Chapter Text
Miyuki Kazuya’s worst nightmare came true that day. He’s still not sure how it even happened. A once in a million accident, and it happened at Seido. It happened to Sawamura Eijun.
The warm air made Miyuki feel extra clammy in his catcher’s gear. He looked up at the batter’s back and made a call to Sawamura. It was a routine. There should’ve been nothing out of the ordinary. But horror struck Miyuki as he witnessed Sawamura’s form disfigure and the cling of the ball hitting the metal bat from the batter. Miyuki jumped up, as he watched the ball come flying straight back at Sawamura.
“Sawamura, watch out!” He yelled, but at that point Sawamura was already on the ground, clutching his head and shoulder.
When Miyuki found out he couldn’t sit in the back of the ambulance with Sawamura he was filled with anger. He didn’t want to leave his side. All that kept repeating in his head was: My fault. My fault. The minutes before kept playing over and over as he sat by himself in his dorm room.
Kuramochi knocked, offering news on Sawamura.
“Well, not a lot of good news for the guy.” Kuramochi starts, looking Miyuki in the eyes. “Concussion, ripped shoulder muscles. A whole galore of things.”
“It can’t all be from a ball pitch hitting back at him.”
Kuramochi frowned, “He’s been overworking himself. He was trying so hard to get better that it all led up to this point.” Kuramochi shook his head, “Why can’t that moron take better care of himself.”
Sawamura’s condition only worsened as he pushed himself more, instead of accepting a few days of bedrest. He never gave himself time to heal and because of it his injuries grew more and more severe.
When Miyuki finally mustered up the strength to talk to Coach, he had come to a conclusion.
“I would like to request that Sawamura Eijun take a leave of absence. A permanent one.”
“You’re in no position to ask for that on his behalf.” Coach Katoka responded immediately. “We will discuss it with the doctors.”
“As the captain, and as his catcher, I can say that he will only harm the team and himself. He’s going to miss months of practice. There’s no way he can rejoin on the first-string.” Miyuki argued, and while he put forth the main reason being for the team, he was mostly afraid of Sawamura getting hurt again and it being his fault. Miyuki felt like a coward, but he couldn’t see Sawamura go through that pain all over again. Let me greedy for once, Miyuki thought.
But what followed ended up to be far worse than Miyuki could have ever imagined. Sawamura was in and out of the hospital for months, for several different reasons. The health problems were endless. The combination of exhaustion, an accidental form that damaged his shoulder muscles and a baseball to the head, was deadly. And eventually, Coach Katoka came to terms with what Miyuki and the doctors were saying.
“Sawamura Eijun, you’re off the team. Go home and rest.”
Miyuki wished he could’ve called Chris, he knew he would’ve been able to get through to Sawamura far better than he ever could. So when Sawamura left the coach office looking as if a walking corpse, the only words that escaped Miyuki’s mouth were, “I’m sorry.”
“We’re going somewhere today.”
Kazuya frowned, “Where?”
“A place I really like… Get changed into something you can move around in, okay?” Sawamura gestures for Kazuya to go back to his room and change.
Kazuya followed his orders obediently; Sawamura was the boss for today.
Pitchers are such an interesting bunch . Kazuya noted as he walked back to the room, Even when they aren’t pitchers anymore.
Kazuya goes through his clothing, pulling out a Seido t-shirt and baseball pants. Sawamura had said to wear something easy to move in. This was the most athletic stuff he had. He searched through his bag more but couldn’t find an extra sock. He held one up annoyed.
The door opened, and Sawamura’s laugh filled the room. “Even the great Miyuki Kazuya faces the daily challenge of losing socks.”
Kazuya rolled his eyes, standing up to face Sawamura. Sawamura’s playful teasing grin didn’t leave his face. “Thankfully, you’re at Sawamura Eijun’s house!” He cried out, “Now, you going to ask for some socks or not?” Kazuya opened his mouth but Sawamura ignored whatever came out, “Of course you are! All your other socks are dirty! I know because I do the laundry around here.”
“Oh God, are all my shirts going to come back ruined then?”
