Chapter Text
Kel was more or less well-known for his ability to smile even when there isn’t much — if at all anything —- to be happy about, especially to the same friends he had known for years on end. Even to those he had never developed deeper connections to, his naturally joyful energy could be felt throughout his presence, a sun that kept radiating pleasant warmth almost.
Albeit, the smile was something not entirely pure. As time went by and he inevitably grew up, so did his awareness of how complex and life tends to be. Even the occasional basketball drills he’d share with his other friends — obviously not as close as the ones he had already known throughout his childhood — are now less for fun and more for competition.
And sometimes, the flow of things would occasionally drag Kel with it, take him to where he’d have emotions and do things he could never expect himself to do. One of such occasions was Kel being salty and overly aggressive to his fellow teammates on some matches where he couldn’t possibly bridge the gap made by the small mistakes they made — which is nonetheless entirely logical, but still quite rare and out of place for someone as consistently positive as he is.
It never became apparent until then when he was visited by his cousin, that moment when Kel finally put into words the disdain Aubrey held against him even after so many years. They both have grown, each to their own, but their particular interest in bickering hasn’t at all changed. The idea is even more thought provoking when the sporty teenage boy realizes that he too has grown to find more ways to bicker with Aubrey aside from throwing half-snarky, half-provoking comments at her.
His streak of staying positive has been an impressive 6 years or so, starting from as soon as he got young enough to understand what appreciation is. Even within the small town that he had never gone too far away from, there are things that never seem to grow old enough to not bring a smile out of him.
Kel wasn’t stupid however. He was carefree, not ignorant, and he was well aware how life was slowly driving a wedge between him and the ones he would comfortably refer to as family. Basil and Sunny weren’t exactly suitable candidates that could catch up with how hasty he is for the most part, and both of the older figures — that being Hero and Mari — had already left the town. The last choice left to pick was also far from ideal, if even reasonable at all.
And so, on that particular evening with his house flooded by all the different food being cooked in the kitchen, Kel could no longer urge himself to be so excited. Even with the many dishes cooked by his brother — a person well known for having talents in making almost all kinds of food taste awesome — there was still an awkwardness set between him and everyone else.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Elena quickly picked up the evident anxiety in her son’s expression, standing out even more with what she’s familiar with seeing.
“Nothing, mom… I’m just a bit tired.” Kel drummed his fingers on the table. “Can I eat later?”
“Well, it’s not always that we come to visit. We haven’t seen you in more than a decade now.” Alessandro had a hint of insistence in his voice. “We had a good time making all this food, too.”
“Yeah, I just… I don’t feel like eating right now.” Kel tried to crack a smile of reassurance, but it wasn’t quite like the one he’s used to having. “I think I’ll go to my room.”
“Take a good rest, son. You need it don’t you?” Alejandro did not object to the idea. He too sensed the unusual weariness, and perhaps understood it better than anyone else could have.
As the echoes of the footsteps slowly dwindled down to silence, the eyes that looked at Kel’s direction slowly returned to the various dishes placed on the table. It was a wide variety of both traditional Spanish dishes, most of which Hero was more than proficient in remembering the recipes of, but much like everyone else he too lost his appetite.
“Did… something happen in school today, mom?” Hero concerningly turned to face her. “He’s never looked that sad before.”
“No, his grades are perfectly fine! It’s like what it has always been.” She put her hand on her chin. “It’s also quite recent that he said how his basketball practices are going well, so I don’t know what really went wrong…”
“Has your boy always been like this?” Camila pitched in.
“No, not at all. If anything, he’s pretty much the happiest person in this entire house. I can even bet on this entire town as a whole.” He said, having a convicted and unwavering trust in his son. “It must have been a long day for him, just leave him be.”
Dinner went on without much of a disruption, aside from the occasional stutters from the gaps in the thoughts both families had. Even then, Hero and Nathan both shared a look of rue and concern, even when the former hadn't at all experienced having a younger brother beforehand. With the dishes set aside and slowly brushed off of their food scraps, the sun had already well set behind the horizon.
Hero was standing on his porch, letting the wind brush over his hair and shoulder. Over in the sky above him and the rest of everything else, several stars had already shyly appeared behind the drifting clouds, while the moon rested upon the boundless frame as a thin, waning crescent. It was a beautiful night, and a pleasantly familiar sky to Hero.
“Hello Henry, I didn’t get to talk too much to you did I?” Nathan formerly called for him, with a hand on the soft fabric of Hero’s familiar sweater.
“Oh, hey.” Hero gave his cousin a brief wave, before continuing, “and yeah, you kinda just waltzed out of the house when Kel came home.”
A moment of mutual silence descended upon the two.
“...Did something happen when you were with him?” Hero asked, and for the first time in many years he found himself questioning the self-sustenance of his younger brother. “He has never looked that sad before. In most cases, he wouldn’t even leave the frown on his face for more than a few minutes.”
“That is… concerningly strange. I wouldn’t at all question his ability to remain positive, but that is still something I can’t wrap my mind around.” Nathan pitched in with his opinions, before adding to himself, “and no, there wasn’t much of an incident when I was with him. All that really ever happened was a small banter between Kel and his friend, or so I was informed.”
“Wait… Aubrey, right?” The young man quickly connected the dots. “I can’t believe they still argue even until now.”
“I have heard it’s been a long-running novelty or so between the two of them. He doesn’t seem to hold grudges over that, either.”
“Well, I had to be the peacekeeper for them a handful of times in the past. Maybe a lot more than I could even remember.” Hero reminded himself of his childhood days. “They would be at each other’s throat the moment I look away… Could it be that she said something hurtful?”
“Kel himself told me how much of what she told him are things he already expected her to say, so I wouldn’t say so.” Nathan let out a careworn hum, urging some thoughts out of himself. “I’m not exactly the person to make guesses about someone’s inner thoughts, not that much more better than you could. I never had a younger brother anyway.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m surprised you even care so much for him, considering you’ve just come here today.” Hero sighed, before a heartfelt recollection stirred up inside him. “It’s just that… I care for him a lot, just as much as he does to me. Ever since I went to college, I’ve always wished him to be fine, and he should be. It’s not like anything ever changed too much, given how we still have the friends we’ve known for years.”
