Chapter Text
From the moment Lumine regained consciousness to the moment she was made to lie down, she was in an adrenaline-addled state, the scenes playing out like blurred and disconnected images inside her head. All she could remember was the shogun's surprised face, Dainsleif's firm shouts, Thoma and Paimon's hands aiding her the way back. She only regained clarity once her nerves calmed down, and by then, she was already inside the Kamisato Estate, stuffed into a futon and forbidden to move by one Bough Keeper.
Said Bough Keeper was not happy in the least with the way events transpired. As soon as his glare caught her, shame washed over her entire body.
"Dainsleif–"
"I hope you choose your words well," He began, irritation clear in his voice, "Because the last thing I want to hear from you is an empty apology."
She swallowed the "sorry" she was about to say, shrinking under the stormy night swirling in Dainsleif's eyes. She knew he was right; an apology alone wouldn't cut it.
"You do understand what just happened, don't you?" Dainsleif continued.
"I…I know. I lost–"
"Lost? No, Lumine." And then, Dainsleif's anger crumbled right before her eyes. What remained was so, so much worse.
"You almost died. I don't mean 'almost' in the same way one would avoid a deadly blow; you took it head-on. The fact that you're still here is a miracle. You do know that, right?"
Lumine gulped, slowly nodding in silence. How could she speak, pinned in place by those eyes? The storms of anger were blown away, and only a silent night remained. That raw desperation was impossible to compete with.
"You knew things would go down this way, didn't you?" Lumine nodded again. "Then why go down this path at all? What drove you to welcome death like that?"
"You know already. I couldn't just…Let Thoma suffer."
"And you think this is reason enough for you to throw your life away?"
Lumine straightened up, the words forming itselves on her tongue. Of course! She thought, I'd stop at nothing to help Thoma, he's my friend! But she didn't let any of them out, having realized something: they already had this conversation before. Dainsleif did not need confirmation of her motives anymore, so what was this?
Dainsleif briefly casted his sight down. "Your answer hasn't changed, then? You knew you couldn't win against the shogun, yet you decided it'd be worth laying down your life for him anyway?"
Lumine also looked down, staring at her hands. She did know the consequences of fighting the Raiden Shogun head-on. She still went on anyway. Her "yes" was spoken through silence, reaching Dainsleif's ears all the same.
The next question was a harsh one. The fury from earlier came back in full force, Dainsleif's eyes burning her even if he didn't look in her direction. "You do know your death would be futile, don't you? You are aware of those who'd mourn you, and that Thoma would be forever plagued by your death, aren't you?"
"I–I don't…That's…"
"Lumine." That tone of voice again, the one he used earlier that day when she tried to leave alone. Dainsleif never spoke to her like that, like he'd die if she got his words the wrong way. It sounded like he was in despair. "Do you think your life is a simple trinket you can shove onto others and go away?"
Still unable to form a sentence in response, Lumine began to fidget. Self-deprecation already began to swirl in her mind. I'm such an idiot, such an idiot, I haven't thought of anyone else but me. How dare she be so selfish and then try to pose as some hero with a bleeding heart? Was she even fighting for Thoma's well-being? Or was it all to protect her fragile self?
Dainsleif seemingly noticed her inner turmoil as well. He let out a big, drawn-out, tired sigh before setting his eyes on her again. They were now a deep, calm lake, perfectly reflecting her anguished expression, perceiving her state with disarming honesty.
"You were afraid of losing Thoma. Fearing losing things close to you is always normal, but in your case is almost crippling. Since when have you thought so little of your ability to protect, Lumine?"
Oh, he sure knew how to hit the nails in their heads, didn't he? It was almost uncanny, that way in which he unraveled her question by question, so precise that it seemed as if he had perceived her entirely with his eyes alone and was just performing technicalities now.
It's not like Lumine actively tried to hide things either. Her withering stance gave yet another answer, but to her surprise, Dainsleif clicked his tongue in a rare show of annoyance.
"Of course it had to be him again. I sure hope he does it for entertainment; how pathetic would it be otherwise?"
"Aether…The Abyss took him away. I told you I wouldn't survive if it happened again."
