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Published:
2022-06-02
Updated:
2023-04-20
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7,559
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4/?
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Peas Through Tyranny

Chapter 4: Null Rye

Summary:

Oh, don't you worry, we're still going!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

301        Why wouldn't Blur go to the Picasso exhibit?

               He's not a fan of cubism! 🏎️💨🎨🖼️📦

              

302        What do you call it when the Autobots interrupt the Constructicons' project by blasting them off the site at Mach 1?

               A construction boom! 🚜☄️💥🏗️🏭

              

303        Why did Starscream hang festive plant matter all over the Nemesis during the holiday season?

               He was plotting to catch Megatron under the missile-toe! ☄️🌿

              

304        How do the Decepticons celebrate the new year in Times Square?

               They drop Brawl! 🌃🎇

              

305        Why does Megatron like January so much?

               He gets to make a New Year's revolution! 🎉🦾

              

306        What does Ratchet call Jazz when he sends an S.O.S. for getting stuck somewhere he shouldn't be?

               A Porsche 9-1-1! 🏎️🚑

              

307        Who do you need to call when you want to do some fraud, but the ceilings are really low?

               Mini cons! 🕵️♂️📏

              

308        Where does Motormaster getall of his greeting cards?

               The Haulmark store! 💌🚛

              

309        Why do the Autobots need a dentist?

               To look after the teeth in their Gears! ⚙️ 🧑⚕️ 🦷

              

310        What do you call it when Atrotrain needs to talk about his feelings to a captive audience while stuck in a blizzard?

               Polar Expression! 🌨️🚂💔

              

311        Why can't the Autobots and Decepticons send their conflict back for a refund?

               Because it's out of war-ranty! 🔫📬🚫

              

312        What job title does Tarantulas put on his resume when he's looking for work?

               Web Developer 🕸️🕷️💻📋

              

313        What class does BW Megatron teach at the Predacon school of combat?

               Small Arms Training 🦖💪🚫

              

314        What ended Starscream's brief modeling career?

               He kept taking off from the runway! 🕺🛫

              

315        Why does Beachcomber need a lot of virus protection?

               He's a little buggy! 💻🪲🛺⛱️

              

316        Why doesn't Hound make a great lab assistant?

               He only knows how to measure things in holo-grams! 🛻🧪🔬👨🔬🤷♂️

              

317        Why does Rumble keep trying to convince Soundwave to let him scan an alt mode with a number pad?

               He really wants a pound key! 📠#️⃣🥊

              

318        What is Ironhide's favorite song?

               Pachelbel's Cannon! 🎼💣💥

              

319        What do you call Swindle when he's dealing stolen goods at a protest?

               A picket fence! 🪧💰📢

              

320        Where do gunformers tend to invest their credits?

               In the stock market! 🔫 💵 📈

              

321        Why does Optimus Prime want to check out competitive figure skating?

               He heard they also have triple axles! ⛸️ 🚛

              

322        Why does Blurr like taking road trips back and forth across Scandinavia?

               He likes crossing the Finnish line! 🇳🇴🇸🇪🏁🇫🇮🏁🏎️💨

              

323        What do you call it when former aircraft alt-mode changelings want to form their own community and government?

               Demanding an ex-plane-nation! ✈️🔀🚍🗺️📜🚩

              

324        Why doesn't Starscream make good time climbing steps?

               Seekers aren't very stair-odynamic! 🚀🏦📶

              

325        What quiet emergency signal does Ratchet deploy when responding to preventable stupidity?

               A sigh-ren! 😮💨🚑🚨

              

326        Why did Megatron abduct Punxsutawney Phil?

               To prevent him from being forcibly yanked from the only pitiful subterranean life he had ever known only to become a public spectacle for the profit of the privileged classes depriving him of his right to autonomy while perpetuating divisive norms that foster a culture of apathy toward the plight of fellow beings which protects the few who benefit from any threat of unified resistance from the very masses they exploit to maintain the status quo. 🦔

Groundhogtron

(Optimus: Are you ok? Are we even still talking about the groundhog? That's not much of a joke.

Megatron: FINE. Because I heard that when deprived of seeing his shadow, the rodent can produce SPRINGS.

Optimus: ... )

              

327        How does being friends with a metrotitan benefit people who like the nightlife?

               They can always go out on the town! 🌃 🫱 🕺

              

328        Why did Sunstreaker cross the road after seeing his twin get hit with a cloning ray?

               To get to the other Sides'! 🚗🛣️🚕🚗

              

329        Why does the Reflector trio disapprove of alternate universe fanfiction?

               Because they're Canon purists! 📸

              

330        What is the only kind of robobread Starscream will eat his sandwiches on?

               Null rye! 🍞 🥪

              

331        Why won't the DJD eat Starscream's disgusting null rye sandwiches?

               They prefer pumper-Nickel! 🍞 🥪 🪙

              

332        What does Cheetor yell before digging into a particularly large meal?

               "FEAST MODE!" 🍖🐆❗

              

333        Why were Roller fans disappointed with his latest acting gig?

               Because he was in the trailer, but not the film! 🚛 🎞️❓

              

334        What small, elite fighting force of high-capacity sparkling transports is often mistaken for the Primal Vanguard?

