Chapter Text
Friday, March 5th, 2010 - Late Night
Mitsuru never thought she'd find herself organizing two funerals in such a short span.
The first, she doesn't remember organizing.
The days following her father's death are a blur in her mind, the memories unclear and hazy.
She knows she organized his funeral, but she doesn't remember doing so.
She remembers attending many meetings with representatives and collaborators of the Kirijo Group to discuss the ceremony and inheritance.
She remembers attending the funeral, alone, because there was none that cared enough, not even her fiancèe.
And now, as the doctors tell her that there is nothing they can do and that the only reason his heart still beats is because he's hooked up to all the machines they could hook him up to, she realizes she has to organize another funeral.
( She told them she didn't care about money, when they had rushed him to the hospital earlier in the day. Because if she can't use the money she has to save a close friend, then what use is all this money in the first place? )
"Kirijo-san?"
The doctor is calling for her.
She should answer.
But the moment it sinks in, that he is truly gone, she realizes she'll have to tell the others.
She'll have to tell Kotone.
She'll have to tell Yukari.
She'll have to tell Junpei.
She'll have to tell Akihiko.
She’ll have to tell Shinjiro.
She'll have to tell Ken.
She'll have to tell Koromaru.
She'll have to tell Aigis.
"Kirijo-san?"
"My apologies. You were saying?"
"...Yuuki-san's condition is one we have never encountered before. It almost seems like something drained the life out of him. We think it's a case of extreme exhaustion. And while it's not far-fetched considering his medical history, it still is too sudden for it to be normal."
She obviously knows what the doctor is referring to when he talks about medical history.
After all, Makoto's narcolepsy had been the reason they had not questioned it too much when he had fallen asleep on the roof and didn't wake up.
But now he's gone, dead and she has to organize yet another funeral.
The fact that it's the second one doesn't make it hurt any less.
>>>---<<<
Saturday, March 6th, 2010 - Late Night
He's gone.
Her twin, her other half, her best friend, the one who understood her and knew her like no other, the one person she had always, always taken for granted, was now gone.
Makoto, her only living family, is now gone.
When Mitsuru told them the news, she didn't want to believe her.
But she knew it was true.
From the moment he had closed his eyes on the roof, his head on Aigis’ lap, she had felt uneasy.
Like he'd never open his eyes again.
But she had told herself that he was only sleeping, because that's what he always did after all.
But after Junpei carried him on his back to the dorm, the unease had grown, not only in her own heart but in all of S.E.E.S.
It was around lunchtime that they realized something was undeniably wrong.
She had watched as they rushed her brother off to Tatsumi Memorial Hospital, the scene almost identical to when he had passed out back in December.
Kotone huffs, rolling on her other side. She glances at the clock and isn’t surprised to see that it’s almost three in the morning.
Knowing that sleep would not come to her, she gets up and makes her way towards the lounge.
( She doesn't linger on the second floor, instead rushing down the stairs as quietly as possible. )
The sight of Mitsuru, still hunched over the table with papers spread out in front of her, sends a pang of guilt through her.
She should be the one doing that, she thinks.
She should be organizing her brother’s funeral.
Yet she couldn’t bring herself to.
So she let Mitsuru deal with it, but now she couldn’t help but feel guilty for dumping the job on her.
Makoto was Mitsuru's friend too, after all.
"Kotone? What are you doing up?"
Mitsuru's voice snaps her out of it, and Kotone takes one look at the table full of papers before making up her mind.
She walks over to the couch, and drops herself on it, right next to her senpai.
"Couldn’t sleep. Might as well help you out."
"Kotone you don't have to-"
"He's my brother, Mitsuru-senpai. Let me help you. Please."
She doesn't know what exactly Mitsuru sees in her eyes, but after looking at her, she relents.
"Very well then. I am currently having trouble finding a monk to conduct the funeral ceremony."
A monk, huh?
"Makoto told me he befriended a monk. His name is Mutatsu."
"Why am I not surprised that he befriended a monk. Do you think…?"
She remembers the way Makoto had fondly told her about his bond with Mutatsu, his Tower , and the fact that the monk had claimed that his reading of the Sutra was on a superior level.
"My brother wasn’t religious, you know? Not that I am…but, yes. I think he would want Mutatsu to read the Sutra for his…."