Nathan took a moment to collect his thoughts and neatly present them in a way he could process them best. He had never experienced the feeling of having a younger brother before, even less so a tightly-knit friend group like the one his cousin is a part of. Andrew was the closest he ever got to either, and even that is a stretch with how little he actually interacted with his nomad best friend.
Even then, Kel’s sorrow brought him back to memories, things that he’s painfully familiar with. A part of him felt somewhat bad for making conclusions so early, but the face he saw in his sporty cousin roughly mirrors that of his expression during his worse times. It took him many years and multiple shots to finally get out of his depressive state, but the efforts left a scar that he couldn’t possibly ever overlook.
“Could it be that he feels lonely then? Now that you’re off to college, and he doesn’t have his beloved brother around.”
“I mean, he seemed pretty ready when I left. It hasn’t even been more than a year since I left, and I do call back to my family at least once per week.” Hero tried to reassure himself and Nathan. “It’s not like I’m going to a different country or anything. I wouldn’t be able to come home and see you if I did.”
“Well, loneliness was a prominent part of my life years ago. I figured he might be troubled over it, given how debilitating the feeling of being isolated tends to be.” Nathan admitted. “Kel does look like a very outgoing and amicable person, don’t get me wrong… but loneliness isn’t exclusive to people that are introverted. It’s a basic need, like food or water, not a feeling that you can choose to feel.”
“I don’t know, really. I’ve always had Mari on my side, and Kel too.” Hero talked some more about himself. “I’m surrounded by the people I know in this town, and he is too. Even in college, I still have her to feel less alien in the city my campus is in.”
“Your girlfriend, yes?”
“...Yeah, she is.” Hero no longer feels embarrassed, more so to how casual Nathan sounded. “I’ve known her ever since she moved to this town, and it slowly built up since then.”
“Hey, it sounds adorable.” Nathan chuckled. “How is she?”
“She’s been doing well… Tired like me, but that’s life for the most part so I wouldn’t talk about it like that.” Hero smiled back in response, with his hallmark charm included. “I love her a lot, more than almost everything I have so far.”
Another transient moment of retrospection washed over Nathan, as he tried to resonate with the admission. On one hand, he was pleasantly surprised by how much his cousin is ready to confide in him, but he truly has never felt the exhilarating warmth of loving someone. His loyalty has thus far only been given to Andrew, but nonetheless the bond was more out of mutual respect and interest as opposed to attraction.
The thought of getting to feel the same thing one day made him feel amused, but the enjoyment only lasted until he returned to the two cousins of his — most likely his closest chance to experience being an older brother.
“So… About Kel.” Nathan quickly doubled back to what they were talking about. “Do you think either or both of us should come and ask him?”
“I’m not sure, really. I never had a plan for a day like this.” Hero showed uncertainty, a rarity for someone like him. “If you insist, though, I’d give it a try… I sure wouldn’t want to risk making him think ill of me or anything, though.”
“There’s no reason for genuine care to come off as ill intents, especially to someone like Kel. I’m sure it would never do more harm than it would do good.” Nathan shrugged off the idea, “besides, you’re only here for today and tomorrow no? There’s no better time for a heart-to-heart than now.”
“You do have a point, yeah.” Hero gave his cousin a subtle nod of approval, before turning around to face the doorstep of his home, “we should get going then.”
With a mutual understanding — one that even Nathan was surprised about, given the fact that he had never cared for anyone else the same way — the two made their way to the room Kel was in. Without his older brother, Kel had all of it to himself, but the joy of not having to fight for some private space soon grew into boredom and even sadness without someone to keep him company.
“Kel, you’re in there?” Hero called for his brother, coupled with several knocks on the door prior to his call.
“It’s OK, don’t worry! I’m fine!” Kel’s muffled voice reached Hero and Nathan through the thin door. “I just… I’m a bit tired, that’s all.”
“That, uh, doesn’t look too much like exhaustion. Not it only, at least.” Nathan pitched in. “It’s nothing serious! Just a little talk to keep you company.”
“I’m not lonely, guys. It’s OK!” The sporty boy reassured them, albeit the voice was with much reluctance, too much for what it was trying to achieve.
“Come on, Kel… I’ll be gone by tomorrow afternoon. This is the only good time for you to talk to me… Well, to us, Nathan too.” Hero pleaded in insistence. “Can you please let us in the room so we’d know if you’ll eat dinner?”
The moment of silence that followed after the request acted as a noncommittal agreement for the two young men, as they slowly slid the door open and peered inside. Kel was sitting on the soft orange blanket that he had known and cherished for many years, but the smile of the person who enjoys its warmth has since slid off and replaced with a much less joyful bedhead.
It seems to the two that his rest was inadequate, that is if it was even an actual nap that he was occupied with inside the confines of the dark room. With the door left open, the lights of the hallway gently brushed and restored the beauty along with glamour of the various trophies set across the room, through the dust that had gathered on them with the wheels of time steadily rolling through.
Most notably however, all of them were placed on the side where the navy blue bed was — the same color seen on Hero’s sweater. While Nathan was busy looking around and introducing himself to the cozy little room — much of which invoked the same powerful sense of nostalgia back when he visited his old room — Hero already began the conversation the two planned beforehand.
“...Did something go wrong when I left for college?” Hero worriedly asked his brother. “How has your time in school been?”
“It’s… fine, really, nothing particularly went wrong.” Kel tried to brush off the issue, even going as far as to add his signature smile to the mix. “It’s just a little fit that I’m having, don’t worry. I’ll just sleep and wake up all brand new.”
“You’ve never looked this down before, Kel.” Once again, Hero remains with his unwavering concern. Albeit, he had his own, equal share of respect for him, “we can avoid this conversation if you really don’t want to have it, but I want things to be fine before I leave again.”
