Chapter Text
Caitlyn unlocked the door to Janet’s condo and helped her inside. “Here we are,” she said, trying to sound positive. “I bet you’re happy to be home, huh?”
“You don’t have to help me.” Janet tersely replied. “I just want to sleep. I don’t think I’ve been woken up so many times since you and your brother were babies. I get why the staff had to do it, but I didn’t appreciate it.”
“OK, fine. I’ll let you try to walk on your own, but if you seem unsteady, I’ll take your arm again. I don’t want you to fall.”
She sighed, realizing there was a long way to go in Janet’s recovery from her concussion. As if the overnight ER stay wasn’t enough, she was told not to work until Monday at the earliest (which she tried to argue until she realized she was going to lose), and only if she was cleared by employee health and a neurologist. On top of her doctor’s appointment, she had to complete concussion testing on a computer. For now, though, she was told to spend the day resting as much as possible, and Caitlyn had to stay with her to observe her.
“Do you want to go to your room?” Caitlyn asked after she helped Janet take off her coat. “I bet you would love to put on a nice pair of pajamas after spending the night in scrubs and a sweatshirt. I can get them out for you if you want.”
“Stop acting like I’m helpless. Do you really think that if I feel as if I’m walking through a permanent fog that I’m going to be up to changing my clothes before I collapse on the bed?”
“First of all, don’t collapse because I’ll be worrying about whether or not you were losing consciousness or if you were just falling asleep. And second, look…I’m not trying to treat you like you’re incapable. I just want to help, and if you want to do something that helps you feel good, you should. This is stressful, so it’s the little things and simple pleasures that can make you feel better. It’s why I enjoy watching my favorite movies for the 500th time when I’m home sick.”
Janet didn’t respond, but instead slowly shuffled to the couch and sat down. “This works,” she declared. “You can go away now.”
“I’m not leaving.” Caitlyn sat down next to her and gave her a hug, and she was happy that Janet embraced her in return, although she could see the sadness and fear in her mom’s eyes. “I’m not,” she repeated. “At least not until tomorrow.
“Look, maybe this isn’t a good time to have this discussion, but did I piss you off last night or this morning?”
“I wasn’t happy about having to go to the hospital and getting put through the wringer, but that’s not your fault. Ellie said you would feel better if I did it, so I put up with it for you. And Drew. And I’m sure if Abby were here she would have nagged me into it too. Being in this position just sucks. Although at least I feel slightly more with it today. Which still isn’t saying much. I’m just frustrated and my head is still killing me, plus I’m tired. Oh yeah…I said that already, didn’t I?”
“It doesn’t matter how many times you told me.” Caitlyn smiled, although she knew Janet said it a few times before she left the ER and again in the car. “But it’s understandable. And you’re not mad at me then?”
“You’re being mildly annoying at the moment. But no, I’m not angry. I’m just used to managing myself and now I have you on top of me and everyone else telling me what to do and when to do it. Did we have a role reversal? Like am I the child now and you’re the mother? What’s that movie you said you liked where that happens?”
“Freaky Friday. You’ve seen it! You said I would never survive as you if we switched bodies. But yes…it’s my turn to take care of you. I was thinking last night and today how many times you’ve looked after me, helped me in the last few years when I was struggling with depression. I remember that you made me a care package when I was sick last month even though I told you I just had the flu. And then you joked with me that you’d take it home for yourself if I didn’t like it. But I did. Orange juice cures all woes.
“Anyway the point is, you get to sit down and relax and sleep the day away if you want to. I’m here. I’ll take care of things like cleanup and getting you stuff to eat and drink so you don’t have to over-exert yourself. Don’t worry about life management today. That’s my job. Do you want me to answer your phone and shoo everyone away too?”
“It’s not necessary. But if you see who called, just make sure you let me know.”
“Of course. It will probably help to talk to your friends. Are you still afraid?”
“Um…a little. I was last night after you left when it sank in that I’d be spending the night in an ER bed in a room by myself. I felt so lonely, and I hadn’t been that scared and uncertain since my first couple nights in rehab. I wondered what was going to happen to me and started to think about how seriously I was hurt. And all these symptoms are kind of scary on their own, like feeling disoriented and being in some of the worst pain I’ve ever been in. The fact that I was throwing up. It’s amazing how hurting your head has such devastating effects depending on the severity of the injury.”
