Chapter Text
Saburo gripped his cane tightly in hand as he walked slowly through the corridor of his junior high school, ignoring any look he still got. He was used to the staring that he never seemed to stop getting- after all, not many fourteen year olds used walking canes to get around their middle school. Not many fourteen year olds have been kidnapped and tortured either and lived to tell the tale either, though.
Saburo, to his dismay, ended up having to repeat the grade due to having so many absences. The teachers had vouched for him that he was a good student, but he had also missed all entrance exams for all of the high schools in Japan, so he was kind of stuck. However, given he had completed about half of his school before the kidnapping, a good chunk of his days were spent mostly in an office at the school, where he was able to get credit for tutoring students who needed extra help. Once the summer break was over, however, he would return to his usual classes and resume as if he had never left in the first place.
It was kind of a pain in the ass, but Saburo knew the school had its hands tied with what they could do. He was lucky that he didn’t have to repeat everything that he had already done.
Today was the last day before summer break, so it was his last day of tutoring the students- unless he voluntarily continued, and Saburo was honestly considering it. Not because he cared about the other students' grades, but because he knew he would get glowing recommendations from his teachers to the high school of his choice and it would raise his chances of getting in…not that he was worried about the entrance exams. Hell, he felt ready to take them now, he was so confident.
Sighing, Saburo pulled open the door to the library, hobbling in with his bag slung over his shoulder. He used his cane to slowly approach one of the tables with four chairs, sitting down slowly with a soft grunt.
His bruises, his cuts, his bones…all of those had long since healed. He did have a few scars from some of the stab wounds that he had sustained from nine to ten months ago, with the most notable one being on his right hand- as well as his right leg. Though, that was easily hidden thanks to his pants. His hand, however? Not so much. It didn’t bother him, though. The scar didn’t hurt all that much- though it did itch if he outstretched his hand or held his hand open too forcefully. He knew that that would eventually pass, but it was still really annoying.
Saburo opened his math book to begin going over the new material that he would soon be starting after summer was over. He wanted to get a head start on everything now while he still could.
As his eyes skimmed the pages, he couldn’t help but remember the days that he would be stuck in that awful basement, desperately trying to keep himself sane by reciting math equations.
That was another thing that honestly sucked.
Math was ruined for him. He just couldn’t find that much joy in it anymore. He couldn’t help but associate math with the basement, and it brought along bad memories. He wasn’t sure what to do anymore- he always enjoyed math. It had been his most accomplished subject while he was growing up. And even that had been ripped away from him. Now he didn’t have anything to make him happy.
He tried not to worry his brothers, trying to show them that he wasn’t as affected by what happened as they think, but he had the feeling that they saw right through him.
It wasn’t hard not to, he feared. He was simply too transparent.
At first, he was doing relatively okay with it…probably. But then news got out months ago that Samejima’s younger brother, who was only known in the newspaper as Student A, since he was still technically a minor, (though Saburo figured out that it was him quickly due to the little details in the case written in the news article), had been arrested. Saburo had talked to his brothers about it when they had noticed his pale and trembling form, admitting that Samejima’s younger brother had contributed to his suffering for a little bit, and was nervous, knowing that Samejima’s punk brother would likely only get a couple of months in reform school at max for aiding a crime and assault. Ichiro had sworn not to let that happen and called Kuko, requesting Hitoya get on the case.
Thankfully, due to the nature of the crime, and the fact that the Yamadas were friends with Kuko, and Jiro and Jyushi were also quite close, Hitoya had agreed to take the case in Saburo’s defense.
In the end, only two months ago, Samejima’s younger brother had been sentenced to fifteen years with hard labor for aiding a kidnapping, assault, threats with bodily harm, and obstructing police business. Sure, it wasn’t all that long, in Saburo’s opinion, but who said the justice system was fair?
Besides, Hitoya had done the best he could and had gotten him the max sentence. And he wouldn’t be let out until he was thirty two years old. As for Samejima himself? Well, Saburo didn’t know. He knew he was in Chuohku, but as for if he was a prisoner or what, he didn’t know. He was tempted to hack into Chuohku’s security system and find out, but he also felt a strange sense of nervousness about doing so. Or maybe he was just scared about seeing Samejima again.
Saburo couldn’t take it anymore. He felt like a joyless husk of himself. He didn’t find enjoyment in things, he jumped at any little sound, and he constantly made his brothers worry. One always walked him to school now- though, they would probably eventually stop, it would only be when Saburo no longer needed a cane to help support his weak knees.