Kel nervously looked at his brother’s face, then let out an awkward chuckle to try and break the tension between the two. As neither of the reactions were adequate, his mind continued to go through the same list of actions he’d use on any of his friends, only to find none of the options acceptable. Aside from having to confide in Hero, that is, with his absolute jumble of emotions.
In fact, his emotions were so mixed up and scattered across his — for the most part — empty mind that it was hard to capture with anything more than vague stutters and abrupt breaks of silence. Ten or so seconds passed — although transient was incredibly long for someone like him — before Kel could finally put his thoughts into words.
“I- Well… I’ve been- not really acting the way I usually do.” A less than desirable answer came through, evidently ambiguous like the ideas that it was made of.
“...What about that?” Hero wasn’t at all satisfied or comforted by the answer. “Are you… considering being like Aubrey? Mari tried so hard to bring her out of it, you know?”
“...What? N-No, I’ll never take that on!” Kel frantically defended himself, but the attempt still sounded weak. His grimace became more pronounced as he continued, “I’ve just been… meaner, less patient, more pushy, more… everything.”
Hero’s look of concern ever so slightly loosened, but only returned in greater proportions as Kel went on with his rant — perhaps the most serious one yet from someone as lighthearted as he was.
The sporty boy went on with his hearty, stutter-ridden answer, of his recent exhaustion and inner turmoil. It was a difficult feeling to parse for all parties within that room… All, save for Nathan. As the conversation — more so a one-sided confession — went on with Kel finding no reason to stop, he picked a random chair and found himself a seat before listening intently, to every word that his thought-to-be-cheery cousin had to say.
A conclusion soon formed in Nathan’s head with silence marking the end of the admission, and it was the same kind of closure he wished to have had back when he needed it too.
“And I just… don’t want to feel like I’ve changed. I’m more than OK with what I am.” He finished in a mature, albeit solemn tone. “I don’t want to lose what all my friends have known about me for years.”
“...I think that’s the exact reason why she actually seems hostile towards you.” Nathan made an assumption, not too much of a far-fetched one either. “It’s totally OK that you want to change… but she’s more or less going to find it annoying if you’re just like the friend she knew 4 or so years ago. People change, everything does, it’s only natural.”
“What’s so wrong about being nice that needs changing?”
“It’s more so that you’re… unconditionally, and inconsiderately nice.” Hero confronted his brother. “You seem to just believe that a smile is the best response to everything, but it could actually appear, well, rude. Aubrey has a bit of a bad temper, that I know well… but it’s not completely unreasonable that she is. She barely has a place to call home, and not so much of a family either.”
“So I’m… the problem?”
“You aren’t inherently wrong, there’s no evil in being joyful… but you do need to be mindful of how others feel.” Nathan added. “I am very familiar with your way of thinking, that you prefer things to be simple… but trust me, life would be far easier if it could be simple on command. It would be far less trouble if you don’t get on anyone’s bad side to begin with.”
Kel intertwined his fingers and slightly slouched over in a careworn expression, to let some of the words sink deeper into his usually simple mind.
“...Am I stupid? For thinking like this?” Kel trailed off. “Is it stupid to be asking this question?”
“...No.” Hero took a good few seconds considering the answer, but he saw no possible way he could say otherwise. “People struggle with emotions all the time, it’s just the way things are. I just thought it’d come to you eventually.”
“If you called yourself stupid over that question, you’d be calling me an idiot too.” Nathan faced the two brothers with a pleasant smile, but it was not without things hidden behind. “I lived many years of my life as a kid wondering what I wanted to feel… maybe even too much for me to forget.”
“How did you deal with it?”
“...I didn’t.” He solemnly answered Kel. “I let life decide, before it came time. I met my friend and he taught me the ways of a down-to-earth, truly carefree person. I realized that I didn’t need to possess my emotions so much as I needed to accept them, which is… particularly something you are doing right now. You force yourself to be happy, you don’t feel happy.”
“Is it harmful?”
“Happiness loses meaning when it’s a state and not an emotion. A smile is worth nothing if there’s no reason to put it on your face.” Nathan answered, both to himself and his cousin. “I could tell you how exactly I came to that lesson… but I don’t know if you have the time to spare.”
“I’d be up to listen too, if you could.” Hero sat by his brother and found himself a seat on the orange blanket. “We haven’t gotten to know you that much, especially since we haven’t met each other since I was… well, 6. Kel barely knew how to talk back then.”
“It’s a very fond memory for both good and bad reasons, but most of the memorable stuff was actually only in my formative years. Most of my time as an early adult is quite… boring, so to speak.” Nathan let out a subtle chuckle, before clearing his throat. “So, how far back do you want me to go?”
“You did say you were born early, and had a rough start didn’t you?” Hero dug up the brief conversation they had in the living room. “Do you mind telling us more?”
“Ah, that far back… Yeah, I wasn’t joking when I said that. I wish it was funny enough to joke about.” Nathan tried to put in some sarcasm, but the color of the memory remained stubbornly blue of deep sorrow. “I… had it really horrible. I came out of the womb a month early, and was filled to the teeth with diseases. Even the doctors admit they didn’t have much belief that I’d make it.”
“...Wow.” Kel looked at his cousin in both admiration and sympathy. “Did it… hurt? How long did you stay in the hospital?”
“For the first 3 years, I was basically bound to a white bed. I’m lucky enough to have much of it be only vague memories, but that… really wasn’t the painful part.” Nathan’s face scrunched up even more. “It’s the way people reacted to me… and the moment I realized how I wasn’t meant to live.”
He still has a very distinct pain, like a scar that roots deep into his strong and persistent heart. His heart was of fervent beats, of life flowing through his body, but it truly didn’t belong to him. Some parts of the heart belonged to a boy that was no older than him, with a fate no better than his. The admission was harrowing, but the story was going too far for him to omit the details.
“God… So you had a heart transplant?” Hero was briefly reminded of the same section in his books, and the way it referred to the most complex and vital components of a human body. “Did you have the entire thing replaced?”