She can't bring herself to say it.
Saying it would make it more real than it already is.
Thankfully, Mitsuru doesn't make her say it.
"Very well then. I shall make arrangements."
They sit in silence as Mitsuru scribbles down something on a piece of scrap paper, and Kotone finds herself wanting to say something, anything to fill the silence.
But she finds nothing to say, so she finds herself thinking.
Makoto had said that Mitsuru was his Empress , a Mother, and Kotone could see why.
"I am…sorry."
Kotone wants to stop her, because why is she apologizing?
"I…I wish I could have done more, is all."
And Kotone doesn't even realize what she's doing until she finds herself hugging Mitsuru, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"Mitsuru-senpai, you did plenty. We know that the Kirijo group is responsible for covering the expenses of all the private schools we have been attending for the past ten years, for all the medication that Makoto has required and anything else. We know that it was the Kirijo group that sent us the invitation to Gekkoukan High, and it might have been because you were searching for Persona-users, but that still brought us here where we found family. I had never seen Makoto look as alive and happy as I've seen him this past year. He found love, Mitsuru-senpai, both in you as family and Ryoji as a lover. And I never in a million years can thank you enough for that. I know that you've been doing your very best, and I want you to know that it is more than enough."
Mitsuru says nothing, and Kotone doesn't say anything when she feels the slightest wetness on her shoulder.
>>>---<<<
Monday, March 8th, 2010 - Evening
“I’m worried about them…”
Akihiko looks at Mitsuru, “Who?”
She sighs, “Yukari and Kotone. They haven’t left their rooms at all since…”
Shinjiro wishes he could do something.
He…feels like an intruder, here.
(“Oh, Senpai…you’ve woken up…I’m…glad.”
“Shinjiro-san! How did you-...I’m glad you’re finally awake.”
“Kotone…will be happy to see you…keep making her happy, Senpai.”)
He only knew the kid for one month, after all.
(And even in a month, both twins had grown on him.)
Shinjiro sighs and gets to his feet, “I’ll go check up on Kotone. You should go check on Takeba, Mitsuru.”
He walks up, ignoring his body’s protest at the strain -lying in bed for months in a coma does that to a person, or so he’s told.
He reaches his girlfriend’s door, and after taking in a deep breath knocks.
(Are they even still dating? he has no idea whether she moved on or not, and now really isn’t the time to ask her, so-)
“Kotone? It’s me, can I come in?”
Despite asking, he pushes the door open before she could tell Shinjiro to leave her alone.
He gently lets it fall shut behind him, and-
God, she’s a mess.
She’s sitting on the bed, still in her pajamas (doesn’t the kid have a matching one?) , a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her, and a teddy bear held firmly in her grasp.
(“What are you looking at? Didn’t think I’d have a teddy bear?”
“Wha- no, I-”
“Show some respect! That’s Mr. Blues! Makoto got it for me on our 5th birthday.”
“It’s cute.”
“Well, duh. My brother got it for me.”)
“Hey…can I come over there?”
She doesn’t react, and Shinji isn’t surprised.
Still, he slowly crosses the room and sits down next to her.
“...”
…okay, he has no idea what to say.
Back then, when Miki had died, Aki had simply needed a shoulder to cry on.
He doesn’t think that’ll be enough for Kotone.
But…
(“If…if something ever happens to me, Senpai…I need you to promise me you’ll stay with Kotone.”
“Come on kid, don’t talk like that-”
“I'm not planning anything, don’t worry. It’s just…you never know what might happen, so…I’ll feel better knowing that I wouldn’t leave my sister alone, is all.”
“...Fine. Now eat your ramen kid. You’re so skinny I still can’t understand how you manage to run up so many stairs every night.”)
Well, he has a promise to keep.
He gently settles an arm around her shoulders, thinking about what to say.
Before he could open his mouth though, Kotone twists herself and buries her face in his chest, and the sound of her broken sobbing fills up the room.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
While Kotone says nothing, her louder sobbing speaks volumes.
>>>---<<<
Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 - Daytime
"Yo."
They’ve all left.
Aigis hadn't even attended.
Kotone had cried during the entire service, her face buried in Shinjiro’s chest as he held her as tight as he possibly could.
Ken, Fuuka, Akihiko and Mitsuru had looked on, unshed tears in their eyes.