“That happened one time!” Sawamura cried, surprised Kazuya was able to assume a rather frequent mistake that occurred when Sawamura did the laundry. He shuffled through his clothes in his closet, accidentally hitting a box over the contents spilling all over the ground. Kazuya rushed to help him clean it up, acting like a gentleman for once. However, Sawamura pushed him away, suddenly quiet.
The items of the box silenced even Kazuya. There was a baseball, a baseball glove, a hat with signed names on the inside. Then there was the seidou uniform and the seidou bag. There were pictures scattered about of Sawamura and the other baseball players. The one item that was out of place was a withered flower, all color lost from it. Something in Kazuya’s heart broke.
Miyuki grabbed Eijun’s hand, causing Eijun to look up quickly. His heart was beating fast. How could he be so stupid? This was so embarrassing for him. He didn’t want to bring back the horrifying memories he had sealed away with a promise that everything would be okay. Everything would be okay if he would just forget.
Then Miyuki threw himself back into his life. And the lock on the memories deteriorated completely, a darkness consuming him all over again.
“Miyuki… Let go…” The ferocity in Eijun’s voice surprised even himself. He laughed, not sure if it was out of anger or simply because he was trying to avoid the situation at hand. Either way Miyuki’s stomach flipped in fear hearing it.
Eijun, who was normally outgoing and determined, felt terrified. It was worse than when he had the yips and couldn’t pitch on the inside. This was a different type of fear. One, that Miyuki knew far too well.
“Sawamura…” Miyuki whispered, “I think you should wear the uniform.”
Eijun looked at Miyuki, an angry flare in his eyes. He didn’t reply, afraid of what he might say.
The fear of someone getting too close to finding the real you. The one that was hidden under layers upon layers of cement bricks. Somehow Miyuki cracked through those layers and the bright light on the inside was being revealed. Eijun desperately wanted to run away, hide himself. There had to be a way to get out of this, but he didn’t have the cunning smarts of MIyuki, so he was stuck here facing the facts of his past. Maybe he’d been too hasty in the past few months to put up this wall between him and the world. Eijun had never been this closed off before.
“Listen to me for a second… I know how hard it was for you… Actually, I can’t say that… Alright, I can barely imagine the pain you went through after… everything. I’m being sincere here, but I don’t think you should stuff everything away into a box in the back of your closet. I talked to your family the other day…” Eijun was puzzled by this Miyuki, who stumbled over his words and seemed unsure.
“You did, what?” Eijun asked, more anger brewing inside of him. He didn’t get this angry very often, and was deadly afraid of snapping. He wasn’t good at controlling his emotions.
“They told me you hadn’t been feeling so great ever since you came back from Tokyo. They told me they missed their old ‘Eijun’, not the one that left them at the beginning of high school, but the one they watched play baseball in Tokyo. They miss that Sawamura Eijun… I miss that Sawamura. You can’t run away anymore, okay?”
Eijun didn’t reply, gripping his hands on the edge of the box. Miyuki reached over and brushed his hand over Eijun’s.
“I believe… No I know… That this Sawamura Eijun I’m looking at can overcome anything.”
Eijun didn’t realize he had started crying until Miyuki let go of his hand and wiped the stray tears away for him. He was too overwhelmed to be embarrassed.
Eventually Eijun collapsed into Miyuki’s arms, letting out an anguished cry that he’d been holding in for months upon months.
Once Eijun had recovered, Miyuki noticed a small golden glimmer in Eijun’s eyes. This sure had been a bonding trip for Miyuki.
Eijun lifted his hand up to his face, trying to protect his eyes from the sun. The sky was a bright blue, and as Eijun surveyed the horizon he only saw hazy white smears of clouds. “We’re almost there I think.”
“You think?” Miyuki asked, adjusting his grip on the bag. “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere… special.” Eijun nodded to himself, as if he was trying to convince even himself of the location’s particularity.
“You know another place that’s real special?” Miyuki starts, leaning back a bit and yawning. “My bed.”
Eijun turned around and nearly slapped Miyuki, and as Miyuki came to terms at how Eijun took what he had said he started to laugh. “That’s not what I meant at all, Sawamura.”
Eijun’s face was red. Very red , and the feelings this evoked in Miyuki’s stomach puzzled him to no end.
Miyuki lifted one of his eyebrows, “I mean I’m sure I can make that place exceptionally special just for you if you’d like.”