“A lot of it belongs to that poor guy. Half of the main muscles weren’t working as intended, and even until now they don’t particularly work to their best capacity.” Nathan tried his best to avoid digging further into the painful details. “From what I was told, I really was just a broken body part out of this world. They had to work day and night to save me, and even that was a stretch. I don’t have a clear recollection of everything that went down… and I’m honestly glad I don’t. It already haunts me enough.”
“Is that why you are sad?” Kel’s question and assumption was rather simple, but it served its purpose well enough.
“No. It’s how I felt about myself.” Nathan matched the question with an equally straightforward answer. It was decisive, made from the same honestly that he had been taught to have. “It doesn’t feel right that I was basically living through the remains of another person, someone barely different from me no less. It… made me burrow myself into a corner for many years. Those weren’t the best of times, not at all.”
“I actually am in med school and I’ve just been getting to the parts surrounding the heart, and I can definitely see how hellish a surgery that was.” Hero willingly reminded himself of his long nights staying up — perhaps for a crude attempt of empathy. “Did you ever get over it? Or… do you still dwell on it every now and then?”
“Well, yes and no. I do dwell on it every so often, because my heart still beats as a reminder of it… but I have since moved on. I’d be far from the person I am right now if that was the case.” He made a hearty admission for himself and his cousins. “I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything back then, aside from being stuck with the thought… That I owe this world my life.”
Nathan took a gulp to clear his unusually dry throat. The story makes him run dry too fast.
“At school, at home, at a club, nothing was too different. The harrowing feeling overtook me, and I felt more dead than alive… no pun intended. My parents weren’t happy at all, neither were my teachers, but somehow everyone in the school agreed to not talk about it. A part of me appreciated their consideration, but it was still nowhere near how inferior and burdened I felt. More of a burden, even.”
A slight twitch brought his head back to the same position, to face Kel and Hero and with eyes directed a bit more at the former.
“I understand your strive for being a joyful person… but life isn’t really that simple. A smile is worth a lot more than what you’d believe, because I fought years to have it on my face. A smile, even just a small one, was something I could really use back then… but it never came.” Nathan lost focus once more due to the sheer weight of the memory. “That is… until I heard my mamá cry.”
Even the weight was far more than what Hero could imagine. He had undoubtedly grown to be a young man, but even with his own life starting to branch off and head for the path he had chosen, the idea of making his mom cry was too horrible. Unsurprisingly, Kel was uncomfortable with the idea too.
“She was… desperate, and so was my dad. They couldn’t figure out a way to make me happy with who I am.” Nathan’s eyes twitched, moonlight washing over his sideways gaze; he found too little strength to look into his cousins’ eyes. “I still remember what I heard and felt, hiding behind that wall and eavesdropping on their conversation. It was the first wake-up slap that struck me, that I needed to change before time was up.”
Hero and Kel remained silent, partly out of respect and also because they wanted to hear the story uninterrupted. Nathan broke through the transient silence, with his hand on the old and rusty safe of scarring memories he has grown less reluctant looking into.
“So… I got into football. Well, soccer if you don’t want to be confused. I began branching out more, trying to interact more, and it did work out. Even though it still burned me deeply, I was occupied enough to look away and keep going with the life of a kid my age. It wasn’t entirely complete, but I welcomed the thought knowing it was probably the best I could get to.
I still can’t believe they chose to trust me over trusting themselves. I knew it took a lot of them to accept that I can’t be as happy as most others, and I owe them for that. I feel lucky that I had such wonderful parents… even more so looking back at how horrible I was. Any less, and I doubt it would have worked at all.”
“Is that why you visited us back when we were kids?” Hero tried to connect the dots.
“It is one of the many things I did to try and feel better, yeah, but it was mostly to my parent’s volition. Looking back, I can’t exactly imagine that the same boy would grow into the handsome guy in front of my face right now.” Nathan gave his cousin a compliment. “I suppose that’s how you got your girlfriend, you aged like fine wine I’d say so.”
Surprisingly, Hero didn’t take the statement as a tease but more of an honest compliment. To that, he gave his cousin a warm and humble smile.
“Well… she and I knew each other long before we even actually considered talking to each other. We’ve been neighbors for as long as I could recall.” Hero tried to jog his mind for the pleasant little bits of his time seeing his new neighbors — people who soon became inseparable parts of his life. “After that, we just slowly got closer together… and yeah.”
“How long did it actually date back?” Nathan continued with the conversation. “Your friend group seems to extend far more than what I can ever possibly sustain, haha.”
“We started dating 4 years ago. The friend group… Hmm, I’d say it came to what it is now around 9 years ago.” Hero warmly smiled at the admission, before unexpectedly leaned to his right for a noogie. “And I’m sure it still has a long way to go… I know this guy won’t change any time soon.”
“H-Hey!” Kel was caught off guard, but he was chuckling.
“See, now that’s something to laugh over. It’s these little moments that are worth your smile.” Nathan chuckled too at the sight, yearning to feel the joy also. “Just keep it natural, stand true to what you want to feel, and it will make your mind much less cloudy. I took the lesson too, and now I’m far less careworn than what I was.”
“Is that also to that Andrew guy?” Kel pitched in.
“Frankly, he taught me more practical life lessons than anyone did, even more than my parents. It’s not exactly a realization that came to me early, nor was it an easy one to see through, but it’s still far from anything I could overlook nowadays.” Nathan scratched his head. “I sometimes consider him as family of my own, even with how little we actually see each other. Knowing he’s alive every now and then… It makes me content.”
“You never actually told us about him, no? Well, what he told you more so.” Hero doubled down on the topic. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask for those tips myself. Medical school… isn’t particularly easy to get through. I’d like to know ways to cool my head down, and for Mari too. We both tend to overwork ourselves.”
“You’re alright?” Kel took attention of the admission even faster than the person it was intended for.
