Chapter Text
Things were okay—even good—with Gina despite what had transpired at Slices. Sure, she never got back to him on whether they could watch the movie together or not. And sure , she didn’t stop by his new apartment despite him insisting how much his father wanted to see her … but at least they were talking again at school. Weeks of banter and exchanging words that only went so far weren’t enough but he was managing, not wanting to cross whatever imaginary line Gina had drawn for them. With Nini, on the other hand … that was a whole other can of worms.
He’d heard the saying distance makes the heart grow fonder but somehow not seeing his girlfriend everyday only amplified his nefarious thoughts. Those thoughts of not being good enough. Undeserving of his role of the beast . Turns out if he wasn’t constantly calling Nini, his roaring mind roamed freely. At school, he had his friends, but at home … Gina wasn’t there like last semester to constantly smile at his Troy Bolton antics; To remind him he was going to do great. And sure she’d told him, he also had power over all the things he’d done in the past but a little voice in his head constantly popped up.
But those weren’t the only things that plagued his mind. There were other ones in regards to the dancer that he constantly had to shake off, though it was hard when she was constantly grazing his arm or touching his chin to coach him through the Beauty and the Beast dances as co-choreographer.
Ricky wasn’t sure what he talked about with Nini over the phone, nor when he excessively sent texts her way, certainly not about the depressing thoughts. Certainly not about Gina . All he knew was he must have forgotten to fill her in on some big changes … Like how he had moved.
Thursday night he had hurried to the bus station to go to Denver for what he hoped would be a grand romantic gesture, though he never got to finish the second verse of the song — feeling recently uninspired despite how desperate he was to see his girlfriend. He knew she’d appreciate it regardless. But that never came to be as the two had completely missed each other, with Nini going to his home at Salt Lake at the same time … That was his old home.
So Friday at noon, when he finally had time to call and apologize (after oversleeping most of the morning and lunch), he tried his hardest not to doze off after the restless night on the cramped bus seat. Apparently he had fallen asleep, as he was woken up at the sound of his government name being called.
“Hey, at least I get to see you after school.”
“Just said that,” Nini retorted.
“I’m sorry,” he replied, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you moved.” She said and if he hadn’t been so sleepy he would have been able to read her a lot more. However, even with sleep deprivation, he still sensed a bit of hurt masked behind her smile. And why shouldn’t she? He had forgotten to tell her she moved.
But he was also irked, strangely enough. It might have had to do with the lack of sleep but venom surged through his tongue. “Yeah, well you also didn’t tell me you were going to YAC so I think we’re even.”
“So you are upset about that.” Nini’s voice was no longer light and her face was completely voident of her previous smile.
“Anyone would be upset if their girlfriend was leaving to a whole other state not even a day after telling them,” he hated how riled up he’d gotten over a simple conversation. But he also knew this had been simmering for a while now, since audition day when she never returned his call upon his return home. Instead opting for a congratulatory text for the role he’d snatched late into the night.
“I thought you were happy for me.” She was upset. She was really upset.
He now had a pounding headache, the concoction of no sleep plus an upset girl was a recipe for a perfect disaster. “I am. Both things can be true at the same time.”
“I just can’t believe—”
E.J. marched out of the bunker, raising a quizzical brow at his distressed state. “Bowen, hey, uh, we’re starting. Miss Jenn is asking for you. You good?” His inquiry cut Nini’s sentence.
“Nini, can we talk about this after school?”
She took in a harsh breath, breaking through the curtain of anger. “Fine.”
“I don’t want to intrude but … do you want to talk about it?” The senior looked like he wanted to do anything but. And while Rick wasn’t a fan of E.J., he wasn’t going to subjugate him to listen to his problem about his ex-girlfriend.
He wove him off with a vague gesture and a half smile for he was too tired to even bother with. At least he had rehearsals to take his mind off things.
Things not including Gina. because he couldn’t stop gawking at her the entire time. He couldn’t help it, she looked adorable in her red cardigan. It was a subtle nod to the holiday. Somewhere along the way, he got on his feet and willed his mind to listen to what Gina was saying about practicing the waltz with Ashlyn.
