Chapter Text
San knew he was going to cause chaos after texting both Yeosang and the manager. He meant no harm with his words, but somehow, he just had to get away, as the guilt and pain were slowly suffocating him.
He didn't know where to go, but he had his important things with him. For now, he was all bundled up and safely covered while walking along the streets.
Honestly, he had never had the chance to do this on a daily basis since, well... he's an idol, but now that he's out, running away, he gets to feel the breeze that he's been missing out on all this time.
Should I go back to Namhae? But mum and dad would be worried. Should I just ask? he thought to himself, hesitating over whether to go to Namhae or just stay somewhere else for the time being.
Cue his overthinking mind, worrying about being caught going here and there all by himself, and if he gets caught – the whole group will be in trouble because of him. He shakes his head and immediately heads into an alley to call his mum for a while. He was thankful that after the second ring, his mum picked up.
"Oh, mum. I… I just wanted to let you know that I'm coming home tonight. I'm on my way."
San knew he was bad at lying, because just from his voice, anyone would know he was lying, so he was wishing now that his mum wouldn't catch him out.
"Alright, my boy. I'll prepare some food for you. Come home safely, okay?"
Tears instantly formed in his eyes upon hearing his mum's soft voice and comforting words. He hummed in response and wiped his tears away after the call, before instantly booking a cab to go back home.
He didn't care about the fare because all he cared about now was getting away from here and being with his family. Whatever may happen later, he'll deal with it then, just not now.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Back at Yunho and Yeosang's dorm, the members were getting ready to go down to the basement for the manager to pick them up. Yeosang had his ankle wrapped up and was telling the others that he felt fine walking around.
"I'm fine. I need to look for San, please. Knowing him, he must feel so guilty right now when none of this is his fault. I don't care if I sprain it even more or anything; I just need him to be with us and come home. Please."
Yeosang said desperately as he looked at them, and the members felt bad seeing Yeosang looking so sad. Hongjoong nodded, allowing it. Yeosang thanked the older member before they went down to the basement in the lift as soon as the manager arrived.
When they reached the designated floor, the manager walked out of the van hurriedly as he looked at the members.
"Anything from San?"
The simple question sounded so sad coming from the manager that the members looked down, feeling guilty, and Yunho shook his head as he croaked out, "Nothing." The manager nodded as he comforted them, saying they'd find a way to look for him.
They got in the van and the manager pulled out his phone. He looked at the message sent by San before passing his phone to the others to let them read it.
"Hyung, I apologise in advance for the mess I'm about to cause. I've never done something like this, and I just have to be away. I think you know what happened to me today, and seeing Yeosang hurt and the others being worried over him hurt me so much. I never thought I'd hurt him, and I never thought I'd make the others angry, but I did. You must think I'm a disappointment too, right? I'll be out of the way, and I'll tell management about it later. I'm sorry, hyung, take care."
Yeosang bit his lower lip nervously as he fidgeted with his fingers before Seonghwa held his hands to calm him down. Wooyoung felt bad for whatever he had said to San earlier in the dance room.
They sat in silence, thinking, Where would San go? Mingi stared outside as he, too, felt nervous about the other's whereabouts before he muttered, "We overlooked every single thing. How do we find him now?"
"If we were Sannie hyung, where would we go?" Jongho asked softly as he thought, before gasping loudly and snapping his fingers. The others looked at him in shock before the maknae exclaimed, "Namhae!"
Yunho clapped his hands as he thought of something before sharing it with the others. He mentioned that San would always want to go back home to Namhae whenever he felt down or absolutely sad, since his family is there.
Hongjoong also said that San always regains his spirit and energy when he's at Namhae. It made sense to him for San to go back home. However, he felt bad if the younger had returned with such pain in his heart.
The manager texted San's mum before they all buckled up, and the manager drove off instantly to Namhae.
"Also... Did San hurt his leg or something? He looked in pain when I dropped him off and he was limping quite badly."
The others looked at each other and felt even worse. San was hurt too, but they had overlooked his pain; they even blamed him for what happened. Goodness, they felt dreadful.
"Yes, he was injured alongside Sangie, but we... we didn't attend to his injury. We blamed him for what happened to Sangie. But... Sangie explained just now, and we feel so guilty at the moment, hyung."
Hongjoong said as he fiddled with his fingers, trying not to burst into tears. Seonghwa, who was next to him, slipped his left hand onto the captain's right hand to hold it gently.
