Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The class of 2017 graduated eight years ago in April, on a damp, humid, and hot morning. Surrounded by friends and family, they waved goodbye to the—allegedly, best years of their lives. But Niragi still remembers it as one of the worst days of his school years. It’s not a good memory for him, but whatever, it's not like a lot of things before twenty were.

Nothing before college would ever be a good memory for him, but, for some reason, when Kuina tells him about the eight-year anniversary reunion, he says yes.

Because he can’t disappoint his oldest friend, even if he knows that is a terrible decision.

“Are you really going?” Chishiya asks that afternoon, leaning against the wall. His eyes are fixed on Niragi’s back as he ties the laces of his boots. “She really has you on a leash.”

“You are not the one to talk. Kuina almost made a decent human being out of you.”

He keeps his hands working, and the banter with Chishiya helps. Because if he stops to think for a second, he’s either going to throw up or punch a wall.

“I find the concept of social meetings with people you haven’t seen or cared about in years utterly stupid.”

That makes two of them, but he’s not going to agree with Chishiya, not in this life at least.

“I’m heading to her place,” he says instead, ignoring the way Chishiya’s eyes are burning at his back. “I’ll tell her you say hi.”

“Tell her I told you so when everything goes down to shit tonight.”

Niragi looks at him now. Chishiya is giving him one of those I’m-better-than-you looks he hates so much. Eyes dark and narrow and condescending. He pushes himself away from the wall and disappears into his room without a goodbye.

Pushing down the urge to strangle his annoying roommate, Niragi opens the door and starts his walk down the death row. But first, he needs to make a stop, because it seems like before slaughter they give death row inmates a makeover, and his friend wants to play executioner.

So Kuina house it is.

“Are you sure about this?” Niragi asks for the fith time in thirty minutes since he arrived at her friend’s apartment. They’re alone. Ann left earlier in the afternoon for her own shift at her hospital residence after kissing Kuina good luck and telling Niragi to not get in trouble.

Scolded like a child by a woman one year older than him, what a life.

“Are we really going?”

He’s lying in her bed as Kuina does her makeup, waiting for his own turn to be dolled up by Kuina’s expert hands and superior taste—her words, not his. She sits by the mirror on her vanity, singing along Casual. Music blasts through her phone, she looks way happier than Niragi expected her to be.

“It’s so long since I’ve seen my friends! Mai is working in Kanto, and Rino is doing her PhD in Hokkaido. Mana is coming all the way from Okinawa."

“You could hang with them any other day.”

“Niragi…” she turns around to look at him. She looks so funny with only one of her eyes done. “You know that it’s not that easy.”

He doesn’t want to make her sad, but he’s still nervous.

Kuina was a weird one back in high school.

She was less confident than she is now. She got in trouble with teachers and direction all the time because, even if she did wear the boys uniform, she kept adding accessories to it. She wore makeup and was loud about who she was.

Maybe that’s why, even when she was an outcast, she had been quite popular. She stood for herself; she was fierce. For her it hadn’t been the worst, but neither had it been nice. Kuina remembers her student days with a mix of feelings that confuse her, but she’s overly glad for the people she met there.

There were assholes and bad people, but those were everywhere, and now Kuina stands tall and beautiful and proud. She has nothing to hide or be ashamed of, and she wants everyone to see.

So what’s wrong about it? She earned the life she has now, and she wants them to see it, even if she has nothing to prove. And above all that, she wants to catch up with everyone, see what has been of their lifes. Have fun with his friends.

“I just,” he sits in the bed and grabs one of her plushies. He hugs into it to avoid starting to fidget with his rings. “They invited you, not me.”

“Niragi, not everyone is an IT genius. I doubt anyone from back then has any idea of where you are or what you did with your life. I don’t think anyone has any of your socials or even your phone number.”

Well, of course they don’t. He started from zero for a reason. Good luck searching for a guy who doesn't even have the same name. 

Or surname.

Or anything.

“But the invitation said that all of our year was invited, and that includes you,” and she throws a beauty blender at him and Niragi slaps it away before it can hit. “You’re not Maleficent. You don’t need an invitation delivered to your door.”

He almost laughs.

Almost.

“Niragi, one more time,” she says. Kuina walks to the bed and drops by his side, a hand resting over Niragi’s knee. “If you really want to go home, do it. I would love for you to go and show those fuckers that you’re still alive and kicking and better than all of them. I want to do that. Show them the person I am now. But if that’s not how you want to deal with it, go home. I won’t mind.”

He doesn’t know what to say.

“But I did buy you a new cool outfit, and I’m dying to finally be allowed to do your makeup, so please, please, please,” she says, hands clasped in a prayer. “Even if you want to leave once we’re there, or at any point of the night, get your overthinking ass up and put it into those pants. I don't care if you want to ditch me, but at least wear my magnum opus to the 24 hours shop. I bet the auntie at the registrer would call you handsome and tell you about her young grand daughter who is single and ready to mingle.”

That does pull a laugh out of him.

He pushes her away with his shoulder and gets up from the bed.

“What’s even the point of all this?” Niragi picks up said pants from the chair where Kuina left them. “Leather? Really?”

She jumps from the bed and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

They look ridiculous, but Niragi guesses that this is what almost fifteen years of knowing each other does to a person. You don’t care about how you look when you’re with them. She’s not bothered at all about the fact that her makeup is half done or about how she’s in her underwear, because they still have to go through all the process of Kuina putting on at least ten different outfits just to go back to the first one.