Apparently none of the wildcats were in great spirits as the rehearsals ended rather abruptly. Ashlyn nearly walked out had it not been for Gina whispering to the redhead something about a conversation they’d had. Koutney too seemed to be out of it, her voice which usually sounded powerful was somber and small that day. Ricky was in no right headspace either, nearly stepping over Ashlyn a few times.
“This is no good, I really need us to move forward if we want this to be perfect for the Menkies,” Miss Jenn said in a steely tone but her face showed signs of nervousness as if she’d break at any moment. Ricky was no stranger to the woman’s nervousness but the expression on her face was teetering towards something more maddening. “Carlos I need you to work with Ashlyn after school and you, Gina dear, with Ricky.” She announced much to the group’s chargrins.
“But … It's Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh, Valentine’s Day is just another holiday created by corporate greed.” The older woman guffawed.
Carlos glumly slid his gaze at Seb. Ricky felt partially guilty for messing with people’s love lives because of his own shortcomings. As if finally realizing her declaration, Miss Jenn looked appalled, maroon blotching her face. “Oh, it will only be a few hours and then you can continue with your plans for the rest of the day.”
“I can do two hours,” Carlos said hastily to Ashlyn as he looked over at Seb waiting for a confirmation that came in the form of a smile.
Gina came into his periphery at that moment. Everything blurred in the distance as she nervously fiddled with her hands. “I don’t want to impose if you have plans—”
“I don’t have plans …Do you?”
He hadn’t known until after he’d done it but he let out a relieved exhale. It was true that he had plans, though he almost didn’t want to after the fight, but he couldn’t fathom why he could be so selfishly gleeful over Gina having none. His phone pinged and he excused himself to read the message.
Nini: Mama Carol twisted her ankle ice skating, dinner time good?
Ricky quickly typed an ok, unsure of what to make of the news or rather what the news meant. The junior had presumed he wanted to see Nini but now that he knew Gina was coming over it didn’t seem as pressing. But it made sense, at least in his mind, because he hadn’t hung out with Gina in awhile.
“Not until later, is my apartment okay? Warning though, we’re still settling in.” He flushed thinking of the boxes that still hung around the house.
“Yeah, works for me.”
Inside his heart did a jovial sort of high jump, practically leaping to his throat but no matter how much he buzzed from the excitement of hanging out with Gina, on the outside he maintained a hard composure. He offered her a genuine smile and a nod. Nothing more nothing less.
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.
.
Salt Lake’s winter was still in its full wake much to Gina’s disdain. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the season, she just wasn’t particularly fond of the way she would occasionally lose her footing in the slush. She liked to have control of her life, at least in the smaller things, like purposely stepping on crunchy leaves in the fall, or skipping stones in the summer. Afterall, it was all she fully had her reigns on. And sure, she may have been feeling extra chummy because of the holiday — her mother having forgotten their traditional stuffed bear only dampened her mood further.
She also couldn’t deny how her heart wavered as she knocked on Ricky’s door thinking of how ridiculous it was that she was spending the holiday with her old crush. “Gina, hi.” He gave her a rueful smile as he invited her to come in.
Emphasis on old crush.
That was currently being contested after their weird exchange the day of auditions. Both their revelations had left her head swimming for weeks, unable to chalk it up as just a friendly conversation and not for an earth shattering sign of how tethered they were; like the yarn she used to make the stupid hat that led them to where they were now.
“Wow look at this place,” she peered around the room unable to shake the feeling that she recognized it. Not because she’d never seen it before but because Gina was used to the bare walls and littered boxes haphazardly tossed in the hallways, never to be touched before disaster struck again. It almost seemed congenial which she hated.
“I know it’s not much—,”
“This is as far as house number 3 made it.” Gina interjected taking off her jacket as the heater kicked in. She hadn’t realized until then that both her and Ricky had worn red for the holiday. Normally she would have found that cute but guilt constricted her and instead of seeing the color as romantic she found herself squirming as if it were blood.
“I’m sorry,” he began.
Gina rolled her eyes as she popped open her iTunes playlist of the music they had to practice. “It’s not a sore subject.” She shrugged as he frowned. “All I’m saying is this will feel more like home soon enough. You’ll see. Eventually you’ll fill every nook and cranny with new memories.”
At that a grin broke free and her heart triumphantly hummed. “Yeah, I’ll always remember me stepping over your toes in this kitchen.”
“Have a little more faith in yourself.”