Yukari had stood there, staring blankly as the service was conducted.
Koromaru had sat next to Ken, ears low and expression sad.
It was raining, as if the Universe realized what was going on.
"You're really gone, huh?"
Junpei had carried him all the way from the rooftop to the dorm, his small weight on his back.
He hadn't thought much of it, what with Makoto's tendency to sleep at the weirdest times and places.
Kotone had explained it to him, once, when after asking them to gather in the lounge to go to Tartarus Makoto had fallen asleep and wouldn’t wake up.
It had pissed him off how Mitsuru and Akihiko had looked at him and said that they would visit the tower another time instead of trying to wake him up.
Kotone must’ve noticed, because she explained it, and from there Junpei took the habit of draping a blanket over Makoto whenever he found him asleep in the lounge, doing his best to not disturb him.
If only this time he had insisted more in trying to wake him up.
Maybe then he wouldn't be standing here in front of his best friend's grave.
"Guess it was obvious, that you'd be the one to sacrifice yourself for us."
It always pissed him off, the way that Makoto would be exceptionally, unexplainably be better than him in everything.
It's only later, way later in November, and only when Ryoji says that Makoto is in truth kind and afraid, that Junpei starts to question stuff.
But then he died, then Chidori brought him back and died, but then she's awake, even though she remembers nothing.
And then Ryoji turned out to be a Shadow - Death- and he'd lived inside Makoto for the past ten years, and Junpei had blamed him, all because he'd been afraid.
He noticed too late that Makoto had been just as afraid, just in his own way.
"I'm sorry."
He doesn't know exactly why he's apologizing.
"But I promise that I'll do my best to live. Chidori gave me this life, and you made sure I kept it. So thank you."
He just felt he needed to thank him.
"And I promise I'll take good care of Koto-nan for you, okay? So you can rest easy up there."
He tries his best to keep it together, but once the first tear slips past, he knows it's a lost battle.
"It's just…damn it! It hurts damn it. You’re my best friend, of course it hurts. I wanna be strong but I'm pissed at you for dying!"
The silence that followed his outburst was heavy, but not as heavy as the words engraved on the tombstone in front of him.
'Yuuki Makoto
03-05-1993 - - - 03-05-2010
You paved the way that made today perfect and bright.
A dear brother, friend and leader,
Lost too soon, you shall never be forgotten.'
And if Junpei stayed there until the tears on his cheeks dried, well, no one but him and Makoto had to know.
>>>---<<<
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 - Evening
It’s hard.
But she has to do this, so she asks Akihiko to gather everyone and waits in the lounge, a yellow envelope sitting on the low table in front of her.
Once they’re all sitting (or well, standing in Akihiko and Shinjiro’s cases), she grabs the envelope.
(Yukari’s eyes are all red and puffy and empty)
(Aigis looks like all the life was sucked out of her)
(Kotone is fidgeting with the MP3 that Mitsuru now realizes isn’t her own but her brother’s)
“I’m sorry for gathering you all here, but…I was going through his things, and I found…he left a will, and letters for each one of us. I’ll read the will first, if that’s alright with you…?”
When none answers, Fuuka takes it upon herself to do so, “That’s fine, senpai.”
With a sigh, Mitsuru ignores the way her heart aches at the vacant spot between Yukari and Kotone on the couch and starts reading.
“This is the last will and testament of Yuuki Makoto, born on March 5th, 1993.
I appoint Kirijo Mitsuru as my executor, and in case she is unwilling/unavailable, Sanada Akihiko.
I wish to split my belongings among the following people;
* Yuuki Kotone
* Amada Ken
* Takeba Yukari
* Yamagishi Fuuka
* Aigis
* Iori Junpei
* Sanada Akihiko
* Aragaki Shinjiro
-My twin sister, Yuuki Kotone, is to receive
* What remains of my half of the inheritance left by our parents (Yuuki Hisashi, Yuuki Hikari)
* 50% of my money
-Amada Ken is to receive 25% of my money.
-The remaining 25% of my money is to be split equally among the remaining people on the list.
-My collection of books is to be donated to the Bookworms Used Books shop at the Iwatodai Strip Mall.
-Whatever else remains, I trust Kirijo Mitsuru to deal with as she sees fit.
