Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Nine: Saying goodbye.
Hufflepuff were the winners for the house cup that year by forty points, which felt right all round, really. Almost everyone else cheered and clapped when Dumbledore announced it, and the decorations around the hall turned instantly to yellow and black. Professor Sprout was so delighted that her hat fell right off her head as she was clapping. Stebbins was back for the feast and was chosen to lift the trophy by Professor Sprout. He had dark shadows under his eyes, but he looked ecstatic to be back with his friends. Whytt thumped him heartily on the back as the Hufflepuffs celebrated.
‘Next time we’re here for dinner, we’ll be sixth years. We’ve done five whole years of Hogwarts. Tell me you don’t believe it, either,’ Peter said, sounding as if he’d just worked this out. It did seem strange, though. January seemed to be an eternity ago, yet it could just have easily been the previous week. Time had certainly behaved strangely over the past few months. ‘About to turn of age.’
Sirius would be one of the first, his birthday being November. He grinned. ‘I reckon I’ll properly have something to celebrate.’
It was good having him back. Little things that he’d never noticed before, or even during the absence, were suddenly called to James’ attention. Sirius never left his towel on the right hook in the bathroom, he was always leaving his rucksack in the middle of the room, he went to the toilet every night about two minutes after he’d turned the light out. A few people had asked questions, but in the chaos that the attack on Hogwarts had thrown up, Sirius Black returning to Gryffindor wasn’t especially high on the agenda.
James still caught Sirius throwing a glance over to one of the other house tables. Regulus had been absent from meals in the days after the incident and had then returned. A few others had been in the same position. It was well known by now that Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr had been expelled. James had to assume that the “investigation” that the teachers had kept referring to had produced no evidence of any other involvement, or at least nothing significant. Professor Slughorn seemed to have lost weight since it all kicked off.
‘Do you want to say goodbye? Before the train tomorrow, I mean.’
Sirius started, then stared ahead. James followed his line of sight to one of the students sat at the Slytherin table. He had to trust Sirius that it was indeed Regulus, as the boy had his back turned to them. After a moment, Sirius simply shook his head. ‘No. Not worth it.’
He ended up in the stream back to the dormitories next to Remus. ‘Excited for tomorrow?’ he asked. Remus looked half-asleep.
The other boy shook his head, and James suddenly felt guilty. Remus looked upset. Had it been that way all evening? ‘First summer holiday without Mum,’ Remus said, quietly.
There was always more to do than you expected at the end of the year. More pieces of furniture to check under, more bits to cram into your trunk. Things that you’d leant to someone would reappear just as you’d finished slamming the trunk lid shut. Lily ended up having to shut Jetta into the girls’ shower room to stop her climbing into someone’s luggage.
He went with Sirius and Morden to go and collect their broomsticks just before the curfew kicked in. James found his immediately, unlocked it, and gave it a quick check. Madam Hooch was keeping them all in her office to prevent any tampering.
‘Ready?’ James said, looking up. He’d got distracted noting he needed to clip one of the twigs, and it had been about three minutes since they’d come in. He was sure he’d be keeping the others waiting.
‘Madam Hooch, have you seen mine?’ Sirius said. He looked puzzled. Most of the Gryffindor brooms had been collected.
‘I brought all of the brooms in at the same time, Black,’ Hooch was saying. She frowned. ‘Oh! I remember, now. Your brother took it with him when he came down earlier, he said your parents thought it would be easier to transport them together. Don’t worry, it’s in safe hands.’
Sirius was doing his best, especially in front of Morden, to try and hide how much it had hurt him. ‘Fun summer now,’ he muttered, as they went back up the stairs. ‘All that talk about practicing quidditch. Well, I’ll really be able to play now, won’t I?’
James was required to go to the hospital wing for one final time that year, to collect two weeks’ worth of potions. Not all were stable enough to last throughout the holidays, but it was no problem with his dad around. Fleamont Potter was proud to be able to say his family had never had to go and buy any potion for injury or illness, thank you.
‘Excellent. I don’t feel I could send you home in better shape,’ said Madam Pomfrey, beaming, as she listened to his chest. ‘You know how to look after yourself, now, and I’m only ever an owl away if you or your parents have any questions. You’re going to have another appointment with Dr Radwinter in the next few weeks, is that right?’
‘At St. Mungo’s. I’m hoping Mum and Dad will let us have a look around London after.’
‘See? Every cloud.’