“Ask Ashlyn about it.”
Gina propped her phone against the counter, music already cued up. “I have. She has said nothing but nice things about you.”
The boy before her had this strange look shadowing his face until it morphed fully into that of befuddlement with slight mirth. “You guys … talk about me?”
Unable to refute the statement, and unwilling to further dig herself into a hole, Gina barked at him. “Positions.”
She was glad the junior didn’t budge any further. The dancer was sure the blood that roared in her ears was manifesting itself in the form of a nasty blush but Ricky didn’t comment on it. He simply came towards her, ghosting over her figure for a minute before fully placing his hand on her waist and her other hand. This was somehow worse than any possible teasing, she quickly concluded.
He was so close he dizzied her despite how he avoided looking at her. At that moment she wasn’t sure if the hammering was from her or his heart as they swayed to the music. By now she’d memorized the tune but this time it sounded foreign to her ears in accompaniment of the staccato of her heart piercing every other note.
“Doesn’t the guy have to lead?” He awkwardly laughed, unable to break the tension they’d put themselves in.
“Usually.” She replied. “But you’re the beast right now, remember? He’s nervous because he really wants to make things work with Belle.”
“Yeah … I do.” He said, slightly peering down at her through leaden lids, nearly cutting off her breathing and stopping her in her tracks, but as if realizing he’d been under a confounding spell, he shook his head. “I-I mean the beast does.”
“Right. So you have to be a bit more … timid in the beginning, I guess. Follow my lead: one, two, one, two …”
Ricky, after a few stumbles, found his footing. It was easy enough as they waltz around the half furnished place. Gina wasn’t sure if the skater's sudden skittishness was him getting into his character or something else. She couldn’t let her mind wander to what ifs so she focused on the task at hand. “And then things start to become more comfortable ...” She said as if she were merely given stage directions and definitely not speaking her thoughts out loud.
Sure enough, Ricky spun her with a new found vigor. A blinding smile bloomed on his face and she found herself mirroring his expression, her teeth fully showing as the music continued on loop. It was by the third round that Gina felt content with their full choreography so she moved to the final part as the music faltered, the previous swell dying out. The junior’s brows furrowed as Gina shifted to the side as they slowed. There was a lantern in the place of her heart as she rested her head against the crook of his neck. Unlike Bell, she couldn’t lay her cheek against his breastbone but found that it was just as comfortable and more tantalizing to feel his neck on her skin. To her surprise, Ricky easily molded around her — his arms drawing her closer as they swayed, as if making a haven for the refuge she sought, and his cheek rested just slightly above her forehead where she melted at his warm breath fanning the crown of her head.
Before she knew it she’d let out a pleased hum. And in turn he let out a satisfied sort of sound — one she’d associate with contentment, a mix between a sigh and a grunt. That’s how her heart felt, not ablaze, but as if it were basking in the new found warmth.
Gina stupidly leaned in and discovered his heart pulsing just against her cheek. It was beating dangerously fast. There were dust motes flying about from the light that hit the window and she found that it was much more beautiful than the snow outside. She wanted to ask why it was hammering so hard but chose against it because it didn’t belong to her. It never had. Plus, she wanted to bask in this. Whatever this was.
But that cocoon of warmth wouldn’t last long.
The dancer abruptly pulled away at the sound of Ricky’s phone ringing. It was Nini, he didn’t even have to say it but she could see it in the way his brows furrowed just slightly at the caller ID. They’d aired their grievances with each other and while they weren’t exactly close friends, she felt remorse for wishing Ricky’s heart was hers .
She meant to say hello as she plastered on a smile but Ricky had shushed her in a way that effectively let the greeting die on her lips from the sheer surprise. His action only added to the queasy remorse that flipped her stomach. Gina couldn’t begin to understand why he’d made her pretend she wasn’t home, after all it was no big secret when Miss Jenn announced it to the entire class.
“Yeah that works,” his voice paused her thoughts to a screeching halt. Rather than jumping back to the volatile thoughts she turned to face him but his back was to her still. “And … I’m sorry about earlier … Yeah, we can talk about it later, by—”
The silence soon thereafter was unlike the tranquil one from earlier. It was uncomfortable and stiffening and when he finally turned around that wall she’d put between them was tall and erect one again. “Sorry,” he said, genuinely looking apologetic. “Nini isn’t coming anymore …”
Weary and uncomfortable Gina shifted and quickly catching onto the implications he added, “for like a good reason. Her mom may have broken an ankle.”
