Chapter Text
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Chapter 8
“Carmy’s been doing a lot of talking lately, and he’s not my young man,” Syd said.
“I know, he told me the whole thing was a lie.”
Syd ducked her head, feeling ashamed to hear her father’s admission.
“Well, not all of it,” he amended. “Apparently, he loves you. But I already knew that.”
“Since when have you and Carmy been on a phone number basis?” Syd asked, skipping over the part where Carmy had told her father he was in love with her.
“We exchanged numbers a while ago,” Emmanuel said. “It was for j ust in case of an emergency kind of thing. It was my idea, in case he needed to get in touch with me about you.”
“You’re my emergency contact, I don’t see why you would need…” Syd trailed off and shook her head. “Never mind. Do you want some breakfast?”
“Already had it with Carmy,” Emmanuel replied. “But don’t let me stop you from eating.”
“What did you come here to talk to me about?” Syd asked. “Did you come here to make a case for Carmy?”
“No. He didn’t ask me to do that and I would never tell you to date someone you didn’t want to date. I’m not even going to ask why you lied about being engaged to him, for a magazine of all things. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
Syd sighed, gripping the bag of coffee she was holding. “I’m… I’m not going to lie, I’m not doing well . I can’t believe I lied to everyone and I can’t believe that I was so willing to do it because I wanted to be on the cover of a magazine and like, it’s fucking Better Homes and Gardens . Not that lying to be in any other magazine would make it any better. I am sorry for lying about being engaged, I should have told you the truth from the beginning. It’s just—”
“You knew what I would say?” Emmanuel asked.
“You’re fairly predictable, yes.” Syd paused and measured her coffee beans into the grinder. “I knew what you would say and I didn’t want to hear it.”
“All of this would have been solved fairly quickly if you had listened to your old man in the first place,” Emmanuel joked.
Syd smiled at him weakly. “Do you have any more advice for me that you think I should take?”
Emmanuel looked at her, contemplating. “Well, if I were you, I would tell Carmy how I felt about him.”
Syd felt herself flush. “Dad!”
“Baby, it’s no use, I know and I would never force you to date him if you didn’t want to but I think you want to.”
“Dad!” Syd said again.
“I have eyes, Sydney… I see the way you look at him. Your mom used to have the same look on her face when she was looking at me all those years ago. You don’t have to tell me how you feel about him, but if you do feel the way I think you do, you need to tell him . Again, you don’t need me to tell you what to do though, as the last few weeks have proven. You’ll probably make up your mind and do that.”
“Haha,” Syd retorted, rolling her eyes and starting to make her coffee.
“If you decide to leave the country and change your name so Carmy can never find you again, let me know first.”
“And have you run and tell your new BFF where I am? Not a chance.” Syd wavered for a second before sighing. “I do love him,” she admitted, feeling a catch in her throat at finally admitting it aloud to someone including herself.
“I know.”
“I don’t know how to tell him.”
“Hmm,” Emmanuel hummed. “That’s funny, I never thought I’d find you at a loss for words. It’s not like you have much to risk here, honey. Carmy said he loved you first , so the ball’s in your court now.”
“Is he… is he okay ?” Syd asked quietly.
Emmanuel shrugged. “As good as any young man who thinks he’s been rejected can be, I suppose.”
“I didn’t reject him!” Syd protested.
“If you didn’t, he would probably be here right now,” Emmanuel pointed out.
Sydney groaned and poured her coffee into a chipped tea cup. “Want some?” she asked.
Emmanuel waved her off and shook his head. “I’m good,” he answered. “I’m just saying if you hadn’t rejected him, he would be here. Even boys as complicated as Carmy aren’t that complicated.”
“I didn’t reject him, I just sent him away.”
“I’m sure that’s exactly how he sees it too.”
Syd shook her head. “It was a stupid idea.”
“Sending him away? Or—”
“All of it,” Syd answered, taking a sip of her coffee.
“On that, we can agree but everything happens for a reason even if you don’t know what it is yet.” Emmanuel paused. “You should tell him how you feel soon though.”
Syd sighed, knowing her father was right. It would change everything but she kind of already had the second she had Carmy pretend to be engaged to her. It had changed as soon as Carmy had told her how he felt about her.
“Are you sure he doesn’t hate me?” Syd asked, hating how insecure she sounded. How insecure she felt .
“Pretty sure. It’s only been, what, twelve hours? Baby, you need to talk to him, not to me. I can go now if you want to call him and ask him to come over. I wouldn’t want to get in the way.”
