Chapter Text
Tim’s lips are inches away from the cup of coffee when the knock comes. He huffs and the coffee ripples, spilling over his fingers. Tim was exhausted. He had spent the last 26 hours going over cases and paperwork related to WE. It didn’t help that he spent patrol avoiding the bats- a feat he deemed impressive, all things considered.
He had finally taken a break to sit and simply enjoy his coffee when he heard the creaks of his apartment steps. His neighbor, Ms. Carol, had a bad foot so Tim knew her steps by heart. The rickety stairs squeaked in a different way but Tim ignored it with high hopes.
The knock continues incessantly.
Tim blames his groggy, sleep deprived brain for opening the door without checking who it was first.
“Tim.” Bruce is standing behind the door with a surprised look on his face. Almost like he wasn’t expecting Tim to open the door.
“Bruce, why are you here?” Tim really doesn’t have it in him to argue right now.
“May I come in?”
Tim steps aside. He watches as Bruce's eyes shift from Tim’s face towards the disaster of his living room. He knows it’s messy, thank you very much. He doesn’t need Bruce calling him out on it as well.
“Can I help you with something?” It comes out snappy. Tim closes the door and rests his forehead against it. His shoulder is throbbing again and his head vaguely aches.
“You left.” Bruce’s voice says from behind him.
Tim takes a deep breath. “I needed to get out of there, so yes, I left.”
Silence falls between them. Tim turns around and sees Bruce standing awkwardly by the couch. Almost like he’s torn between standing or sitting.
“I just-“
Tim cuts him off. “Look Bruce, if you’re here to convince me to come back, it’s not gonna be for a while okay? I have a lot of work and I’m trying to keep up. I’ll be fine patrolling on my own if that’s your issue.”
“Tim,” Bruce takes a step forward, “I wanted to talk to you about our conversation we had the other day. I know it’s been…difficult for you. Especially with your dad.”
Tim narrows his eyes at Bruce and scoffs. “With my dad? What’s my dad have to do with anything?”
“Tim…I think there’s a lot of pressure on you right now and I think you may need to set some things aside to focus on more important things. Like school.”
Bruce is joking. He has to be joking. “You’re not being serious are you?”
Bruce stares at Tim.
“If you haven’t noticed, I have other, more important responsibilities. School isn’t at the top of my list right now.”
“Like Wayne Enterprises?”
Tim pauses. He feels nauseous. He doesn’t like where this conversation is going.
Tim slowly nods, “Yes, that’s one of them.”
“That’s not something you have to worry about anymore.”
What?
“What?”
“I spoke with Lucius and I appreciate all the work you’ve done thus far but I want you to be able to focus on things that matter to you.”
Tim’s ears are ringing. He stares at the crease in Bruce’s forehead, one that signifies Bruce is trying to get a read on Tim’s face as well. He’s sure that his mouth is wide open, eyes stuck in a squint.
Bruce continues, “Your position as a shareholder shouldn’t have fallen on your shoulders while I was gone. I just want to let you know that responsibility is no longer yours.”
“You-you’re not, you didn’t,” Tim stumbles over his words, “You’re joking, right?”
Bruce opens and closes his mouth. “No, Tim. I think a lot of opportunities were taken from you while I was gone and I think-“
“You don’t know shit!” Tim’s hands are shaking, almost vibrating with anger. He can feel his heartbeat through his chest. He wonders if Bruce can hear it too. “How could you!?”
Bruce steps back in surprise. “I-“
“That wasn’t your choice to make! I have a handle on WE for a reason. I’m a shareholder there for a reason! You can’t just- just take that away from me?!”
Tim feels like throwing up. Bruce is starting to put his hands up in some kind of surrender position. Like Tim is some kind of angry animal, like he’s about to attack Bruce. Maybe he is.
Bruce has the audacity to look confused. “Do you not want to go back to school?”
“Do I- Bruce, you cannot,” Tim's hands are flailing in the air, grasping for something, anything, with more common sense than the person standing in front of him, “you can’t just take something like that away from me and expect me to be okay with it.”
“I want you to be able to do-“
“Bruce, I understand what you want.” Tim is enunciating the words slowly, “But I am not focusing on school right now and I don’t think that’s anyone’s problem but mine.”
Bruce is looking at Tim like he just grew another head. Something flashes in Bruce’s eyes but it’s too quick for Tim to catch what it is. “Okay.”
Tim flinches, he looks directly into Bruce's eyes. “Okay?”
“I understand if that’s something you’re not willing to do, right now. But I want- I hope you know it’s available to you. Even Jason is taking advantage of it.”
“Jason?” Tim says weakly. He feels like he’s ready to faint. He can feel the air conditioning blowing directly above his head. He shivers.
“He’s back in school. Well, online because of the whole legal situation. But maybe you can talk to him and-“
“Leave.” Tim points to the entrance.
Bruce clenches his jaw. Tim can tell Bruce is getting upset now but he’s too angry to care.
Tim steps to the side and opens the door. “Bruce, I’m done with this conversation and I want you to leave.”