“Been there, done that,” she offered hoping to make it less awkward. “… It’s good that she has her daughter around. I was a mess.”
“Your mom must have babied you a lot.” Ricky joked, stuffing his hands into his pockets. There was still a definitive distance between them as he did so.
Gina shrugged. “She was busy with work but the nurses were really nice.”
“You were … upset, right?” He asked back softly. And of course he knew what she was feeling. His emotions mirrored hers and amplified them the more. Before she’d known it she’d begun rambling.
“Yeah. I was. Just like today, I understand she’s out there saving lives, I do. But … Valentines is our holiday and she forgot about it … my stuffed bear. I just … I miss her.” There. She’s done it.
“I get it …” Don’t , she wished as he began. “My mom wasn’t big on the holiday per say but she always managed to raid my candies for almond joys … just kind of miss that today. Now I have a stack of almond joys no one's gonna eat.”
She laughed at that relief flooding. “No offense but your mom has horrible candy taste.”
“Not just candy. Her snacks are also bad.”
“Can’t be that bad.”
He finally dropped his hands to his sides as he talked. “She used to bring homemade snacks to my school for potluck events but no one would ever go for them. Eventually my dad managed to convince her it took too much time so he delegated the role to himself.”
“Hmm, let me guess … store bought cookies?” She teased.
“Only the best from Walmart.”
She snorted, once again she was entrapped by his warmth. Jesus, Gina nearly stumbled back as it dawned on her he’d just hung up with his girlfriend . Her not-friend-but-also-not-enemy.
It was jarring when she abruptly stopped, turning her laugh into a cough. Ricky wavered at the sight before him, brows once again coming together in consternation. She reached for her phone and wanted nothing more than to careen past him for the door. But that would look suspicious and she has to uphold her end by being a friend to him again. So, instead she pretended she was focused on the playlist she’d made.
“You’re doing it again.”
Gina nearly jumped out of her skin at his voice which was unusually peeved off. “I don’t know what you mean.” She genuinely replied but wasn’t particularly doing a good job at pretending like she wanted to know.
“That! Putting up a wall between us.”
“I am not.” She said anger boiling over. He was right that was the worst part. The lies tasted bitter in her tongue.
Ricky knew she wasn’t being truthful but he gave her grace and dropped the subject. “Want to practice one more time?” He extended his hand and she bit her lip back to restrain herself from crying. So much for old crush.
His calloused hand beckoned her but she didn’t take it, insisting they’d practiced enough through a tired face, and that he’d earned his break. Ricky never followed her out the door.
.
.
.
He knew he shouldn’t have been driving to her house which wasn’t even her house. Knew that there was a reason a cloud of shame followed him as he parked right outside the familiar home. But maybe, a friend was all Gina needed for that night. And perhaps … what he needed too. Eerily sitting home alone, he’d registered the lack of his mother’s presence like he hadn't in a long time.
As he approached the steps, blood rushed to his ears, roaring in a way that he wasn’t used to. After a few seconds of knocking, Gina opened the door. She was of course shocked by his appearance; despite the fact that they hadn’t left on bad terms that afternoon, he knew there was still that space between them. “Ricky?” She asked, gripping the door like it was a lifeline. “What are you doing here?”
“Don't worry, not here to subjugate you to more of my terrible dancing skills,” he held up his hands.
Despite his desired attempt to ease her mind, his response only seemed to worsen her mood, a frown quickly etching on her face. “You don’t need to put yourself down all the time, you know?”
“Oh.” The truth was Ricky hadn’t realized that’s what he’d been doing. Embarrassed, he unconsciously did that thing with his hands he always did when he was trying to fill a quiet pause. “Right.”
“So …”
“Right!” He regained his train of thought, still feeling sheepish. “I was wondering if you could come with me somewhere?”
Her eyes widened slightly. “That … doesn’t sound ominous at all.”
At least there was a tug on her lips now. He’d only hoped she’d say yes. “You’re not afraid of me are you?” The junior teased.
“No.” She crossed her arms, scoffing. “That’s my bit, remember?”
