Chapter Text
Under a starless night sky with the half crescent moon threatening to close its eye, you walk along the shore of a familiar beach in search of treasure. Not gold doubloons or chalices or jewelry worn by kings and queens, but something more primordial, something that has survived for years at a time that withstood the harsh elements of the world only to wind up at your feet. Sea shells. You walk in search of one that's still intact, still whole, but each one you come across is chipped, broken, its original design morphed into something unrecognizable. As you walk you can't help but kick forward the broken bits of shell. Abalone. Cowrie. Clam. Venus. They all roll limply away or become washed away in the incoming tide. They glitter like bits of broken rainbow in the water, the colors flashing, bobbing under water and back up before succumbing to the pull of the ocean.
In a way, discarded sea shells are similar to broken hearts. If you hold your ear to one, the beat is faint. Still alive, but barely. Broken hearts are jagged, brittle to the touch. And against all odds you hope that you can still feel a pulse, but you don't feel anything. Just a soundless thing in a world full of noise, a thing that was once alive and full of love now full of empty space and the fear of being alone.
***
June 9th 1968, 11:47 PM
Luca stared at the night sky through the leaves, not daring to turn to his side. He tried to calm himself by watching the billion balls of raging fire, but he noticed then how faint they were, how if he reached up he could snuff each one out with a pinch of his fingers. The night air grew cold around him and he hugged himself, breathing in shakily. Maybe this was all a bad dream. Maybe that fight didn't really happen. Maybe Alberto was sleeping right next to him, warm and secure. It was a possibility.
A possibility that turned false when Luca turned his side and saw that Alberto was not there.
He reached out his hand and laid it flat against the wood where Alberto would have been. It was vaguely still warm, but the warmth was evaporating in the cool night. Even though the square panel of wood wasn't very big, it felt like an empty castle. Without him, Luca felt like he was battling dragons all by himself. And when he thought of himself cowering and running away, his breath hitched as a stray tear lid down his cheek.
Maybe Alberto was right. Maybe I am a coward.
Remembering his confession-the one he was about to tell Alberto before the argument followed-Luca pulled out the note he had written from his chest pocket,. He read the words over again, his eyes watering.
Dear Alberto.
You're my best friend in the whole world. Though lately I've been having issues with that label. Because you're not just a friend to me. You're more than that. You know my heart and I know yours. I don't want them to beat separately anymore. I want them to merge so you can know how much I love you. I love you, Alberto Scorfano. I'm not sure if I always have, but I know that I do and always will.
The note trembled in his hands. Before he could top himself, he tore it straight down the middle. Then he brought the two halves together and tore it again until it became four piece. Again and again and again and again. He lifted his hands and the breeze carried his unsaid words away. The pieces looped around and out of view, silently echoing a love that probably had no hope at all.
***
11:51 PM
Old Man Bernardi's balcony didn't feel right to Giulia, not without Luca. She didn't want to be alone, but she couldn't stay in her room where it was perfectly made and where the photos of her and Alberto were. Smiling. Happy. It was too much to have the past-untainted and unknowing of the future- stare her in the face. She thought that if she had a little breathing room, maybe the answer could reveal itself among the stars.
If she was honest, it only made her feel more alone. It only made her more aware of how insignificant she was under the timeless night lights that graced the sky. Giulia wrapped her arm tighter around her drawn up knees. She'd been pressing her eyes into them, trying to make them pop. If that happened,. she could stop tearing up when she remembered the words Alberto said to her.
And what she said to him.
When she looked up, she saw the tarp covered telescope. Standing on two feet, she made her way toward it. Removing the tarp, she caressed the piece of metal that allowed her to see the beauty of the universe. But the universe was also full of unknown, scary and life threatening. Why couldn't there be a telescope like this for humans? There had to be one out there that could examine people's hearts and minds, revealing only the pretty bits. But people weren't all pretty. They were enigmas filled with contradictions and fears and anxieties. She felt that way when she first met Luca and Alberto. At first, she ignored them, not wanting to scare them away or give people another reasons to stay away from her.
But she took a chance. She remembered vividly how she stood before the boys and waved a flounder in front of Ercole's face. And she told them to hop on, that she needed the "extra weight."
At the time, Giulia thought it was because she was training for the Portorosso cup-which she was. But the extra weight-the extra weight being in the forms of Luca and Alberto who snagged heart and gave it levity-kept her from floating into a dark place, a place where she would forever be labeled an outcast, a loser. And when Alberto said as much during their fight, it made her realize that she still was the same girl in a rapidly changing world.
"Giulia?" A voice called softly behind her.
She wiped her eyes before turning around to see Old Man Bernardi in a blue robe. His brown eyes her softly, his matching brown skin muted under the moonlight. "Oh. Sorry to disturb you, Bernardi." She cleared her throat, hoping he didn't hear the sadness in her voice. "I can leave if you need me to."
"No, no, nonsense. You stay as long as you need. As a matter of fact, why don't you come in? I could use the company."
"Ok," she said, smiling at this man who saved her from drowning in her parent's past fights. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be doing much talking per usual."
"It's alright, dear." Old Man Bernardi hugged her sideways. He gave a close mouthed sigh that seemed to hold years of pain. "I know a thing or two about broken hearts."
***
June 10th 1968, 12:00 AM
Alberto rested his forehead against the heavy bag, out of breath and still angry. Sweat pooled down his neck, dripped from his curls, down the bridge ofd his nose until it hung at the tip of it. Even with his hand wraps, his knuckles were sore and he thought about giving it a few more whacks. But he was out of breath and no matter how hard he punched, how many kicks he did, he still couldn't shake the ugly feeling inside of him.
How could Giulia say that to me? Calling me an orphan, that I'm the reasons my dad split?
Anger bloomed in his chest again, but it was tempered by the fact that he said some not so nice things about her. After all, she was trying to calm him down first, but in the moment he told her that she couldn't make friends on her own and that she was the reason for her parents divorce. Even though he was screaming those horrendous things at her, he still wanted to protect her from his own words. The way her eyes welled, the way she turned her head, the way she stood frozen as if she couldn't believe what he was saying to the girl who forgave him for being jealous of her and Luca's friendship.
Luca.
Jesus, Alberto thought, I called him a coward. How could I have said that to him? He's my best buddy. He'll never forgive me. Alberto kept seeing those wide brown eyes fighting to hold in tears. When Luca left, he wouldn't even glance at him.
Feeling empty and hot from the workout, Alberto peeled off his tank top, now in only black shorts. He made a move to grab a glass of water only to stop at the tally marks that still were painted on the wall. He strode toward them and fingered them. Some faded away, but most of them remained.
"What made you leave?" Alberto asked to the one person who's whereabouts were unknown. "What did I do?"
He made his way to the window, sitting in the sill. His right foot grazed the floor while his left leg was drawn up to his chest. The water was black, but he heard the waves and could barely make out the foam. In the distance, he heard the bell of a tug boat ringing among the waves like a church bell. Each ring brought him deeper into isolation.
Maybe I'm still serving my sentence. Maybe I'll always push away the people I love while caging my heart over and over again.
To Be Continued....