Chapter Text
I trod down the hallway, Exer glancing around beside me as everyone stared at us. Our lockers were just to the right of us, so we opened them, only for a bunch of paper slips to tumble out. We glanced at each other and picked a couple of them up, unfolding the ones which were bent over.
On them was a plethora of gay slurs, some that I forgot even existed! I counted about 7 f slurs, 4 p slurs, 6 degenerates and various other ones, and that was just out of mine alone! Picking up all the papers to put in a bin, everybody in the corridor burst out into raucous and explosive laughter.
I threw all of mine into the nearest bin and headed back over to my locker to put some books in it, though the next thing that was apparent was all the same words on the pieces of paper written in bright red Sharpie in both mine and Exer’s lockers.
Well, this was a good sign for today, wasn’t it?
As the others continued laughing, me and Exer shared a look before closing our lockers and heading off to lessons. All the glares we got, all the snickers, all the little comments made me feel extremely uncomfortable— constantly reminding me of what happened with William, just less aggressive.
I could tell Exer saw my discomfort and wanted to scoop me up into a hug, but we both knew that wouldn’t be a good idea, so we substituted it for suffering in silence. Though, we didn’t need to share physical gestures to feel the reassurance radiating from each other.
It didn’t help me feel much better, however.
The feeling of everyone talking about you behind your back isn’t fun, it never has been and never will be, but it’s always worse when it isn’t a stupid, inconsequential rumour. This rumour was true, this rumour could turn into little lies that would make them even more ostracised than they already were— if that was even possible!
I already caught a few ones being spread just as I was heading to my first lesson of the day!
“Can you believe they make out in the toilets between every lesson?” That was just nonsense, everyone always saw them head straight to lessons and only take detours with other people,
“I heard that the reason they skipped lessons junior year was to do gay stuff outside!” Gay stuff? What did they even mean by gay stuff?
“Apparently they both used to do ballet when they were younger!” Sure, it was a lot tamer, but it was still annoying that people decided to make that connection, it’s not even true! Neither of us have ever been that dedicated to dance!
Unfortunately, those were some of the more harmless ones. There were a lot of things being spread that were quite… sexual. It made me extremely uncomfortable, I’ve never really felt the urge to do anything along those lines with Exer! Or really anyone, to be fair.
Why couldn’t people just shut up for once? Shut up and realise their actions have consequences? Though, I’d doubt that would deter them. Seeing all those slurs in my locker, both on paper and the locker itself, tells me enough about how accepting people would be regardless. Maybe it would stop a few people, but not as many as those who would continue teasing— hell, it could just get worse!
But, for now, all I could do was keep my head down and carry on. It may be difficult to ignore everything, but I’ll just have to. Maybe it will die down after a while, I doubt it, but a boy can hope, and hope was something I really needed right now. Exer and I just have to survive senior year and then it’ll all be over…
…Right?
Well, at least we’ll be less worried about people knowing about us that we don’t want to.
Our first class was Spanish. Of course, we couldn’t escape the teasing even in class. Notes were passed and eventually around to us, a lot of shitty depictions of Exer and I kissing or comments written in broken Spanish— though I’d still have to check my book occasionally to work out what some words meant.
It was just note after note, one badly drawn picture to a slur to whatever else people could think of. Another piece of paper was eventually passed our way, dread filling my heart yet again, Exer letting out a sigh from next to me.
He was the one to unfold it, another phrase written in Spanish,
“Todavía hay personas que te quieren y te apoyan, recuerda eso.” It read. Again, it wasn’t something I could translate off the top of my head, so through my book I searched again. This time, though, I couldn’t fully translate it. Something about people, love and us.
Exer then pointed to something small beneath the words, it looked to be an English translation, we both read it silently in our heads,
“There’s still people who love and support you, remember that.” It came as a shock to me, who would’ve written that? I glanced around the room before my eyes fell on a person looking at me kindly.
Pamela.
Of course it was her, it made the most sense. She spoke fluent Spanish so that would be why I couldn’t find any translation material in my book— because we hadn’t learnt it yet! Plus, she’s supportive, and this is a supportive message. I gave her a small, sad yet grateful smile, and she flashed Exer and I one of her own.
Our attention was then drawn back to the lesson, learning something about accents, something I’ve never understood and still don’t. I’ll ask Jackson and Pamela about it later, they were better at teaching me than our actual teacher.
Throughout the class, I played with the piece of paper Pamela had given us, the one good note out of all the ones we got and were getting. The teacher eventually noticed all the crumpled up paper on mine and Exer’s desk, soon catching on to all the folded over pieces of paper continuing to be passed down to us,
“Class! What have we said about note passing? If I so much as see the beginnings of a new one being written, I am reading it out loud!” The teacher scorned everybody, but luckily for us, it meant most of the notes came to a stop.
Emphasis on most , some still came through on occasion.