“Well… yeah, all things considered. Mari and I have each other, and we do keep an eye out for the other. Still, her habit of perfecting everything does get to me more often than not.” Hero quickly reassured his brother, albeit in a more honest manner. He knew the conversation had enough lenience for him to not need any word-mincing.
“Trust me, work has its own… let’s say attraction to it, especially if you don’t have anything better to occupy yourself with. College life does tend to be busy overall though, more so with the field you pursue.” Nathan advised his cousin. “Believe me when I say I know the feeling by heart. Before I came across Andrew, I had nothing but work to keep myself satisfied.
A lot of it was to the thought that… Well, I had to make my life worth it, always productive. I was so hard-pressed on trying to give life a hardened, defined worth that I didn’t consider how to make it more enjoyable for myself. I kept chasing and entertaining the idea that I have to make myself worth the trouble people went through for me.”
Nathan suddenly felt dreamy. His mind floods with recollection of his memorable day, when it was already well past his sleeping hours yet he still found himself wandering by the sidewalks.
“You alright?” Hero dragged him back.
“Oh, yeah, I’m here… It’s just that, now that I look back, it’s hard to describe how sharp of a turn my life made after meeting Andy. I’ve always wanted to thank him, but there just never seems to be a good time.”
“It’s normal to express your appreciation. I always do.” Kel beamed with a smile.
“...He’s not exactly the kind of person to tend after the idea too well, he thinks it's cheesy. Andrew is a street-hardened, self-sufficient nomad. He basically forged himself into the ways of a lone wolf. Earning his trust and respect isn’t easy to do, so I take pride in knowing I already have. The list of people he can comfortably be around could probably be counted on your fingers.”
“You seem really close to him though. Closer than most.” Hero stopped to think for a brief moment. It took him quite the thought process to find an adequate comparison, “in fact, the two guys that are our neighbors are the closest thing to that kind of bond. My girlfriend didn’t know a lot either, but they’ve known each other for years according to her, long before any of them came to this town.”
“I suppose it is a rarity… which makes me treasure it even more.” Andrew let out a chuckle, mixed in with a hearty exhale to let the memories enter his mind further. “I still remember how it went the first time we came to see each other. It was well past midnight… and he was just fresh out of a street fight.”
Andrew was running out of time. There weren’t better ways to describe his state as of late. On those days, his full-of-holes wallet has been running thin, even more than usual. An unlucky encounter with a metal pipe has left him quite in need of better medical supplies, and biting his lips to try and overlook it did not make his next fight any easier.
He was lucky enough to survive with relatively no new injuries, not burning nor obstructing enough to keep him occupied, but the wounds that were left clumsily treated had already come back for more. After swiftly emptying the pockets of the three guys that ate his baseball bat for a long overdue dinner, the hardened gangster sat down and gave himself a good smoke. Even the cigarettes weren’t going to stay around for long.
He was only 20, nearing his 21st year of age, but the situation wasn’t particularly pointing in any good direction. Andrew had trained himself to travel long distances on foot, but his tenacity could only be matched so much by his malnourished and scar-ridden body. He couldn’t possibly believe he would get to see the sun come up and back down many more times.
With the body lying out cold on the sidewalk serving as his impromptu seat, Andrew began to sink deep into his thoughts. Times when he considered taking a good look back at his faulty and messy life are few and far between, but they usually serve their purpose well, enough to be more important than most. They are his wake-up slaps, moments of clarity to show the road for a brief moment before he turns off the short-lived light to keep walking through the thick mist.
The way around the dusty, lawless streets was undeniably bumpy, but it was no longer those obstacles that Andrew found himself stuck on. He could still keep going in the same manner, as he and the ways of a gangster are hardly ever different from one day in the month to another. Rather, his course of actions wasn’t leading to a tangible destination — not that any of them ever did, but the goal was falling short of certainty for every risk he took and every fight that included him.
Tobacco’s thick and alluring taste was no longer doing its job as usual, and the smoke wasn’t cloudy enough to distract Andrew from the evident, tangible end of the line he was heading straight toward. Part worried, part painful, he was in quite the discomfort, as the same sensations he had grown used to suddenly feel foreign.
Andrew’s thoughts wandered towards a family, but every scarred cell within his body quickly blew it off like fluttering candlelight. He still remembers every bruise the leather belt of his dad left on him, every word of harsh insults that drilled their way through his mind every rare occasion he decided to come home. It wasn’t so much of a family as much as it was — to his definition, an aimless shitshow.
Albeit, his stance and view didn’t quite deviate too much from his plans either. It’s safe to say luck has been with him far more than it should — given how many times he should have ended up on the sidewalk with his head wide open, and he had been reliant on it for his survival. There were far more than several bits of his life that he could never have a good hold of.
As if his very own mind got sick of its own thoughts and tried to find something for a distraction, his sharp hearing quickly picked up on the sound of footsteps. It was only a good half an hour or so from midnight, which only furthered Andrew’s caution. Within one moment, he was already armed with his inherited baseball bat and adrenaline diluted enough in his blood to once again make his pain feel inconsequential. The cigarette was promptly spat to the ground and had its burning end snuffed out under his worn sneakers.
But then, the person who came out from the corner of the street wasn’t the kind he was anticipating. If not, quite the opposite.
There was a young man, visibly jaded yet quite peaceful-looking, wandering on slow and careworn steps. They made eye contact, and their gazes quickly struck awe within one another. For Andrew he may very well be thrown behind bars — even more with his visible, proudly displayed handiwork. For the stranger, it wasn’t hard to consider the fact that he saw a glimpse of the bloody baseball bat, and consequently also saw it end up on his head in the same fashion as the bodies laying right next to its owner.
“Woah! Jesus, I- Uhm…” The stranger quickly spiraled into panic. “I- I uh, I’ll just- God…”
“Hey, chill out! I don’t bite… not for guys like ya.” Andrew quickly lowered his weapon and resorted to words, admittedly a rarity among his choices. “These jackasses asked for it. They wanted a taste of this thing, so I made them eat the entire thing.”