She opened one of the drawers in the cupboard and started counting out the vials. James awkwardly reached into his satchel and pulled something out then pushed it across the table towards Madam Pomfrey. ‘Thanks for everything this year,’ he said, gruffly. He suddenly felt very self-conscious that he was blushing.
‘Oh, James!’ Madam Pomfrey said, sounding delighted. She picked up the bunch of flowers and the bar of soap, smiling from ear to ear. ‘There was no need for you to do that. Thank you so much.’
He’d asked Lily what sort of gift he should give Madam Pomfrey, and she knew at once, and had an order form ready for one of the gift shops in the village in minutes. He’d never had to buy a present for a grown up before who wasn’t in his family. The flowers were wildflowers, and he made sure to request poppies in the little bouquet.
‘Thanks,’ he repeated. ‘I know I’ve…err… not always been the easiest patient.’
She chuckled fondly and handed him the phials. ‘Now, I won’t argue with that. I thought I was going to have to use a sticking charm on your bed at one point. But look at where we are today. You’ve done ever so well. Now, off you go. You look after yourself, James, and have a lovely summer.’
The final morning was an early start. Morden, Remus, Sirius and James had packed most things the night before, but there were still things like Psammy’s tank that had to be left to the last moment. Athena seemed to know there was change in the air and was very excited, although this ended up being rather a hinderance. James whistled sharply, and she flew to his arm, then gave him a look as if to ask what he could possibly want her to do differently. ‘You’re going home, girl,’ James said, scratching her. Athena hooted, then decided she wanted another flight, before he had time to slip her tie on and pop her into the cage. ‘I wonder what Wilkes will say when he finds out what you’ve been up to.’
The girls, as James had predicted, were taking their time. Mary’s trunk ended up bouncing down two sets of stairs, only narrowly missing Apsa, Tamsin’s cat, who responded with screeches and dashing across the room and up a set of curtains. Dorcas managed to pack Marlene’s laundry bag rather than her own, and they decided to swap them over in the middle of the landing. Lily laughed throughout it all. She was looking forward to going home, it seemed. Her sister had finished her exams and was moving to London in two weeks. Petunia had written to tell Lily how well it was going. She’d shown James the letter. He thought Petunia sounded rather smug and condescending, but if Lily felt the same way, she didn’t mind and she wasn’t showing it, so he put it aside. Lily admitted that she was slightly worried about how Petunia might respond to Jetta.
He might have Sirius for the summer, and they’d inevitably have a few days staying with Remus and Peter but saying goodbye to Lily felt a lot more of a break. They’d gone from barely acknowledging one another existed to spending the majority of their time around one another. It felt strange, if he went up to his dormitory without wishing her goodnight, or if he suddenly realised that she was missing from a conversation. Six weeks was a proper break.
Writing was an option, and even if Athena wasn’t much of a delivery owl, there’d be no shortage of possible messengers at home. He didn’t have her address, though. She lived in somewhere in the midlands, didn’t she? Near where Snape lived, though that didn’t give him any further clues. Coal something? Coleridge? No, that was one of Remus’ authors.
He waited until they were heading down the stairs. He was balancing Athena’s cage and his satchel, while Lily was holding Jetta’s carrier as if it might start trying to rise out of her hands and float away at any moment.
‘It’s going to be odd, being apart,’ he said, as casually as he could. Lily turned, smiling.
‘It really will be. I’m going to miss you terribly- all of you, but… yes… it’ll be odd.’
Now was his chance. The others were waiting at the bottom of the staircase.
‘Can I have your address?’ he demanded. His heart was thumping fast, like the pendulum in the courtyard. ‘Only if you…’
Lily beamed at him. ‘Of course. Only if I get yours, though.’
The horseless carriages were waiting, and with some difficulty, they all made it into one together, although Athena appeared to have taken being stuffed into her cage as a direct insult. James twisted himself around, and watched as the castle became smaller and smaller. He turned away before it was gone completely. The sky above them was the most perfect shade of cornflower blue, promising them a wonderful summer, if only they’d stay a little while longer. With everything that had gone on, James was surprised to realise just how long it was since he’d been outside the gates. Hogwarts really was its own world.
He’d never get used to the mayhem that was the platform at Hogsmeade. The first years were far bolder than he’d have ever dared to have been at that age and were calling their friends to join them in all of the best carriages. Fortunately, some of them noticed the older years entering the train and were sensible enough to wait off and move.