“Because men also deserve to be pampered from time to time, at least the ones who are my friends,” she says. “So get dressed while I do my other eye, and then let me turn you into a Japanese Gerard Way.”

Kuina gives him a noisy kiss on the cheek and goes back to the vanity.

Okay, he can do this.

For her and for the small and tiny version of him that deserves it.

It’s nine o'clock when they arrive at the party.

Kuina hooks her arm on his, and they take a deep breath and walk into the club someone has rented for the night. It’s a modern-looking locale next to Shibuya, and Niragi is not really sure about really wanting to go to somewhere like this. He stopped attending college parties for a reason, they always turned him into a mess. Crowds have never been his thing.

“Are you ready?”

Absolutely not .

“Yeah,” he can do it. He’s no longer sixteen, and even if everything went downhill, Kuina in heels could be classified as a deadly weapon. So they’re fine. They’re going to be fine. They’re walking into a party, not into a slaughterhouse. “Revenge dress time?”

Kuina laughs at his stupid sense of humor, "Sure Princess Diana," and together, they finally walk into the wolf's den.

The wolf's den is more like a sheep den, Niragi realizes, not even ten minutes later.

People talk to each other, ask about your day, and keep going, too busy to stop. There are old friends introducing someone to their spouse. Or showing pics of their dogs. Someone shows Niragi a picture of an actual baby, and he almost has a stroke because they’re only twenty-five.

In his mind, having a kid right now would still be considered teen pregnancy.

Kuina keeps him at arm's reach, and they navigate the crowd together.

No one seems to give a fuck about their new looks or Niragi’s new name because, why should they? They’re adults with jobs and lives, and someone tells Niragi that they actually work in the building in front of his own work. 

Such normal conversations for all the nerves spent thinking about today. 

“Rino! Mai!” Kuina screams when she finally finds his friends.

That’s the first time she lets go of his arm so she can run to them and hug them. They giggle and jump and scream, and Niragi ignores the small pang of jealousy at something he never got to have. “Nira! Get your ass here!”

And he obeys, walking to the girls with a shy smile.

“Niragi, right?” one of them asks, and for a moment, he thinks that they’re not recognizing him or something. “Kuina told us that you go by your mother’s last name now.”

Oh.

He looks at Kuina, and she winks. Of course, she has him already covered, at least with her friends.

“Yeah…”

“I barely recognized you!”

By his side, Kuina leans more of her weight against him in a strange attempt at comfort.

“Well, it’s been eight years.” This is awkward. Niragi scratches the back of his neck. Kuina’s friends never gave him any trouble, but this is still weird. He’s not used to talking to anyone outside his friend group.

And in the thirty minutes they’ve been around the party, he has already talked to enough people to cover a few months of his social battery.

“And he got hot!” Kuina screams, and that earns her an elbow to the ribs. He can feel the heat rising to his ears. “What! It’s true!”

“Nah,” one of the women says, and Niragi’s stomach sinks. “He was always cute behind those ugly glasses and all that hair covering his face.”

Niragi starts coughing, and Kuina laughs, patting his back, “Don’t give my guy that kind of scare, Mai. He’s not used to that.”

“You know, we actually saw you a lot in Kuina’s photos, but I never realized it was you.”

“It’s incredible how one changes once puberty stops fucking us up,” one of them laughs. “I think everyone here got hotter.”

“Or learned how to dress.”

“Both. I think it’s both. No one looks good at sixteen.”

Kuina keeps talking with them, and Niragi stands there, being a very tall and lanky purse for his friend. He’s not used to talking to anyone from school except for Kuina. Not even the people who, like Mai, Hana and Rino, never really annoyed him. They were Kuina’s friends and, therefore, outcast by association. But they were the cool group of outcasts, if that is even something that exists.

When they excuse themselves to keep greeting people, Kuina hooks her arm around his again and walks to the bar.

“She was asking for your number, by the way.”

“What?”

“Niragi, she told you she was interested in your work. Asked for your socials."

"Yes? I gave her my work handle?"

"Niragi, apple of my eye, that was flirting,” Kuina’s hands rest over his, giving it a soft tap, tap, tap. On her heels, she’s as tall as him, so they’re eye to eye. “I don’t think you realize that people tend to find guys like you hot.”

“Anxious nerds?”

Kuina’s head drops into his shoulder with a long sigh. “You are deeply stupid,  Niragi Suguru, and I love you for it.”

Kuina ignores her answer about when, or how, or even why anyone would want his number. Instead, it's her own phone that rings.

“Ann’s here,” she says. “I’m going to get her, get us something to drink, and pick a booth, will you?”

“Sure,” it’s not like he has something better to do without Kuina around. “Don’t get distracted!”

Kuina rolls her eyes and disappears into the crowd.

Nice.

Chishiya and Ann arrive at the party at ten o’clock. He still thinks that this is stupid, but Ann is here as Kuina's plus one and somehow dragged Chishiya into this. They’re waiting outside for Kuina to pick them up so she can tell the security guard that they’re with her, since they don’t actually have an invitation.

Next to them by the club’s door, a group of assholes are greeting each other. They're talking in loud voices and they sound like idiots. That makes Ann glare daggers at them and Chishiya comprehend what kind of people they are. But it doesn’t last long before a voice interrupts them.

“Who even invited you and your minions Tamura?” Behind the group, Kuina finally makes her appearance. “Scramble.”

They look at Kuina and, for some reason, listen to her.

