Chapter Text
Huh. That normally works
Wolfwood
Get your fucking hands off him.
Nai
Didn't mean to step in your lane, big bro
Wolfwood
Got another idea? We need to head out soon
Wolfwood
........
Nai
gah! wuh... donut time...?
Vash
Holy crap, you ever heard of moderation?
Wolfwood
Vash is stronger than you fools.
Nai
You literally just took off half his health bar
Wolfwood
nai?
Vash
and... uh... jesus?
Vash
Close
Wolfwood
The name's Wolfwood
Wolfwood
Are you sick? Why did you sleep that long?
Nai
i'm not sure
Vash
it felt like i had an important dream, but i can't remember it anymore
Vash
Sounds interesting
Wolfwood
Maybe you were dreaming about me
Wolfwood
Why would he be dreaming about you.
Nai
Hey man it's just a joke, put those knives away
Wolfwood
I'd hate to have to embarrass you in front of your little bro again
Wolfwood
........
Nai
we should get going
Vash
i think the next plant is nearby
Vash
Do we have to bring this deadweight with us?
Nai
he can keep us company
Vash
i feel bad just leaving him here by himself
Vash
i'm sure he'll be on his best behavior
Vash
Don't worry, I'll pull my own weight
Wolfwood
No need to treat me like an abandoned puppy
Wolfwood
I would never disrespect puppies like that.
Nai
........
Wolfwood
Hey Spikey. Don't think he likes me much
Wolfwood
Not sure why, but that's the impression I'm getting
Wolfwood
he's just worried about me
Vash
he's really sweet once you get to know him!
Vash
Ah
Wolfwood
'Crazy' runs in the family, gotcha
Wolfwood
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so many buildings!
Vash
whoaaa, look at that
Vash
there are people eating on the rooftops!
Vash
Vash.
Nai
I need you to repeat the three rules we just set.
Nai
........
Vash
rule 1... if an old man tries to talk to you, run away
Vash
And?
Nai
rule 2... if anyone tries to offer you a red poisonous mushroom, run away
Vash
And?
Nai
rule 3-
Vash
If some scary men in uniform surround you, run away?
???
Vash
i'm sorry, i think there's been a mistake
Vash
we just got here
Vash
we haven't done anything wrong
Vash
Drat, did they find out?
wolfwood??
I told you we should've trashed him, Vash.
Nai
Oh come on, it wasn't even that bad
Wolfwood
THERE ARE 300 GUARDS HERE
Vash
Let's turn him in.
Nai
If there's a bounty on his head, let's claim it too.
Nai
You opportunistic asshole
Wolfwood
........
Nai
Vash, what did you do?
Nai
HE'S CLEARLY LOOKING AT YOU, NAI
Vash
Heh
Wolfwood
Well well, how the turntables
Wolfwood
Let's turn him in and claim his bounty, Spikey
Wolfwood
Time to kill them all.
Nai
Just give it up and serve your sentence, big bro
Wolfwood
No.
Nai
Might as well give them a REAL reason to arrest me.
Nai
wait, let me talk to them first
Vash
excuse me
Vash
on what grounds are you arresting him?
Vash
at least give us a reason
Vash
huh?
Vash
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i'm sorry nai...
Vash
Why are you apologizing?
Wolfwood
You weren't the one who made him strut his stuff in broad daylight
Wolfwood
And why would you follow him in here?
Wolfwood
i'm not going to leave him
Vash
and... it's my fault anyway
Vash
i should've noticed
Vash
You... didn't notice he was naked?
Wolfwood
As if you did.
Nai
Of course I noticed
Wolfwood
huh? then why didn't you say anything?
Vash
And rob myself of the view?
Wolfwood
What.
Nai
And rob myself of the view?
Wolfwood
I heard you the first time.
anyway we need to find a way to get out of here fast
Vash
the plant is waiting for us to come help
Vash
There's an anti-magic spell cast around the prison
Wolfwood
We won't be able to use any spells
Wolfwood
Seems like they take security around here pretty seriously
Wolfwood
And yet they let you bring your machine gun
Nai
What can I say?
Wolfwood
It blends in just like you
Wolfwood
Keep talking and I'll cut your tongue out.
Nai
You don't have access to your skills. How are you gonna do that?
Wolfwood
With my bare hands.
Nai
Temporary truce? At least until we get out of here?
Wolfwood
........
Nai
There are three guards on this floor
Wolfwood
Even with no magic, we can easily take them out
Wolfwood
One of the guards will bring us food this evening
Wolfwood
When he's leaning down, we can jump him
Wolfwood
Pull him in by the neck so he can't make any noise.
Nai
Sure
Wolfwood
can we come up with a more peaceful plan please?