March 4th, 2010,
Tokyo, Odaiba, Iwatodai.
Yuuki Makoto”
Mitsuru doesn’t comment on the tears running down a number of the members of their…family.
She also makes no move to wipe the tear that had rolled down her own cheek.
She clears her throat, and puts the envelope on the table, “Inside this envelope there’s a letter for each one of you, left by him.”
The first one to grab it is Fuuka, who gently takes the folded paper with her name on it and starts reading as Junpei moves to take his own out.
Mitsuru has already read hers.
And the only thing she can say is that she’s incredibly lucky and blessed to have known Yuuki Makoto.
>>>---<<<
Thursday, March 11th, 2010 - Daytime
“He didn’t leave you a letter, Kotone. However I found a disk in his drawers, with the will and the letters. It has your name on it, so…”
“...thank you, Senpai.”
It takes her a very long time to muster the will to insert the disc in the computer.
…she has no idea what to expect.
Would it hurt?
To see her brother again now, knowing she will never be able to have him back?
Knowing that he’s gone?
Still, she’s also curious to know what he’s left her.
So, she inserts the disc and hits play.
(Makoto’s handwriting is always neat and nice to look at. The way the kanji for her name are written is shaky and looks nothing like how nicely her brother usually writes her name)
As soon as Makoto appears on the screen, Kotone starts crying.
Still, she’s determined to watch this.
“Hey…uhm…”
It’s only now that she realizes he’s also crying.
“I’m sorry, Kotone. I really am. I promised you I wouldn’t leave you, but…”
He looks away, takes in a shuddering breath and goes back to looking at the camera.
“I just hope you’ll be able to forgive me.”
She doesn’t think she ever could.
“I don’t want you to stay hung up on my death though. It happened, and that’s fine. You’ll just have to tell me about everything once I see you again -hopefully not for a while.”
“Screw you, Makoto.”
“You most likely just insulted me now, which is fair, but…I really mean it, Kotone. I want you to move on, to graduate, to study and become a music teacher like you always wanted. Don’t let my death ruin any of that, okay? You have a life ahead of you, so live it.”
He trails off, and…
He looks like a mess.
He has deep bangs under his eyes, he’s really pale, and it looks like even sitting is taking a lot of energy out of him.
“I just…I wish I could have seen you fulfill your dream, you know?”
He sighs, “I just realized that I had never really given much thought to what I would do after graduation…I probably would have also studied music, mainly to stay with you.”
“Anyway. Kotone, I really just wanted to say that I love you. I love you so, so much, more than words could ever describe, and you’ve been my lifeline, my raison d’etre all our lives, and I can’t thank you enough. I love you more than anything, really. I’m sorry.”
The video cuts off, but not before Kotone could see her brother double over in tears.
>>>---<<<
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010 - Late Night
How did she forget?
God, she feels so stupid.
But it's fine.
She remembers now, so it's all fine.
(She wonders if she should have told the others...well, she's sure they'll remember soon.)
She pushes the roof door open, catching her breath after running up 4 flights of stairs and-
Is that Shinji?
What the fuck?
"Shinji?!"
"Kotone!"
He runs to her- or well, stumbles, but she catches him, even though he's heavy, and she's crying before she even realizes what's happening.
"Oh my god you're awake. You're finally awake, you're here."
He holds her tight, and Kotone notices Aigis and Makoto.
Makoto, whose head is on Aigis' lap.
Makoto, who's smiling at them, but Kotone knows that smile, it's a smile of honey and ash, the same smile he gave her that day at the hospital when he told her he was fine, that he didn't really mean to die, that Mr. and Ms. Arisato did nothing.
It's a smile Kotone hates.
Persephone screams within her, so she lets go of Shinji and rushes to him.
She has a bad feeling about this.
But it’s fine, she’s just being a worrywart like usual.
She takes his cold hand in hers, and smiles at him.
“Hey Mako. I remember now. I’m sorry I forgot. I’m so sorry. You must’ve felt so alone. I’m sorry.”
“...Kotone…you’re here. I’m…glad.”
She tells herself that he’s just sleepy.
He’s narcoleptic, it’s probably just an episode, it’s fine, this isn’t the first time it’s happened, it’s fine.
“Koto…ne. I’m glad…I…I love you. More…than anything. I love you…so, so much.”
