Chapter Text
Rayla cradles Callum’s head in her lap as he remains unconscious. She’s not sure what’s going on out on deck, not now anyway.
Finnegrin’s dead, that she knows. Killed by Callum and the exact weapon he sought. Soren tells her while he breaks open the tiny cage she’s been held in, unties the ropes around her legs, arms and chest, and helps her up. She doesn’t really listen to whatever else he has to say, something about the crew fleeing immediately. They wanted their freedom now Finnegrin is dead but they’re afraid of Callum as well, of what he’s done. Maybe Soren is too, from his disturbed tone. She doesn’t pay attention as she awkwardly crawls to where Callum has collapsed and takes his unconscious body from Ezran when offered.
Soren offers to carry Callum elsewhere, but she’s too tired to think about anything but holding him, and in the end he and Ezran leave them alone.
She soothes Callum’s furrowed brow with a gentle hand, pushing the hair back off his forehead. Sniffing, she combs her fingers through the shocking white locks now framing his face, evidence of the toll the spell exhorted on his body.
“Rayla?” He looks up at her, his eyes wide and inky black before he blinks and the familiar forest green slowly returns.
Her voice fails her, so she smiles at him, or attempts to. She runs her fingers through his hair again and squeezes the hand holding his.
His face crumbles and he closes his eyes, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry. He was going to kill you. I couldn’t- I did the spell, I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head even though he’s not looking at her. “It’s okay, Callum.” Cupping his cheek, she waits for him to open his eyes. “I don’t care about the spell.”
“But, but, Dark Magic-”
“I don’t care,” she sniffs, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. “You’re okay, you’re okay. That’s all I care about.”
He’s not okay, not by a long shot but he’s alive. That’s all she cares about now.
He shakes as he stares up at her, his breathing still coming in ragged pants.
“It’s all right, Callum,” she leans closer and kisses his forehead, soothing his cheek with light fingers. “Rest. I’ll watch over you.”
He smiles sadly at her but seems too tired to argue. As he falls into a fitful slumber, she goes back to stroking his brow, as if she could comb away the memories of the horrors they just experienced.
She thinks back on what he said to her under Umber Tor.
“I need you… to kill me.”
He was so afraid, terrified of what would happen if Aaravos took control of him again. The manipulative Startouch had only gained access to Callum’s mind because of her, her actions, because he felt he had no choice but to resort to Dark Magic and now it had happened again.
Sighing shakily, she strokes Callum’s face, wishing more than anything she could protect him from this.
He should have let her die. Her life wasn’t worth this.
She understands though. Of course, she does. He could no more let her die than she could fulfil his request and kill him.
What sort of choice was it? Not a real one. They could never forsake each other when a chance still existed to help each other. To save each other.
Villads once again offers to sail them to the Sea of the Castout, and considering they don’t know where Zubeia is, they take him up on the offer. They still need to find Aaravos’ prison, and they’ve lost precious time. The weight of everything that happened hangs heavy over them all though.
Callum sleeps for most of the first day, still recovering from the immense toll of the spell, it would seem. Ezran tries to insist Rayla rest too, but she’s done nothing but lie down and do nothing for what feels like an eternity, and she wants to feel like she’s doing something, even if it is only sitting and watching Callum’s fitful sleep.
The exhaustion of everything apparently catches up with her though, and she wakes to find herself in Callum’s bunk, him nowhere to be seen. Throwing back the blankets in a panic, she rushes to the deck, not even bothering with her boots.
She runs into Soren, who catches her by the upper arms, speaking softly and inclining his head towards the bow where Callum is looking out over the waves. Without even thanking Soren, she hurries over to Callum, concerned by the heavy slump to his shoulders.
“Callum,” her voice cracks and she takes a deep breath to steady herself.
He turns to look at her, a sad smile on his face. The sight of his white locks still makes her heart ache, but his haunted eyes are what concerns her more right now.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, stepping closer.
He takes a deep breath, turning to look out over the waves once more. “I’m-” he looks around, clearly searching for the right words. “-I’m not sure.”
“That’s okay.” She wants to reach out and touch him, but he looks guarded, so she holds back. She wants nothing more than to hold him, to feel his steady warmth pressed against her, but he’s holding back, his whole body is curled around itself like paper that has been set alight but put out before it could be consumed.
He takes a deep breath, fists clenched on the wood of the bow. “The spell-”
“It doesn’t matter, Callum,” she responds quickly. He cannot continue to torture himself with what he was forced to do. Contemplating what ifs wasn’t going to change the past. “We’re free now and we’re not far from-”
“No, I-” he worries his lip, eyes darting to hers for a moment. “Aaravos… what if the spell- If he possesses me again. I don’t want to hurt you or Ez or- or anyone. What if-”
“We’ll figure it out, Callum.” Empty words are all she can offer him.
He smiles bitterly, eyes on the horizon. “What I said before… at Umber Tor-”
“I’m not killing you, Callum!” She wants to sound strong, forceful, but her voice cracks and tears fill her eyes.
He turns to look at her, that haunted look still in his eyes.
It breaks her heart to see him like this, terrified and lost. “After all that-” She gestures to the cabin where they were both held. “-after everything we just went through, do you think I even could?!”
He takes a shaky breath, his eyes glassy. “I’m scared, Rayla-” his voice breaks and before she even has a moment to think, she embraces him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face against him. She can hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest, wild and racing. “I’m afraid of what I might do-”
She couldn’t bear to hear this the first time and it’s no easier now. “We’ll find a way to protect you, keep him from possessing you.” She’s babbling but she has no more answers now than she had then.
“No, not Aaravos.” He leans back a little to look at her, worrying his lip as he searches her eyes. “Me. By myself. Me alone.”
Pausing, she frowns at him, trying to discern what exactly he’s trying to say.
“I’ve already done… things, things I promised myself I’d never do, and I don’t regret them because you’re alive and I couldn’t let you die.” His voice cracks and he pauses, taking a deep breath. “Aaravos doesn’t need to possess me to make me do bad things.”
She bites her lip, unable to argue with him because… she can’t. Aaravos wouldn’t need to possess her either for her to throw the world away. She could never kill Callum, even if it meant dooming the world, even if it meant Aaravos could or would escape his prison, continuing with whatever his plans were.
She tried to convince Callum to make the choice she knew she couldn’t make, because she was scared too. Scared that she was too selfish to make that sacrifice.
To choose the world over Callum.
He watches her sadly, clearly seeing the realisation she has come to, seeing the fight leave her body. He leans forward a little, pressing his forehead to hers as he takes a deep breath. “I love you.” He cups her cheek, thumb idly moving across her markings.
“I love you too,” she says without hesitation, even though the fact scares her now. Not loving him, of course. She can’t imagine not loving him now, not after all these years, everything they’ve been through, but…she’s scared of what she knows she’ll do for that love, what they’ll do for each other…
She had thought when they hopefully got around to open “I love yous” it would be a happy, joyous occasion. Even if things weren’t resolved with Aaravos, Viren and Claudia, even if they still had terrifying days ahead of them, at least the “I love yous” would be something uplifting, something to cherish.
But these “I love yous” feel ominous. Almost oppressive. Like admitting something terrible, like making an excuse.
I love you so it’s all so understandable…
Is it?
They’re about to face a manipulative Demigod, someone who’s crafted and weaved people far more savvy and world-wise than them. She’s seen what Callum is willing to do for her and only two years ago she almost destroyed herself to keep him safe. Or so she’d hoped.
No, the fear is real. For all their talk about good guys and bad guys, of protecting the world from Aaravos, when it comes down to it, when it’s the world or each other… she’s scared of the choice she already knows they’ll both make.