The next lesson was much the same, though it did help Exer and I grew accustomed to it and start to care less about it. They all read the same things, or were along the same lines. Eventually Pamela stopped passing her affirming notes as she noticed us getting used to everyone else’s. Though, I was grateful for the small amount of time she was writing them.
Exer and I used to secretly hold hands under the table, but we didn’t really now in fear someone would notice. We were too scared to even risk brushing legs! So, generally, we’d just communicate our reassurances through less noticeable gestures, mostly consisting of expressions and different ways of bouncing our legs or drumming our fingers on the table— sometimes even just brushing hair out of our own eyes or shifting the way we sat.
The next free period we had, we headed outside to sit on a bench as far away as possible from everyone. Pamela and Jackson said that they’d leave me and Exer alone for a while to work through things, because after everything, it would be nice to just have some alone time. And I had to agree, I just wanted to talk to Exer about everything that happened so far today.
We weren’t completely alone, a few people walking past and giving us some funny looks, so we spoke in hushed tones,
“So… how are you holding up?” Exer was the first to speak,
“Fine!” I lied, it became a habit at this point, even when I wanted to talk about my feelings,
“You sure?” Exer asked suspiciously,
“Well… no, I haven’t been holding up amazingly… but I imagine you aren’t either…” I shrugged, chuckling without humour.
“Well, yeah, sure, today’s been rough, but how are you doing? After what happened with your dad- I mean William…” Exer sighed, looking away, “Just thought it would’ve brought back bad memories.”
“Anything brings back bad memories, Ex, just maybe it’s been happening more with everything… I don’t know… it doesn’t help, that’s for sure.” I explained, also avoiding eye contact,
“Understandable. Just… if it’s bothering you a lot a lot, lemme know, okay? I wanna help.” Exer gave me a small smile, and I gave him one of my own,
“Thanks…”
“So… how are you doing?” I quietly asked,
“Oh… um… don’t deflect when we’re talking about you…” Exer nervously responded, doing that thing where he wrings his hands,
“I think you’re the one deflecting…” Exer went silent, “What’s wrong?” I prompted again,
“Sure it’s not time to go to class?”
“We just got out here.”
“Right…” Exer cleared his throat.
“I… I don’t want to burden you with how I’m doing, I mean, isn’t it obvious it’s not great? I just… you have your own demons to deal with, why should I add to the pile?” Exer exhaled, staring at the floor,
“Look, I’ll tell you what you always tell me, you always reassure me that I’m not a burden, that keeping it in is worse than sharing your load. Just because I’m struggling doesn’t mean you have to as well, I’m not made of glass, I can take it. I promise you, you and your worries are not a burden.” I soothed, repeating what he’d normally tell me in these situations, but with a few extra bits and pieces. Exer nodded gratefully, but remained quiet for another couple of seconds.
“Well… I’m not doing amazingly, but who would be? I mean, I’m trying to stay strong but… it’s a struggle, you know? I hate how horribly everyone is treating us, for something so stupid too! But there’s nothing we can do about it except survive…” Exer described, occasionally gazing over at me, but he mostly kept his eyes glued to the floor,
“I get that… but if you’re trying to stay strong for me, you don’t have to, I can keep myself in check. We’re in a crappy situation, but… we have each other, and that’s more powerful than anything else, but it’s no use having each other if we don’t communicate. Just let me know how you’re feeling and I’ll do the same, alright?” I elaborated, looking over at Exer who was still staring at the ground. But, once I’d finished speaking, his gaze turned to mine as a slight smile spread across his face,
“Thanks… it means a lot.”
“I’m just telling you what you tell me!” I shrugged, speaking softly.
We sat in silence for a moment longer, but it was of a comfortable sort. A silence where neither of us felt the need to fill the air with words, just being in each other’s presence was enough. It was something I never thought we’d still have after everything with William, where the quiet fulfilled us enough— but here we were.
We’ve gone through so much, what’s a little more? I thought to myself, thinking about what’s happened so far today and what’s to come.
My mind then naturally slid back to that day, that day where I was wrapped up in a blanket outside, bruises and cuts decorating my skin like baubles on a Christmas tree. I started zoning out on that thought, my face stinging in the exact same places that it did that night, the way my heart hammered in my chest to the beat of my sharp and shallow breaths. Not quite a panic attack, but most certainly not a good mixture of feelings nonetheless.
The words I’d heard William yell at me ran in my head, too.
“No son of mine will be a homo!” “How long has this been going on for?” “Your lover, Exer.” His shouting overlapped one another, making it difficult to decipher what was being said— if it wasn’t for the fact I’d heard every sentence hundreds of thousands of times before.
Even my cries started replaying,
“Dad, stop!” “You’re hurting me!” “No! Get off me!” They too screamed over each other, leaving little to no other thoughts to squeeze through all the memories, how painful my face was, the scenes unfurling in front of me like a film on tape. I remember it all so well, even the throbbing of my heart and head, the sharp gripping and tugging of my hair-
“Day… you alright?” Exer whispered, putting a hand on my shoulder and causing me to flinch, drawing me from my thoughts, “Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t have done that…”
“It’s okay… it wasn’t the hair.” I shrugged, my eyes boring into the ground with a sort of stony dullness,
“Well, I’m sorry nonetheless.” Exer rested his arm on the back of the bench, gazing around.