“I, uhm… You’re not going to kill or incapacitate me, right?” The guy raises his hands out forward in caution, while slowly backing down. “This… doesn’t particularly look pretty.”
“Yeah, if you don’t try to do stupid shit while I’m not looking.” He continued with his caution.
“...Are these guys dead?” The stranger shakily pointed at the three limp bodies.
“Nope, these fuckers still breathing. They are sleeping, though, sleepin’ tight.” Andrew pointed his thumb at one of the three. “This guy almost caved my shins inward, so I figured he’d be fit to be a chair for the time being.
“Should I, uh, back out of this?”
“As I said, I ain’t gonna bite. I’d like it if you, uh, don’t call the cops on me. They’ll be here to clean up by morning, so ya don’t have to bother.” Andrew had a nonchalant attempt at trying to reason for himself. “Still, your call. I ain’t gonna decide what you think is a good idea.”
“...May I ask how you managed?” A part of his concern and anxiety shifted to curiosity. “How exactly did you beat them all? They seem to be armed, too. Street fights don’t really favor the party with fewer participants, from what I know.”
“What got ya excited over the thought? They’re just dumbasses who can’t get a good hold of their asses.” Andrew shifted to a more casual tone, indicated through his light huff of amusement. “Not a lot of folks ask me how things go, y’know? They can’t be bothered.”
“You’re probably the only person I can catch a vision of, so… yeah.” The guy shrugged. “I suppose I might as well make it something of a conversation. My name’s Nathaniel, but people call me Nathan.”
“The name’s Andrew. Been a long time since someone actually bothered to figure out what my name is.” Andrew enjoyed the thought. “So? What got ya around here these hours? Guys lookin’ like ya might find it best to just stay locked inside until the sun comes up.”
“My mind has been admittedly cloudy. I can’t sleep too well these days.” Nathan explained, slowly approaching Andrew. “I’m sure there are better ideas than to try and chat with a gangster, but you don’t particularly look vicious. Not towards me at least, can’t say the same about… well…”
“They hella deserved it. They planned to break into an old man’s store and mug him.” Andrew was ready to continue his smoke, with a new cigarette of course.
“You… stopped them? All by yourself?” Nathan was somewhat bewildered, enough to phase out the remaining bits of his anxiety. “What gives?”
“Money. I pickpocket thugs to get some food for myself. Shit’s rough, but better than trying my luck on normal people and get thrown into a cell.” Andrew casually explained, ending his line a moment before he lit up his second cigarette.
“That plan… doesn’t entail the best chance for success, it seems.” Nathan gave him his humble opinion. “How did you manage making so many ill acquaintances? You know, what if these guys come around to see you on another day?”
“That’s why I have to be on the move. Anything else, and they’d snatch my ass the same way twelves’ would.”
“Twelves…?”
“Cops. That’s how someone I knew used to call ‘em.”
Nathan’s rational thinking and instincts told him to back off and try to leave the scene with as little trace of his presence there as he could, but he was too jaded to consider the stranger in front of him to be dangerous. A part of him wanted to believe that the possibility of something terrible happening has already passed, given the conversation wasn’t promptly substituted by an impromptu durability test for himself.
More than anything, he recognized the distinct look of careworn exhaustion in the gangster’s face — a place he’d no less find interesting to see the same expression in. A piece of his restless heart made him try to find his place next to the stranger.
“You don’t look too good.” He commented.
“I don’t, yeah, quite fuckin’ obvious.” Andrew casually admitted. “Time’s runnin’ thin, and I’on know if I’ve packed enough to last til’ next year.”
“I’m sure you’ll go the distance. I can tell you’ve gone a long way.”
“‘S not OK, pal. It’s always a gamble to survive another day out here. You can never be too sure when Death’s going to breathe down ya neck.” Andrew sounded more melancholic. “Welp… so much for a fuck-up that is my life. ‘Least it went somewhere, through 4 or so cities at least.”
“Where is your hometown? Or home city?”
“Dayton, somewhere around Ohio. Doesn’t fucking matter now, the family and the house I used to be in gone to shit years ago.” He solemnly admitted, but his voice still pertained to the same roughness. “I ain’t gonna figure out what awaits me back there.”
“...You went all the way there to here in Reno? Wait, how did you end up here?” Nathan was both worried and confused. “Sorry if I sound insensitive, but you don’t seem to have any reliable ways to travel around.”
“Well, ain’t ya sharp for that one. Yeah, I don’t, I just scrambled my way here. My old man dragged me to Carson, and the rest went to smoke. Been goin’ around for a long time now.” Andrew gave Nathan a cold gaze. “So? What’s your call, big boy? You’re gonna send the cops after me?”
“Jeez, I thought you’d at least spare me some trust, now that we’ve gotten this far into the talk.” Nathan was slightly spooked, but his interest towards the gangster was relatively unmoved. He was staring at a fate much more adverse than his, a life wrapped around dust and sweat. It made him reconsider just how easy he got things for himself.
“Yes or nah?” Andrew took a good puff.
“No, I’m not that inconsiderate. I can tell you’re not evil.” Nathan tried to reassure Andrew. “I’m sure you’d rather direct your hostility to the people that aren’t going to sit down and chat with you. What about me?”
“You get the pass… but I doubt it worth jack.” Andrew shrugged. “I ain’t here to stay.”
Nathan sat down and stared back in retrospection. His social life has been noticeable falling near radio silence, even considering the valuable time spent with his parents. Ever since he moved to a new, bigger city, he had been losing track of time and leaving many people he used to know on hold. Simple enough, there wasn’t much left of him to spare them any exciting news.
The experience of interacting with a person almost on the other end of the road as his made him fall deep to his own thoughts, like a blind man finally seeing colors for the first time. More than he’d like to admit, Nathan has always been somewhat reserved despite being undeniably amicable to almost anyone. His openness with someone with such a shady appearance like Andrew is a big testament to that trait of his.