Dainsleif tilted his head, locking gazes intently. "Lumine, he wasn't taken away. He left."
Tears gathered in her eyes and she gripped her sheets. She knew this. Deep down, always, from the moment he turned his back on her and stepped through that portal without looking at her. She knew this was a choice from the moment they briefly talked for the first time in so long, only for him to spout nonsense about uprising fate and her surely following his steps.
She refused to accept it, though. How could she? Was Lumine supposed to flip everything she ever knew upside down? Was she supposed to believe that Aether, her beloved brother Aether, her lifeline and her other half, had simply turned his back on her? Was she supposed to believe that he looked at her now and was only worried about her colluding with his so-called enemies instead of her well-being, like she has been since she woke up?
Was she supposed to live on knowing that she isn't worthy of his love anymore?
Lumine thought briefly back on her journey throughout Teyvat. Monsters, gods and dragons, yet the thing she feared most was loneliness. She made many friends along the way, and she felt so lucky that they saw her as such, so overwhelmingly blessed she didn't know what to do with it. They didn't fill the hole Aether left, no one but him could, but she felt so loved nevertheless, she had to repay them for allowing a stranger into their lives in any way she could.
…With her own life, if need be. Looking back now, wasn't that almost creepy? Like Dainsleif said, throwing her life onto others' backs and acting like it wouldn't weigh at all.
"...Do you regret this?" Lumine asked, voice almost fading, tears threatening to fall. Do you regret me, was what she was thinking, but felt fear of angering him even further.
It did the trick anyway. Even with her blurred vision, she could see Dainsleif's jaw tightening. "And why would you think that?"
You don't look like you're enjoying this, comes the humorous thought, spontaneous and terribly inappropriate. If she let it out loud, Dainsleif would probably combust on the spot. "It's more than you signed for, isn't it? I became a liability to you." Oh, this wasn't that good either.
Today, Dainsleif was surprisingly expressive. Now, he looked even more aggravated, like she just announced her terminal illness to him. "I signed for you, Lumine. Nothing would make you a liability to me."
The frankness in his tone made Lumine's back ramrod straight. "Me!?–But you–the Abyss–"
He shook his head. "You know I prefer to work alone. No matter how much information one would have about the Abyss, I would never have accepted if you weren't the one proposing it." And then, as an afterthought, "You are far from the most informed about the Abyss, after all."
Lumine spent a good few seconds trying to absorb that information. After debating with herself and deciding to let that last jab go, she asked, tentatively: "Because of me? Why?"
Dainsleif pointedly looked away, as if he were reminiscing. "I wanted to be a witness to your journey. Merely curiosity at first, but I am surprised at how genuine this feeling has become since then." A small, rare smile played on his lips, some kind nostalgia upturning them.
"Oh…I…Thank you?..." Lumine hunched again, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. It's not everyday that Dainsleif gets so honest with her, and when the topic was Lumine herself, well…She'll never get accustomed with certain things, it seemed.
It got a chuckle out of Dainsleif. Suddenly, the atmosphere felt much lighter. "Being humble is admirable, but don't you think you are taking things too far?"
"...Sorry…"
"Yet another unsavory habit." It hardly felt like criticism, with how warmly he delivered it. "I already told you to save your apologies, they are unneeded. The only thing I want is for you to think more about yourself from now on."
"...I will try…" It was a deeply rooted habit, that she could tell. But she could definitely fight it, if only for the sake of those beside her–wait, no, no, for herself. Lumine couldn't help slapping her cheeks, admonishing herself for falling back into the trap seconds after she was told not to. Opening her eyes led her to catch amusement dancing briefly on Dainsleif's eyes, before he changed to seriousness.
"Be it his presence or absence, Aether does not define you, Lumine. You are not a scared girl he left behind, you're not merely a half that can't function without the whole. You're simply yourself, and you should never forget that."
Lumine covered her heart with her hands. "We always called each other our other half. We never got separated before."
"But you are now, and what does that change? I know he was your pillar, but people have legs for a reason, Lumine. You are more than able to stand on your own."
Lumine lightly shook her head. "Up until now, I haven't been able to do much alone. I couldn't even fend off loneliness without Paimon. But…It's strange. I feel like I could do anything for all those people I met, even if they aren't at my side."