“No, unfortunately I will have to formally decline that offer.” Eijun bows deeply, reverting to traditional Japanese in his time of embarrassment.
Miyuki simply laughed and said under his breath, “Your loss.”
They continued to walk on the small dirt pathway. They were surrounded on both sides by fields upon fields of sunflowers. Eijun continuously picked up his pace, but Miyuki caught up to him easily with each step.
“My favorite flowers are sunflowers.” Eijun states, breaking the silence. Miyuki nodded nonchalantly.
“Certainly suits you.” He comments, scanning their surroundings.
“My grandmother used to love them too.” Eijun begins, watching Miyuki from the corner of the eye to make sure he was paying attention. “My grandfather always brings sunflowers to her grave during Obon.”
Miyuki was now looking back at Eijun, but he didn’t say anything in response. There was a sympathetic expression on Miyuki’s face but Eijun focused his attention ahead of him.
“We’re almost there!” Eijun cries after a few more minutes of walking, lifting a hand to his forehead to block the sun. “Almost there!”
“Finally.”
“There!” Eijun yells, pointing to an object in the distance. “Over there!”
It took Miyuki a few seconds of scanning before he made out the rundown baseball field in the distance. Surrounded by fields, it sure was in a remote spot. And while it wasn’t in perfect condition, both Eijun and Miyuki agreed it was still usable.
“You brought me out here for a baseball field ?” Miyuki asks in disbelief.
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?” Eijun asks, genuine curiosity hinted in his voice.
Miyuki lets out a laugh, “I wouldn’t have it any other way Sawamura Eijun.”
Eijun perked up at the mention of his full name, but continued to charge forward. Possibly because he wanted to hide the light blush that seemed to be appearing. I’ve been acting strange lately , he thinks. But admittedly he’s felt much more like himself these past few weeks.
They were almost there when Miyuki stopped and started at Eijun. Eijun hadn’t registered the sudden stop until he had already walked a few more paces ahead. “Wha-”
“You aren’t thinking I’ll catch for you there right?” Miyuki asked. Something in his tone and his words, a burnt a hole in Eijun.
Miyuki must have noticed the upset expression on Eijun’s face, because he raised his hands and stumbled through the next few words, “Not that I wouldn’t catch for you but I’m thinking about your health here.”
Eijun didn’t reply still. He had started shaking.
Miyuki took a hesitant step towards him.
Eijun could feel hot tears stream down his cheeks and he willed them to stop. They didn’t listen to him, continuing to wet his face.
Miyuki was within arms length now, and was reaching forward to wipe the tears from Eijun’s cheek. He looked like he wanted to say something but Eijun cut him off before he could, “I wasn’t planning to pitch.” He hiccups.
“Then why are you crying?”
“I-I don’t know.”
Miyuki stood awkwardly, and under any other circumstances Eijun would have laughed at the sight of an uncomfortable Miyuki but right now he was too preoccupied with his own surging feelings.
“Was it something I said?”
“I don’t know.” Eijun repeats.
Miyuki pulled Eijun closer to him, a somewhat awkward hug considering their similar heights and Eijun’s sobbing. Eijun tried to focus on their heartbeats.
That’s when Eijun finally sorted through his flooding emotions. The reason why Miyuki’s words had hurt him so much was the realization that Miyuki would never catch his pitches again. His shoulder was ruined , and even if it ever did decide to recover, Miyuki Kazuya was running away to America. There was no way they’d ever get an opportunity to be a battery again. That opportunity had been cut short a long time ago.
Miyuki Kazuya would never catch for Sawamura Eijun again.
Sawamura Eijun would never pitch to Miyuki Kazuya again.
Their battery was over. And for the longest time Eijun was sure their partnership had died along with it.
Eijun wished he could back in time, and relive the days when he could throw to Miyuki.
He must have voiced this out loud because Miyuki squeezed him tighter and whispered into Eijun’s ear, “I miss catching for you.”
Eijun’s wheels in his head continued to turn once he had pulled away from Miyuki, continuing to lead them to their destination. He wiped away his tears, feeling less overwhelmed now that he had let his troubles out.
While the doctor may not necessarily have told him not to pitch, they severely warned him of the consequences. He frowned, it’d been months since his surgery surely his shoulder could handle a small game of catch.
