.
He opens the box to see it’s contents. “How are napkins and chocolate going to help me see Ranpo?”
“Read the napkins.” Akutagawa points.
Poe reads the napkins, and suddenly he continues crying.
Akutagawa and Atsushi look at eachother, grinning. “ITS SO SAD…. HOW COULD HE DO THAT DO HER???? I MEAN.. hiccup HOW DARE HE…” poe sobs more.
Atsushi looks back at Poe, “I know right? Why don’t you eat ALL of those almonds. they’ll make you feel better.”
Poe nods, opening the pounds and pounds of chocolate covered almonds, stuffing his face with them.
Akutagawa looks back at Atsushi. He’s looking kinda rizzy right now. Like a rizz god.
Suddenly, something hard comes up out of his throat. He coughs it out and sees blood and flowers in his hand.
“Uhh… Akutagawa.. did you just cough that up?” Atsushi notices.
“no. um. i just conjured it out of nowhere. Yeah. out of nowhere.”
Atsushi gives him a worried look, “I don’t believe you. Acting sus. Do we need to take you to a hospital?”
Akutagawa looks away, “No! I’m fine, I probably just swallowed that in my sleep!”
Before Atsuhsi can speak, Poe starts coughing and falls to the floor, “ughhhhh guys i don’t feel so good.. was that real chocolate?”
“Weird. you shouldn’t be passing out this quickly. it takes a bit longer for it to take effect.” Atsushi points out.
“um.. not unless he’s allergic to chocolate?”
Atsushi kneels down and rubs Poe’s back, “Hey… Poe Poe… are you allergic to chocolate?”
Poe turns to face Atsushi, his face covered in hives and nods his head.
Akutagawa makes a face of disgust, “ooo. that doesn’t look great for you Poe. I mean at least you can see Ranpo quicker.”
Poe opens his mouth and speaks (😡) “The napkins were so sad I forgot I cant have chocolate. “ He says with a very heavy lisp.
Atsushi pats his back hard, causing the air in Poe’s lungs to leave. He starts coughing violently, then suddenly, the coughing stops.
Akutagawa walks more towards Poe’s limp body. “Is his pulse gone? Is he dead?”
Atsushi presses two fingers against Poe’s neck, a few seconds pass, “Yep. He’s gone. He’s with Ranpo now.”
A smile grows on Akutagawa’s face and be laughs. “We did it. We fucking killed Edgar Allan Poe.”
Poe’s body fades away and his ghost leaves up into the sky, flipping off Akutagawa and Atsushi.
“Well that was odd,” Akutagawa says, then Atsushi stands up, and runs towards him and gives him a tight bear hug.
Akutagawa chuckles awkwardly, standing as straight as a stick.
His face is as red as a tomato and starts coughing up more petals.
Atsushi releases his hug, “Oh my god, are you okay? Uh.. we need to get you help. That is definitely not normal.”
Akutagawa pushes him away, “No- I’m fine- “ cough - “I am,” cough “totally,” cough cough “fine.”
“You don’t seem okay,” Atsushi frowns, coming closer.
Akuatgawa blushes at the close contact because he is a virgin or something.
“No, I—” He pushes Atsushi away, “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”
He runs away–
(always running away, you’re such a coward, akutagawa)
out of the ADA agency, ignoring the other’s shouts, and into a nearby alley,
Akuyatgawa collapses, clutching his chest.
“Fuck,” he says, looking down at the bloodied petals surrounding him.
The last thing he hears before his vision fades to black is a shouted, “Akuatgawa!”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Akutagawa shouted, before running out of the building.
“Wow I wonder what’s up with him,” Atsushi frowns.
“Hey, what the hell is going on?”
Atsushi looked behind him to see Kunikida.
“Where’s Poe? And Akutagawa? Wasn’t he with you guys– Oh my god, why is there so much blood?”
“Uhmmm,” Atsushi twiddled his thumbs. “We got a bit silly.”
Then he ran out to follow–
“Akuatgawa!”
Atsushi looks out the door to the agency, watching Gin run into a nearby alley.
He tilts his head, curious as he follows her.
“Akutagawa, brother, please wake up,” he watches Gin fall to her knees, clutching a body.
Akutagawa…?
“No….” Atsushi comes up behind them.
There lies Akutagawa, in Gin’s arms, surrounded by bloodied petals.
“Did he kill a florist or something?” Dazai mutters from behind them.
“Is he… dead?” Kenji gasps, tears falling from his eyes.
“Where did you both come from??” Atsushi sushi’s. He feels the world fade out from around him, all he can focus on is Akuatgawa’s body, lying there.
“Akutagawa..”
“Somebody call an ambulance!” He thinks he hears Gin shout.
Akutagawa wakes up to beeping machines and a pressure in the back of his throat.
“Am I dead?” he murmurs.
Something jolts from beside him. “Akutagawa, you’re finally awake!”
“Hmm. Guess not, cowabummer.”
“Akutagawa they.. the doctors said that you probably won’t make it through the night.”
“Oh.”
A doctor comes in the room, her name tag reading, ‘Akiko Yosano’.
“Akutagawa, is there somebody who you are in love with?”
“Um,” Akuatgawa blinks. “That’s kind of personal, isn’t it?”
She sighs. “We believe you have a rare condition called Hanahaki disease. It manifests from unresolved heartbreak which sprouts roots in your respiratory system. These roots grow into flowers which slowly fill your lungs until you choke on the petals.
“Oh damn that sounds really bad.”
“Yes, and it is very painful. However, it can be cured as long as you confess to the one whom you desire”
“I do not desire anybody.”
“That is impossible, as this disease would not manifest if so.”
“Akutagawa, just do it!” Atsushi cries, clutching his chest. “I love– er, you mean a lot to me, okay? Remember how you said that you wanted to be better? This is how! Once we get back to the original world then you can work on being a better person, you can’t die now. Dazai-san would hate it– or, well, you don’t need to live up to his expectations, but… I would hate it, okay? I’ve already lost so many people, I don’t want to lose you too.”
He sniffled. “Live, Akutagawa. Live, laugh, and tell the person… whoever it is, that you love them. They won’t remember it anyways, right? Since we’re the only two people who are actually real in these worlds.”
“ They will remember, though.”
“Huh?”
Akuatgawa looked away, blushing.
“They will remember if I confess to them, because the person I love is–” he coughed, a petal falling onto his lap, “I– it’s you, weretiger. I’ve loved you and I’ve hated you ever since I first saw your stupid face. I’ve never felt this way before, and it’s wrong, because we’re both from different sides of the war, but… I think that I have feelings for you. I love you , okay?”
“Oh, wow,” Atsushi said. “Really? I mean, I thought you hated me, but.. wow. I love you too, so–”
Akuatagwa smiled, sitting up to wrap his arms around the other’s head as he kissed him RIGHT ON THE LIPS!
The world around them faded away to bright lights and… well, you get it.