"Tell Kanzaki we're looking for her!"

"Die in a ditch," Kuina tells them.

Maybe she has kicked their asses enough times for them to leave when they’re told. Maybe they don’t want to get into trouble when there are more people in the street.

It’s not like Chishiya cares.

“How did you even drag him into this?” Kuina asks as they approach them. She gives Ann a quick peck on the lips and offers him a smile. "I'm glad you're here, I actually want help keeping and eye on Niragi."

"So he doesn't end up in jail?"

“Chishiya!” Ann slaps the back of his head and Chishiya is to slow to duck. 

“Please, be nice to him today,” Kuina says instead. “He’s here, and he thinks that he’s tricking me, but I know he’s nervous about it. Don’t go on too strong.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“I know you fight and banter all the time because you’re just like that,” she rests her hands over her shoulders and gives them a soft squeeze. “But hold it back today, okay? I think he’s trying to hide that he’s a nervous wreck.”

Then why even bring him here?

Chishiya will never get this kind of thing.

“He didn’t look that bad when he left,” he says instead. “Why are you so worried?”

“Because this far the night has been going okay, but those assholes that were outside with Ann and you? They’re the people Niragi wanted to avoid. I thik they just arrived."

So, Niragi high school nemesis?

"What did he do to them back them? Annoy them to death?"

But Kuina doesn't laugh. She looks at the door where the guys disapeared, eyes glommy and sad.

"I need you to understand that, whatever he has told you, whatever you know, it’s probably watered down and downplayed Chishiya, it's not a joke.”

“I know it was bad.”

Niragi never talked about anything that had happened before college. Just like he had spawned in Tokyo at 18 and all the previous years of his life had never happened. Even after all these years, he remains a mystery like Chishiya, so he can just theorize and assume that, whatever he hides, it’s not happy.

And it’s not like Chishiya can complain when his own past is also well hidden behind tall walls and carefully crafted masks.

“No, Chishiya, it wasn’t bad,” Kuina sounds worried and sad. “What Niragi and I told you about our high school years, it’s not even half of it. I had it better. I had my girls who always got my back. I knew how to throw a punch, and I wasn’t scared of doing it because, damn, if they were messing with me, they were going to deal with the consequences of pissing off the daughter of a dojo owner. But Niragi… I don’t know if he has told you anything, but it was terrible, and to be honest, I didn’t really think he was going to come with me. I hoped they weren’t going to show up, but… they’re here, and so is he. So help me keep an eye on him, okay?”

“He’s an arrogant idiot. He doesn’t need our help,” and he cares about you, he's here just for you, he wants to add. Because Kuina has the gift of making men who deserve nothing but rot turn into half-decent people and love her forever.

“Yes, so you can imagine how bad it was if not even that shitty attitude of his is enough to make me think that he was actually going to show up to rub it into people's faces.”

Chishiya looks at Kuina and, behind her, at Ann.

Both women are giving him the behave look.

So he lets out a long sigh, “Okay, okay, I’ll be nice.”

He doesn’t have the energy to be rude if he’s being honest.

So yeah, why not? He can afford to play nice for once.

When they finally walk into the club, Niragi is by the bar, grabbing some drinks. When he looks over his shoulder to look at Kuina, he notices that Chishiya is also there, and his eyebrow disappears behind messy bangs. So Chishiya lifts his hand and waves, which only makes Niragi roll his eyes.

“You didn’t tell him you were coming?”

“Ann dragged me with her. It’s not like I planned it.”

“I wanted someone with brains here,” Ann says, hand firmly wrapped around Kuina’s arm. “And you owed me a favor.”

“Whatever you say.” They make their way to an empty booth, and they scoot over. “Where do so many people come from?”

He has to scream over the sound of the music. He already hates it in here.

“There were seven classes at our school!” she explains. “I was in class 3, Niragi in class 7.”

That’s a lot of students.

And if all of them have brought someone with them? That’s too many people for Chishiya’s liking.

But he’s already there.

At least he can enjoy a free drink or make fun of Ann’s dancing.

Or take a nap.

Whatever happens first.

Niragi is making his way to them with the drinks when a hand grabs his shoulder to make him stop.

“What’s with the new look, Kanzaki?”

Tamura.

Of course it’s Tamura and his ugly squad.

“Move.”

He looks at the man. It’s been eight years, and he’s happy to discover that he got a few centimeters on Tamura. Now he’s taller than him. He's taller than half of the demonic squad now. But Tamura is still built like a bull, and he looks the same as he did eight years ago. Head saved, an ugly grin on his face, a shitty chain around his neck. Most of them haven’t really changed. Developed frontal cortex his ass. In this ocean of people of course he found the only ones that would give him trouble. Of course they smell him like shark looking for blood.

These idiots didn’t have enough brain cells to mature into adults, why is he even surprised?

Behind them he can see Chishiya. Kuina and Ann are nowhere to be seen, probably left to search for Ann or dance with her. Or maybe they got tired of waiting and went to grab their own drinks.

Traitors.

But he squares his shoulders. It’s not like he needs her to play the guard dog all the time. He’s an adult now. Unlike them, he’s different now.

“Move,” he warns again, because he’s not dealing with these people today. He’s here to prove to himself that he’s no longer the kid that used to run away from them.

“Oh, the wimp grew a spine?”

“Tamura, get out of my way. I’m busy.”

Their eyes follow Niragi’s gaze and fall on Chishiya, who is looking at them with his head tilted like a curious cat. For some reason, he gives Niragi a smile and waves at him.