We both sat in silence, me clasping and unclasping my hands. It was, again, somewhat comforting, even with the people passing by and giving us weird looks. My mind still spun with thoughts of William, though it began to calm down after a couple moments.
“Hey… you decided if you wanna sleep round my house tonight?” Exer asked, still looking around, but with a hint of awkwardness now. I paused for a second, taking a minute to fully snap out of my thoughts as I pondered the question,
“Yeah, sure.” I smiled slightly, turning my head to look at Exer, me hunched over my legs with my hands clasped together and my arms resting on my lap, Exer with both his arms spread across the back of the bench, his legs mirroring them. We both gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment or two, just grateful to be near each other,
“Haha! Look at the gayasses, babe!” Some random guy said to presumably his girlfriend, causing both me and Exer to snap our heads away.
“Let’s get back to Pam and Jack.” Exer cleared his throat, standing up,
“Yeah…” I responded, awkwardly getting up too.
~
Another lesson passed before it was lunch, it being much the same as the previous classes, just with the addition of occasional spitballs. Exer and I finished with little information from the lesson absorbed and I got a paper airplane to the back of my head. Sure, it would all be over once we finished senior year— but that might be in a decade at this rate! At least then there’d be a bunch of new kids that wouldn’t know about us being together, so long the older kids didn’t tell them.
But nonetheless, the two of us headed down to the cafeteria. Brenda and Ken didn’t have lunch yet so they wouldn’t be there, but the others should be. Hopefully our friends won’t receive the effects of everyone finding out about me and Exer, though I highly doubt they’ll be excluded. It may be our battle, but it’s not like people who are associated with us won’t also be punished unfairly— and it makes it all the more worse when the only thing that involves them is us all being close.
Exer stood first in the line for the cafeteria, picking up two trays and handing one to me. I muttered a thank you and kept my head down as people filtered in behind me. It felt like something out of a movie, like any minute now a kid would jump out and force me to hand over my lunch money. I kind of selfishly wished that I’d gone first in the queue so I wouldn’t have to deal with the comments from behind me, but looking ahead to where Exer stood he seemed to be receiving a few from in front of him too anyways.
The lunch lady must’ve heard what all the kids were saying because when she was spooning me my food, she gave me the dirtiest look. All I could do was awkwardly smile, mumble a quiet thank you and briskly walk over to the table Exer was heading towards. Ron, Timothy, Jolie, Pamela and Jackson were all already there, having gone ahead of Exer and I as we waited for me to finish packing up after class— something that usually took a good while.
Now, since mine and Exer’s popularity plummeted, I was used to not being swarmed by random people who wanted to sit next to us and then having to politely decline because otherwise the table would get overcrowded. Before all this, some people would sit nearby, just not necessarily next to us. However, it was now as if we were a pair of ticking time bombs as everyone who weren’t our friends immediately evacuated, seeking refuge at some other table. It hurt, sure, but it was expected. I’d never thought I’d see the day where people would purposefully move tables to get away from us, but here we were.
“Yikes, this hasn’t happened to me in a while…” Pamela remarked, grimacing slightly as it silently reminded everyone of the time she was outcasted by the entire school— was this how she felt? If so, do I feel even worse for her than I did before! I was so rude to her and for what? Because I was in love with Exer and didn’t realise? Well, she did try to expose him for something I didn’t believe at the time, nor did anyone really. Was I really that much to blame? Yeah, I was, but it’s difficult to take full responsibility for something that wasn’t just my fault— but I definitely didn’t help.
I sighed, picking up my fork and half-heartedly tucking into my food. Pamela blinked sadly at me, speaking up softly,
“You get used to it, it won’t hurt so much after a while.” I understand she was just trying to help, but it didn’t much. It was something I didn’t want to get used to! Who would? Not only that but it only made me feel worse about what I did to her. Yeah, it was nice to have someone who understood, but I hated why she understood. Though, it was still a valiant and well-meant attempt, so I put my fork down to give her hand a small, grateful squeeze.
Going back to my plate of food, it quite quickly became very distasteful to me. The slop of meat atop a mound of rice with a few vegetables around it was already not the most appealing meal, but at least it looked and felt edible. Now it just didn’t even seem that, it was almost as if I was served a block of concrete and told I had to eat it. My appetite had long disappeared by now, though I didn’t want to make the others concerned that I wasn’t eating again, so I played with the food with my fork and took a mouthful every now and then. It managed to fool everyone but Exer and Pamela, who were giving me concerned glances.
“Remind me to tell Brenda I’m staying around yours today when I next see her.” I muttered to Exer, slightly hoping it would distract him from my eating habits,
“Alright…” He nodded slightly, the worry still flickering in his gaze as he turned to his own meal. I hated seeing Exer so anxious, especially when I was the cause, but how could it be helped if I just wasn’t hungry?
