Chapter Text
Contentment; a state of happiness and satisfaction.
A small, pleased sound finds its way out of In-Ho’s mouth when he leans back on his couch once more. The glow of his phone is the only source of illumination right now, as his thumb scrolls through the dictionary google had provided for him. It wasn’t really like him to try and google away the descriptions for how his body feels right now – but sometimes it’s hard to put things together, when these types of feelings feel so foreign to him as well.
His head cocks to the side just a little bit, eyes still tracing over the explanations for the way he’s trying to feel as the sound of thunder rumbles just outside of the window. His free hand itches to reach for his remote as well, just put his goddamn phone down and watch his shows like he usually does. And not to get too absorbed in the meaningless finds on the internet, when he can’t even fully describe exactly what he’s even trying to find right now. All he knows it’s that it’s been two weeks since he met that… Man, and he hasn’t really been able to get that smile off of his face properly.
When his friends asked how his blind date went, if the person they set him up with was all that, In-Ho didn’t really lie much about it. He thought it might’ve been easier to tell them that his night went well, that he left with a smile wider than the Río de la Plata river. He didn’t feel the need to tell them that their date stood him up, and he met a man at his favorite cart while his stomach ran on breadsticks and champagne. It didn’t really scream that romantic to him, and he knew his friends would find a way to make fun of him; that he spent the majority of his night on a bench, talking with a man who made his heart laugh in such a weird way. He knew they wouldn’t understand that a small series of unfortunate events that unfolded on him that night, would’ve left him with a tooth much sweeter than the bingsu they ate.
So he summed it up as easy as he could, told them that he was thankful they got him out of the house – because now his smile sits softly on his face when he sits on the couch, and he doesn’t need the echo of his television show to fill the small void of this apartment.
He finally lets himself get off the google homepage, accepts the defeat of knowing fully he won't understand exactly what’s going on inside of him now; but the contentment that he feels, is enough to satisfy whatever hunger is trying to stir itself awake in his stomach. His head rests back against the comfort of his couch, the sound of the rain pelting down warms his heart and his phone vibrates just once in his fingers – sending a small shock up his body, and his heart does a flip that should only happen when teenagers are excited over their favorite band.
He glances down at the screen once more, lets the light glow across his face as his eyes land on the simple text message he received.
Gi-Hun: Do you think rain is just the gods crying because their favorite character died in their show?
It makes In-Ho’s lip twitch up into a sentimental smile automatically, and his teeth latch onto his bottom lip to try and stop the spread it wants to make. It’s such a stupid, silly little text, that makes his cheeks feel like they could heat up hotter than the sun itself; and why he feels so, giddy like this, is a question not even the ancestors could answer right now.
Gi-Hun was a strange individual, someone that In-Ho had never pictured himself ever getting along with in this life. He spoke so freely, spoke the words on his mind like he didn’t have a filter at all. And he’s carefree with the way the world sees him, never bothered by how he presents himself either. He speaks like a child who just got their first phone, and it’s endearing for In-Ho to have something this… Opposite to himself, come into his life and light it up in a way he’s never seen before.
Instead of fireworks going off in his face, it was like a small glow that was pulsing in the darkest depths of the world. An aura that draws you in, every small inch by inch – and the closer you get, the more it lights up; and soon when your fingers reach out to touch it, a warmth spreads through your body and sets the first spark to light that fire you thought was dead inside of your body. It’s the kind of light that Gi-Hun brings to In-Ho in this world right now, and each step towards the small, glowing orb, makes his fingers itch to reach out and touch it.
In-Ho: I always thought that it meant the devil was upset with his wife, that they must be slugging it out.
He snorts to himself in the dark once more from his own text, amused at the way his own humor is completely different to the other man. And maybe they’re right when they say that opposites can attract, because everything In-Ho feels that he lacks right now, Gi-Hun seems to be the one to provide it.
Gi-Hun: I guess that is one way to put it. Kind of brutal don’t you think? But if it’s the devil you’re speaking about… I guess that makes sense. You an atheist? Or just like a man who looks half like a goat?
Alone in his own apartment is the best way to be when he’s texting Gi-Hun, no one can see the smile that’s spread on his face – won't hear the way the laugh falls from his lips more loudly than planned, as he curls his body just a little bit more on the couch. The sound of rain continues to pound down, and it might just be loud enough to hide the beatings of his own heart as well.
In-Ho: No, not an atheist. Or anything like that. I just always heard that saying and thought it was funny. I also heard that thunder rumbles are just the gods who got a strike when bowling. But I don’t like a man who looks half like a goat, I prefer a full man.
Gi-Hun: Interesting, very interesting. I like your view on the rainy weather, refreshing. And you’re missing out on goat men, they’re cool. I used to look like one as well, my hair was raggy and long and I didn’t shave my beard. I could’ve made a joke saying I would’ve been your type back then.
In-Ho: Something tells me I’m not surprised you looked like that at one stage, given your personality, it just makes sense. But I’m sure, even in a state like that one, I think you still would’ve looked fine.
Gi-Hun: My personality!? Okay, was that your attempt at trying to tease me? It was… Adequate, I’ll give you that Mr. Bird Shit Stain. But you saved it with a compliment, smooth. So what are you doing tonight with this rain? Watching your shows and eating your snacks??