“Hm… Would you promise me not to scoff off what I’m about to suggest? And well, a lot of the things I’m about to say, too.” Nathan picked up the conversation again. “I just… have things that I want to get off my chest. It’s alright if we never see each other again, I’ll make tonight worth the best it could.”
“Ya sound desperate. Desperate is a shit place to be.” Andrew commented, with a hand taking off the nearly burnt cigarette from his mouth. “You really wanna trust me? Above all the good folks you might know better than you do me?”
“I wouldn’t have taken the chances to be here if it was a choice I could readily take.” Nathan took his turn to put the solemn admission on the table. “I’d have no incentive to test my luck on a potentially hostile gangster if someone else could give me the closure I need.”
“...Sure, go right the hell ahead. It’s been a long time since I had a good talk anyway.”
The engine of the rickety yet trusty dirt bike transitioned from angry, cranky roars to clacks akin to that of horse hooves as Andrew approached the town. He was going far beyond the speed that is considered legal, but it was a relatively empty road anyway. As the wind coursed through his hair in excitement of his return to the town, he came to a reminder.
He was only alive due to his buddy. It was nowhere near an understatement. His survival was purely reliant on that special day he and Nathan crossed roads, where he began finding new horizons with his motorcycle. The exhaust of the bike breathed smoke out just as he breathed in air, and he lived with it almost every moment knowing he will still see daylight to cherish his luck.
From the familiar streets of Reno, to the towering buildings of Chicago, back to the confines of Nearby City — a city that despite being small feels the most like home to him. It’s nothing short of pure, lighthearted glee knowing the bike held on just as much as Andrew did, still pushing through the old asphalt for new things to see, more flavors for its owner to taste aside from the bitterness of dust, urban or rural.
Andrew would have fallen into a trance if not for the familiar houses he had seen at least twice in his life — the first time too fuzzy for him to recall in acceptable clarity, however. With the engine turned off, it became a cruise around the neighborhoods as Andrew stepped down to walk the bike himself side by side with the empty sidewalks, sidewalks of a town cozier than any city he had ever seen and known in person.
That was when he saw the silhouette of a particular young man he has yet to forget the face of, just sitting right near the window chatting to a person obscured too much by the frame for him to realize. Although, the hoodie and the hair were dead giveaways, even if the lack of daylight made it considerably harder for his dusty eyes to catch a good hold of.
With unwavering certainty, Andrew chuckled to himself and dialed his buddy, coming to the decision that he’d rather come to see Nathan through a way more interesting than a knock on the door. If anything, it’s too formal for someone as crude and rough around the edge as him.
The phone rang in patient wait of the reunion, and like clockwork the man by the window also cut off his conversation to respond to a call — unknowingly from a person just a dozen steps at best in physical distance away from him.
“Hello?” A voice more than fond could be heard from the other side.
“Aye! Nate!” Andrew called his friend with the nickname they mutually adopted. “Almost all the way there, just takin’ a break so the bike ain’t start puffing smoke like I do. Guess where I’m at!”
“Oh, that’s great! Are you on the highway?” Nathan enthusiastically replied.
“You jackass, I’d go to the police department for a visit to jail myself if I wanted.” Andrew chuckled. “Fuck got you thinkin’ I’m dumb enough to stop by a highway?”
“Oh, right… I got a little distracted, pardon.” Nathan awkwardly chuckled, not that he wasn’t already all too familiar with his friends’ way of talking. “You did mention you wanted to cool off your bike’s engine, so my mind just hovered to that.”
“Just fuckin’ with ya.” Andrew smirked, his eyes still at the window. “So? Still gonna take a shot at guessin’ how much of the way I’m there?”
“Still yet to be on the interstate highway, then? Or some rush hour is in the way?” Nathan tried to guess. “Granted, Canton to here is a long way. I’m not sure how well your promise is going to hold up.”
“Really not be givin’ me the credit as you usually would, are ya? Thought you’d know how much trail I can make in just a few days.” Andrew alluded to his many city hops. “Besides, my promise stays, I ain’t got nothing better to do than to get to ya in time. Been revving max almost every second of the way here. Glad the cops didn’t catch my ass.”
“Hm… Yeah, I’m empty-minded on this one.” Nathan welcomingly conceded. “So where are you at, then?”
Andrew chuckled through the phone, then turned on his engine with his gears not yet set to any number. With his right hand firm on the throttle handlebar, the gangster made the motor growl multiple times in wake of his motion — both a straightforward and humorous way to answer.
“Out your damn door, jackass.” Andrew chuckled, seeing the stranger on the window instinctively turn to face the direction of the sound, and by extension him. “Well? Get your ass up! Time to greet your homie!”
“Wh- What!?” Nathan shouted in disbelief. “Oh, uh- I’ll be down right now! Give me a hot minute!” The call ended abruptly after that sentence.
As Nathan rushed away from the conversation to do as told, Andrew couldn’t help but notice two other silhouettes that came into his vision immediately after his friend’s disappearance. They seemed no older than his friends, and their eyes were quite filled with curiosity of sorts. However, the sound of the front door being unlocked quickly caught his attention instead.
As it swung open, the indoor lights casted a shadow of Nathan on Andrew. They both took a good few seconds staring at each other.
“Aw, my dawg! Whassup!” Andrew cheerfully greeted — added with his signature laugh, stepping forward with his hands raised to the side, ready for their usual handshake.
“Now that’s the Andy I know! Good to see you alive in person, buddy!” Nathan readily returned the handshake — called a “dap” by some folks of origins similar to Andrew — before his arms quickly and naturally transitioned it into a hug. “I was too caught up with all my family business to give you a word, sorry man.”
“Nah, is alright. I don’t hold it against ya, I know you’re busy.” Andrew shrugged off the apology, albeit only partially. “Though, you better untangle all this mess and tell me how you got here too. Don’t tell me now this is your hometown.”
“No, it’s not, don’t worry. I’d never omit that detail if it was that important.” Nathan warmly smiled. “It’s my cousins’ home.”
