Chapter Text
Iruka felt warm and comfy when he woke up. Still half-asleep, he buried himself deeper in his blanket and enjoyed the warmth. A satisfied hum escaped him, still heavy with sleep, and he smiled a little. Why was he so happy?
Slowly, the events of last night found their way back into his consciousness. He had danced with Kakashi. They had kissed. Kakashi had slept… Kakashi wasn’t there anymore. The other side of the bed was cold and abandoned. Adrenalin flooded Iruka and he sat up. The pillow was fluffed the blanket lay neatly folded on the mattress. The light blue sweater was on top of it. Every other trace of Kakashi was gone.
Had he left? Just like that? Iruka looked out of the window. The storm had calmed into a drizzle, no one was walking outside, no one wanted to be outside in that weather. He sighed quietly and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. But he did it slowly, quietly, sadly. The thought of Kakashi leaving without any word of explanation was difficult to stomach.
When he entered the kitchen, he was greeted by a mug of tea and a pile of pancakes though. Blueberry pancakes. His favourite. It was a bit freakish, especially because the tea was also just how he liked it best, if a bit cool. Did Kakashi really know him so well? But if he went through all the trouble of making Iruka’s favourite breakfast, why wasn’t he here?
With a shrug, Iruka sat down and tasted the pancakes. They were perfect. Better than perfect. Heavenly. So many first assumptions about Kakashi had been wrong. Iruka would have never thought that the awkward ex-soldier was such a great cook. Because these weren’t store-bought blueberry pancakes. Iruka knew their taste way too well.
While he was eating, he heard someone unlocking the door. It uncomfortably reminded him of a time when Mizuki came and left as he pleased. But the shuffling and slightly elevated breath were nothing like his ex-boyfriend. This was Kakashi. He had come back.
The other man stripped his jacket and shoes and made his way to the bathroom. A moment later, he walked over to the kitchen and Iruka finally got to see him again. The towel was draped over his shoulders to catch the stray water from his hair which he had tried to ruffle dry with the same. Because of that, his hair was roughed up, standing in all directions, and strangely gravity-defying. Kakashi’s face was flushed, his eyes sharp. Iruka had never seen anything as sexy.
“I went for a jog. I wanted to be back before you woke up. Sorry.”
“Well, good morning to you too.” Iruka smiled. And licked some leftover sugar from his lip. He could see Kakashi’s eyes follow his movement. “Thanks for the surprise breakfast. The pancakes were amazing.” He had eaten all of them, he realised. There were none left for Kakashi… “I ate them all…”
“Good.” Kakashi nodded and he fell silent, not knowing how to continue the conversation.
“Did you sleep well?” Iruka asked before the silence could become awkward.
“Yes, for my standards.” He buried his hands in his pockets and leaned against the doorframe. “I never sleep particularly long and well, especially in unfamiliar surroundings.”
“If you visit me more often, my flat won’t unfamiliar to you anymore.” Iruka said and winked. Maybe it was too early to flirt this aggressively, but he wasn’t going to give this up. He had decided to give Kakashi a chance and he hadn’t been disappointed yet.
“Yeah…” Kakashi seemed uncomfortable. His clothes were wet from the rain, Iruka realised. “Thank you for your hospitality but… I should leave.” It was probably for the better, even though Iruka didn’t want to let him go. He got up from his seat, stepped in front of Kakashi and cupped the cool, wet cheek in his hand.
“I can’t wait to see you again,” he said quietly and caught Kakashi’s lips with his own. It was astounding what kind of power physical intimacy seemed to have over Kakashi. His whole posture relaxed, he leaned into Iruka, his hands grabbed Iruka’s hips as if to keep him from ever leaving. This kind of adoration was what Iruka had always longed for, he realised. He had always looked for someone who would love him the way he was, with all his faults, and appreciated his talents and strengths without jealousy. Someone who appreciated Iruka in aspects outside of sex. In this kiss, in Kakashi’s arms, Iruka felt perfectly accepted, appreciated, and safe. The warmth of Kakashi’s hands melted the remaining protections he had forged around his heart, and he kissed the pale lips as if his life depended on it. Because right now it felt like it. Iruka realised that he hadn’t known what romantic love really was until now. They always said you know it when you feel it and now, he knew that it was true. There was no way to describe it, but he knew in his heart that he was falling. He was falling in love for the first time. And he should be more afraid about how fast it was happening. He didn’t even know Kakashi that well yet. But right now, it didn’t matter. There was no place for thoughts between their lips. No space for the worry that he might be making the same mistake again.