At least this gets me out of gym class… Saburo thought humorlessly.
Walking was a struggle for him now- so running around would be downright impossible right now. Hell, it was amazing that he was doing as good as he was now.
Back then, last year, he had been in the basement for about a month- and then in the hospital for another month or so before being discharged. Of course, it wasn’t too long after he had somewhat healed that he returned to begin his physical therapy.
His first time standing on his own, gripping the parallel bars tightly, the moment he had put his weight on his feet, he had fainted. It took several tries before he was able to make any progress whatsoever.
After taking a few steps, which that alone took well over a month, things turned sour really fast.
~~~~~
“You can do it, Saburo-kun!” His physical therapy nurse encouraged him, smiling. Saburo tightened his grip on the parallel bars, gulping as he took a shaky, slow step forward. His heart was racing a hundred kilometers per second, and his knuckles were white from gripping the bars so tightly.
From the side, both Ichiro and Jiro, permitted to stay with him due to him being a minor, gave him encouraging, proud smiles.
Saburo slowly dragged his hands down the bars and took another slow step forward. His ankles gave out on him, and he would have fallen if it wasn’t for his painfully tight grip on the bars. However, his knees still buckled under him, and the nurse, a blonde man with blueish green eyes, lurched forward from the opposite end of the parallel bars to help him.
That wasn’t what Saburo saw though.
Instead, he saw himself on the staircase, too weak to get up and run, and he saw Samejima at the top of the staircase, lurching forward in anger that he dared to try to escape.
That’s what he was doing now, wasn’t it? Trying to escape. He wasn’t safe. The walls of the physical therapy room warped, and the parallel bars became the narrow staircase. He felt cold, and he started to suffocate.
His hands let go of the parallel bars, a harsh sounding cry escaping his throat. “Stop! Don’t come near me! I’m sorry! I won’t try again anymore! I won’t escape!”
The physical therapy nurse flinched back, clearly out of his league. Jiro and Ichiro both leaped up and rushed over.
“Saburo! It’s okay!” Ichiro gently touched Saburo’s shoulder, grimacing when Saburo flinched. He let go for a moment, his hand floundering uselessly. “Breathe with me, Saburo. In…” He took a deep breath, “and out…” he exhaled.
Jiro ducked underneath the bars on their side, crouching down in front of Saburo.
“Saburo. Saburo- look at me, okay?” Jiro stressed, “you’re safe now. It’s okay. You’re not in the basement anymore!”
The words slowly began to reach Saburo, but he couldn’t stop envisioning being on that staircase, only mere moments before Samejima knocked him down them, beat the shit out of him, and broke his limbs. It had genuinely been the most terrifying part of the whole ordeal, as that beating was what prevented him from even trying to move from his spot on the cold floor. “In and out…” A voice kept saying, while hands gently gripped his shoulders.
Gently?
No, Samejima was never gentle; the touch was familiar, and he could faintly smell body spray- was it pinewood? That was Jiro’s body spray. Jiro was there.
Jiro would protect him.
Jiro was safety.
Jiro was home.
To his right, he slowly came to realize Ichiro’s voice. He would protect him too. He was home.
Slowly, the physical therapy room came back into focus, and Saburo remembered where he was. He blinked, a couple tears rolling down his face as his brothers and the nurse looked on at him in concern.
“I’m…sorry. I’m okay.” Saburo managed to choke out.
Ichiro rubbed his back gently. “It’s fine, Saburo. You’re doing amazing. Just keep it up and don’t push yourself, okay?”
“Yeah…okay.”
~~~~~
Since then, Saburo still had panic attacks…not regularly, but it wasn’t uncommon either. Some days were easier than others. Some days were so terrifying and filled with paranoia that Saburo genuinely couldn’t find it in him to get out of bed, terrified that if he stepped out of his home, then Samejima, who would be out there hiding and waiting to ambush him, would kill him for sure.
At first, his brothers tried to tell him that Samejima was gone, but they soon would let it slide, and Ichiro would close up shop for the day.
Thankfully, those days, which were the worst, were growing few and far between. Which was probably why Ichiro didn’t mind closing up shop for him for the day when it happened.