“Who is the guy Kanzaki?” Kishimoto, who hasn’t learned to dye his hair properly in the eight years since Niragi last saw him, laughs, and that sound sends shivers down Niragi’s spine even if he tries to keep them down. He wants to shove his hands inside his pockets so no one sees how they’re trembling, but he’s still holding Kuina’s beer and his can of soda. “Paid someone to keep your sorry ass company? Pathetic as ever.”

“Shut the fuck—”

“I’m his boyfriend. Got a problem with that?”

Chishiya asks, a sly smile on his face. Niragi’s head snaps to the side to look at him. Chishiya has a weird glint in his eyes, he's smiling all inocet and soft. Niragi didn’t even listen to him approaching.

“Sorry for being late. Things got messy at work, and they needed me to stay.”

Niragi doesn’t know how much he heard before approaching. He doesn’t want to know, but for some reason, Chishiya’s hand moves to rest over his arm. He gives him a soft squeeze, and his eyes are screaming at Niragi to say something.

Play pretend.

That is, actually, something he's very good at.

“Everything okay? Did something happen at the hospital?”

“Don’t worry. I just had to stay a little longer,” and then his eyes fall on the other men. “I was waiting for you to catch up with your friends, but I see they’re just a bunch of bitches.”

“What?"

"You fucking dyke—”

“If you excuse us,” he takes the beer from Niragi’s hand, intertwines their fingers, and starts to walk away from them. “I would say that it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I don’t lie to children.”

Niragi is dumbfounded.

Chishiya keeps dragging him away from the crowd, back to their booth. Kuina shows up from the general directio of the bathrooms and runs to them, heels clicking against the marble floor. Her hands are on him as soon as she notices them approaching.

“Are you okay?” She looks worried, cupping his face with soft eyes and gentle words. “Why were you alone with them?”

“Breathe. Kuina I’m not made of sugar. I can deal with those assholes,” he rests his hands on top of hers, trying to soothe her. But, truth to be told, he didn't realized he was holding his breathe until now. “They cornered me, tried to intimidate me with high school bully tactics. But I’m fine, a cat came to my rescue.”

Chishiya just sits down, hands still in his pockets like he didn’t just do something nice for Niragi, “You asked me to look over him,” he says. “I’m a man who keeps his promises.”

“No, you’re not,” three voices say at the same time.

Chishiya laughs because they’re right, but he sees how Niragi’s eyes wander around the place until he finds the men again. They give him a smile that sends shivers down his spine and make Niragi look away.

He doesn’t like them.

If Niragi should have kept something from his days of not being Niragi, it should have been never going in a bathroom alone.

Women are pretty smart about that, but it seems like he never learnt his lesson, not even after the last time. 

“This brings back memories!”

Not them again.

“Sumi!” he winces at the name. “We couldn’t finish our talk sooner!”

“It’s Niragi to you, Murata.” At least he’s alone now. The other members of the demon squad are not around, but Niragi doesn’t care. He closes the tap, grabs a piece of paper, and tries to walk past him. “Still cornering people in bathrooms?” 

“Still back talking to people? Even after we taught you a lesson?”

Niragi shoves his hands inside his pockets, he searchs for his knife, but his hand closes around air. Nothing.

He forgot about certain someone still having his poket knife.

Well, Niragi can deal with this the old fashioned way if needed.

“You know? Kishimoto is into goth chicks now. His last girlfriend also had all that stuff around her face." He’s still blocking the door and talking nonsense. “Maybe you two could reconcile and all that. You'll sure enjoy it.”

“I have a crooked nose because of him Murata, I don’t think that’s happening.”

A crooked nose and, if Chishiya’s diagnosis is correct, a deviated septum that makes him snore like a father in his forties.

When he tries to move, Murata’s hand wraps around his arm so tigh that it hurts.

“We had planned one of those American coming-of-age movie things you know?,” he says. “When they vote for each other for more like doing something.”

“Let me guess what you are,” Niragi turns around to face him again. Murata’s hand squeezes his arm, and he tries not to wince. It twist his shoulder in a weird position. He tries not to think about how easy is to dislocate a joint that has already suffered from that before. “Most likely to end up in jail? Or maybe most likely to fall into a pyramidal scheme?”

Murata’s eyes darken. His smile cruel. He looks like he wants to fight for control, like he still thinks that he has the upper hand, but at the same time he’s not used to Niragi fighting back.

Not even talking back.

If he snaps, Niragi is fucked. He knows how to fight back now, but Murata has the physical advantage in this fight. He got a whole head over Niragi and he looks like a gym rat.

“We even had a prize ready for you. Want to know which one Sumi?”

The sound of that name from Murata's lips makes bile crawl up his troath, Niragi wants to throw up and erase the memory of it. 

“Oh please indulge me.” he says instead, pushing away memories of his old name being screamed down the empty corridors of his old school. Niragi takes a step closer. It gives him a better position. It untwists his shoulder and makes it hurt less. Murata is the only one who is still taller than him. He’s is as big as he is stupid, and he has no doubt that he could snap his neck if he pisses him off for real. But he’s too tired to really care, what is he going to do? Break Niragi bones again? “Most likely to get a fucking job?”

Murata's smile gets bigger, and for a moment, Niragi hates himself for clenching his hands around nothing. Why is he searching for a knife that isn’t even there? Why is he even thinking that he’ll need it? A knee to his dick and the guy would go down.