He had no idea how long they stood, leaning against the doorframe, but eventually they parted. Iruka couldn’t help but grin. There was too much happiness inside him to not show it on his face. The dark grey eyes examined him diligently while Kakashi seemed to look for words to say. But Iruka didn’t have any either, so he just leaned against Kakashi, inhaled his scent, and enjoyed the warmth of their hug. “Iruka…” Kakashi eventually said, and it sounded like a plea, or even a whine. “I really should go.”
“Do you really want to?” They would find something for Kakashi to wear, he didn’t have to leave. Iruka wanted to keep him here and kiss him and hug him and… nope, he was not thinking about that yet.
Kakashi’s silence communicated his ‘no’ without him having to say it. “You’ve got work to do,” he said instead. “I would only get in the way.” Iruka did not have any arguments against that. Why did Kakashi have to be the voice of reason here?
“You’re right…” he sighed.
“We’ll see each other on Monday.” Kakashi pushed Iruka off to get away from the doorframe. Iruka’s front got cold, not only because he lacked Kakashi’s warmth but also because the wetness of Kakashi’s clothes had spread to his own. “And on every other day of the week.”
“Let me buy you coffee,” Iruka decided. “On Monday. After you’re done with the brats.”
Kakashi watched him thoughtfully for a while before he shook his head and Iruka’s heart sank. “I won’t let you pay for me,” he decided. “Either I pay or both of us.”
Iruka rolled his eyes, but his heart was beating fast. “Okay deal. But I’ll pick the venue.”
“Deal.” Kakashi nodded and pulled Iruka into a short last kiss. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He just nodded and put on his shoes. “Until Monday, then.” He said and cocked his head, and it was absolutely adorable.
“Until Monday,” Iruka confirmed and followed him to the door. Kakashi gave a two-fingered salute, then turned and shuffled away. Iruka watched him leave with a sinking heart.
“Look who decided to join us!!!” Kotetsu shouted loud enough for the whole bar to hear them despite the music. “Umino Iruka, the self-proclaimed hermit of seven months.”
“You shut it, Ko.” Izumo punched his boyfriend’s side to get him to sit down again. “It’s so good to see you again, Ru. How have you been?”
“Oh, he’s doing fine.” Genma answered the question and flicked his newly acquired toothpick. “Look at this cheeky grin on his face. He’s met someone new.” As far from reality as most gossip that Genma spread was, he was terrifying sensitive when it came to the emotions of his close friends. Iruka blushed and sat down.
“It’s good to see you all again,” he said, “Sorry for taking so long to crawl out of my hole.”
“You should be grateful. I would have proclaimed you dead to us if it would have taken another month for you to get back to me.”
“What he’s saying is he’s happy to see you.” Izumo translated for his boyfriend. Those two had been a couple for as long as Iruka could remember. And he had known them for a long time. Their relationship had always been something Iruka had been jealous of. But not anymore, he realised. What they had… it wouldn’t work for him. “How are you doing?”
“It’s all healed and scarred now, and fortunately there will be no long-term effects.” Iruka sighed. “Though it shows, I still let that asshole affect me for far too long. Has it really been seven months?”
“Seven and a half, actually.” Genma purred. “But really, we’re all glad to see you smile again. What Mizuki did was awful, and he deserved to be punished so much harder than he was, but you’re right. You deserve better.” Genma had fleeting affairs from time to time and changed his lovers regularly. Iruka was pretty sure that he would never understand what Iruka had been through.