The table was mostly quiet, save Timothy and Ron idly chatting about nothing in particular, but it often ended up looping back around to Russian bands. The rest of us ate— or picked at in my case— our food in silence with a peculiar mixture of awkwardness, contentment and anxiety. The worry in the atmosphere was likely sourced from me and Exer alone, maybe with the help of Pamela, though it was mostly just us two. I couldn’t tell whether the air was comfortable enough to manage or not, still messing with my food.
As lunch began to draw closer to the end, Exer sighed and rested a hand on my tray which held a half eaten plateful of meat and rice,
“You want me to finish this off? I’d rather you didn’t force it down and it didn’t go to waste.” He asked gently,
“Really?” I responded, surprise evident in my voice,
“Yeah, you’ve eaten something, which is better than nothing I suppose. I’m just worried about you falling back into… that habit again.” Exer’s voice was thick with emotion, but there was a sort of genuity when he said the first sentence, which relieved me a bit,
“I promise I’ll try not to, I can’t promise more than that, but I will try.” I nodded, receiving a grateful but worried smile back from Exer.
Once everybody finished their food and Exer finished mine, we all got up and put our trays, plates and cutlery where all the other dirty ones were. We had PE next, which would be fun. There was probably going to be a lot of comments about me and Exer being gay in the boys’ changing room. Great. Just what I needed.
I audibly groaned at the realisation, and Exer seemed to share the same thought as he huffed at almost the exact same time as me,
“What are you two groaning about?” Pamela asked, eyebrow raised,
“PE.” Exer stated bluntly,
“Really? I didn’t think you hated it that much, if at all to be honest…” Pamela blinked, her eyes widened slightly,
“No, the lesson itself is fine, it’s where we’re getting changed which is more of an issue.” Exer elaborated,
“What do you- oh!” It suddenly clicked in Pamela’s head as she blinked a couple times at the realisation, “Good luck with that…” She chuckled humorlessly, a hint of awkwardness in her tone.
Exer and I simply just shared a tired look as she sped up, leaving us in the cafeteria. What fun we were about to have!
~
The changing room played out exactly as I’d imagined it.
Every boy shied away from the both of us as soon as we entered, muttering something about staying away from them. Just because we like men doesn’t automatically make us perverts! Though, it wasn’t likely that society would understand that, is it?
We both sighed as we hid behind a mostly empty corner, then fully empty as the last few paper walked around the otherside of the lockers and out of the way of us. At least they can’t bother us now, surely? Too busy hiding from us. I thought to myself as I pulled my shirt over the top of my head.
Somewhat randomly, the day Exer asked everyone after football practice for a spare shirt played in my mind. With Ron, I’d been defending Brenda from Ricky and Marty— the real perverts— when they’d made goo-goo eyes at her, she’d bumped into Ron by accident and mistook his resting face as him being mad. She was apologising, he was saying it’s fine, yadda yadda ya, but then Exer piped up from behind a wall and asked for a spare shirt.
I can still remember it all so vividly, he stepped out from behind shirtless. I’d only really seen him topless in passing at that point, like a brief and accidental glance in the changing rooms or something, but now I was actually seeing him without a shirt. The way my face heated up, the way everybody heard me mumble a flustered Wow… the way I awkwardly whistled and looked away, my face somehow managing to burn up even more. The thought made me blush a little bit even now. Thinking back, however, I’m pretty sure Brenda was also blushing at Exer… I didn’t know then about the fact they’d previously dated and obviously weren’t completely over each other, just like how I didn’t know my flustered nature was because I had feelings for my best friend. I immediately decided to stop deliberating on that.
Eventually, we finished getting changed and headed out to the field where our PE lesson was taking place today. Baseball. My favourite. If you couldn’t tell, that was sarcastic. But hey, it’s not rope climbing. That would make today infinitely worse. Maybe not for Exer, but definitely for me.
The teacher put us all into teams, Exer and I both being on the one that batted first. Whether it was a blessing or a curse, I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t think it mattered all that much anyways— same team or not, we’d still probably hear a lot of first and second base jokes.
A couple other kids batted first, one managing a home run. Exer and I were just hanging around the back and chatting, everyone seemingly too engaged in the baseball match to take much notice of us. Maybe baseball was going to be actually good for once!
“David Miller!” The PE teacher yelled, likely indicating for me to go next. I trod over to the batting square, ignoring the whispers that had been relentlessly sounding all day. Nervously picking up the bat and raising it behind my head, I tried to look at the ball instead of the bowler that was grinning menacingly at me— Ricky.
Ricky bowled the ball, it getting dangerously close to hitting me, but luckily I swung the bat and it made contact with the ball before it could so much as graze my ear. I ran round to second base before it made its way back to the bowler, watching as Exer was called up to bat next.