“You grew into a feisty one. It’s almost charming.” Niragi holds his breath when Murata goes as far as flicking one of his earrings. He wants to close his eyes and look away, but he won't give it to him. “But you’re still a fair little thing, aren’t you? What are you going to do without your guard dog here?”

He could do a lot.

He could undo five years of redoing all the mistakes he made when he was young and hurt and angry. He could say fuck it and bite and crawl his way out of this.

Instead he looks into Murata’s eyes and spits on his face.

“Let me go, or I’m ripping your face with my fucking nails, Murata.”

He slams him against the wall, but Niragi is ready for the impact. He lowers his head so his skull won’t crack open against the brick and laughs. Learned his lesson already, he got years of practice on Murata's intimidation methods. 

“That’s all you got? You’re not that scary when you don’t have a fucking bat. Were you compensating for something?”

He’s waiting for the punch.

It hurts in the way he remembers, but he doesn’t cower away from it. He offers Murata a bloody smile.

“Come on, what did you call me? A frail little thing? Give me your best,” he sees red. He wants to anger him. He wants to snap and lose control. He’ll have his fill then. He’ll get his fun. “Punch like you meant it.”

Instead of that, Murata shakes him like a rag doll before pushing him back against the wall, hand around his neck. With the music, no one cares about the sound, and no one seems to be crazy enough to walk into the bathrooms of a shitty club during a party.

He’s alone, and that’s fine. 

“You were voted the most likely to off herself,” he spits back. “We were so ready for the news, for someone to tell us that Sumi Kanzaki had finally killed herself and freed the world from her pathetic, ugly existence.”

Niragi sucks in a breath. This is the best he can throw at him? Really? Eight years, and they didn’t even find new things to yell at him.

“It was such a perfect shot. We could see the pictures making it to the front page. A bloody bathrub and wrist slit open aall the way," his thumb presses against Niragi's arm, drawing a red line from his wrist to his elbow. "We wanted it so badly, we were so ready to celebrate, you finally winning something Kanzaki, being something but a coward."

Niragi won't close his eyes. He faces him, and his shame of knowing that they almost got it right, they can't know that they were almost right. He thinks about blood and pain and bites the inside of his cheeck until he tastes blood. He won't give in.

"A shame, you can’t claim it now,” Murata finally gets off his personal space, smile still cruel and twisted. “Think about the Kishimoto thing! Now at least you look fuckable!”

“He got a boyfriend,” it can’t be. This must be a joke. He’s not turning around. He’s not facing the embarrassment of looking at Chishiya saving him again. “Go.”

“Or what? You’re going to punch me?”

“Nah,” he doesn’t need to look to know how Chishiya looks right now. Hands inside his pockets, shoulders relaxed, annoying smile. “I work with my hands. I can’t afford to fuck them up. But I have no trouble calling Kuina on you. I’m sure she’s dying to wipe the floor with you.”

Why does he have the urge to embarrass him like this? He had won. On his own, he had done it. He had held his ground against Murata alone.

He hears a door being closed, blood rushes to his ears and he clenches his hands. Niragi turns around, ready to run out of the bathroom and find Murata. He can’t just let him go.

But Chishiya grabs him by the arm, and when Niragi looks down, that annoying smile and eyes have gone soft. “Don’t do it. Don’t give in to their game.”

His grip is gentle, he’s not even holding him for real. It’s just a reminder. It doesn’t hurt, and it won’t leave a purple mark shaped like fingers.

“They don’t know you. They’re nothing to you now.”

Not like I do goes unsaid.

They don’t know anything about Niragi.

They don’t know that he’s no longer the kid they once knew.

They don't know that Sumi Kanzaki is dead and gone and he buried her in a ditch with his own hands, next to his mother grave.

“I’m going to smash his face against that fucking sink until not even his parents can recognize him,” he says, breath heavy and uneven. “I’m going to cut his fucking hands and feed them to the rats.”

“Don’t poison the rats. They don’t deserve it.”

“Let go of me!”

Niragi steps back, getting free from Chishiya’s grasp. But he doesn’t move. He stays in front of him, looking calm as ever. Niragi’s back rests against the wall, and his legs give up under him. He slides to the bathroom floor, and Chishiya holds the urge to tell him that he shouldn’t be sitting there.

“I’m going to kill him.”

He says, nails digging over his arms. If he drags them down his arms, down the pale lines he tried to hide with ink, will he bleed again?
He tries, clawing healed skin with vice and the anger that boils inside his chest. He sees black dots dancing on the edge of his eyes, he wants to hurt, to feel something but this all consuming shame. 

The pain almost grounds him.

Almost.

"I'm going to kill him."

“So you can fuck up what? Five years of mandatory therapy? And end up in the back of a police car? You've had enough close calls already.”

Now that the adrenaline rush has faded, Niragi looks like a puppet whose strings have been cut. Chishiya gets by his side and, slowly, peels his hands from the red lines his carving over his own skin. 

"How much did you hear?" 

"Enough."

Seven years is a long time to know someone. He has pulled the pieces of Niragi together, not because of some kind of confesion, Niragi has never told him a single thing about his past, but he just asumed. It's easy, to read his life history on scars and quirks, Niragi is fair easier to read than he thoughs to be.

"Nothing to say?"

"No," he turns Niragi's arm around to eye the damage, it doesn't look bad, he didn't managed to break skin. "Not surprised you're a losser. We can't have you winning prices, how could I laugh at you then?"