“I can’t do it yet. I need time to get my thoughts together.”
Emmanuel leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Well, I have to go anyway. Come for dinner soon and bring Carmen with you. Okay?”
“Provided he wants to talk to me.”
“He will,” Emmanuel said confidently.
“I thought you weren’t here to make a case for Carmy,” Syd said, rolling her eyes as she walked her father to the door.
“I’m not !” Emmanuel insisted, pausing by the door. “But I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think he would make you happy.”
When her dad left, Syd retrieved her phone and unlocked it. She brought up the messaging app and for a second, her fingers hovered over Carmy’s name before she switched gears and clicked on Natalie’s.
Can I come over?
She typed and then pressed send.
She didn’t know what Carmy had told Natalie, if he had told her anything at all but she needed to talk to her first.
Yeah, sure! Come on over! Sienna and I will be waiting.
Syd abandoned her coffee and went to get dressed. She threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, too tired to care about what she looked like.
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She made the trek to Natalie’s house, stopping at Starbucks for sugar plum jam cheese danishes and iced holiday lattes as peace offerings. Needing the aggressively mediocre treats to make herself feel better, somehow.
As promised, Natalie and Sienna were waiting for her.
“Come on in my love. It’s freezing outside!” Natalie said, opening the door for her.
Classical music was playing in the kitchen, Syd recognized the Nutcracker suite from the short stint she had taken ballet.
“What brings you out to see me today?” Natalie asked, accepting the iced chestnut praline Syd handed to her.
“Have you talked to Carmy?” Syd blurted out.
Natalie smirked. “Ironically, he asked me the same thing about you an hour ago.”
“Was he here?” Syd asked, heart, skipping a beat, thinking about how she could have just missed him.
“No, we just talked on the phone for a little bit.”
“Are you mad at me?” Syd asked
“Mad? No. I wish you and my brother would stop acting so stupid though,” Natalie replied, putting the Starbucks cup down and shifting Sienna to her other hip.
“Stupid? Syd repeated.
“I honestly can’t think of anyone else who would pretend to be together just to be together,” Natalie answered.
“It wasn’t like that,” Syd insisted. “I would never pretend to be in a relationship with Carmy just to be with him. I wouldn’t .”
“And neither would he. Not on purpose anyway, I don’t think.” Natalie took a sip of the drink Syd had brought her and sighed. “But subconsciously , I definitely think it’s a thing you both would do.”
Syd held up the pastries she’d brought. “Do you mind if I heat these?”
“Go ahead,” Natalie said, observing Syd as she got a cookie sheet and parchment paper. “Syd, you do love him. Right?” she asked almost hesitatingly. “What, are you my dad?” Syd asked jokingly.
Natalie smiled wryly. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I worry about him a lot, and yes heartbreak is part of life but- he’s had so much heartbreak in his life—”
“Natalie, don’t- I do love him.” Syd laughed a little. “I’m telling everyone but him. He’s going to be the last person to find out at this point.”
“You should go and talk to him,” Natalie said. “He’d be happy to see you. Relieved even.”
“Do you know where he is?”
“When I talked to him, he was still at his apartment but he could have gone to The Bear. He’s always been the type to throw himself into work when something’s going on.”
“Right.” Syd removed the sugar plum jam cheese danishes from the oven and put them on the counter. “I think I should go now, don’t you?”
Natalie nodded. “Now would probably be a good time,” she agreed. “Earlier would have been better.”
Syd smiled sheepishly before impulsively kissing Natalie on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said. “Wish me luck.”
“I don’t think you’ll need it but good luck anyway,” Natalie replied, squeezing Syd’s arm with her free hand.
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“Sorry, Mama but Carmy hasn’t shown up yet,” Tina told her. “Honestly it’s kind of a surprise, you two are always the first people here. Is everything okay? This isn’t like the time you were gonna leave us for Shapiro, is it?”
“We kind of had a misunderstanding but everything’s gonna be okay,” Syd assured her, trying not to feel uncomfortable under Tina’s maternal gaze. “I, uh, decided to tell him he’s right so we can kiss and make up.”
Syd prayed Tina wouldn’t be suspicious of her half-truth and she would let her go. Partly because she wasn’t ready to talk about how they had lied to everyone yet, and mostly because she couldn’t tell someone else she loved Carmy. Not before telling him first.