Regulus and Snape, amongst others, boarded a carriage at the front of the train. Sirius was watching, as well. Regulus seemed to pause. He was the last to step off the platform, and James wasn’t completely sure, but for a second, he thought Regulus might have been searching for someone in the reflections of the windows.
Lily joined the four boys in one of the end carriages, which was already half filled with trunks and a few indignant animals in their carriers. ‘Train’s full,’ she panted. Her cheeks were scarlet, and a yowling noise was coming from the carrier still pressed against her chest. ‘Marlene and Dorcas have had to split up. Do you mind?’
Sirius was watching the view. Remus read. Peter went to say goodbye to Sarah for the twentieth time.
James and Lily talked.
She told him all about Cokeworth, the town she lived in, as well as her memories of growing up there. ‘It’s not as pretty as the Highlands,’ Lily said, ruefully. She shook her hair, smiling again. She was always doing that, at the moment. ‘Lots of factories and the air gets a bit smoky by the evenings, especially if we have fog first thing. There are some beautiful bits, though, if you know where to look. There’s a river, which always brightens up a place, and if you get out of the high street and keep going, there’s a woodland that runs right along the water. There’s this spot upstream, before the factories can get anything in the water, that’s a swimming paradise. We used to play there all the time when were kids.’
He told her about the owls at home, and about what life had been like for him when he’d been growing up. How he’d learned to fly and fallen in love with it. His family home was right out in the countryside, no shops for miles. It seemed hard for Lily to grasp him being an only child, even though not every memory she shared of her own sister was pleasant. ‘But who did you play with?’ she kept asking, ‘Who did you talk to?’
‘He’ll have me, now,’ Sirius said. He stretched, lazily, pulling his jumper off. ‘And the bird.’
Now that the holidays had arrived, James felt that he wasn’t quite ready for everything to finish. A part of him would have been happy for the train ride to go on for a lot longer, sitting there with his friends and Lily, just watching the world go by from the safety of the carriage. Everything he had heard about what was going on outside the walls of Hogwarts seemed almost unbelievable. From where he was sitting, the world was tranquil. How could fear and death and alliance have any place at all?
Yet time continued to move, as he was learning that it would always do, no matter how much James Potter dug his heels in and tried to take control, and the train inevitably pulled into King’s Cross Station.
‘Wait a moment, I’d rather take a second than get squashed,’ Lily said. Her voice suddenly cracked a little.
James looked out of the window at the platforms, but he couldn’t see much at all. There was a frenzy of students all scrambling to be the first to be reunited with their families, and he could only see black cloaks, trunks moving and flashes of hair. He grabbed his satchel and the owl cage, ready to move when the opportunity arose. After two minutes, the initial wave of people died down, and it was time to move.
He caught Remus quickly, as they were both getting their trunks out. ‘If you need anything, just write, yeah?’ James said. He glanced, to check nobody was prying. ‘I mean it, Moony. Even if you just need to vent.’
The platform felt oddly solid under his feet after the motion of the train journey, and it took him a second to adjust. ‘Nearly there,’ said Lily. She swallowed. ‘Give me a hand, won’t you?’
Their hands brushed as he helped her out with her things. ‘Go ahead, we’ll catch you,’ James said to the other boys. They nodded.
‘I’ll miss you, you know,’ James said. She looked at him, and he realised there were little tears in her eyes.
‘I’ll miss you, too.’
‘Lily.’ He pulled her into a hug, right there. She felt so small in his arms. Her heart was beating fast, too. 'It’ll be fine. I’ll write first thing tomorrow.’
‘You won’t, James Potter. First thing tomorrow, you’ll be asleep.’
He laughed, running a hand through his hair. ‘Fair enough. But as soon as I’m up. Promise.’
She was half-laughing, but the tears had spilled out now. He wanted to hold them, pocket them and study them later. He let go, but she stayed close, looking right up at him. ‘I’ll be waiting for it.’
James didn’t quite know what made him do it. Maybe it was the huge crowds of students, the trolleys that hit against his ankle every few seconds, maybe it was the fact he didn’t think too much for once. He leant in, and he kissed her very gently.
When he moved his head back, he realised he was smiling. Smiling as if this was not simply a good day, but one of the very best, most golden days he could ever hope for. Lily’s eyes had widened. His heart was beating wildly, and then a smile crossed her face, too. Slowly, needing no map to do so, their hands joined as one.