“You wanted company then?”
“Sort of.” Janet smiled a little. “You don’t know Abby very well; I realize that. But she was a rule breaker at County. I think if she were still working there, she would have snuck a cot into my room so you could have stayed with me, throwing things like ‘visiting hours’ and what have you out the window. I found myself wishing she were still around finding a way to bend the rules to help me be more comfortable. But at least you’re here now.”
Caitlyn sat next to Janet to fix her ponytail, which was starting to come loose. “Do you want to keep that in, or should I take it out?” she asked.
“Take what out?”
“Your ponytail.”
"Oh…right. I forgot I did that. Um, I keep my hair down when I’m sleeping. Don’t worry about combing it out right now.”
Caitlyn nodded and lightly stroked the sides of Janet’s hair, and then set her sneakers over on the mat by the door. “I’ll let you sleep now if you want,” she said. “You do need a blanket and a pillow first, unless you don’t care about that right now.”
“No. The blanket will help me feel safer. You can just…umm…go into my bedroom and get that.”
“Do you want the comforter and pillow from your bed or is there something else you prefer?”
“What’s there is fine. On the bed I mean.”
Caitlyn came back with the comforter and two pillows, setting the pillow at the head of the couch and handing Janet the comforter. “There you go. Anything else? Do you need help lying down or will you be OK?”
“I was fine last night but let me try.” Janet slowly turned to the left and put her feet up on the couch. “Ow…crap. I’m still sore from the fall too even though I didn’t break or sprain anything, thankfully. I hope that Tylenol knocks out muscle pain too.”
“It was extra strength. I think it will help at least a little.” Caitlyn fluffed the pillow and finished helping her get comfortable. “Is this all right?”
“Uh huh. I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. Please be quiet now.”
“Sure thing. I’m going to go to the guest room and make a couple of phone calls, and maybe I’ll grab some shut eye myself or read a book. I won’t be too loud and I’ll keep them brief; I promise. And sorry…you said to shut up, so I’m going to do that.”
Janet nodded and raised an eyebrow, as though to say, “You’d better.” Then, she shut her eyes and slightly turned on her side before she quickly fell asleep. That didn’t take long, Caitlyn thought. I guess that’s a good thing. She needs this.
She didn’t leave the living room right away, though. Instead, she ran a hand over the comforter and wished she could give Janet another hug or hold her hand, but she knew it was important to respect her space and requests to be left alone. So instead, she just briefly watched her sleep, wondering if it was a good idea to leave her side at all. She even reached over and took Janet’s wrist to feel her pulse, even though obviously nothing had changed since she fell asleep a minute ago. Her nurse persona was kicking in.
But she still had to manage her own anxiety and stress, which was key to keeping her depression under control as well. If she began to overthink things or panic too much about a concussion, something she knew plenty of people could make a full recovery from, it was basically guaranteeing a spiral. She just had to convince herself that she was capable of playing the caregiver role and would keep her promise to not leave until it was safe for her to do so. Not until she knew her mother could finish recuperating on her own.
Before she could fully pull herself back together, her phone buzzed, and she looked down and saw a message from Ellie:
Hi babe! Did you get Mom home OK? Call me and let me know how she’s doing, and how you’re doing too. I love you!
Caitlyn smiled at Ellie’s message. Their friendship had been tight from the second they met; Ellie looked out for her no matter what and was never afraid to be around her when she was depressed or hear about how difficult her past had been, so it was no surprise that she was so caring now, checking in on both Caitlyn and Janet. After all, she was almost considered a part of the Coburn family these days, as she gave Cait a lot of wisdom and encouragement that helped her make the decision to reconcile with Janet in the first place.
She made a mental note to call Ellie after she had time to breathe and recover from her own sleepless night. Last night, the two of them had laid together briefly in Ellie’s bed while Caitlyn discussed her worries and cried, but when Caitlyn returned to her own room, she mostly tossed and turned, constantly checking her phone to see if Tracy or anyone else from the County ER had called. It was a good thing she hadn’t tried to go to work.
Before she went to the guest room to relax, she looked down at Janet one more time and sighed. It was then she made another silent promise to her, and then she promised herself that she would stop staring and find something to do to pass the time.
“It’s my turn, Mom,” she said softly to Janet, who didn’t stir. “You’re safe here.”