Bruce walks out of the door, the floors squeaking as he goes past. The sooner Bruce leaves the sooner he can clean up his mess. There’s no way Bruce is going to swoop in after years of being absent and decide what's best for Tim.
Bruce pauses in the doorway. “I hope you know I’m here for you.”
Tim’s fists are clenched so hard he can feel the nails tearing into his skin. Where was Bruce when his mother died? Where was he when Dick chose to give Robin to a literal assassin? Where was he when Jason tore apart Tim, piece by piece, while he was begging, pleading, praying for someone to help him?
“Goodbye, Bruce.”
Tim shuts the door.
It’s one of those days where it’s so rainy out, you could barely make out what was what. The droplets fell into Tim’s eyes, not even his domino mask protecting him from the harsh splattering of water. The air was still humid, making clothing stick to skin in an uncomfortable way. Tim’s knees clicked as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
He was back in Crime Alley. Tim knew it wasn’t the smartest idea to be back in the territory of a murderer who nearly tried to murder him. But this was one of the only cases left unfinished. After this, he would no longer have cases that Bruce gave to him. This would be it. He would no longer be taking cases that Batman oversees.
Tim is grappling from building to building, rain splattering in his face when something slams into his sides. Tim goes flying, his body hitting the concrete. He groans but has no time before something connects with his shoulder. The limb throbs in response and he curls in on himself. Rain continues to splatter against his body and he struggles to make out the form above him.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Tim knows that voice from anywhere. It haunts him in his dreams, it haunts him while he’s awake. “Hood?”
“What the fuck did I say about coming around here when it’s not your turn? Are you asking to be shot?”
Tim sits up and rests his body weight on his left hand. The wound on his shoulder hurts. He can barely think with how much it hurts. “What are you doing?”
The relationship between Tim and Jason is fragile. Tim stays out of Jason’s way and most of the time he’s left alone. It had been a while since Jason had used physical force on him. He had thought maybe Jason was past the point of showing his feelings through Tim’s pain. Apparently, he was wrong.
“What did I say about coming around here alone?” Jasons red helmet is shining under the moonlight. The rain is splattering against the sides of his hood. Besides the last patrol Tim went on, he hadn’t been alone with Jason as Red Hood since the day of the tower. Tim didn’t know how to feel. If it was how his body felt, then it was terrified.
“I just needed intel on something. I’ll be out here before you know it.” Tim can barely make out his voice under the rain. It’s bordering on severe weather and at this point it’s surprising that anyone is even out.
Hood grabs Tim by his cape, dragging him onto his feet. “You’re coming with me.”
Before Tim can think an arm is wrapped around his waist and he’s being grappled from building to building. Tim briefly considers struggling out of Jason’s grasp only to imagine falling to the ground and landing in a splatter.
It only takes a couple of seconds for them to reach their destination. Jason unceremoniously drops Tim and he stumbles to the ground. Before he can get back up, Jason has him by the cape again, dragging him into an empty building. The decrease in volume is jarring.
“You look like a drowned rat.”
Tim glares at Hood. “What do you want, Hood?”
The Hood steps around Tim in a circle, finger tapping at his chin. “I want to know why you’re always in places where you don’t belong.”
Tim’s heart beats in his chest. He can’t have a repeat of last time. Tim doesn’t think him or his body can handle it. He won’t be able to hide it from Bruce this time. He thinks about Bruce’s growing relationship with Jason. The fondness and love in his eyes whenever Jason walks in the room. The change in demeanor when Hood joins them for a patrol. Tim doesn’t want to be the one to break that.
“I’m sorry,” Tim immediately starts. Maybe if he apologizes, if he reminds Jason that he was just a placeholder, a seat warmer, waiting for the person who was really supposed to be there. “I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I won’t come into your turf without your explicit permission again.”
“See but that’s just not enough this time, replacement,” Tim flinches at the nickname.
He doesn’t have it in him to fight anymore. He can feel the exhaustion in his bones. It seeps into every inch of him, weighing him down like bags of rocks were tied to each limb.
“You can do whatever you want.” Tim says. L
The Hood pauses. “What are you talking about?”
Anger starts to lick at his bones, a hum of it under his skin. Tim stares at him dumbly. “If you’re gonna beat me, just get it over with.”
“Beat you?” The Hood flinches back. What is he so surprised about? Tim knows the routine by now. He fucks up and he finds out. He always finds out.
“I just want you to stay the fuck outta my way!”
Tim narrows his eyes at Hood. Stay out of his way? What the fuck does he think Tim’s been trying to do these past few months!? Fuck Jason. Fuck him for thinking it’s okay to hurt Tim. Fuck him for talking about him behind his back with Bruce.
“Why are you always doing this?” Tim gets up. His whole body hurts but he won’t shrink in on himself anymore. He’s sick of being torn apart. “I stay as far away as possible from you and it’s never enough. It’s never enough!”
Tim can’t see the expression on Hood's face. It has to be something akin to shock based on the way he’s standing.
“I get it, I fucked up by coming here today but I’ve been staying out of your way, out of B’s, out of everyone’s way and you still have something to say to me?! Why can’t you just leave me the hell alone?” Tim is huffing at this point. He can barely breathe with how angry he is.