“Hey, hey why are you talking like this Mako-nii, come on stop.”
He smiles at her, and god does Kotone hate that smile.
“Just…wanted to make sure you know that.”
She doesn’t like this.
“I know that. I know that, Makoto. And I love you too.”
Not one bit.
Kotone wakes up in tears, and in pain from sleeping on the lounge’s couch.
She tries, she really does.
But as much as she does, she can’t stifle the sobs that wrack her body.
It hurts.
Gods does it hurt.
She feels like a part of her has been ripped out of her, like there’s a gaping hole in her chest, her heart, her soul, her mind, her body, her everything -
“Kotone?”
Kotone looks up, and finds herself face to face with Yukari.
“Ah, Yukari-chan…I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
Yukari drops down on the couch next to her, “Nah. Couldn’t sleep. Thought the lounge would be empty.”
“I can leave if you want-”
“No, no, stay…please. I…I don’t want to be alone.”
Kotone can’t bring herself to say anything, but she gets it .
She hopes that the nod she gives Yukari is enough.
(And if it’s Shinjiro and Mitsuru who find them the next morning, sitting on the couch with Kotone’s fuzzy blanket over them, dark bags under their puffy red eyes, then it stays between the four of them.
It stays with Mitsuru, who wordlessly embraced Yukari.
It stays with Yukari, who cries silently, looking like a lost child in Mitsuru’s grasp.
It stays with Shinjiro, who sighs before pulling Kotone in for a side hug.
It stays with Kotone, who holds onto him for dear life, because she feels like everything stopped making sense, because her brother, her twin, her best friend, her everything, the one person she thought would always be by her side is gone.
It stays between them.)
(And if Kotone feels like nothing, nothing is worth her brother’s life, if she wishes she could go back to that cursed day on top of that damned tower and save him, then it stays with her.)
>>>---<<<
Sunday, July 3rd, 2016 - Daytime
"Hey there Mako-nii"
Kotone gently sets down the bouquet and looks at the grave in front of her.
"Sorry I haven't visited in a while...me and Shinji were having a bit of trouble finding a good place and all...but I know Ken's been visiting you, so I know you're not alone."
She sits down, not caring if her pants get dirty.
"We needed a place that was near enough to Kosei but also not too far from Shinji's job, you know?"
She laughs, and doesn’t wipe the tears from her cheeks, "I didn’t tell you! I got that job at Kosei! I'm a music teacher there now. So...I did it. I finally got to teach music. I...I considered teaching at Gekkoukan, y'know? And they would have accepted me. You know, an alumni, plus friends with Kirijo? Yeah, they would have taken me immediately. And it would have been good too, that way Ken could have stayed with us and not at a dorm. Would have saved us the trouble of finding one that allowed pets, too. But..."
She trails off, looking at the flowers in front of her.
That kid did a good job.
"I couldn't bring myself to do it. That school, it...I couldn't think of spending years there, hours in that same music club room you spent time in, playing the violin again after ten years of not doing so. So I decided to skip Gekkoukan. And Kosei was closer to Shinji's restaurant, so it's fine, really. And I'm glad Ken gets to try High School Dorm life. He still visits us on weekends. He's in Shibuya right now, with Shinji."
Kotone looks away, bringing a hand to wipe the tears.
"God, this is so hard. It's been-" she takes in a deep breath, but it catches in her throat and-
"It hurts. It's been six years since you've died, and it still hurts as much as it did back then. I know you didn’t want me to cry. You didn’t want me to stay hung up on you, wanted me to move on and get the job I always wanted. And I did. But, god is this still hard. I miss you every single day, Makoto. It's so painful, because you're my other half. I always thought you'd be there. Right next to me."
Kotone takes a deep breath, "I love you so much, okay? I'll definitely be back soon, mkay? Say hi to Ryoji for me."
She's still crying when she leaves the graveyard behind Naganaki Shrine.
She doesn’t think she'll ever stop crying and grieving for her brother.
But...well, she's living. And as long as she does, as long as all of their family does, then he'll live on too, in their memories.
People's lives are, after all, determined by what they leave behind. And it’s not about the one's gained money, or the jobs or the houses or whatever.
No, Kotone thinks as she gets on the train bound to Shibuya, it's about how much of an impact you made on the people you surround yourself with.