Kuina and Tatta would handle thi with care.

Maybe Karube would have run after the man and beat him to pulp.

Marybe Arisu or Usagi would drap his arms around Niragi and tell him that it's okay, that everything is fine now.

But Chishiya is not them, and he doesn't have kind words, only blunt ones to deal with emotions he doesn't want to face. 

“It’s the first time I fight back,” Niragi whispers after a while. Chishiya can hear him over the music because he's sitting by his side, hands still wrapped around thin wrists.

"You're always getting in trouble with men like that."

"But it’s the first time I talk back to them, Chishiya.” 

Not to a stranger in a club. Not to a person he doesn't even know. 

Seeing Niragi like this stirs a feeling he doesn’t know how to name inside his chest.

So instead of acknowledging it, he shoves back and reaches for Niragi’s face instead.

“Are you sure it was worthy?” Niragi flinches away when he touches his lip. Chishiya’s fingers come out bloody. “I think you lost something.”

And then he points to something small and metallic on the grimy bathroom tiles.

“Fuck,” Niragi tries to touch his mouth, and yeah, that’s his lip ring right on the floor. Perfect. The night he wanted for sure. “Don’t tell Kuina.”

“I think Kuina is not blind,” but he offers Niragi his hand and pulls him to his feet. “Come here, but don’t touch anything. This place is a biohazard.”

Niragi must be really shocked, because he follows him like a puppy. Chishiya grabs some napkins, opens the tap, and soaks them in water before trying to clean the cut.

“Stop squirming and lean down. You’re too tall for me to reach your lips,” again, Niragi obeys. Chishiya cleans the blood that has dripped down his chin, and he’s careful with the cut. It doesn’t look as bad as it could have been.

Niragi stays silent for a moment, and then his eyes wander to the mirror.

“What am I am even doing here, Chishiya?” he whispers. He doesn’t even understand why he is he talking about this with Chishiya of all people. “Half of them don’t even recognize me. I feel like I’m wearing a costume.”

He doesn’t mind Kuina trying to dress him up. He likes the clothes. He likes what he did with his makeup. But something about the whole setting feels off.

“I think it’s the contacts,” Chishiya says, focusing on trying to stop the bleeding. “Even I am freaked out about the fact that you have eyes behind those bottle-bottom glasses of yours.”

He means it as a joke, but it seems to have the opposite effect on Niragi.

“Fuck, why am I wearing contacts? I never wear contacts!” Oh nice, now he’s starting to panic, and Chishiya knows how to cut open people, not how to deal with the nervous wreck Niragi becomes if this spirals any further. “What am I am? Scared they’ll take my glasses and break them like when we were kids? I’m pathetic. I want to go home.”

“Then go home,” he says, as it’s the easiest thing in the world. He needs to stop it before it goes to far. “We call a taxi and leave."

“I can’t,” what is so complicated to understand about it? “I promised Kuina that I’d be here, and we’ll endure this together, and look at her! And then look at me! She’s having fun and talking to everyone, and I can’t even look people in the eye!”

“And you stood back against that guy. You said it,” Chishiya reminds him. “I think his pride must be hurting more than your face.”

Niragi is silent.

Chishiya is trying really hard to understand what is going on inside his head right now, but that’s complicated with Niragi.

“Listen, you’re going to sit down. I’m going to ask for ice, and you’re going to calm down, and then you can decide if you want to go home, okay?”

Niragi is silent.

He hopes Niragi doesn’t notice that he’s using the same voice he uses for kids at the pediatrics guards. Or with Morgana. He doesn’t even know why he is being so nice instead of shaking him from the shoulders and telling him to grow up.

Niragi nods, and for once in his life as a stubborn idiot, listens to him.

He sits on one of the booths and he's stilll there when Chishiya returns with the ice. Lucky for them, Kuina is not around, and it seems like no one has heard about the fight. Chishiya is right, Murata won't go aroung bragging about this one. 

“I can tell how bad the cut is in this light, but it doesn’t look serious.” Chishiya places the ice against Niragi’s lip, and his hand almost flinches away when Niragi’s one rests over his.

Then, he realizes that he’s just trying to grab the bag with the ice himself.

A few minutes later, Chishiya breaks the silence, tired of this mess and how stupid everything is on his eyes.

“So, what was all that about?”

“I think he just wanted to scare me or something,” Niragi says. “Good luck with that. I’m twenty-five. Work deadlines are scarier than a huge guy trying to punch you.”

Chishiya doesn’t laugh, he just keeps staring at the purple bruises starting to bloom around Niragi’s face. Right now he’s glad about the dim lights from the club.

“You know what? I think the thing that bothered me the most was him calling me fuckable.” Niragi’s eyes keep wandering around. Focusing on everything but Chishiya. “Like I’ll care about them finding me attractive. It’s so stupid. The people who ruined my life now find me hot?”

Kuina’s laugh resonates in his head. 

Come on, don’t you want to see how the people who hated on us now want to fuck us?

He hates that she was right. Good for her and her sense of self worth and her confident attitude, if that’s how she wants to face it, Niragi is fine with it.

But he can’t.

It makes bile crawl up his throat, the mere idea of people who used to beat him now hitting on him is disgusting. 

Their hands over him in that way makes him want to die. 

“I just don’t understand why everyone is a functional, normal adult, but those guys are still so obsessed with attempting to ruin my life.”

Chishiya’s own experience at school is more like a blur than a memory. He knows that that’s not good, but, well, he was a year ahead of his classmates. Always surrounded by older kids, always bored, always trying to meet their parent’s expectations.