After that, we can unlock the door with his key and head toward the back door
Wolfwood
There's one guard stationed there, so...
Wolfwood
I'll smash his face in so he can't make any noise.
Nai
Brilliant
Wolfwood
lalala i can't hear anything
How do you want to deal with the last guard?
Wolfwood
Just use your machine gun.
Nai
Wanna try it?
Wolfwood
??
Nai
It's not as... sophisticated as your knives
Wolfwood
But sometimes you just gotta start blasting
Wolfwood
nai no
Vash
our motto is love & peace, remember?
Vash
I remember, Vash.
Nai
:D
Vash
I'll remember to say 'love & peace motherfucker' after I litter him with holes
Nai
D:
Vash
Hear hear
Wolfwood
ugh... can you two go back to bickering please
Vash
well that all sounds super fun and slightly illegal
??
but there's an easier way for you to get out of here
??
who are you?
Vash
i'm meryl stryfe! i was just passing by
??
We're at the bottom floor of a highly secure prison
Wolfwood
anyway i'd be happy to help you get out of here
Meryl
i just need you to do a tiiiiny favor for me, that's all
Meryl
what favor?
Vash
you know that plant that's providing energy for the entire city?
Meryl
it's been a little low on juice lately
Meryl
so if you can promise to help fix it, i'll let you guys out
Meryl
is that it?
Vash
that's why we're here in the first place
Vash
oh sweet, it all works out!
Meryl
What a convenient little story you've cooked up.
Nai
I don't trust you.
Nai
Yeah but you don't trust anyone
I trust Vash sometimes.
How much is 'sometimes'?
Around 10% on good days.
we have the same goal, nai
Vash
You make it so easy for people to trick you, Vash.
Nai
that's ok
Vash
i'd rather be tricked over and over than be afraid to help someone in need
Vash
........
Nai
........
Vash
Do whatever you want.
Nai
Well, that settles that
Wolfwood
For the record, it's obvious you're hiding something
Wolfwood
But hey, if you're offering to let us out, who am I to complain?
Wolfwood
thanks for the vote of confidence
Meryl
alright, here you go! it's unlocked now
Meryl
Let's go, Vash.
Nai
wait, we promised her!
Vash
I didn't promise her anything.
Nai
let me down! i can walk by myself!
Vash
second staircase on the right!
Meryl
You're not going to stop them?
Wolfwood
well, i have a feeling you'll need my help real soon
Meryl
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Oi Spikey, you sure we're going the right way?
Wolfwood
yeah that's where the map tracker is pointing
Vash
Aren't you supposed to be a guardian?
Nai
Since when was guarding the same as tracking them down?
Wolfwood
there's so much mist
Vash
i can barely see
Vash
we'll get lost if we try to go through the forest
Vash
I'll blow the mist away.
Nai
Don't think that'll work
Wolfwood
Heard some of the prison guards talking about it earlier
Wolfwood
It's a phenomenon that isn't affected by outside interference
Wolfwood
There's nothing to lose by trying.
Nai
Uh when 'trying' involves hazardously whipping your knives around
Wolfwood
There's a lot to lose actually
Wolfwood
oh no, you appear to be in a pinch
Meryl
if only there was a super talented super hardworking guide nearby
Meryl
You.
Nai
eek! why do you have so many knives??
Meryl
You know the way to the plant, shortie?
Wolfwood
i do, but...
Meryl
oh no, i'm too hungry to remember
Meryl
can we eat first?
Meryl
Let go of me, Vash.
Nai
you can't!
Vash
I should've just killed her earlier.
Nai
if you kill her, we won't be able to find the plant!
Vash
let's just do what she says for now, ok?
Vash
ahaha... you sure are a scary bunch
Meryl
You know, you don't look it but you're pretty brave
Wolfwood
believe me, i wouldn't have asked if i wasn't tired of eating burnt worms
Meryl
a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do for good food
Meryl
even if that means confronting an aichmomaniac exhibitionist
Meryl
I'm not an aichmomaniac.
Nai
........
Meryl
...?
Nai
what about the other part
Meryl
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ahh what a yummy meal
Meryl
the wonders of GMOs and artificial flavoring
Meryl
it's a lot better than poisonous shrooms for sure
Vash
What's the story behind that?
Wolfwood
You desperate enough to just pick anything up and shove it in your mouth?
Wolfwood
you don't understand how difficult it is when you're half dead from starvation
Meryl
beggars can't be choosers!
Meryl
thank you meryl
Vash
unfortunately it's not that deep
Vash
i'm just an idiot
Vash
Can we go to the plant now?
Nai
hey, do you see that store over there?
i've always wanted to shop there
Meryl
let's check it out!
Meryl
Hey.
