Chapter Text
The morning light filtered through the window, casting soft golden streaks across the room. Slowly, Kaveh’s eyelids fluttered open. For a moment, he forgot where he is. The hum of the birds outside added with the warm heavy blankets that surrounds him feels very comfortable, grounding, a soft groan escapes his lips as he buried his head into his pillow.
He was about to sleep again when, like a jolt, the memories from last night rushed back. His eyes snapped open and Kaveh sat up quickly, the room spun violently around him. He cursed silently. His heart tightened at the memory, and a knot formed in his stomach.
“Fuck…” Kaveh muttered under his breath, his hands instinctively flying up to cover his face as if it could erase the memory. The words from last night echoed in his mind.
He remembered the breakdown—the tears, the words spilling out of his mouth in a way that felt so raw, so uncontrollable. He could still picture Alhaitham’s concerned face, standing in the doorway, unsure whether to step closer or turn away. The thought of being so vulnerable, of having someone witness him in that state, made his cheeks burn with embarrassment.
A soft groan escaped his lips, and he buried his face in his hands, trying to push the memory away. He wants to hit his head against the wall and die from embarrassment. With a sigh, Kaveh swung his legs off the bed, determined, but the thought of facing his roommate—of having to talk about last night—made his stomach churn.
Kaveh could feel his palms sweating as he opened the door of his room. There, he saw Alhaitham sitting at their divan. Yes, theirs. Kaveh was the one who picked it and his roommate paid for it, as always.
He didn’t even look up when Kaveh entered. Which makes everything worse.
Kaveh stood there frozen on his feet, every muscle in his body tense, ready to either flee or fight—but he couldn’t decide which. He doesn’t know what to do. He is waiting for Alhaitham’s snarky remarks, the judgement from what happened last night.
But he was just sitting there, a book open in front of him, only the soft rustle of the paper are the only sound that could be heard in the room. No acknowledgement, no confrontation.
"Alhaitham," Kaveh started, his voice cracking slightly despite his attempt to keep it steady.
The other man’s gaze lifted from his book, his sharp eyes meeting Kaveh’s. There was a faint tension in his expression, but it didn’t reveal much. The silence stretched between them, thick and uncomfortable.
Kaveh’s chest tightened. "About last night—"
Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, a subtle challenge in his gaze. " You don’t have to force yourself, Kaveh."
Kaveh’s throat tightened. The words should’ve been comforting, but instead they stung like a knife.
“No,” Kaveh muttered, stepping closer, his voice rising as the frustration bubbled up. “You don’t get it. I— I don’t do that. I don’t fall apart like that. I don’t... let people see me like that.” His hands were trembling now, but he couldn’t stop. The words spilled out as if he had no control over them. “And you—you just stood there. You saw me in that state and I hate it.”
Alhaitham’s face remained impassive as he said, “I already saw you in that state before” though there was a slight tightening around his eyes, something bordering on irritation, "I wasn’t judging you if that’s what you’re thinking." He added.
“Then what the hell was that?” Kaveh snapped, his voice sharp, desperate for some answer. "What were you thinking? Comforting me like you already did those thing in the past. Why are you doing this?" He could feel the heat creeping up his neck, the anger mixing with shame. "I don’t want your pity, Alhaitham. I don’t need it."
A beat of silence passed, and then, in that voice of his—calm, infuriatingly controlled—Alhaitham spoke. "I didn’t offer pity. I offered space." He set his book aside, folding his arms over his chest. "What happened last night was something you can’t control, Kaveh. And you think I was judging you? I was giving you room to breathe, to—"
“To what?” Kaveh cut him off, his hands balling into fists. “To fall apart? To let you see me at my worst? You think I wanted you to see me like that?” His voice wavered despite the anger, the raw vulnerability of the moment threatening to undo him once again. "I even fucking lied to you in the past just so you won’t think of me this way."
There was a pause, longer than Kaveh would’ve liked, before Alhaitham finally spoke again. His voice was quieter now, less guarded. "It doesn’t matter if you want me to see it or not. I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen." He stood up, slowly, his movements measured. "And I won’t walk away because you’re uncomfortable with it."
Kaveh took a step back, his heart pounding in his chest. “What, so you think I should just... what? Be okay with you seeing me like that? Just deal with it?”
“No.” Alhaitham took a step forward, his gaze intense. “But I think you should realize that you don’t have to hide every part of yourself from me, Kaveh. You don’t have to run from the parts of you that make you human.” He paused, his eyes narrowing slightly. “I’m here because you’re my roommate, Kaveh. And that means something to me. But if you keep pushing me away, then I won’t force you.”