The manager nodded twice in response, understanding. He simply remained silent after telling them that it's just one of those days and everything will be alright.
"We'll get him back. He loves you all more than anything, so he won't let this relationship go that easily."
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
San doesn't really remember anything except that the cab driver woke him up from his nap when they arrived at his house. He apologises to the driver before paying, thankful that he has some cash in his pocket, and gets out of the car. He presses his lips together tightly when he sees his mum waiting outside the house.
"Why are you waiting outside? Isn't it cold?" He makes his way towards his mum before wrapping his arms tightly around her.
The feeling of his mum's arms around him, embracing him and stroking his back with so much love, makes him feel so emotional that he starts to cry. His mum pulls away from the hug and wipes away his tears.
"What's wrong, mhm?"
San shakes his head, trying to smile, and just says how much he misses her. His mum smiles back, even though deep down she knows something is wrong, as she has a mother's instincts.
They go inside before his dad hugs him too, saying he misses his son. San laughs, saying he's a grown-up, so he feels shy about what his dad said.
"So what if you're grown-up? You're still our son, our maknae in the house, and you can be young with us."
San laughs again and nods, giving in to his dad's words before sitting at the dining table to have dinner, after being teased by his noona for being a big baby.
As his mum serves the food, San looks around and feels at ease. This is his family, this is where he belongs. He smiles happily as, for once today, he feels comfortable and genuinely happy.
After a few minutes, San thanks his family for the amazing meal and goes to the kitchen to do the washing-up. While he's doing so, he hears the front door open and some voices, but he ignores it as it's probably his family talking.
"San-ah."
He stops washing the last plate when a familiar voice calls out to him. Yeosangie. San said in his mind as his body tensed, remaining still in his position. He doesn't know whether he should turn around or not because his emotions and thoughts are running wild right now.
"Sannie, we're here."
Seonghwa hyung. His hands start to tremble as he moves a little, before he accidentally drops the plate due to the soap. San winces in pain as his left foot is cut slightly by the broken glass.
"Sannie!" Yunho exclaims in shock, before Mingi approaches the younger male slowly, carefully avoiding the shattered pieces. Mingi scoops San up in his arms with ease and carries him to his room, followed by Yeosang, while the others help to clean up.
Both Yeosang and Mingi enter San's room, with Mingi gently placing San on his bed. Yeosang switches on the light and fetches the first aid kit from one of the cabinets in San's room. He kneels down in front of San, with Mingi's help, to treat his wound.
San pulls his left leg back slowly, shocking both his lovers as they look at him. "I c-can do it myself," he mutters, looking at his foot instead of them. Mingi feels heartbroken at San's words, and Yeosang feels sad that San is withdrawing from them.
"Sannie... We're here because we're worried about you. You're injured right now so please let us do this for you."
Yeosang says softly, still looking at San even though the other isn't looking back. As San nods his head in response to Yeosang's request, Mingi opens the first aid kit and hands the gauze to Yeosang.
"It's gonna sting a bit, so bear with me, okay?" San hums in response to his words. Yeosang presses the gauze gently against the cut, drawing soft winces of pain from San. Mingi helps next by wiping the wound with alcohol wipes, before Yeosang applies antiseptic cream and covers it with a medium-sized plaster.
Mingi takes out a bandage and wraps it around San's ankle after applying some hot ointment to the area. The action makes San look up at him and he meets Mingi's gaze.
"You sprained your ankle as well earlier, didn't you? I'm sorry we didn't attend to it, Sannie," the tall male says with an apologetic smile before putting away the first aid kit. Yeosang sits next to San on his right side on the bed and is joined by Mingi, who sits on his left.
The door to San's room was pushed open gently as the other five members entered. Wooyoung closed the door behind him and sat on the floor in front of San with the others, except for Yeosang and Mingi, who were on the bed.
San looked down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers; not knowing where to look or what to say. Hongjoong cleared his throat as he noticed the plaster and bandage on the younger's leg.
"San-ah, we... we're gonna talk and explain things. Will you let us do that and listen?" Hongjoong asked, silently praying for a good outcome. The others were nervous too, glancing at San. The moment San nodded his head, they sighed with relief.