It was bad, but he had been so indifferent towards all of it.

If he had to face anyone from back there, he wouldn’t even care. He doesn’t remember their faces or their names. It was never important. So he’s being honest when he says that he doesn’t understand where Niragi’s problem comes from. He tries, he really tries, but empathy isn't his strongest suit. 

“Kuina said it was bad,” he says. “I... can I ask how bad exactly?”

Niragi finally looks at him. His eyes are framed in dark makeup. It fits him so well.

"I never got it you know? How could I be invisible to them and so hated at the same time," he says.

And Chishiya thinks that someone like Niragi could never go unseen, he's loud and anoying an strangely brilliant.

“You know why this one isn’t centered?” Niragi asks, pointing at his mouth. They’re still sitting in a booth in a far corner at the club. Away from most of the party and the noise. Niragi throws the ice aside and starts to play with the silver rings that adorn his hands. “Not the lip one, the… other one.”

Did he really get all shy now about a tongue piercing? He’s really a box of surprises.

“You went to a bad piercer?”

“Nah,” Niragi shakes his head. “See that guy there? The one with the brown hair and the white polo shirt?”

“The one I called a bitch?”

“No, that was Tamura. That one is Miyake. It was his final gift to me before graduating.”

Chishiya’s head snaps back to look at Niragi.

“What?”

"On senior year they started to... overstep. They got more violent than your typical high school bullies. They got more violent, I don't know why. Baseball bats, pushig me into open roads. Tamura once filled my bag with broken glass. Kishimoto acidentally droped acid on me during sciences class. Murata found funny to put ot his cigarettes on me. Stuff like that."

If Chishiya has something to say, he stays silent. 

“And then graduation. I had the best grades in our year, so I was in charge of giving some sappy discourse or something. My mom couldn’t attend, but she was so proud. She made a big breakfast that morning and spent the night fixing my uniform, because it was always missing a button. She was so proud and so happy.”

Niragi, much like Arisu, doesn’t talk often about his mother. But Chishiya knows that both his friends miss their moms, even if it’s a feeling he can't fully grasp or share. He remembers the mess Niragi was when she died. 

“I thought they would leave me alone for the day, too busy with their family and friends. But they dragged me into a bathroom, Tamura and his group of lackeys. They said that maybe like this I could keep my mouth shut for once. That no one wanted to listen to my attempt of a speech. I had a lisp you know?”

He keeps playing with his rings, he doesn’t dare to meet Chishiya’s eyes.

“Miyake was the one with the needle. I don’t remember much, to be honest. I know I opened my mouth before they could break my jaw, because I know they would have gone that far if I didn't. I know I threw up, and it made the pain worse. I remember seeing red and feeling like I wasn’t even the one controlling my body. I remember finding them and hitting him with a chair. It’s a blur. There were people screaming, and I know I lost the fight. I remember that I had tried to fight dirty, to bite and scratch and do whatever I could. But there were five, and I was one, and then the teachers arrived and separated us. The had to peel them away from me.”

He folds his hands over his lap, gripping the fabric of his pants to keep them from trembling. He feels almost dizzy, and Chishiya doesn’t feel much better.

“I graduated without honors, all my hard work gone. My scholarship revoked. They told me I was lucky to have gotten out of it without a complaint. I had turned eighteen in January, so it could have been much worse than it was.”

“And them?”

“They got rich parents. You can fix all your problems if you throw money at them.” That makes Chishiya feel like he's been punched. He’s too familiar with that way of fixing your problems. “If money doesn’t fix it, it’s because you don’t have enough money for that specific problem.”

He leans his head back against the cushion of the booth.

Chishiya doesn’t get it. Why is he telling him this with the same easiness as someone announces the weather forecast?

“Niragi, how is she’s allowing you here then? How comes that Kuina allowed you to come here after that?”

“She doesn’t know. She missed graduation day—was sick. The school covered it, and when she asked, I just told her that I had had enough and tried to punch one of them.”

He lowers his head, arms wrapped around himself.

"And all the other shit?"

“You’re the first one to know. Don’t ask me why. I just felt like it.”

Chishiya doesn’t like it.

He doesn’t like the feelings that seeing Niragi like this is stirring inside him.

He doesn’t like that it makes him angry, because anger never gets to him.

He doesn’t like that he wants his annoying and stupid version of Niragi back with him.

“Okay, we’re out of here.”

“What?” Chishiya stands, grabs him by the arm, and pulls Niragi to his feet before he can react. “I told you I’m not leaving!”

“Kuina has Ann and a bunch of friends,” he insists. “We’re not staying in the same place as those pieces of shit.”

“Then leave,” he says, tugging his arm away from Chishiya’s sticky fingers. “I’m not running away. Call a taxi or whatever, I don’t care. I don't want to look like I'm running away from them. I don't want to be the looser again.”

He’s shielding himself from him away.

Like he did at the beginning, like he does each time he feels cornered.

But right now he doesn’t have the patience for this.

“It won’t look like running away.” From the corner of his eye, Chishiya can see some of the asshole staring at them. So, in a very mature answer, he holds onto Niragi’s shirt and pulls him down so he can whisper into his ear. Why does he need to be so tall? “It’ll look like you’re leaving a party with your pretty boyfriend, and I may be terrible about social cues, but that doesn’t sound like loser behavior to me.”

He can see how a shiver runs down Niragi’s back.