Nai
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ooh i've always wanted to try this brand
Meryl
how do i look??
Meryl
........
Not bad
Wolfwood
pffft
Meryl
what kind of look are you going for, the old geezer?
Meryl
........
Heh, the term's 'classy', shortie
Wolfwood
You should give it a try sometime
Wolfwood
gimme that blazer, i'll pull it off better than you
Meryl
How much longer must I put up with this.
Nai
eek! vash, help me
Meryl
don't worry
Vash
nai's just really excited to go on a journey with you!
Vash
this is how he shows he's happy
Vash
????????
Meryl
wat.
Meryl
Don't listen to him, shortie
Wolfwood
There's a reason he's known as Vash The Knives Apologist
Wolfwood
literally no one calls me that
Vash
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Are we lost?
Wolfwood
no of course not!
Meryl
i know where we are
Meryl
trust me
Meryl
Mmmm
Wolfwood
Ok I've done my shift
Wolfwood
Your turn now, big bro
Wolfwood
Are we lost?
Nai
you guys made a schedule just to bug me??
Meryl
Are we.
Nai
no
Meryl
how do you know this area so well?
Vash
even the locals didn't know the way through the forest when we asked
Vash
well i've been here for a long time
Meryl
really?
Vash
have you seen the guardian before then?
Vash
yeah of course!
Meryl
what were they like?
Vash
hmmm
Meryl
super pretty!
Meryl
huh?
Vash
oh you meant combat-wise
Meryl
super strong!
Meryl
the strongest guardian out there
Meryl
the others can't even compare
Meryl
Well, you aren't wrong. The previous guardian was so easy.
Nai
........
oh you've defeated one already!
Meryl
what were they like?
Meryl
He was a complete pushover.
Nai
If my finger were to slip on the Punisher's trigger...
please try not to
that's what i heard too
Meryl
i've never met any of the other ones
Meryl
but i heard one of them got so spooked by a slime that they peed their pants
Meryl
Interesting.
Nai
You can stop looking at me like that. It wasn't me
Wolfwood
Sounds like what someone who peed their pants would say.
Nai
hey i see the plant!
Vash
Vash, be careful.
Nai
what's up?
Vash
I don't see the guardian.
Nai
Assume they're hidden in the mist and could attack at any moment.
Nai
oh you don't have to worry about that
Meryl
why not?
Vash
because you're looking at her
Meryl
surprise! i'm the guardian
Meryl
bet you never saw it coming
Meryl
........
Meryl
say something please
Meryl
i feel silly holding this pose
Meryl
'Super strong'?
Nai
'Super pretty'?
Wolfwood
bullies, that's what you are
Meryl
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So. You've been spying on us all this time then.
Nai
no i haven't!
Meryl
i really was sick of eating the worms here
Meryl
when i got to town, i heard the locals talking about a group of ruffians
Meryl
so i thought that maybe if i helped you out, you could help me out too
Meryl
what do you need help with?
Vash
i'd like you to take the plant please
Meryl
i want to travel the world, see new things
Meryl
but i have to stay here guarding the plant
Meryl
it's lonely being here by myself all the time
Meryl
meryl...
Vash
i'm sorry for deceiving you guys
Meryl
but i never meant you any harm!
Meryl
see? i don't have any battle skills
Meryl
Huh
Wolfwood
Lots of travel skills here
Wolfwood
that's right
Meryl
don't you think it'd be a waste for me to stay here?
Meryl
Why are you even a guardian?
Nai
the previous one took me in when i was young
Meryl
but he died saving me, and i guess i inherited his position
Meryl
i've been alone ever since
Meryl
........
Vash
meryl, wanna come with us?
Vash
h-huh?
Meryl
if you have other plans i won't stop you
Vash
but i thought it'd be fun to travel together
Vash
i don't want you to have to be alone anymore
Vash
r-really?
Meryl
is that ok?
Meryl
Fine with me
Wolfwood
I'm just along for the ride anyway
Wolfwood
I'm a... what was it?
Wolfwood
Deadweight annoying coattail rider?
Wolfwood
You forgot 'a useless, good-for-nothing lazy bum'.
Nai
Wow, it just rolls off the tongue. Must have slipped my mind.
Wolfwood
so? what do you say, meryl?
Vash
there are no objections here except for maybe nai, but he doesn't count
Vash
Majoriy rule sure is easy to reach when you discard the opposing votes.
........
Meryl
ok
Meryl
i'll be glad to be a good-for-nothing coattail riding lazy bum
Meryl
no need for such long titles
Vash
we can just call each other friends, can't we?
Vash
Meryl has joined the party!
We'll be together.
It'll be ok.
You're a fool, Vash.
They'll ruin me.
And then they'll ruin you too.