He raised the bat above and behind his head. After a moment or two, the ball was thrown, Exer seemed to lean to the side a little as he hit the ball— was it also tossed a little too close to his body too? Though, I couldn’t hesitate on the thought for long as the ball soared over my head. I unconsciously started sprinting towards the fourth base, going so fast I didn’t see a leg appear in front of me in between third and fourth. Tripping over, I just about managed to stretch my arm out to tap the final base with my bat, turning my head to see who tripped me up.
I saw Marty rocking back and forth on the heels of his feet, eyes darting around and whistling with a big grin on his face. Yep, definitely him. Exer was approaching third base so I got up and brushed the dirt off, walking off fourth base just a little before Exer reached it. As I dusted off my hands, I gave him a small nod to say well done, Exer briefly dipping his head back in gratitude.
“Look who just reached fourth base!” Marty called out, every student bursting out into laughter. It wasn’t even original, why was it so funny? Why did it hurt so much? In an attempt to cheer me up, Exer shrugged and rolled his eyes at me with a small smirk, causing a tiny smile of my own to spread across my face.
It took a little while until it was my turn to bat again, though I had a feeling we’d all have to swap over in a moment. Not that it particularly mattered, I’d still get my second turn to bat, and even if I didn’t I wouldn’t really be bothered by that. After all, I’m not complaining if I just stand around fielding instead of having a second bat, you don’t have to particularly do much either way as long as you’re on the right side of the field— though that logic only really worked so long there wasn’t someone who was left-handed.
So, again, I stood with the bat raised behind my head, trying to not look at Ricky and that horrid grin he likely had on his face. My eyes stayed on the ball, but this time as it was thrown, I swung a little early— which normally would’ve been fine, but this came with a consequence.
The ball, thrown at whatever miles per hour, inched closer and closer to my face. My reaction time isn’t the best when it comes to speeding balls, so I didn’t have the time to lean out the way as it hit me square on the eye.
I yelped in pain and held a hand over where it hit me. Obviously, most people burst out laughing, a couple people just grimacing, but the general consensus was crying with laughter. The way my eye stung instantly reminded me of when William kicked me out, the black eye that hurt like hell, and it was back again, I was back there again.
So it’s safe to say I was not having a good time with this.
Exer didn’t come over— which was understandable. And plus, I could see him looking extremely concerned on the sidelines, it would just make all the teasing ten times worse if he came over. However, the PE teacher did walk up to me,
“Miller, are you alright?” He asked gruffly,
“Uh, well, not great considering a speeding ball just hit me in the eye…” I answered, biting back groans of pain,
“Hm. Well, someone needs to take Miller to the infirmary, who wants to?” The teacher looked around at everyone, the field becoming suddenly silent.
I could see out of the corner of the eye which I wasn’t covering that everyone’s gaze turned to Exer, who just sighed and put his hand up half-heartedly. As much as I hated all the comments he was getting while he trod up to me, I didn’t really want many other people to come with me,
“Sir, can we go too?” Pamela piped up, though it was a bit late,
“If you wanted to go with him, you should’ve said something earlier, Campbell is taking him to the nurse and you’ll just have to wait here.” The teacher bluntly explained,
“But two people missing from their team, so two people should missing from our team!” Ron added, causing the PE teacher to sigh and wave his hand in dismissal,
“Fine, you may see Mr Miller a little way to the infirmary, but you better get back soon and Pamela, you’ll be joining the opposing team. Teams, switch over!”
The other two joined Exer and I by the batting square, taking the two of us back inside the school building,
“How come you didn’t volunteer sooner?” Exer asked once they were out of earshot of all the other students,
“We both wanted to go but doubted sir would let us both go so we had to decide, but you volunteered before we had, I’m sorry.” Pamela responded apologetically,
“No, no, it’s fine, I probably should’ve been more concerned about David than what everybody else would say about me volunteering…” Exer sighed, rubbing his face,
“Don’t worry, I know it can be difficult…” Pamela began to speak, but her voice just trailed off in my ears.
My eye continued to throb, and the more it did, the more it reminded me of William. It was the exact same eye he’d bruised too, which didn’t help with anything. I could hear his voice ringing in my ears painfully, and for a moment it was as if I was back in the backyard of my now home.
I must’ve began hyperventilating or something because Exer’s voice sounded with concern, snapping me out of my thoughts,
“Day? Are you alright?” He asked gently,
“Huh? What?” I nervously responded. That was when I noticed Pamela and Ron had disappeared, “Where did Pam and Ron go?”
“They went back to PE, why?” Exer replied, raising an eyebrow. I went silent, unsure on how to respond, “Do you want to go to the infirmary or the toilets?”
Thinking for a second, I didn’t really want to deal with the nurse right now, but also the toilets always stank… so I shrugged,
“I guess… toilets?”
“Alright then.” Exer began heading toward the nearest bathroom, me trailing behind. Eventually we both went in, but a couple kids who were ambling past spotted us, one loudly stating,
“Hey, look! Look who’s about to go to the toilets to make out or something!” Everybody in that group snickered a little as Exer and I ignored them.