“I’ve been working my way through it. Drag helped, as always. I did a very good show yesterday that I am proud of.”
“Aww, and we missed it!” Kotetsu pouted. “Zumo said we should come see you to give you space, but I miss seeing your shows.”
“Anko said she’s gonna make a new trailer on the website. A few clips of it might make it in there.” Iruka smiled. It was so good to meet with his friends again. Why hadn’t he done this sooner? They would have helped him work through it. “But of course, you’re welcome to come to my shows. I can’t let you get in for free anymore though.”
“Aww, well that changes everything.” Kotetsu laughed and Izumo chuckled. Genma grinned. Iruka was glad to have friends like that. Should he tell them about Kakashi? Genma would be awfully nosy, and Kotetsu would critically assess everything, especially after what happened with Mizuki, but… he wanted to tell them. He wanted to tell the world. Even though it was probably way too early to do so.
“Genma is right, though.” He said quietly. “I did meet someone new. And he’s part of the reason I’m finally getting over Mizuki.”
“See? I told you!” Genma was beaming and turning to all sides, proud as a peacock.
“You know that you have to tell us all about him!” Kotetsu signalled the waiter to order another round of drinks and they all moved a little closer as if Iruka was about to tell them a big secret.
“His name is Kakashi, and he is very sweet. Well, mostly he is awkward and doesn’t know how to communicate but he is very considerate. He made me blueberry pancakes this morning and I didn’t even tell him they’re my favourite.”
“Sounds like a keeper,” Izumo smiled.
“Sounds like a stalker.” Kotetsu raised his eyebrow.
“I would say he’s somewhere in between…” Iruka scratched his scar.
“You have a picture?” Genma leaned in, obviously interested.
“I… don’t,” Iruka realised. “I don’t even have his phone number.” He had ways to contact Kakashi, they were colleagues after all, but they hadn’t exchanged any personal contacts other than their address. He didn’t even have this man’s phone number and Kakashi knew where he lived. And that was not even considering that Kakashi probably had the means to find out even if he didn’t know. Had Iruka given him any directions to take him home after the show? The old worry began whispering in the back of his mind, but he ignored it. Kakashi wasn’t like Mizuki. He wasn’t.
“Okay… weeeiiird…” Genma looked sceptical. “How did you meet?”
Iruka knew exactly what he was getting into, but it still made him embarrassed and blushy. “I first noticed him at the club, he is very good-looking, and he sent me letters backstage. Beautiful poetic letters.”
“Irukaaaaaa,” Genma sighed, “You said you weren’t ever going to start a fling with a Kaori fan!”
“Exactly. And that’s why I ignored him. I read his letters and sometimes I noticed him in the crowd but that was it. Until he started working as an afternoon teacher at my school.”
“Iruka!” Both Izumo and Kotetsu exclaimed.
“You said you would never start anything with a colleague!” The way Kotetsu said it really made Iruka question his decisions.
“I know. Also, he was arrogant, and petty, and an asshole… I hated him. But I was still attracted to him…” Iruka paused. Should he really admit it? The whisper in the back of his mind got louder. “Because he looks just like Mizuki.” He added in the smallest voice.
“Iruka!!!” All three of them shouted accusingly.
“I have a type, apparently.” He sighed.
“Did you even learn from your experiences?” Genma buried his head in his head. Even Izumo looked worried.
“I hope I did. Maybe that’s part of the problem.” Iruka sighed. We met at school, he was very rude, and I hated him because of it. And because he looks like Mizuki. I hated that he’s so hot that I could hardly turn my eyes away when he walks over to the playground. But he didn’t like me either because apparently, I was too overbearing.”
“Well, you are.” Kotetsu nodded.
“This doesn’t sound like it’s a good thing, Iruka.” Izumo really looked worried.
“I know!” Iruka sighed. “Do you know how much I have been doubting myself? First, he is rude in school, then he sends me these lovely letters, then he breaks into my dressing room and assaults me…”
“Well, that’s four red flags so far,” Genma counted on his fingers, “Plus letters.”