“Uh huh… and why you’re here, of all times?” Andrew still wasn’t convinced.
“Well.. because of you. That call reminded me that I got my family that needs tending after, that they are worth a lot more than the work I was drowning myself in.” Nathan quickly explained. “I’d never find in my wildest dreams that you’d also have relations to this little town. The stars really aligned for this one.”
“Yeah, gotta say this place is mad for how tiny it is.” Andrew gave himself a small laugh. “You were in the middle of something when I came here?”
“No, not really. I was just chatting with my cousins, you know, about life and whatnot. I figured I might want to get a little warm-up before I got to you, if you know what I mean.” Nathan teased his friend.
“I ain’t the guy to show up too often for good talks no more, but I’ll try more as I go.” Andrew raised a thumbs up. “No guarantees, though, I’on make those anymore.”
“I know you too well to need any,” Nathan replied, solidifying their tight bond even after what seemed to be so little time spent around each other.
“Who is that?” A voice rang from behind Nathan, catching both of the young men’s attention. It was warm, quite pleasant, belonging to a guy no older than them in a dainty navy blue sweater and characteristically spiky hair — a bedhead, almost.
“Oh, yeah, I forgot.” Nathan stepped to the side and made an introductory gesture. “Henry, this is Andrew, he’s the guy I talked to you about just earlier. Kel, too.”
“Wassup.” Andrew casually waved.
“Oh, uhm… hello.” Hero awkwardly greeted his older cousin’s friend, before directing his words to Nathan, “you really didn’t joke when you said he’s not the most appealing person you can be friends with.”
“Hey! Fuck was that for?” Andrew got jokingly upset. “Couldn’t find a better way to greet me?”
“...And the way he talks, too.” A sporty boy — most likely Henry’s younger brother — also pitched in a comment. “Mom would kill us if she heard us talk even slightly like you.”
“Well, your ma’ sure knows how to raise her kids. I got a big fuck-all for parents, so I had to learn it off of thugs.” Andrew readily justified his demeanor. “Not my best behavior, even less so a trophy, but ‘least I don’t have to lie to people about it. Just who I am, sorry homie.”
“No, no, I know you’re not a bad person… At least, Nathan told me so.” Hero quickly tried to explain himself, and the situation at hand. “Though… we can’t really let you in. I hope you understand.”
“Your old man and ma’ don’t know I’m friends with ya?” Andrew quickly caught on. “How come I never actually asked ya about it some day before, really.”
“Well… they wouldn’t exactly support my decision all too well, but it has gone too far already for me to care any less.” Nathan shrugged. “If not for you, I’d never talk or even see their faces at all. I’m also grown enough to decide what’s good for me and what isn’t.”
“Scared, aren’t ya? Glad I’ll never have to know how that feels… or not.” Andrew shrugged with his friend.
“So… you’re gonna be fine?” Kel asked his “guest.” “Do you have anywhere to go and sleep tonight?”
“No hard feelings kid, this town is the nicest fucking place I’ve been to. Even a trash heap here is more comfy than a good bench in those big cities.” Andrew crudely reassured. “I’ll just find somewhere that won’t get me too many stares once morning comes. I ain’t a deep sleeper anyway.”
“I trust that part, more than a lot I suppose.” Nathan smiled. “I hope you enjoy your night here in this town. I personally adore its atmosphere.”
“You bet I do. A hell of a breakaway from all that bullshit that you know happens to me on the daily.” Andrew pumped his chest twice, then made a sort of salute gesture. “I’ll see ya when the sun’s up.”
“Have a good rest!”
Nathan closed the door, then chuckled pleasantly and satisfyingly to himself. His friend hasn’t changed one bit from when they first met, and seeing how dumbfounded his cousins were only added to the amusement.
“Yeah, the more I see it, the less I believe you two became close friends.” Hero took the situation as amusing also, albeit with his fair share of skepticism mixed in nonetheless. “I wonder how that person would be for me, if I ever come by someone like that.”
“Oh trust me, it’s about as good as you having your girlfriend.” Nathan smiled. “Well, don’t get it mixed, he’s probably the last person I’d get into a relationship with, but he’s about as good and interesting of a friend as you can get. The kind of friend you can never have too much of”
“Well, what about the fact that he’s a, well, gangster?” Kel was no less uncertain than his older brother. “Doesn’t that concern you?”
“He doesn’t like the streets, he just lived in it for far too long to hate and deny it, and I admire him for putting himself past it to survive.” Nathan advocated for his friend. “He’s not the most attentive to his image according to others, but I don’t think I’ll ever be in the position to judge him, even when we’ve had some talks over it before. Not a lot of people know how to survive the way he does.”
“Does he… harm people?” Hero concerningly asked.
“Only the people that deserve to be hurt. You and Kel are both perfectly off limits from his hit list.” Nathan jokingly reassured his cousins. “I’m talking about other gangsters, those that don’t take interest in having a sort of moral code like he does. I honestly have mixed opinions over it, but then again, I am entirely clueless on how it works down there… I’m not sure if I’d like to find out, either.”
“Well, a vigilante then?” Hero tried to clarify the image in his mind. “Not exactly the best kind of friend… but I guess still far better than what he could have been.”
“Give him some credit if you will, he deserves it. Andy isn’t evil, just misled. He’s a lot kinder than he looks.” Nathan shifted to a more serious tone, but still embodying his usual tone. “So long as you don’t think too ill of him, I’d see no issues either. He never had too much to care for what people think of him, anyway.”
“So… We go to sleep now, yeah?” Kel reminded his brother and cousin. “It’s pretty late… and I’m kinda sleepy.” He continued with a big yawn to go with his lethargic voice.
“I can prepare you a spare mattress to sleep on in our room.” Hero quickly stepped in.
“Nah, I can manage.”
A familiar quote that grew on Nathan ended the night, and an eventful night it was. Andrew found his place by the same lake — moreso a pond — he remembered going to. With his eyes to the clear sky and to the stars, the grass became more comfortable than ever.