Dainsleif tilts his head before nodding in approval. "That's better. No one can quite manage being alone all the time, so it's good that you remember the people that have been there for you."
Lumine giggled. "Speaking from experience, O' Bough Keeper?"
Dainsleif huffed. "This is not about me. Don't go back to shoving me into mundane life when you have pressing issues to sort out."
"The pot has met the kettle!" She chirps loudly, fully out of her previous mood by now. "And I haven't seen you complaining about that 'mundane life' at all, what gives?"
"I'm not complaining. You're just weirdly invested in how I live my life."
"And you're not in mine? Again, I never saw you complaining before."
"I don't–Hrmm. Lumine." Dainsleif crossed his arms, suddenly very petulant about that conversation. "You're deflecting. I won't be distracted."
She laughed hard at that. Dainsleif was back to his almost perpetual unamused state, as if their conversation had hit full circle and was now back to their everyday banter. "I'm not deflecting, I promise! It's just…I'm happy."
"For?"
"For…Myself, I think. I…Hadn't thought you cared this much about me and…Well, I already said it. It makes me happy."
"Hm. That's…Good."
"You know I care a lot about you too, right, Dainsleif?"
Dainsleif crossed his arms. "I…Wasn't especially aware, no."
"Really? I never even tried to hide it."
"I'm not really…Perceptive of the image others have of me." Dainsleif guarded himself all of a sudden. Huh, was this unfamiliar territory for him? Quite sad if Lumine were to be honest, but well, she could remedy that.
"Then I think it's good to say it out loud. I like you a lot, Dainsleif. I hope you have a good life."
"This is not about me." It came in a kind of hiss. It was somewhat funny, seeing Dainsleif this distraught over something seemingly so simple. "This conversation is not about me, and you aren't about to revert it."
Lumine put on her best innocent face. "Really? Then can you say something to me?"
"Lumine. I don't–" A sigh. What a drama queen, she thought. "I care about you. Is that enough?"
"It's more than enough. You know, all that talk before was already proof of it."
Dainsleif wrinkled his nose, more than miffed about being played a prank on. "I never took you for an imp. It seems my first assessment of you was quite off the mark."
"Do you regret me?" She asked truthfully that time, half in jest and half in expectation.
To her delight, Dainsleif deflated in defeat. "I do not." He said, as if nailing his own coffin, "I will not."
"Lumineeeeeeee!" It was that moment Paimon chose to burst through the room's doors, accompanied by a panicking Ayaka and Thoma and a reluctant Ayato. The pixie flew straight into Lumine's arms, burying herself in her clothes.
"Paimon?" She asked belatedly, circling her oldest friend with her arms. The pixie trembled a bit before raising her head.
"Don't–Don't you ever do that again! Don't you dare leave Paimon!" She exclaimed firmly, tears falling down in cascades.
"You're Paimon's whole world! If–if you leave, then…P–Paimon won't have anything!"
"Paimon…"
"Sorry for interrupting your rest, Lumine…" Thoma said sheepishly before also putting more firmness in his voice. "...But she's right, don't do that ever again! I wouldn't be able to live with myself!"
"We are…We are friends, Lumine." Ayaka stepped closer. "I hope we can stay as such for a long time, and so…I cannot bear to see you suffer. Please, take better care of yourself!"
Finally, it was Ayato's turn. To her astonishment, he bowed down before her. "You protected my family. This is a debt I will carry with me for the rest of my life, and you will forever be someone to be held very highly in my heart. Thus, please take my early advice and rest, Miss Lumine. You more than earned that right."
"You guys, I…" Lumine felt a lump form in her throat. "...I will try. I swear I will do everything I can. I couldn't thank you enough for being here for me, I j–just…"
The tears being held for so long finally fell down. Paimon hugged her tighter, refusing to leave. The Kamisato family crowded her, offering as many words of comfort as they could. Lumine found Dainsleif's hand and grasped it, long fingers encircling her hand in return.
She survived. She was able to protect something. Nothing was lost today.
She could do this. She had to. For them, for herself. So nothing would slip away again, not even her own heart.