Once we were safely in and there didn’t seem to be anyone in any of the stalls, we both stood by the sinks, Exer gently grabbing the wrist of my hand which I held over my eye,
“Can I see how bad it is?” He also tentatively put another hand on my shoulder. I probably would’ve flinched away from the touch in case someone came in and saw us, but the soft and concerned look in Exer’s warm, hazel eyes stopped me from doing so,
“I guess…” I gently lifted my hand away from my eye, of course, I also didn’t know the damage, so Exer wincing made my mind spiral about how bad it was.
“Is it bad?” I asked as Exer grabbed a paper towel and dampened it,
“Have a look for yourself.” He suggested, speaking as if you could hear the grimace. Turning to the mirror, I looked at my eye. It was, in fact, pretty bad.
There was a bunch of purple colouring coating my bottom eyelid and a little making its way to my cheek, there was a little bruising on my upper eyelid, but nowhere near as much. It had dashes of black and red too, making me wince myself.
I raised a finger to touch my eye, but my hand got slapped away by Exer before I could, applying the dampened towel gently to my eye,
“Don’t touch it!” He remarked, placing his other hand back on my shoulder. After a couple moments, he lifted it away from my eye, so I had to blink a couple times to get the water out of it, “Okay, tell me what your vision’s like.” Exer stated, stepping out the way.
It was nothing different, everything looked normal, it was a little bright but that was more so because I had my eye covered for a while. So, I just shook my head,
“Everything looks normal.”
“Okay, follow my finger and tell me if anything’s weird or if it hurts.” Exer stood back in front of me, holding his index finger a little way away from my eyes and moving his hand side to side. I followed it without any problems, “Anything strange?” He prompted, to which I only shook my head. Exer took his finger away, studied my face a little longer, before shrugging, “I’m happy you don’t urgently need to go to a doctor!”
“How do you know all this?” I asked,
“This happened to me a while back and I remember what my dad said and did.” Exer replied.
“Now… are you alright?” He questioned,
“I mean, my eye hurts, but otherwise-“
“No, I mean emotionally, I saw you zoning out, was wondering if there was anything you wanted to talk about?” Exer put both his hands on my shoulders, gazing into my eyes with his own. It always made my heart skip a beat whenever our eyes met, so I looked away,
“Nothing… just… same eye as… you know…” I muttered, receiving a gentle nod from Exer,
“Damn, that eye’s really going through it, huh?” He responded, a small but sad smile on his face. I gave him a look, raising an eyebrow, making him go a bit awkward, “No? Too soon?”
“Too soon.” I concurred, sighing and turning my attention back to the mirror,
“Sorry…” He awkwardly chuckled,
“It’s fine, I know you’re just trying to make the best out of a bad situation.” I assured him.
We both stood silently for a moment or two, me staring at the bruised reflection in the mirror, and I believe Exer was doing the same,
“You wanna skip the rest of PE?” He asked, to which I nodded,
“But where should we go? I don’t want to stay in here for the rest of the period!” I commented,
“We could find somewhere a bit more secluded outside?” Exer suggested, to which I shrugged,
“I mean, sure.” I went to go, but got held back by a hand on my shoulder. Turning around to face Exer, he passed me the wet paper towel to put over my eye,
“Want a hug? I’ll be careful of your hair.” Exer asked, opening his arms slightly,
“Fine…” I sighed, wrapping my arms around him and leant down slightly to put my head on his shoulder.
We stood there for a couple seconds, but then we heard the sound of the bathroom door opening, causing us to both immediately let go of each other. I put the towel over my eye and turned to see who just came in.
Ricky and Marty had entered, an arm around each other’s shoulders as they giggled to themselves. We just stood there, eyeing them suspiciously as they suddenly noticed our presence,
“Hey! Stop gawking at us, homos!” Ricky scoffed in a fluster,
“Yeah! You heard him!” Marty’s eyes darted around awkwardly. Neither me nor Exer said anything, they just made their way into the same stall. Exer and I shared a look before deciding that that was a pretty good cue to leave.
~
Finally, it was the end of the day. I’d already bumped into Brenda and told her I was staying at Exer’s tonight, not before she asked worriedly about my eye. Seems safe to say she’s got an even bigger personal vendetta with Ricky and Marty now— which I didn’t even think was possible!
Exer and I said goodbye to everyone and left as soon as we could, hopping into his car as we silently drove off back to Exer’s place.
The immense relief I felt for making it out of there with nothing but a black eye coursed through my veins, even a content sigh escaped my lips. Everything about today was awful and I was just grateful it was all over, pushing the thought of tomorrow out of my mind for now, I just needed to enjoy the fact today was through for a little longer.
The drive to Exer’s was silent, silent enough that the only reason I wouldn’t be able to hear a pin drop was because the noise of the car engine would override it. It may have been quiet, but I quite enjoyed it, somewhat nice to just hear nothing but the engine loudly buzzing and wind blowing past your ears.
