Chapter Text
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Jax watched Pomni exit the Circus tent, anxiety fluttering in his chest. This was the fourth time she'd walked off on her own after an adventure. If this had been the second, or even third time, he wouldn't have batted an eye, but this was becoming a pattern; a pattern he recognized. He hadn't really noticed with Dobby Dog or Wormy, but he had with Queenie, and then Kaufmo after her. Despite this, he'd done nothing to stop the man’s descent into madness. Kaufmo wasn't his friend. He didn't care about him. If anything, he found the man’s insecure behavior annoying. The same could not be said about Pomni. Jax had found himself drawn to her from the beginning. He didn't really know why, but he liked her more than the others. She was just easier to get along with, to talk to. He didn't feel as exhausted after interacting with her. This attachment came at a cost, though. Fear. It was a feeling he rarely felt here, as they couldn't die, so being afraid made little sense. However, he wasn't afraid for himself. No. He was afraid for the tiny jester who seemed to grow more and more exhausted with each day. Loathe though he was to admit it, he liked Pomni and didn't want her to abstract like the ridiculous clown before her. And so he followed her outside.
He found her sitting not far from the tent entrance, curled up and rocking slightly. The sight brought back memories of his childhood and being told to stop and sit still countless times.
“You're being silly,” he heard her mutter. “It's all in your head.”
“Talkin’ to yourself?” he asked, successfully pulling her out of her emotional spiral. Her head snapped in his direction, wide pinwheel eyes locked on him. He made sure his usual grin was in place before continuing. “You goin’ crazy already, kid?” She frowned and he couldn't help but take pleasure in it. Fucking with people was just so much fun. Still, he didn't wanna push too far and send her sailing over the brink of sanity. That was the opposite of what he was aiming for here. He realized with a wave of annoyance that he'd probably have to be honest for this to work. ‘What a pain,’ he thought. He plopped down next to her, leaving enough space between them so that they wouldn't touch. He'd noticed Pomni was weird about people randomly touching her without her consent. “So, what's up?”
“Huh?” she asked, still dazed by his sudden presence.
He stared down at her. “What's ‘all in your head'?”
She went silent, seemingly mulling over whether to open up to him or not. He couldn't really blame her for being nervous about the idea. After all, he hadn't given her a reason to trust him. Quite the opposite, in fact. So he was somewhat surprised when she actually answered him.
“I dunno. It's just… Something feels…off when I'm with the others.”
He cocked his brow in confusion.
“I-It's not anything they did!” she rushed to explain. “Everyone's really nice! But…” She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I just…don't feel like I fit in. It's hard to explain.”
Jax went quiet, taking in this new information. So that's what it was. She and him were the same. No wonder he found himself drawn to her.
“I know it doesn't make any sense. Forget I said anything.”
“It makes perfect sense.” At least, to him it did.
“I-it does?” she asked nervously.
“Yeah,” he sighed, a wave of exhaustion falling over him as memories flooded his brain. He wondered how many of those unpleasant experiences they shared; how much pain. He almost choked when she asked…
“Do…you feel that way, too?”
He smiled, a weak attempt to put the mask back on, though he knew it was pointless. She had already seen the broken man underneath. “All the %$!#ing time.” Pomni stared at him, a stunned expression on her face. Jax almost felt possessed as honesty gushed out of him. “I never felt like I fit in anywhere, as a kid. Even when I had friends, something always felt off; like they were silently judging me. Like…I didn't belong. Eventually, I got tired of it and just kept to myself. Unfortunately, that's not something we can really do here, at the Circus,” he explained, hoping she'd take the message to heart. “The more you self-isolate here, the more likely you are to go nuts and abstract, and I dunno about you, but I don't wanna end up locked in the cellar.” An image of him opening Pomni's door and finding her already abstracted flashed in his mind, and he felt his heart clench anxiously. ‘I don't want you to end up there either,’ he didn't say out loud.
“Why are you telling me all this?” she asked wearily. “Aren't you afraid I'll use it against you?”
He let out a short huff of laughter at the thought. “Naw. You're cunning, PomPom, but you ain't malicious.” He turned to look at her, allowing a tiny amount of affection to bleed into his smile. “I trust you.”
“Why?” she asked, clearly confused.
Jax shrugged, trying to act nonchalant as he said, “‘Cause you're the only person here I don't get that feeling from. Sure, you judge me, but only when it's justified. Other than that, you seem pretty chill.”
Pomni fell silent, running through what he'd told her in his mind. She flinched slightly and the next moment, her cheeks were dusted pink. Her eyes lit up with understanding, and for some reason, that look made Jax nervous. He rushed to continue.
“Besides, if you try anything, I'll get you back for it.” Pomni let out a sudden burst of laughter and Jax grinned, proud of himself for being the one to draw that sound from her.
“You're so weird,” she said.
“Yeah,” he agreed proudly, “but that's alright.” The smile she gave him made his heart skip a beat.
“Yeah… Yeah, it is.”
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