Kaveh swallowed hard, the weight of Alhaitham's words settling on him like a stone. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His thoughts were a chaotic mess of shame, anger, and something else—something far more vulnerable that he didn’t want to face.
Alhaitham’s eyes softened, just slightly. “I don’t know what you need right now,” he said, his tone still firm but with an underlying gentleness that Kaveh wasn’t prepared for.
Who the fuck is this person? This ain’t his roommate.
“But I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere.”
Kaveh couldn’t bring himself to speak. Instead, he just stood there, feeling as if the weight of his emotions had drained out of him, leaving a hollow emptiness in its place. The confrontation had been unavoidable. And yet, in a way, it hadn’t been the fight he had expected. They fight every time but not like this.
Maybe he wasn’t supposed to fight. Maybe—just maybe—Alhaitham was right.
He walks away, leaving Alhaitham alone. Slamming the door as hard as he could — running away with this ugly feeling that slowly and painfully grips his already broken heart.
It was late, much later than Kaveh had intended to be out. He was kicked out by the tavern because apparently Lambad’s said that it’s too late and his roommate will get mad at him. Like he isn’t already mad at Kaveh. The architect wants to protest, but in the end he doesn’t have that much of choice but to leave his precious wine behind.
The streets of Sumeru City were quiet now, the shops and markets closed, the bustling noise replaced by the soft rustle of leaves in the evening breeze. He stumbled through the streets, barely aware of his surroundings, the cool night air doing little to sober him up. His head was pounding, his vision swimming slightly as he leaned against a lamppost for support.
“Fuck…” he muttered, wiping a hand over his face. The words from earlier still echoed in his mind—Alhaitham’s calm, unshakable voice, the way he’d said those simple, piercing things that Kaveh couldn’t escape. They weren’t just about last night. No. There was something else there. Something unspoken.
What a mess. He thinks.
He pushed Alhaitham away. When in reality, he wanted him to stay. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? No one is willing to stayed by his side, he pushed everyone of them away because he is scared of getting hurt.
With a groan, Kaveh pushed himself away from the lamppost and staggered toward the door to his apartment. His fingers fumbled with the key, and he cursed again when it slipped from his grasp, landing with a loud clink on the ground. He bent down, cursing his own lack of coordination, and finally managed to get the door open.
Their home was quiet. Too quiet for his liking. Kaveh’s heart pounded in his chest, a mixture of alcohol and anxiety swirling together in a dizzying haze. He hadn’t thought this through—he didn’t want to think it through. But now that he was home, there was no turning back.
They need to talk.
His eyes scanned the room, landing on the figure sitting at the kitchen table. Alhaitham was there, looking as unruffled as always, his brow slightly furrowed as he turned a page in his book. It was like nothing had happened. But Kaveh knew better.
"Alhaitham," Kaveh slurred, his voice thick with alcohol. "You’re still awake."
Alhaitham didn’t immediately look up, as if he were considering whether or not to acknowledge him. There was a long pause before his roommate look up, he set his book down slowly and met Kaveh’s gaze, his expression unreadable. “You’ve been drinking again,” he said, his voice calm, but there is something to it that Kaveh couldn’t figure out.
Why is he still awake anyway? Kaveh snorted as he imagined Alhaitham yawning, waiting for Kaveh to be home even though its late—past his bedtime. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.
“Yeah,” Kaveh muttered, stumbling toward the table and leaning against it, his eyes never leaving Alhaitham’s. “Needed to forget. Needed to… to drown it out.”
Alhaitham’s gaze softened, just slightly. He didn’t say anything at first, just watched Kaveh carefully, his usual stoic expression betraying a hint of concern.
"I don't need your concern," Kaveh spat, his words slurring together. He didn’t mean to do it, really, but the alcohol was making his tongue loose, making his emotions raw and unfiltered. "You think I'm some fragile thing, huh? You think... you think just because I broke down that I'm some mess you have to fix?"
"Kaveh, that's not—" Alhaitham started, but Kaveh cut him off, his patience thinning.
“No!” Kaveh shouted, his voice louder than intended, but it didn’t matter. “No, you don’t get it. You don’t understand. You think I’m just this annoying guy — no, a broke annoying guy who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, but you—” Kaveh’s voice wavered as the alcohol loosened his inhibitions even more.
“You really are driving me insane, Haitham.” He whispered, locking his gaze to his roommates calculating eyes.
Alhaitham’s expression shifted, his lips pressing into a thin line. "What are you saying, Kaveh?" His tone was quieter now, less defensive, but there was an underlying tension in his posture. He could sense something was off.