"Okay. Mhm... first of all, we're really, really sorry for blaming you. I have to admit that I was worried something bad or worse might happen since we still have schedules. And we're sorry we didn't look after you when you were hurt. I don't know what happened to us that we treated you so badly, but we're so, so sorry, San-ah."
Hongjoong spoke wholeheartedly as he held San's hands gently, practically pleading for the younger to accept his apology. As upset as San was, he couldn't deny that he felt the sincerity and regret in the captain's words.
"And I'm sorry for invalidating your feelings and pain, Sannie. I... I never meant any harm," Wooyoung said as he looked at San, who seemed so fragile and vulnerable at that moment.
"You know, I... I felt so awful about myself. I thought I was the problem, that I was the burden because I hurt Yeosangie, I made all of you upset and angry. I thought that maybe this time I'd be unforgiven and... it was my time to go. I felt so rubbish. I wanted to be angry because I was hurt too. Fuck, I had to walk around by myself in this painful state and no one was there for me, no one waited for me, no one asked if I was okay or not. No one! I was alone, in pain, beating myself up. Deep down I know it wasn't my fault but everyone turned away from me and I convinced myself that yes, I'm at fault."
San explained as he cried, eyes red and teary, nose running. He was panting heavily and his breath was shaky after saying all that he'd wanted to say the whole day. For now, he wanted to be selfish and speak his true feelings, instead of caring about the others' feelings.
Upon hearing San's words, the members nodded; agreeing that they had neglected and hurt him in the process of worrying about someone else. Yeosang wiped San's tears away with his right thumb as Mingi calmed him down.
They had never seen this side of San before, and honestly, it was both pleasant and unpleasant. Pleasant, in the sense that, for once, San was putting himself first and being honest about his feelings. Unpleasant, because he felt bad and hurt because of them.
"We understand, Sannie. We accept your feelings; they're absolutely valid. You're not a problem, nor a burden. We're not gonna make excuses, as we admit that it was our fault that things became this way. I—we—just want you to know that we have no hard feelings towards you. We love you so much, and we apologise for overlooking you."
Seonghwa said, looking at San, hoping the younger would consider their words and apology. "We're sorry, hyung. We love you so much, we care for you, we need you, and you mean a lot to us. There wouldn't be an 'us' without you."
San glanced at Jongho as he spoke before looking at Yeosang, who spoke next. "Please accept our apologies, Sannie. We promise to try our best so things like this won't happen again."
"But I hurt you..." San said to Yeosang, and the latter shook his head. "Things happened, Sannie. Unfortunate things happened to us, and it was the wrong time for us to play those tricks. Please don't blame yourself."
Yeosang leant in to nuzzle his nose against San's right cheek before Mingi did the same to his left cheek, whispering a soft "please" to San. The younger blinked while looking down at his intertwined fingers with the captain's.
"Okay. I forgive you all. I'm sorry, too, for making rash decisions and leaving abruptly like that."
"No, San-ah. You have the right to take care of yourself first, especially if you feel down or unsafe. We don't have schedules tomorrow, so don't worry. Manager-nim understands and he was worried about you too."
Yunho said, flashing a smile at San, who nodded twice in response. He asked where his family were, and Mingi said they had gone for a walk to let them talk. San asked if his family knew they were coming, and Wooyoung replied, "Only your mum knows, because manager-nim contacted her," making San pout at the fact his mum knew but didn't tell him.
"Your mum knew something was up with you the minute you called her. She said it was odd for you to call in the middle of the night," Seonghwa said, chuckling, finding it cute that San is unable to lie.
San's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he blushed, and the members immediately pointed it out, saying how cute he was. They showered him with kisses on his forehead, nose, cheeks, and lips, causing him to fall back onto his bed as he squealed loudly.
Things were rough and messy in the beginning. San admits that he was hurt by their actions, but he forgave them the moment they realised their mistakes, apologised for them, and came all the way to his home to make amends.
San appreciates effort as well as sincerity, and that's evident in them. He accepts and feels all the love they're giving him right now. He also learns that he can respect himself and love his partners while still being honest about his feelings.
The door to his room opened slightly and San saw his mum peeking in before she winked at him and then closed the door again. Hongjoong texted the manager to say that things had been resolved, that they'd sleep over at San's place tonight, and would head back with him to Seoul tomorrow evening.
As soon as the captain received a response from the manager, they settled down in San's room to rest and sleep together. Each of them kissed San's lips full of love before wishing each other goodnight and slowly drifting off to sleep.