“You better get it together soon,” Tina said. “The kitchen doesn’t function well when the two of you aren’t functioning well together.”
Syd didn’t tell Tina that she could barely function when she and Carmy weren’t functioning well together.
“I’m gonna go see him,” she said instead. “I-I’ll be back soon.”
“Alright. Make sure you bring Jeff with you when you do come back,” Tina said as she started to prep pineapple for another party they were having later in the day.
Syd nodded and went back out into the wintery day, making the short trek to Carmy’s apartment.
She hesitated outside his door for a few seconds before knocking twice. She knocked a third time when he didn’t come to answer it.
She was about to knock for a fourth time when the door swung open.
Syd’s breath caught in her throat, it had only been a few hours since she had seen him, but it felt like a lifetime.
“Oh, uh, Syd…” Carmy trailed off. “I didn’t expect to, uh, see you here.”
“Can I come in?” Syd asked, not waiting for him to say yes as she breezed past him.
He was watching The Nine Lives of Christmas on the Hallmark Channel, and she could smell something baking in the oven.
“What are you doing here?” Carmy asked as he closed the door behind her and locked it.
“I, uh, I was wondering why you didn’t show up at the restaurant today,” Syd fibbed.
“Richie told me you hadn’t come into work today either,” Carmy said, pressing the mute button on the television and tossing the remote on the couch.
Syd looked at him, looking for the anger Natalie and her dad said wasn’t there. But Carmy mostly just looked tired. His shoulders were slumped, there were dark circles under his eyes, and there was an expression on his face she hadn’t seen since the pre-Shapiro days.
“Why are you here?” Carmy asked again, his voice heavy with something that sounded like the sibling of sadness.
Syd wondered if her dad and Natalie had assured him that she was in love with him too. From the look on his face, she wasn’t sure he had believed them if they had. She felt her stomach twist a little knowing she could have prevented this whole thing.
“I-I-I came to apologize for yesterday,” Syd answered. “I treated you… I wasn’t as nice as I could have been, I was upset and I took it out on you. I’m sorry Carm.”
Carmy shook his head. “It’s okay, we’ve all been there before. I’ve been worse than you at times.”
He went into the kitchen to check whatever was in the stove and Syd followed him.
“Are you… are you mad at me?” She asked, hoping her voice didn’t betray how uncertain she felt about everything .
She felt like Carmy was acting so cold towards her, keeping her at arm’s length, and she knew it was her fault.
“I’m not mad at you,” Carmy said, shutting the stove door and turning around to look at her. “It’s just that. I’m pretty sure you don’t love me and that’s no big deal. You’re not obligated to but you’ve gotta let me—” he paused and closed his eyes. “—you gotta let me have some space to get over you, or I don’t think this will work anymore because when you’re close, I’m always going to fucking think about it.”
Syd’s stomach twisted. “Carmy…” she trailed off and shook her head. “I wish I hadn’t sent you away last night. I was so out of sorts, I didn’t know what else to do but I regret it, I really do. I should have,” she sighed. “I love you too, okay? And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yesterday.”
Carmy looked at her like he couldn’t believe what she was saying and then he took a few steps towards her. “Are you sure ?” he asked. “You’re not just saying it because it’s something you think I want to hear?”
Syd shook her head. “No. I-I love you Carmy and you don’t know how sorry I am for making you doubt it. It was never my intention, you just… yesterday was a terrible idea. I know there is no excuse for it but—”
“Syd, will you please shut up ?” Carmy asked before taking her face in her hands and kissing her.
This was no Disney Channel Original movie kiss. He was kissing her in the way she had always wanted to be kissed, especially by him . Especially during these last few weeks together, the two times he had hurriedly kissed her in front of other people.
“Tina says we need to get our asses back in the kitchen,” she said, her eyes still closed.
Carmy groaned. “We could call in sick.”
“Don’t think that’ll work,” Syd said, opening her eyes and sliding her arms around his neck. “On account of I went to The Bear when I was looking for you. Tina at least thinks we’re fighting, by the way.”
“ You kind of were,” Carmy reminded her.
“You’re not a saint, you’ve fought with me plenty of times!” Syd retorted but not unpleasantly. “You’ve fought back plenty of times, and even instigated a few fights.”
Carmy smiled at her sheepishly. “I never said I didn’t but—”
Syd kissed him to shut him up, when she pulled away she was giddy by the dazed look on his face.
“I wish I knew this was an effective way to get you to be quiet sooner,” Syd teased.