“Well, it wasn’t assault really. He just wanted physical contact and I was very bad at refusing him – he noticed that I was attracted to him, okay? Anyway, I called security and he nearly got banned from the club for that. I had told him to leave me alone, that’s the whole reason he came in there in the first place.”
“Five red flags,” Genma added.
“After that, it calmed down for while until, I don’t know how but he found out that I was Kaori and put one of her photographs in my locker to tell me that he had found out.”
“Six red flags.”
Kotetsu had his arms crossed, Izumo’s eyebrows were knitted.
“I was furious. I hated him so much that I called him out during teacher conference. He’s still in the closet, you know, and I publicly gave him back his picture of Kaori in a swimsuit.”
“Wait.” Izumo put a hand on Iruka’s to stop him. “So far, you have done nothing wrong. You noticed the red flags and you tried to keep him away. How did you end up…”
“Well, you see, after that he tried to quit his job and would have probably left the country if the headmistress would have let him go. But she didn’t. For the same reason Anko didn’t ban him from the club. He has no one and he’s trying very hard.”
“Seventh red flag.” Genma crossed his arms. “Dude, this guy sounds dangerous.”
Iruka chuckled and scratched his head. “Maybe he is but in a very different way than Mizuki. I went to his house, and we talked about it. After our talk, I can say that he’s basically the opposite of Mizuki… he seems dangerous, but in reality, he is a very nice and kind person who’s had it rough.”
“Did you have sex yet?”
Kotetsu’s question hit Iruka out of the blue. He blushed again. “No. We kissed after Saturday night’s show, and I was considering it, but he wasn’t ready.”
“Wait, what?” Genma dropped his toothpick.
“So, you did that self-proclaimed masterpiece of a performance for him.” Izumo’s eyebrows relaxed and he smirked a little.
“Maybe I had to prove a point.” Iruka shrugged. “And he was into it. A lot. But when I asked him what he wanted to do, he said he wanted to kiss me more. So, he took me home and we kissed. And we danced. And the storm last night was dangerous, so I told him to stay the night. He slept in my bed, we cuddled, and he made me blueberry pancakes in the morning. That’s it. He didn’t even try anything.”
“That’s three green flags.” Genma nodded. “If we consider that many of your problems came from misunderstandings, I would reduce the number of red flags to three. “He still spied on you, continued to harass you when you told him to stop, and has issues.”
Izumo sighed. “Iruka, I know how much Mizuki hurt you, and I don’t believe you would make the same mistake again. But be careful, okay?”
Iruka nodded. “I will. I’ve been with Mizuki for a long time. I thought I knew what love was but with Kakashi… it’s different. More. Better. And, I mean, we haven’t even done anything yet, except kiss and cuddle. But it already opened my eyes. I don’t think I ever loved Mizuki. I just desired him.”
Genma looked clueless but Kotetsu and Izumo exchanged a look.
“Well shit.” Kotetsu sighed and gulped down the rest of his drink. “Looks like we’re gonna meet that boyfriend of yours eventually.”
“He’s not my boyfriend!”
“Yet.” Izumo emptied his glass as well and called for a waiter. “Anyway. It’s been a long time and I’m glad you finally made it again.”
The evening turned into a happy, more light-hearted affair very soon. Iruka was happy to hear that in the life of his friends nothing world-changing and mostly good things had happened. Genma had had three girlfriends in the time Iruka had been away and he could remember the name of only one of them. Not the latest one curiously.
When Iruka came back home that night, he was tipsy and happy and very, very glad that he had taken steps back into life. Maybe Genma was right and Kakashi had quite a few red flags. Maybe it was not a good idea to consider a relationship because the other had issues. But Iruka had issues too, who was he to judge? After the conversation with his friends, he was even more determined than before to give Kakashi a chance. He deserved to be happy again. They both did. And Iruka liked to imagine that he could make Kakashi happy.