At some point, Exer cautiously put his hand on my leg, glancing at me briefly to see if it was okay as he still had to keep his eyes on the road. I slightly smiled and put my hand on top of his, interlocking our fingers as he smiled back at me. We stayed like that for the rest of the journey, even when Exer had to change the gears. Nowadays, it wasn’t often we held hands, so it was nice to do so for once— and anyways, wouldn’t you want to be affectionate with the person you care about most after a day like this one?
Eventually, the car came to a halt outside Exer’s house, so I instinctively let go of Exer’s hand. We climbed out the car, gingerly strolling up to his house. Exer unlocked the door, holding the door and gesturing for me to go inside first. I mumbled a thank you and stepped in, seeing Mr Harry sitting on the sofa with a newspaper,
“Hey dad!” Exer spoke first, trying to sound more perky than either of us felt put together,
“Hey Mr Harry…” I responded a lot more forlornly, but that wouldn’t raise any suspicion,
“Oh, hey boys! David, how many times do I have to say just call me Harry?” Exer’s dad chuckled, getting off the sofa and wandering over to us, “Didn’t know David was coming, no issues, just would’ve like a heads- oh my god, David, what happened to your face?” He noticed once he could see me in the light.
“Baseball accident.” I simply put, to which Mr Harry nodded,
“Ah, yes, I’m familiar with those, aren’t I, son?” He grinned at an embarrassed Exer,
“Dad, he already knows…” Exer flushed with embarrassment. Then, the dreaded question came,
“So, how was your day?” We both went quiet for a moment,
“Uh, it was fine!” Exer lied, that smile he always used to play off something spread across his face, “Just glad to be home!”
Mr Harry looked between the two of us with his eyebrows furrowed,
“Well, I’m just going to assume this is still due to the fight you had yesterday…” He said, some relief flooding through my body, though I did my best to not show it,
“Yeah, probably! Still a bit shook!” Exer awkwardly chuckled, “Can David stay over tonight?”
“I mean, as long as his mother knows, I don’t see any issues!” Mr Harry nodded, still trying to read our faces,
“We told Brenda so she’ll pass the message on!” Exer nodded, grabbing my wrist and dragging me up to his room, “Just heading up to my room, um, yeah!”
“Alright…” Mr Harry dragged the syllables out a little, still eyeing both of us, but he headed back to the living room and likely back to his paper.
Once Exer and I were both in our room, Exer sighed,
“I hate lying to my dad but… I don’t think either of us are ready to come out just yet…” Exer combed his hair back with a hand, flopping down onto the bed. I did the same, lying on the opposite side to him, both of us with our hands resting on our chests and staring up at the ceiling, “Well, today was eventful, huh?”
“Tell me about it..” I muttered in response.
For a good while we just stared up at the ceiling, my eye still throbbed and it still reminded me of William, but it was slowly getting more manageable,
“Hey, um, Exer? Think you have any painkillers?” I asked,
“Oh, right, yeah, probably should’ve offered some, there’s probably some in the bathroom, I’ll go grab some and a glass of water.” He jumped off the bed and left the room, leaving me by myself.
I hated it when I was by myself, but I had no motivation to get off the bed, so I stayed put and looked around for any noisy distractions from my thoughts. I spotted Exer’s radio in the corner of the room, so I stood up and headed over to it and turned it on, sitting back down on the bed. The DJ was just idly chatting about something, I never quite caught what it was, but it was enough to focus on for now while I waited for Exer to return.
After a few more moments, Exer filtered back into the room with a couple pills and a glass of water in hand. He passed them all to me, which I gratefully took, putting the painkillers in my mouth and drinking some water to wash them down. I put the glass on the bedside table and went back to staring at the ceiling with Exer.
The guy on the radio must’ve announced the next song as music began to play, a song I recognised but couldn’t quite remember what it was called until the lyrics started,
“There I was completely wasting, out of work and down” Any song could’ve played, but of course it had to be that one Judas Priest song!
“All inside, it’s so frustrating as I drift from town to town, feel as though nobody cares if I live or die”
The song’s melody itself isn’t melancholy or depressing or anything, but the opening lyrics definitely made me feel that way,
“Want me to change the station?” Exer spoke, obviously thinking the same as me,
“Yeah.” I responded almost immediately, Exer getting up and turning it to a different station where it was playing A Total Eclipse of the Heart, the point we switched to was when it was the middle section of the song. Oddly enough, the sadder song made me feel better than the high-intensity one.
Exer laid back down on the bed, staring up at the same point of the ceiling as me yet again, a minute or so passed until I heard the lines,
“Every now and then, I get a little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry” The lyrics echoed around the room, causing me to fidget with my hands.
“Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes” The words hit harder than it ever used to, my gaze temporarily flickering over to Exer. He still stared up, but I noticed that his hand had found its way to the gap that separated him and I. Thinking for a split second, I hesitantly took it as a sign that he wanted to hold hands, so I grabbed his hand and he instantly interlocked our fingers and squeezed my hand a little. My gaze fell back on his face, Exer’s eyes eventually finding their way to mine.