“ You stay the hell away from me.” Tim grits out.
Hood doesn’t say anything as Tim walks out into the rain. It’s no longer pouring but a light drizzle comes down, mixing in with sweat on Tim’s face. A hand grasps his arm and Tim jolts backwards.
“Fuck you, Red. You don’t know the half of it.”
Tim can only scoff as Hood grapples off into the distance.
It always starts out the same. It’s one of his happiest memories actually. They’re in the cave, both Bruce and Tim huffing as they try to catch their breath. Bruce is standing next to Tim with his hands on his hips and he’s got a vague twinkle in his eye. Upon further inspection, it looks like…pride? But it couldn’t possibly be for Tim. No, he’s done nothing yet to make The Batman proud.
Tim bends over and rests his hands on his knees as he tries to suck in more air. Maybe if he pretends to be super winded, that look on Bruce’s face will go away. But he just looks forward with a hint of a smile.
“You did…good tonight, Tim.”
Tim’s breath catches in his throat. He can’t help the big smile that crosses his face. He straightens up and looks at the mirrored smile on Bruce’s face. “Thank you.”
“It’s been a lot of work for you. But you’ve done a good job at catching on.” Bruce is speaking in a lighter tone than usual.
Some days, Bruce’s steps don’t drag as much and he doesn’t grunt as the only answer. These were days when Tim really saw Bruce as Bruce and not as Batman. It seemed like when Tim first met Bruce he always wore the cowl whether or not it was on his face. He was harsh. Harsh towards Alfred, harsh towards Dick, and he was hard on Tim.
But Tim didn’t mind it because it was all worth it when he saw Bruce . This was the first time Batman had complemented Tim. He usually always had critiques to give- which Tim took with pride! He was always looking for ways to improve but sometimes it was just good to hear that you were well, doing good.
Somehow Tim’s smile grows even more. “Thank you…Bruce.”
Tim watches a flash of something in Bruce’s eye. It’s too quick to catch. Tim wishes he caught it because the next thing he feels is a jarring pain in his left knee. He crashes to the floor and he can’t help the grunts of pain leaving his mouth. He looks down and his knee is sluggishly bleeding, a hole going through the front and back.
“You think that was good?” A warbled voice from behind says. Tim knows that voice anywhere, anytime. Hood comes from around Tim and points a gun in his face. “You’re not even half as good as I was and I started when I was a kid!”
Tim's eyes stray away from Hood and he looks for Bruce. Bruce is nowhere to be found.
“Jason, ple-“
The end of the Hood's gun smacks into Tim’s face. His head whips to the side and Tim actually cries out this time.
“Jason is gone.”
Tim holds his hand up to his face. When he brings it away, blood is smeared across his fingers. Tim can barely think with how much his knee hurts right now.
“Please. Bruce needs you. He wants you.”
The Hood scoffs. “Bruce replaced me!”
Tim scoots back as much as can with a hole in his knee. “Please, you don’t wanna do this.”
“This is exactly what I need to do,” Hood shakes the gun in his hand in anger. “How long?”
Tim shakes his head in confusion. “Wha- what do you mean?”
“How fucking long did it take for him to replace me?”
“I don’t- he didn’t replace you, Jason. He-“
The gun goes off and Tim’s right leg bursts into pain. Tim heaves in breaths of air, he can’t even breathe with the pain.
“ What did I say about calling me Jason?”
Tim can’t answer Jason. He’s shaking, barely keeping his upper body upright as he chokes on sobs. Jason kneels down and cocks his head to the side. Fingers press into the wound on his leg and Tim screams.
The pressure releases and Jason directs the gun back in Tim’s face.
It goes off.
Tim wakes up.
He doesn’t have any time before vomit rises up from his throat and onto the floor beside him.
It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream.
Tim is shaking so hard the lamp on his bedside is rattling along with the mattress. He twists to turn on the light but his fingers slip multiple times with how sweaty they are. He finally gets the light on when a wave of anxiety flows over him. His stomach squeezes and Tim’s socked feet practically fly as he reaches the bathroom sink.
He retches and coughs over the porcelain. When he finally finishes, he looks into the mirror. The reflection that stares back is lifeless. His eyes are sunken in and his skin pale. The only sign of color is his cheeks, pink and rosy against the dim light coming from the bedroom.
Tim walks back into his bedroom and surveys the mess. His covers are crumpled on the ground and the splatters of vomit coat it. His bed sheets are soaked in sweat and his pillow tear stained.
The ground makes a creaking noise as he sinks down onto it. He covers his mouth with his hand.
Please let me just forget. Just for one second, Tim pleads to himself.
Tim curls into a ball on the floor, harsh pants escaping from his mouth. His hands and feet are tingling and he presses them closer to his body as he fights for air. The pain in his chest rivals the pain he felt in his dreams. Am I dying? Tim thinks to himself. His breathing has turned into strained wheezing and he sucks in shallow breaths as his vision starts to spot. He can hear his phone ringing in the background. It’s the last thing he hears before everything goes silent.
The world goes dark.