But what Ichiro, and Jiro, didn’t know was that Saburo, while he was healing, grew to be paranoid rather easily now. He was constantly looking over his shoulder, hoping and praying that no one was secretly watching him and plotting to hurt him. He became obsessed with hacking into the security cameras in the nearby shops and watching his own home like a hawk, making sure no one was getting into frame. No one was stalking them. No one would hurt them. Sometimes, he would get so obsessed over it that he would spend hours on his computer at night, just staring at the shop- his home, for intruders. His mind would go hazy, and he would enter a near catatonic state.
There would be an occasion when someone would walk by the shop, usually just in passing, but it would cause Saburo to jump and flinch so hard that he’d fall out of his chair and peek out his window quickly, despite his racing heart.
Saburo sighed, shutting his math book. He wasn’t getting anywhere with this right now.
“Hey! You’re Yamada Saburo, aren’t you?” A voice called, only to be harshly hushed. Saburo looked up, surprised to see one of his classmates- Hakamada Emiyo, if he remembered correctly.
“Yeah…” He said suspiciously.
“I’m in your class! I’m Hakamada!” The blonde girl with lavender eyes smiled at him. “Um…to be honest, our teacher said you were the best person to go to for tutoring right now, and my mom vouched for you too! She said that you were a really sweet kid!”
“Your mom?” Saburo frowned.
“Yeah? You know her,” Hakamada frowned. “She was your nurse back when you got found last year.”
“Seriously? She’s your mom?” Saburo couldn’t hide his surprise.
Hakamada nodded. “Yeah. She also said that you had this…look in your eyes that made her want to take care of you. So if you want, we can be friends?” She held a hand out.
“...I’m not interested in being friends with someone who’s only doing it because they pity me,” Saburo shook his head.
“I’m not!” Hakamada insisted, “I’m interested in you, Yamada-san! You’re really brave and I could never imagine going through what you did and still living like this! And also…I really need help with math!” Hakamada clasped her hands together. “Please teach me, Yamada-sensei!” She concluded.
Saburo blinked at her awkward, clumsy, and tactless earnestness, before letting out a small snort, covering his mouth in amusement, though he didn’t actually smile.
Just what is she doing..? She kind of reminds me of Jiro…
“Jeez…fine…I’ll tutor you…but you better keep up,” Saburo warned.
Hakamada brightened. “Yes! Thank you!” She pulled up a chair and pulled her math book out. Saburo tilted it slightly towards him and began to quietly tutor her, showing her the process step by step, ignoring the chill that ran up his back as he spoke.
When he left her to work on one of the sample problems, his mind zoned back out to the basement. To the darkest moment in his life, where he had been powerless, helpless, lonely, cold…
“Yamada..?” Hakamada spoke up gently.
“Huh?”
“I said I was done…” She pointed at her work. “You had this glazed look in your eyes…are you feeling okay? We can always do this another day…”
“No. I’m fine. Just…struggling to focus. Math just isn’t as fun as it used to be for me,” Saburo shrugged. “It’s nothing big.”
But Hakamada was eyeing him in a way that made him feel self conscious, her bright lavender eyes scanning him up and down almost robotically, before her eyes widened a fraction, and she looked down at her notebook. “...I see. Well, I can’t really help you there, but…” She shifted, putting her pencil on the table before lacing her fingers together and resting her elbows on the table. “You can’t let something ruin something you love, just because it once hurt you.”
“What do you know?” Saburo scowled at her.
“Nothing,” Hakamada admitted, “but if you let the bad memories take over everything that makes something fun for you, then you’ll have nothing left.”
“It really is none of your business,” Saburo muttered.
“Sorry,” Hakamada apologized, despite not actually looking apologetic at all. “I’m just saying- if there’s something you truly love doing that you just can’t do anymore, then keep doing it, and maybe one day you’ll find the strength to enjoy it again.”
“You know what, you’re right,” Saburo shoved his math book in his bag and grabbed his walking cane. “I should relax some before I start doing math again. Thanks.”
“Wait!” Hakamada jumped, looking panicked. “I still need help! Who do I go to?! Y-Yamada-sensei..!” She whined as Saburo slowly hobbled away from his new…student? Friend? He wasn’t sure what to call her, but…her words did make sense to him, and he had all of summer break after today to try to enjoy math again.
If he told his brothers what was going on and told them what he was going to attempt, he knew Ichiro would be willing to listen to him ramble about equations and how there’s only ever one right answer in math. Jiro would too, though he would also complain that he didn’t understand a word he was saying and tell him to speak proper Japanese. It would be useless to talk to him. But…it would probably help too, given that it would give Saburo a new thing to associate math with.