               The Minivan Guard! 🚙 🚙 🚙 🚙 👶

              

335        Why shouldn't you stand too close to Hook while he's working in alt mode?

               He's prone to mood swings! 🏗️💨

              

336        What union represents farm equipment in the Cybertronian entertainment industry?

               The Screen Tractors Guild! 🚜🎭📺🏆

              

337        Why didn't Unicron graduate with honors from orbital school?

               He didn't get very good retrogrades!🌖📓

              

338        Why do you need to remind Primus to leave early for appointments?

               Because he's always running a little oblate! ⏰🌚

              

339        Why did Cyclonus show up at the Super Bowl?

               He heard there would be a Tailgate party! 🏟️🛻 🛻🚮❔🚁

              

340        Why did Dinobot's clone get a lot of Valentines?

               Because he was a snack! ❤️🩹🦖🍗

              

341        What is Wreck-Gar's favorite thing to read?

               Trashy romance novels! 📚🗑️🚮💕

              

342        Why is Unicron's Tinder profile a little too cliche?

               Nobody actually takes moonlet walks on the beach!🏝️

              

343        Why are Seekers so easily twitterpated?

               Because love is in the air! 💞✈️💞

              

344        What Cybertronian landmark was built as a memorial to an ancient pair of Conjunx Endurae?

               The Garage Mahal! 🕌 🅿️ 🪦 🪦

              

345        Which sparkling story is an unusual fable about a young industrial imposing on warframe hospitality?

               "Golditrucks and the Three Bearcats!" 🪑🪑🪑🚛

              

346        According to the story, what item did Cindersmelta drop as she fled the cyberball?

               A glass brake shoe! 🚒💨👠🚌💨

              

347        What kind of stories are the best entertainment for new boatformers?

               Ferry tales! 🧚♂️🚤🛳️⛴️📖

              

348        Why is it hard for miners to make cross-functional friends?

               Other mecha think they're always boring! ⛏️

              

349        Why don't Megatron and other ex-miners ever use their expertise to profit in the open market?

               They don't want to revisit their ore-deals! 🪨💰

              

350        Why didn't Megatron like the new digging equipment?

               It wasn't his first pick! ⛏️

              

351        Why do mecha in the mines have trouble getting mail?

               Because every day is a hole-day! 🧨 ⛏️ 📪

              

352        Why does Terminus always book flights with connections?

               Because he likes having multiple legs! 🛫 🛬 🛫 🛬 🦿 🦿

              

353        Why does Thundercracker avoid air-to-air combat now that he has Buster?

               He doesn't want to encourage any dog fights! ✈️ 💥 🛩️ 🚫 🐶

              

354        Why does Minimus Ambus only wear the Magnus Armor on criminal cases?

               It won't fit in small claims court! 🏛️⚖️👨⚖️

              

355        What line dance always gets Optimus Prime out on the floor at parties?

               The Mack-arena!🕺🪩

              

356        What do you call it when a really old mech goes to demo a bunch of new alt modes?

               Alpha Try-On! 🧙♂️🆕🏍️🏎️🚜

              

357        What intentionally bizarre art genre is primarily attributed to trains?

               Surrailism! 🚆🖼️🕗🎨

              

358        Why do many Decepticons believe their commanders will eventually show up when things are going badly, as long as they don't surrender?

               Because where there's a will, there's a 'Wave! 📻🔫

              

359        What did the headlines say when an orange helicopter confessed to plagiarizing police transcripts for their crime novel?

               Copper Copter Cops to Copying Copious Cop Comms 🚁📚📝🖨️🗞️

              

360        What do you call Bumblebee when he gets caught in a prank involving 1,728 eggs?

               A Yolkswagon! 🚕🥚🍳

              

361        Why is it fair that Megatron goes through so many alt modes?

               He never claimed to be a Decisive-con!🔫🚜🚀✈️

              

362        What is the most famous piece of classical music on Cybertron?

               "Diode to Joy" 🎼🎻🎺🥁🎹💡

              

363        Why does Optimus Prime question the ethics of keeping donuts in boxes?

               Because freedom is the right of all sentient beignets! 🍩📦

              

364        Why does Bumblebee get grumpy when Jazz won't let him go out on missions?

               He hates being all couped up! 🐝 🏎️

              

365        Why is it unwise to argue with Constructicons on boxing if they are likely to be correct?

               They have a mean right Hook! 🥊🥊💥🩹

              

366        What do you call a medic like Knock Out, whose alt mode isn't an ambulance?

               A car-diologist! 🚗 💔 🩺

              