“And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever” The words resounded heavily as Exer uncertainly reached out and rested his hand on my face, both of us rolling onto our sides. With my free hand, I reached up and gently stroked the back of his hand with my thumb, leaning into the touch and sadly smiling at him as we studied each other’s faces.
“And if you only hold me tight, we’ll be holding on forever” Exer silently asked if it was okay to cuddle up a little, I nodded and so he moved the hand previously touching my face to wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer as I snaked my own hand around the back of his neck. We both still held each other’s other hands, bringing them close to our bodies as Exer placed his head on my shoulder.
“And we’ll only be making it right ‘cause we’ll never be wrong” I could feel Exer burying his head into the crook of my neck, feel his shoulders gently shaking as water began to run down my neck. It was rare for him to cry in front of me nowadays, so it came as a bit of a shock to me, but I was glad he was letting out his emotions for once. So, I just squeezed him and his hand tighter, feeling my own tears begin to trickle down my face.
“Together we can take it to the end of the line, your love is like a shadow on me all of the time” And it was true, we could take it to the end of the line. In this moment, I just knew that I wanted nothing else than to be with this man who was sobbing into my neck. In this moment, I just knew that I was willing to search for the light at the end of the tunnel with him by my side. In this moment, I just knew we could get past senior year so long I had Exer there beside me. And I was sure he felt the same.
“I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark, we’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks” I wrapped my leg around Exer’s, being the one in closest reach, just needing to feel as close as possible to him. My hand that sat on the nape on his neck reached up to play with his hair, guiding his soft, brown locks in between my fingers and twirling them with my finger as we both cried into each other.
“I really need you tonight, forever’s gonna start tonight, forever’s gonna start tonight” We both continued to sob, but Exer spoke up, his voice cracking with emotion as he did,
“I’m sorry…”
“Why? What for?” I replied, my voice cracking just as much as his,
“You probably don’t need me crying, you’ve got a lot to worry about yourself, you shouldn’t have to be worried about me too…” Exer explained in between sobs,
“Ex… I’m worried about you anyways, you crying right now isn’t going to make me suddenly combust with stress. In fact, you crying actually relieves me a little, I’m just glad to see you letting your emotions out rather than bottling them up!” I soothed,
“Really?”
“Really.” I assured him, only causing Exer to cry more.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He stuttered,
“I could ask you the same thing.” I whispered back, squeezing him tighter, tears still running down my cheeks,
“You’re amazing in every way, you’re the closest thing to perfection I’ve ever seen, you’re beautiful, kind, who wouldn’t be lucky to have you?” He continued to push,
“Again, I could tell you the same thing.” I gently responded,
“Even if I’m a guy?” Exer mumbled into my neck, was this what I sounded like?
I was usually the one asking these questions. If this was what I sounded like, then I began to understand why Exer was always so needlessly concerned for me, why he could always see the best in me. So, I responded like how any good boyfriend would,
“I don’t care if you’re a man, a woman, a worm, or even a helicopter, I love you for who you are, not what you are. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want, no, need you by my side, and I would love you regardless of who or what you are-“ I was just blurting whatever came to my mind, and it only just clicked I said ‘I love you’. Not even once, twice. No wonder Exer froze up in the middle of me speaking.
“You… you what now?” Exer stammered,
“Well… I love you, it’s as simple as that.” I replied, my head whirring with thoughts, why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Well, maybe not that, but I wish I could’ve just thought before I spoke. It’s probably too early, I’ve probably just screwed everything up-
Exer pulled back momentarily to look into my eyes, even with wet and swollen eyes he was so damn beautiful, something I could never understand. How was he so handsome regardless of anything? Hell, he could be coated head to toe in mud and still be the most beautiful thing to walk this earth,
“I love you too.” He said after a few seconds. I laid there in silence, speechless. What was I supposed to say? Thank you? Though, I could tell Exer could see I wasn’t sure on what to say next because he silenced my thoughts with a kiss.
It may have been gentle, but it felt just as passionate as anything, even without tongue. I was taken by surprise at first, but I closed my eyes and kissed him back, matching his desperation. I could stay in this moment forever, I never wanted to leave. The two of us wrapped up in each other’s arms, kissing like there was no tomorrow (though we certainly wished there wouldn’t be), and no words on our minds or our tongues except ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you too’.
After a few moments, we pulled away, but not fully so we could rest our foreheads on each others,
“We can get through this.” Exer shakily stated, cupping my face with his hand,
“Yeah, we can.” I replied, resting my hand on his as he said one more time,
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We laid there in silence as the third verse of the song playing finished up.
“Every now and then, I know there’s no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you, every now and then, I know there’s nothing any better, there’s nothing that I just wouldn’t do.” And yeah, Bonnie Tyler was right. There is nothing that I just wouldn’t do for Exer.
Even if that meant ruining my reputation.