“I’m not doing this, Sawamura.” Miyuki announced, frowning at Eijun’s outstretched hands which held a glove and baseball.
“What? It couldn’t hurt.”
“Yes it could. You had Tommy-John surgery.” Miyuki responded harshly, “You had multiple surgeries on top of that. You’re not allowed to throw.”
“But you just said you missed catching for me.” Eijun replied, confused.
“Didn’t you just realize you would never pitch again?” Miyuki retorted, he looked frustrated.
“But what harm could a light game of catch have?”
“A lot!” Miyuki exclaimed.
“Stop mothering me!”
“I’m not! I am no one’s mother!”
“Then.. catch for me.” Eijun pursed his lips, watching Miyuki’s brow furrow in annoyance.
Miyuki turned away from Eijun, picking up his bag off the ground, “I’m going back.”
Eijun dropped the ball in favor to grab Miyuki’s wrist, “No, no, no…”
Miyuki stooped, “I’m not going to risk injuring your shoulder more . I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your shoulder to the point of never using it again.”
Eijun dropped his hand from Miyuki’s wrist and didn’t say anything. His future was fairly unclear.
“Have you seen the doctor recently?” Miyuki questioned, taking a deep breath and turning back around. Eijun looked happily as Miyuki rested his bag back on the ground. It meant he was staying.
“No…” Eijun trailed off.
“You should.” Miyuki nodded. “... You should ask them if your shoulders healed enough to pitch again.”
Eijun stared at Miyuki in disbelief, “Weren’t you just the one who had said not to pitch?”
“Yeah, but I’m worried about what you’re going to do with your future.”
Eijun shook his head, and patted Miyuki’s shoulder, “Me neither. But that’s something I can think about later.” Miyuki was watching Eijun closely, as Eijun continued to speak. “Right now, I would like to continue with my grandmaster plan to entertain the great Miyuki Kazuya. Sometimes you think too much Miyuki.” Eijun patted Miyuki one more time before walking away towards the makeshift dugout.
Miyuki shook his head, unsure of what to make of what Eijun had just said.
They ate bento, that Sawamura proudly pulled out of his bag. They were neatly wrapped in blue and red fabric. Kazuya was skeptical, as he reached for the one Sawamura was handing him.
“I hope these are better than your pitching was.” Kazuya wrinkled his nose, glancing to see Sawamura’s reaction.
“Miyuki! I lovingly prepared some bento for us and this is how you thank me?” Sawamura replies, exasperated. “After all the work I put into these you simply dismiss them as terrible.”
Kazuya laughs, “Alright. I’ll at least try it before I come to my final conclusion.” He unravels the careful knot and lifts the lid of the bento.
He would admit, that while it wasn’t the most beautiful he had seen, that it did have that special Sawamura Eijun charm which made it fairly adorable. Rice, pickled vegetables and some tempura, all arranged in a somewhat neatly manner. There was a saying on the rice written out in seaweed that said, “Thank you!” Kazuya hid his face to stop Sawamura from seeing his blush.
“Well… It’s appearance isn’t terrible.” Kazuya starts, but as he pushes around the rice he notices some have been undercooked and he frowns. He picks up a piece of tempura and eats it.
He nearly gags.
Sawamura looked at him with concerned eyes.
Just swallow it Kazuya, he thought. Do it for Sawamura Eijun . And somehow he pushed the tempura down.
“You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to-” Sawamura starts, looking sheepishly at his own bento.
Kazuya responded by eating the rest of bento in a frenzy. Do it for Sawamura Eijun , he chanted.
Oh boy, Kazuya glanced at Sawamura, You don’t know how lucky you are. Sawamura looked dazzled when Kazuya plopped an empty bento box next to Sawamura’s feet. Only Sawamura Eijun could make Miyuki Kazuya force feed himself terrible food.
“What was your favorite part?” Sawamura asks, giving Kazuya wide questioning eyes.
“The pickled vegetables,” Kazuya responds immediately. They were the only ones that didn’t trigger his gag reflexes.
Sawamura frowns, “My mom made those.”
“Hmm… Maybe she should have just made the whole bento.” Kazuya muses, Sawamura growing angrier again.