“Pfff,” Carmy said, his cheeks turning pink. “Like either of us would have done it earlier than this . I, uh, I wanted to. I really wanted to but I just didn’t know how. I was always afraid of, uh, good things.”
“Me too,” Syd admitted.
Carmy smiled at her. “I know.”
Syd released him. “Get dressed, Carm. We have to get to the restaurant.”
Carmy sighed in resignation. “Fine,” he said. “But I’m doing this under protest, just for you to know.”
“Well, that’s a first,” Syd joked. “You used to eat and breathe The Bear.”
Carmy just shook his head and kissed her again. He looked down at her hand and saw she was still wearing the thrift store engagement ring. “Oh.”
“Oh. I, uh, meant to take that off last night,” Syd said, hiding her hand behind her back. “Well, I was thinking about throwing it at you, actually.”
Carmy raised an eyebrow. “Why?” he asked.
“Carmy, go and get ready!” Syd said instead of replying.
“Are you actually going to let me buy you a brand-new one?” Carmy asked as he took his shirt off and went to his room.”
Syd frowned and followed him. “A brand-new one of what ?”
“A brand-new engagement ring,” Carmy answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Syd laughed. “Maybe you should take me out on a real date first before we really get engaged,” she told him.
“I’ll take you out on all the dates you want,” Carmy said as he put his new t-shirt on. “Even though we did do this whole thing out of reverse.”
“The whole thing,” Syd agreed, sitting on the edge of his unmade bed, feeling like a lighter freer version of herself.
“So, are you going to let me or not?”
“I don’t know, I kind of like this ring,” Syd answered, looking at it again before looking at Carmy and smirking.
Carmy sighed. “Syd, please .”
“Alright, alright… when the time comes, you can get me a different ring,” Syd answered, laughing a little. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Carmy said. “Come on, let’s go and get this over with.”
“Over with?” Syd asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I think you know what I mean,” Carmy answered, suggestively. “I can think of so many other things I’d like to do if you weren’t insisting we go to work right now.”
“Oh yeah? Like what ?” Syd asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. We could film that Little Debbie Christmas cake video,” Carmy teased.
Syd rolled her eyes.
“Or we could watch Hallmark movies on the couch all day, and I’d make you every single meal. Starting with breakfast .”
“Tempting, especially since I didn’t eat yet.”
“Me either,” Carmy said.
“But we still have to go to work,” Syd said as she followed Carmy back out into the living room.
“We could find out what happens in this movie,” Carmy said as he shut the TV off.
“He climbs up the fire engine and declares his love for her,” Syd told him. “But they’re broken up in the sequel. Don’t worry, they get back together in the end.”
“Hmm.” Carmy put his coat on.
“We can do all that and whatever else it is you’re thinking about later,” Syd promised, stopping to kiss him again. “We have all the time in the world now.”
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One Year Later…
“Look what came in the mail today,” Carmy said as he dropped the stack of mail on the counter.
“What is it?” Syd asked, coming over to peer over his shoulder, at the top of the pile of mail was the Christmas issue of Better Homes and Gardens . “Oh, that old thing.”
“Mhm,” Carmy replied. “You should look at it.”
“Why?” Syd asked.
“Just, just fuckin’ do it. Okay?” Carmy said, picking it up and pulling her over to the couch. “We can look at it together.”
Syd sighed, losing her spot on the magazine had stopped being a sore spot. But it didn’t mean she wanted to revisit it. Still, she indulged Carmy and settled in on the couch beside him, leaning into his side as he flipped past the pages of ‘glamorous Christmas’.
Finally, he found what he was looking for. “I hope this is okay,” he said.
“What?” Syd asked.
He held open the page for her to see. There were a few snapshots of Cicero’s house decorated for the holidays, the thing Syd had said about ornaments reflecting a life lived, and some of the interview she had had with Elizabeth. Including how she and Carmy had fallen in love. There was a picture of her at Christmas the year before in a cozy cable-knit sweater and a velvet red ribbon in her hair.
“Carm,” Syd breathed. “Did you… did you do this for me?”
“Last year, when I told Mauve we weren’t together,” Carmy explained. “I knew how much you wanted to be on the cover, so I convinced her to do something for you.”
“Carmy…” Syd trailed off, in the year they had been together, he had done so many romantic things for her but this topped them all.
“I hope it’s okay,” Carmy repeated.
“Fuckin’ more than,” Syd assured him as she leaned in to kiss him.
the end
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