Ichiro’s mild confusion but genuine interest, his small smile seeing Saburo talk about something so passionately. Jiro’s utter confusion and head scratches, his grumbling of “nerd”, before fondly ruffling Saburo’s head.
That was what Saburo wanted.
But it was fine not to rush it. Healing took time, after all, much like a physical injury.
When the final bell signaling school was out for summer vacation rang, students hurried out to change into their outdoor shoes so that they could go home, do their summer homework, and then have fun for the next forty days.
Saburo headed to his own locker at a much slower pace, keeping his distance from the crowd of students so that no one would accidentally knock his walking cane over and cause him to fall over.
That was another thing he needed to work on more while practicing his physical therapy at home. Practice getting up without help from Ichiro, Jiro, his cane, or a nearby table or counter. He’d become so reliant on anything solid near him that getting up without them was impossible at this point- not without straining his knees to the point of him fighting tears from the pain. After all, being stabbed in the leg caused him some bad muscle damage. He knew for a fact that he would never have full strength in his right leg again. His brothers were hopeful that he would be able to walk normally, and while Saburo knew he would have his good days with his leg, he would also struggle occasionally…and he would definitely struggle more in the winter time. Cold weather and muscle damage didn’t go well together.
So, in essence, Saburo believed, he would probably end up relatively okay, have some bad days, and then just suffer in the winter.
What a pain in the ass…
Sighing, Saburo propped his cane against the wall of lockers, opening his own locker and balancing most of his weight on his better leg. He carefully changed his shoes out, and put hi indoor shoes inside of his locker. He took a wobbly step back, shutting his locker and fiddling with the lock so that no one could break into it…not that anyone would steal his shoes. That would be ridiculous.
Afterwards, he grabbed his bag and made sure it was securely on his shoulder, before grabbing his cane and slowly hobbling out of the school.
Once I get home, I’m going to try to talk to Ichi-nii and Jiro about my math work…I want to enjoy the things I liked doing again.
There was no way he was going to let Samejima take this away from him.
However, when he got to the school gate, he spotted two figures- one in red and one in blue, standing nearby, waiting for him with warm smiles on their faces. Saburo couldn’t hide his surprise.
“Ichi-nii? Jiro? What are you doing here?” He questioned, slowly walking towards them.
“Aniki picked me up early for an emergency,” Jiro announced, grinning.
“An emergency?” Saburo felt his heart drop. “Do you have a job to go on, Ichi-nii?”
“Nope,” Ichiro looked at him, his eyes crinkling with affection. “The shop is closed for the weekend.”
“Huh? Why?” Saburo’s brows furrowed in confusion. He was feeling fine, so there was no reason to shut the shop down. Not that he was the only reason that Ichiro would need to close the shop, of course.
“Well…we never had our weekend fun, with just us three,” Jiro told him, tilting his head to the side. “So I helped aniki set it up.”
“You can decide what we do today, Saburo,” Ichiro added, “we can play board games, watch whatever you want, and for dinner, Jiro and I are making pasta pescatore. We can even all play that video game you were wanting us to play with you.”
Saburo stared at his brothers smiling faces, and it quickly occurred to him that they were trying to make him happy- to spend time with him and ensure that after all of his suffering, all of his pain, he had something to look forward to and share with his brothers. His eyes glistened slightly as he fought the urge to let himself tear up. “Ichi-nii…Jiro…”
“Come on,” Ichiro slung an arm over Saburo’s shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
Jiro plucked Saburo’s bag off of him and held it with one hand, while his other arm slung around Saburo’s other shoulder, clearly taking care not to put too much weight on him and make him fall over.
Slowly, for the first time in a long time, the corners of Saburo’s lips twitched upwards into a smile- a real, genuine smile that was full of love, admiration, and appreciation for his brothers.
That was when it fully occurred to Saburo that despite the hardships he knew that he was going to continue to face, the goals that he had in mind that he would struggle to reach for, he was never going to have to do it alone. Without a doubt, his brothers would be there for him every step of the way; not pushing him along or demanding he pick up the pace, but only going at his pace and encouraging him along. Much like what they were doing at the moment with him and his walking cane. His brothers may be constantly worried now, but Saburo would make sure he’s there for them too.
It would all be okay in the end.
They could get through any and all hardships from this point on. That was what Saburo truly believed.
Eyes sparkling, Saburo let out a laugh with his brothers that filled the warm, summer air with joy.