“You’re so critical! If you think you’re so much better why don’t you make us food next time.” Sawamura puffs, eating the rest of his rice.
Kazuya made a mental note to cook a meal for the Sawamura family before he left to thank them for their hospitality. Kazuya had stayed with them for a good month and that was more than enough charity for him to feel the need to pay them back somehow.
Kazuya glanced to his right, and saw that Sawamura had gotten up and walked back to the dugout to rummage through the items there. It was clear to Kazuya that Sawamura had come here often, due to the large stash of miscellaneous items.
Kazuya leaned back onto the ground to stare up at the sky. They had been sitting on the mound, and when Sawamura had been near Kazuya opted to take glance at Sawamura rather than the stars. The sun had set and Kazuya began to laugh to himself. Who am I kidding? This is way more painful than I’d ever imagined. Kazuya throws an arm over his eyes and sighs exasperated.
“Miyuki Kazuya!” Sawamura yells, jolting Kazuya out of whatever daydream he had gone to. Sawamura had shoved jar into Kazuya’s face and it took a second to notice the bright lights that flashed slowly inside of it. “I caught fireflies!”
Kazuya pushed himself to a seated position and examined the fireflies. There were two of them and they seemed perfectly unharmed much to Kazuya’s surprise. There was something peaceful in the way they danced around the jar.
“Want to catch some?” Sawamura gestured around him, and it was then when Kazuya noticed the several small lights that were around them. They were like real life stars, Kazuya noted to himself. There was a little bit of wonder back here on earth. Then Kazuya looked back at Sawamura and his giant golden eyes.
There was a lot more than just a little bit of wonder, he corrects himself. It was hard not to compare Sawamura’s eyes to the sun, and the freckles that were dusted across his sun-kissed skin to the stars. Kazuya grinned to himself. Sawamura was his sun.
Sawamura leaned closer, and Kazuya resisted the urge to kiss him. He bit his own lip and clenched his fists. “So what do you say?” Sawamura questions.
“Sawamura.” Kazuya strains to say. “I have something to tell you.”
Sawamura frowned, “I don’t like it when you say that. I don’t like when you say my name like that. Have you been thinking again Miyuki Kazuya?” Sawamura stuck his tongue out.
Stop that , Kazuya thought to himself. You’re making this so much harder. Kazuya took a deep breath and put on his usual air of nonchalance. Recently, Sawamura had managed to wedge himself deeper into his heart but considering that their futures were likely not to be together, Kazuya needed to weed him out. No, weed out is the wrong word, Kazuya sighs. I need to protect both of us from ever getting hurt.
“I’m leaving soon.”
Sawamura burst out laughing, “ That’s what you were so worried about telling me? Of course, I know you’re leaving soon. You can’t possibly be staying forever.”
“No, I mean. In a few days.”
Sawamura’s face fell a bit, but forced a smile anyway, “More reason to treasure the moments we have left?”
The uncertainty at the end of Sawamura’s sentence made Kazuya laugh lightly, and in those few moments of weakness he had noticed that Sawamura had moved closer, now on his knees in seiza style. Kazuya froze, not wanting to break whatever had pushed Sawamura closer to him. He was staring at Sawamura’s big golden eyes, unable to pull away.
Kazuya noticed the specks of darker browns and darker yellows and the ambers and he let himself get loss. He let himself get loss in the warmth and comfort he found in those wide curious eyes, barely registering that Sawamura was inching closer and closer to him.
When he felt hot breath on his face, and Sawamura’s eyes shut closed, Kazuya pulled himself out of the daze and reacted fast enough to stop Sawamura’s approach.
Kazuya had moved his hand on top of Sawamura’s mouth, forcing himself to keep a neutral expression on his face. Sawamura’s eyes had snapped open, and Kazuya shook his head gently. The resulting realization that drew itself on Sawamura’s face, ripped Kazuya’s heart straight out of his chest.
You did this to yourself , Kazuya reminds himself. He pulls his hand away as Sawamura turns around frantically, clearly embarrassed. Kazuya brushed off his pants as he stood up, walking towards the dugout to pick up their bags.
“We should head back.” Kazuya states, not brave enough to face Sawamura.
Sawamura lets out a shaky response, grabbing his bag from Kazuya’s hand. “Yeah.”