“What do you say?”

“I want out.”

“See? It wasn’t that hard,” he allows Niragi to straighten his back, and he drops back to his feet. Still holding onto Niragi’s arm, he waves in Kuina’s direction, hoping she gets that they’re leaving for a good reason and not just because Chishiya would rather bathe in acid than spend one more minute surrounded by these people.

Of course it’s not over.

Tamura, Murata, and now him.

Of course, Kishimoto is heading outside, and of course, he turns around just in time to see Niragi and Chishiya about to leave the club.

“Look who finally shows up, leaving so early?”

“Good night, Kishimoto.” One last stop, and he can go home. One last stop and they can go home. “Get out of the fucking way.”

“Or what?” he smiles like he knows about Murata. Like he knows that Niragi already tried to stand against two of them already. “What are you going to do? What did Murata say? That you were going to chop his dick off?”

Niragi takes a deep breath.

In and out.

In and out.

“Niragi…”

But he unclasped Chishiya’s fingers from his arms and steps closer to Kishimoto.

“No, but I can go with that threat if you prefer it,” one step closer to being out of here. “Move.”

“You think I’m scared of a fucking brat?”

“We’re the same age, Kishimoto, drop that bullshit.” Well, he doesn’t know if he should compare himself to a man like him. But, on paper, they are both functional adults. “You try to do something, I kick you twice as hard, easy.”

He laughs.

Kishimoto has the guts to laugh at his face. His mouth twists into an ugly grin and starts to do what he does best.

Spit venom.

“You think you’re high on yourself now. Do you think that you have the guts to do anything to me? To any of us? You still allowed Tamura to corner you. You still allowed Murata to hit you. You’re still allowing me to say whatever I want. And you take it and take it… you know why?”

Chishiya takes a step forward, but Niragi rests his arm over his chest, stopping him.

“Tell me, oh you wise Kishimoto. Why?”

“Because you know that it’s what people like you deserve,” he says with a smile. “It’s just the natural order of things. You’re for us to break, because you’re pathetic, and whatever confidence finally getting laid gave you is fake. It only turns you into a bitch. Maybe we should have gone that route back then don't you think?"

"Indulge me."

"You would have enjoyed it, right? Becuase you're a whore and your little toy is a dog fu-”

The sentence is interrupted by a scream.

In a second, Niragi steps across the small distance between them, grabs Kishimoto by the throat, and slams him against a wall.

“I dare you to finish that sentence, Kishimoto,” he’s almost growling.

Chishiya hasn’t seen him like this in years. Not since the day the dam broke down and Niragi snaped into something that lead to mandatory teraphy and community service.

"You're nothing but a pathetic bitch," he sounds choked. It's a retched soundd that makes Chishiya feel almost disgusted. Almost, because above all that is utterly satisfying. "Do you really believe you're any better now?"

“It took me years to spit out all the filth you made me think about myself, all the shit I was made to believe.” He leans closer to Kishimoto, and he thrives when he has to look down to face him. “All the shit I was taught about myself and half-believed, but you know what? I did it, and now I’m here so you can see that you and your stupid friends are nothing to me; you achieved nothing. I’m still here, and I’ll gladly beat you to a pulp if you have the guts to walk out of this bar with me.”

“Niragi—” he raises his hand, and Chishiya stops talking. 

“But I’m not here to prove anything to you, and I’m not here to do anything to you. I’d rather eat my own arm than breathe in your direction, so step out of my fucking way and allow me to enjoy the evening with my boyfriend, okay?”

He can see him swallowing and, a few seconds later, a small nod.

“Good boy.”

He unclasps his hands from the man's neck, and, before he can do more, Chishiya sends the guy to the floor with a punch.

Then, without a word, grabs Niragi’s hand and drags him out of that damned place.

“Since when do you know how to throw a punch?”

“Kuina,” Chishiya says with a shrug. They’re walking away from the club, still hand in hand. Chishiya even starts to jog a little towards the taxis in case someone is following them.

But Niragi stops and lets go from his hand, and when Chishiya turns around to look at him, he starts to laugh.

A full-body kind of laugh. He rests his hands over his knees and laughs as he tries to catch his breath.

“I could kiss you right now,” Niragi says, not noticing the weight of his own words one more time.

“Don’t make threats you won’t fulfill. I get you’re feeling quite euphoric right now. But leave the celebration for later and take me home, I think I’m about to pass out.”

“Yeah, I noticed by the way you raised your hand at someone,” Niragi says, still between puffs of laughter. “That’s Chishiya’s about-to-snap level of tired.”

"Thank you,” Niragi says once they're seated in the back of the taxi. “If I had been there for five more minutes, I think I would have thrown up over his shoes, stabed myself or done something stupid and ruined five years of therapy.”

“You almost did both of those things,” Chishiya doesn’t laugh, but he does offer him a smile. But he doubts those guys will say anything about tonight. Those are not the kind of men who talk about being intimidated by someone like Niragi. “I would have loved to see you beat the shit out of that guy, by the way. Nothing in my moral code is against it,” he says. “But I think Mira would have been very disappointed with her progress with you if you did it.”

Niragi looks at him, blinking in disbelief, and bursts into another fit of laughter. With the blood on his teeth and how disheveled he looks, it makes something strange hock around Chishiya’s stomach.

But he ignores it.

He’s tired; that must be it.

Chishiya rests his head against the seat and closes his eyes.

If his head falls against Niragi’s shoulder during the ride, none of them mention it.