“I’m saying… that I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to push you away. I don’t want to—" Kaveh’s eyes blurred as the weight of his own words started to catch up to him, and he staggered, barely catching himself against the table. "I don’t want you to keep pretending that you don’t care."
Alhaitham stood slowly, his gaze fixed on Kaveh with a mix of concern and confusion. “Kaveh—”
“No,” Kaveh interrupted, his voice shaking now, both from the alcohol and the raw emotion he was struggling to hold back. “You think I don’t see the way you look at me? The way you... look at me when you comfort me last night.” He choked on the words, his chest tightening. “I remember now Alhaitham. How could I forget that haha” He laughs a little and took a step forward, but his body was too unsteady, and he caught himself on the chair. “I’m in love with you, Alhaitham.”
There, he said it. He finally said it.
That wasn’t hard. He said to himself, feeling proud.
Alhaitham’s expression changed, something like disbelief flickering across his face before it settled into something else. Something unreadable. He didn’t step forward, but he didn’t step back, either. His eyes softened, just slightly, and for a moment, Kaveh thought he might be about to say something—anything. But then…
"You’re drunk, Kaveh."
The words hit Kaveh like a punch to the gut, and he staggered back, his chest tightening painfully. He tried to push it down, tried to ignore the sting of rejection that started to settle in his stomach. He wants to scream at his roommate’s face.
“I know I’m drunk,” Kaveh whispered, his voice breaking. “But I meant it. Every fucking word.”
Alhaitham’s gaze is fixed in his eyes, as if he is trying to asses him, and he did not cower. He stood in front of Alhaitham confidently, so sure of his feeling, and for the first time since Kaveh had stumbled into the apartment, he saw his roommate smile. Small. But undeniably there.
There was a warmth behind his eyes now—a flicker of understanding, maybe even something more. But he didn’t say anything, just took a step forward and reached out a hand.
“Let’s get you to bed,” he said quietly, his voice gentle in a way Kaveh hadn’t expected. He didn’t push, didn’t pry, but the way he said it... there was something almost protective there. “We’ll talk when you’re sober.” He said, Kaveh feels déjà vu. It’s always like this with Alhaitham huh.
Kaveh let out a shaky laugh, his head spinning from the alcohol and the weight of his own emotions. “I don’t want to sleep. I just… wanted you to know. Before I… forget again.”
Alhaitham didn’t respond right away. Instead, he placed a hand on Kaveh’s shoulder, steady and warm, grounding him. "I know. I know." His voice was soft, almost a whisper, but there was no judgment in it. Just… patience. A quiet understanding.
Kaveh felt the tears prickle at the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t let them fall. Not yet. He wasn’t ready to face it. He wasn’t sure if he ever would be.
“Say it,” he said, Alhaitham blinks at him confusedly, clearly caught off guard. “Say that you like me too” he continued.
He doesn’t know what he’s expecting. Rejection. Acceptance. He is not ready for what’s about to come, his heart thudded painfully in his chest, and now the silence stretched out between them. He shouldn’t have done this. He shouldn’t—
But then, Alhaitham spoke, loud and clear, “I love you too, Kaveh”
There was silence again. The words were simple yet Alhaitham spoke it like he truly meant every word he said.
“Haitham—’” Kaveh’s voice broke, he could feel the tears pricking his eyes. He blinked rapidly. Alhaitham step closer and cupped Kaveh’s face in his hand, his thumb brushing gently against his already tear-stained cheeks.
“I told you I didn’t want to force you Kaveh. I mean it truly” Alhaitham admitted quietly, “I was afraid….I don’t want to scare you — to force you into liking me back” he said, his gaze locked into Kaveh’s intensely that made his breath catch “When you lied to me that day, about your breakdown. I knew instantly that it can’t be true. Because I know you don’t read late at night and cry because of it. I don’t want to call you out though” Kaveh let out a shaky laugh. He grips at the hands in his face. They’re both really dumb at this. Tip toeing each other.
“I’m sorry,” Kaveh said finally, the words slipping out before he could think. “For making it so complicated between us.” He swallowed hard, his voice small. “I don’t know what to do with all of this.”
Alhaitham didn’t hesitate. He stepped closer, until their foreheads were almost touching, and Kaveh could feel the warmth of his breath on his face.
“Don’t do anything," Alhaitham murmured, his voice soothing. "Just let things be. We’ll figure it out, Kaveh. Together. One step at a time.”
And just like that, for the first time in a while, the tension in Kaveh’s chest began to loosen. Maybe he doesn’t have to push Alhaitham away. Maybe they don’t have to pretend that every is okay. But for now, Alhaitham was here. And somehow, that was enough. Kaveh felt like it would be okay.