In turn he beamed at her. “My bad,” he continued that act, adding an apologetic bow for dramatic effect. The thespian before him snorted at his flippant act. “So, is this intimidating girl willing to take the offer of a skate rat?”
The innocent joy surrounding her was quickly depleting. He swallowed roughly at her wavering. The cloud around him quickly shrouded him and if he looked close enough, it was seeping towards her too. Regardless, Ricky wanted to try once more.
So, he extended his hand out, like he’d done back at his house where she hadn’t taken it. He wouldn’t ever express the sorrow and emptiness he felt without the warmth of her fingers pressed against his out loud. Would never voice the way his heart and mind protested when she’d pulled away after their dance. “I promise it will be worth it.”
His voice might as well have been carried by the wind by how small his words came out. A car rushing by swallowed his promise on the otherwise quiet night. As he studied Gina he was almost mistaken that she’d missed his words, but she was looking at him so intently he just knew that wasn’t the case. She shuffled by the door, popped back in for a frightening second, before coming back out with a jacket. The door closed behind her and finally, she placed her hand on his. It felt like the world had been holding a breath. Like he was able to breathe again.
It was as if he’d been underwater; he broke to the surface and breathed in a lung full of air that was Gina’s smile. “Let’s go.”
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.
.
Thrill and nervousness took over Gina’s body. Her mind was effectively being taken over by the survival side for she had no strategy to deal with the curly haired boy beside her. Surely, her brain had shut down when he’d offered her to come with him because there was no logical reasoning behind her saying yes. It was too late to take back her words as he pulled over at the movie theater. It made sense, in a way, for it was nearly midnight and no other places would be open.
She squinted as the boy hopped off the car, having no choice but to follow suit, she closed the bug’s door. “The movies?”
He shook his head but still motioned for her to follow him. Ricky didn’t ask for her to take his hand, not again. Their hands had unclasped as soon as they’d entered the car and she was fine with that. Well, she was trying to be fine with it.
Inside the vicinity, the familiar smell of heavily buttered popcorn wafted over. Despite her hesitations, Gina was far more curious about what Ricky’s plans were as his smile sent a storm of butterflies through her stomach. “Come on.” He guided her until they stopped in front of a claw machine. “Tada!”
Jolly by the sight before him, Ricky extended his hands out like he’d just presented her a gift.
“A claw machine?” She inquired.
“I wanted to get you a bear so you could still have a part of your mom but most stores were closed by the time I went searching,” he fiddled with his hands while an ache throbbed in her heart. She could see now the plethora of animal plushies that littered the machine, a funky pink one standing in the middle. Gina was rendered speechless at the touching idea. “You don’t like it?” He asked at the prolonged silence, little did he know that for a second time that night he’d made her tear up.
“No,” she shook her head, valiantly keeping her voice from cracking. “I … just, thank you, Ricky.”
She hoped she could see her sincerity in her smile, in her eyes; in turn, he grinned sheepishly, and lamely it sent another bout of butterflies through the pit of her belly.
The two took turns, Gina might have purposely lost as Ricky insisted he’d be the one to get it for her. The dancer tried not to think too much about her mother, instead focusing on the reassuring (and infectious) smiles and rambunctious behavior of her friend. Eventually, he did win her the pink bear.
As they passed the concession stand on the way out, an idea formed itself in Gina’s mind. She excused herself to use the restroom and Ricky took the bait, waiting for her just outside the theater. With him out of sight, she returned to the bright clear display that held an array of candies. Despite her options, she was only there for one candy.
“Here,” she said once inside the car.
“What’s this?” He asked, the candy obscured by the darkness of the car. However, as soon as it made their way to his hands he knew. She saw it in the way his apple bobbed and his eyes glossed.
The two sat in silence eating almond joy chocolates, and Ricky only spoke once he’d dropped her off at Ashlyn’s home. “Thanks,” he’d rolled down the window. “For this.”
She beamed, not missing a beat and raising her bear. “What are friends for.”
The words pained her and it might have been an illusion, a trick from the lack of light on the curb, but her classmate seemed to visibly wince.
Once in bed, a text message from her apologetic mother arrived. It didn’t hurt any less that she’d forgotten but Gina had other things to be grateful for, namely one by the name of Ricky Bowen.