Chapter Text
"Hey God, we need help!"
The man layers his voice with a mocking tone, "Hey God, the humans are overpopulating!"
God rounds the corner and walks into the kitchen, "Well that's why I made gay people, and guess what? The humans ended up hating them, in my name!"
He throws his arms into the air as he talks to himself. He rolls his eyes, "So what do they expect me to do—?"
He stops himself as he sees a familiar drawing of a duck on the fridge. On the bottom, it was signed by Lucifer. God bites his cheek, "You know what,"
He grabs the drawing and turns around, "Imma just populate the world more. With ducks."
Walking out of the kitchen, he returns to his office to work on his new project. As he walks down a long hallway he remembers he can teleport, so instead of wasting his time by walking, he snaps his fingers.
The hallway instantly changes to a large room with multiple lights already on. God sighs to himself as he walks towards his desk, "I forgot to turn off the lights again. I need to stop doing that, the electricity bill is crazy."
He places the drawing delicately on his table and he takes a seat. God turns to the paper and stares at it for a little. Memories of the little child he once held resurfaced, and many heartwarming moments come to life.
"Dad, I got hurt!"
God turns to the little boy, "Huh, let me see."
Lucifer lifts his hand to show the other his wound, but it had healed already, "What the— I had a cut here a minute ago?"
God smiles, "We angels have healing abilities. Looks like it had healed already."
Lucifer hums, "Woah, cool. Okay bye!"
"Father, look at what the other angels made. It's called math."
Lucifer hands over the man a piece of paper. God looks over it and his once calm expression changes to a confused and stressed one, "How does this even work?"
"Uhh, I dunno. They said you have to do the equation in the parenthesis, and like add it."
Lucifer shrugs his shoulders, "They said they were gonna introduce the humans to it, but on an easier level."
God shakes his head, "They better not."
"Luci, eat your vegetables..."
Lucifer shakes his head stubbornly, "No!"
God sighs, "They're good for you, so eat them."
Lucifer shakes his head again, this time more roughly. God groans and leans back in his seat. Michael stands up from the dinner table, "I heard if you don't eat your vegetables, you don't grow and stay short. I think it might be too late for him to start eating vegetables."
Lucifer's eyes widen and he snaps his head to Michael, "You—!"
A loud ringing brings God back from his little trip to memory lane. He looks towards his phone which is vibrating on the desk. He grabs it and sees someone is calling him. Except, it isn't any number, it's Lucifer's.
"What, Lucifer? Luci? Oh my god, Lucifer?!"
Lucifer stares at his phone. Charlie had asked him to get her a meeting in Heaven. He mindlessly said yes, but now here he was sitting at his desk inside his palace.
"How do I even do this again...?"
He leans back into his seat, "Do I like, call nine, nine, nine? Since the devil's number is six six six—man, I say my favorite number is six and all of a sudden it's the devil's number."
Lucifer taps his screen as it begins to fade darker. He sweats nervously, "Should I call Sera? Maybe Michael, or Father."
He takes a deep breath and looks through his saved contacts. When he couldn't find God's number he pauses and wonders if he had deleted the number.
"Oh wait, shit. We didn't have phones back then."
Lucifer quickly dials the number nine three times and calls it. He stares at his phone as it rings, only now realizing he's calling his dad after not interacting with him for over two thousand years. The call rings and rings for a little.
He sighs and brings his finger up to hang up, but suddenly the ringing halts and a voice echoes.
"Lucifer?"
His breath hitches, "Eh, heyyy dad..."
Silence goes around until the man on the other line blows, "Oh my— Luci! My baby, are you okay?! I just found out you fell not so long ago— Why didn't you tell me you got thrown out?!"
Lucifer's eyes widen, "Hold up, you didn't know I fell?"
"No, this really old paper reached me and I read it and it gave me the details about your fall."
Lucifer's jaw drops. He sputters, "You need to upgrade that system because it's been over two thousand years since then."
"You're right. Anyways, how are you?"
"Eh, could be better. Oh, actually, I need you to set up a meeting for my daughter Charlie."
"Oh, sure. When?"
Lucifer hums, "As soon as possible—wait, do you know about Charlie?”
“Yes! I can’t believe I missed so much of your life. I’d love to meet Charlie one day.”
Lucifer bites his tongue, “Of course. By the way, the meeting will be about the exterminations that’s been happening.”
"Kay, done. Now tell me, how have you been? I heard you were depressed and that you've been eating gluten."
Lucifer thinks for a moment. He's stuck between telling his dad that he's struggling or lying. He thinks lying is the better option.
"I've been well. What about you, dad?"
"I miss you! Come visit!"
A nervous chuckle escaped Lucifer's throat, "Dad, I'm the literal devil. I can't?"
"Oh yeah. Well, you're still my angel in my eyes! Call me more!"
Lucifer nods, "Yes of course!"
There’s silence between the two as nobody knows what to say next. Only shallow breaths can be heard on both lines.
“Um, Luci, I’m... Busy at the moment. Promise to call later?”
Lucifer thinks about it for a moment before smiling, “Sure. Talk to you later, Dad.”
“Yes, talk to you later, Luci.”
Lucifer brings the phone down from his ear and he hangs up. Staring at the screen, he wonders if he could repair the relationship between him and his dad. Before his mind could spiral, he got a text from his father.
He stares at the new message.
“Gonna populate the world with more ducks lol”