367        Why are the most successful Velocitronian racers also the most angst-ridden?

               Because they all have a checkered past! 🏁 🏎️ 😩

              

368        Why is Megatron actually pretty good at changing race car tires quickly?

               He has a lot of experience in the Pits!🏎️ 🛞 🔧

              

369        Why does Blaster refrain from playing music at meetings with Seaspray?

               He doesn't want to rock the boat! 📻🎶🚤

              

370        What dish can Optimus Prime cook with the heat of his energon axe?

               Chop Suey! 🍝 🪓

              

371        Why do the Decepticons, who are mostly military and industrial vehicles, make the worst maps?

               They're bad at car-tography! 🚙 🚫 🗺️

              

372        How do the cassettes of telenovela broadcasters express shock and surprise?

               "Radios mío!" 📻 😱

              

373        What do you call it when Ultra Magnus ditches his armor to catch someone breaking regulations?

               A Minimus Ambush! 🕵️♂️🌳🪤

              

374        What do you call a Pikachu chosen by the Matrix of Leadership?

               Shocktimouse Prime! 🐁⚡

              

375        How did the crew lose Ratchet while they were building their entries for a winter carnival?

               He got buried under a snow Drift! ☃️🚑

              

376        What is the only music Soundwave's cassettes are allowed to play during their mandatory trip to the washracks?

               Scrub-a-dubstep!🎧 🕺

              

377        What is the technical term for a Seeker's legs and pedes?

               Standing gear! ✈️ 🦿 🦿

              

378        What do you call it when Megatron goes on a poetry-writing binge at Mach 3?

               Achieving hypersonnet speeds! 🚀📜🖋️

              

379        Why is Blaster terrified of aerobics instructors?

               Because they teach a whole class on kick-boxing! 📻🤼♀️🥋🎯

              

380        What do you call it when Soundwave and Shockwave crash a Mexican brunch?

               Wave-Os Rancheros! 🍳

              

381        Why does nobody want to go on luxury off-roading trips with Swindle?

               He's a real Jeepskate! 🛺

              

382        Why is Astrotrain self-conscious about how he looks running track?

               Because he doesn't have a kaboose! 🚂 🩳 🛤️

              

383        What kind of music would Steeljaw and Ravage's rock band play?

               Hairball metal! 🐈🐈⬛🎸🎤🤘

              

384        What do you call Demolishor when he helps random bots he sees in need?

               A good samaritank! 🚜 🩹 🎗️

              

385        Why does Mirage like computer keyboards?

               Because they always include F1! ⌨️🏎️

              

386        What do you call it when Sunstreaker's pet Insecticon accidentally chops through a human's hair?

               A Bob cut! 💇♂️💥🦂

              

387        What did Wheeljack call his invention that only seems successful at repelling Praxians?

               Datsunblock! 🚫🚓🌥️🧴

              

388        What does Astrotrain need to make atmospheric reentry in train mode?

               A para-choo-t!🚂 ☄️🪂

              

389        What would be the highlight of a Maximal circus performance?

               The Rattrap-eze act! 🐀🎪 🏗️

              

390        What do Ravage, Scooby Doo, and The Doctor have in common?

               They all travel around in a big, blue box! 🐈⬛🐕🕴️

              

391        What did Megatron call his attempted revision of a popular block-based video game into a tool of Decepticon propaganda, which simply caused pieces to move in the opposite direction?

               TETRISE UP! ⬆️ 🟥🟥🟥🟥           ⬆️

   

392        What is Ironhide's favorite amusement park ride?

               The ferrous wheel! 🎡🛻🇫 🇪

              

393        Why is Sunstorm so hard to get close to?

               Because he has no chill! 🔥✈️🔥

              

394        Why are Guardian actors so hard to direct?

               They can be real Omega Suprimadonnas! 🎭🎞️🎥📢

              

395        Why do Megatron and Shockwave get away with so much bullying just to upset people?

               Cybertron doesn't have good gun 'Con troll laws. 🔫🧌🤬

              

396        Why doesn't the kids get away with much on ES Megatron's watch?

               Because he's a real helicopter parent! 🚁 🙅♂️

              

397        Why won't any choirs accept Starscream's membership applications?

               Because he's more treble than he's worth!🎼🎤🔇

              

398        What do you call Cybertron's first big holiday period of the vorn, when everyone parks and does nothing?

               Spring brake! 🛑🚗🚙🚚

              

399        Why does Starscream refuse to go on missions near a golf course?

               All of the golfers are trying to hit Eagles!⛳🏌️♂️

              

400        What do Cybertronians drink for positive energy before a workout?

               A photon shake! ⚛️🧋🦾

            

Notes:

I can't believe the jokes have been rolling for over a year! Maybe I'll have to figure out how to make one of those desk calendars... XD

To Be Continued... (Roughly at the end of July)

Notes:

MinnieMouse Ambus & Meggey Mouse