In-Ho: Funny. Humorous. You got me there with that comment as well about my stain… Not. And texting me like you already know what I do in my free time? You’re absolutely right, except no television tonight. Your text messages are distracting me, can’t focus.
Gi-Hun: I forgot you’re nearly fifty and can’t multitask, lame. Should I stop texting you? Let you get back to those soap operas? I wonder who Rodrigo killed this week, any leads?
In-Ho: You’re only two years younger than me, why do you text like a child?
Gi-Hun: Life is too boring if you keep things punctual and formulated. I like to enjoy myself, have fun with the words that I speak. What’s the point in being uptight and miserable, when you can just relax, and have fun? Do you regret swapping numbers with me now? Did my texting shatter the illusion you had of me in the park?
In-Ho: No, don’t stop texting me, I think I can go one night without my television shows. But this doesn’t shatter the illusion, or, whatever you want to call it that I have on you. It’s refreshing, and it’s enjoyable. I never once said I didn’t like it… I kind of, prefer it. If that isn’t weird.
Gi-Hun: I’m glad to know that I bring you enjoyment with my texts as well. Because you bring that to me also, even if you’re all proper, punctual and straight forward in them. I like it, it has ‘you’ screamed all over it. Makes me smile.
And then it happens once more to In-Ho as he stays curled on the couch, his heart does a summersault, one that would make a parent proud if their kid completed it. It makes the smile that’s been permanently branded on his face, ache just a little bit as the glow of his phone continues to light up the features of his face. He didn’t really pay much attention to the time that starts to pass as they continue their back and forth banter through texts. It’s been a hot minute since In-Ho has ever had a conversation that lasts as long as this one has, and it’s been a hot minute since a conversation like this has made him feel anything at all.
The weather doesn’t let up outside of the darkened apartment, and the ice placed in his glass of whiskey slowly melts into the liquid as it’s abandoned for the phone in his hand. The plan he originally had for the night flew out the window like a bird flies into a convenience store – and he shifts more comfortably on the couch once more, letting a small, happy sigh slip past his lips as his phone continues to vibrate with messages.
It’s only when he feels the heaviness of his eyes droop down his face, the small stiffness in his bones for being in a position as long as this one – that he comes to the conclusion that it might be time to call it a night. He knows he couldn’t fall asleep on this material, his body would ache and scream at him for days if he succumbed to it; so he pulls himself up off the couch with a grunt, his fingers still gripping his phone like a lifeline. He doesn’t stop the texts with Gi-Hun, even when he brushes his teeth in the sink, and changes into more comfy clothes as well – a shower was already had before these texts even began, and he puts himself into his bed where only the glow of his phone shines once more.
He can feel how close the sleep is to taking over his body right now, his bones relaxing underneath the blanket; his mind clearing up just a little bit more as well, and he feels like a teenager with their crush right now. Not wanting the night to end, so the conversation doesn’t die… And a little part of him wishes he was back in his prime years, where he could stay up all night talking to someone as interesting as Gi-Hun. But as the years passed, time slipped away from him; and all he can really do right now is deal with the cards that have been dealt to him.
In-Ho: I’m going to sleep now, I don’t think I can stay awake any longer.
Gi-Hun: Usually I would make a joke to you about this, something to do with your age and bed curfews. But I feel the same way, I’m usually asleep actually earlier than this on a normal day. So even my own body is yelling at me.
In-Ho: So I guess bedtime is the one time your true age shines through?
Gi-Hun: Oh! Look! You made a joke! Funny! You’re learning In-Ho, that’s a step in the right direction. But… Yeah, I’m going to sleep as well, it’s time for this body to shut down for the night.
In-Ho: Well, have a good sleep then Gi-Hun.
Gi-Hun: Hey, before we actually go to sleep, I have a question for you.
In-Ho: What is it?
Gi-Hun: Do you want to meet with me again, in person?
To the quietness of the world in his room, the glow of his phone being the only witness to what just happened to him; In-Ho feels the way that his heart skips one more beat as his own breath hitches, from the simple question that Gi-Hun had asked him. His eyes still feel heavy, the smile more lazy on his face as well – but he lets that happy sigh finally fall past his lips, as he tiredly writes out his reply to the man.
In-Ho: Of course. Same spot, two days?
Gi-Hun: Sounds good. I'll bring tteokbokki.
He puts his phone on its charging stance this time, wrapping the blankets tighter around his body as he lets his eyes flutter closed for the sleep to take over him now.
So, this is what contentment can feel like?
❣❣❣❣
“Suit, or no suit?” In-Ho says with a frown on his face, ear pressed against his phone as he stands in front of his mirror, two articles of clothing in his hands as he moves the shirts across his body.
“You liked that blind date that much?” His friend laughs on the other end of the phone, a small shuffling noise can be heard as they do only god knows what, “Are you going out to another fancy restaurant with them?”
“No,” In-Ho says with a grunt, his eyes shifting between the shirts once more, “Going back to central park, just to eat and talk there.”
“And why the hell would you wear a suit to that?” His friend's voice spikes in amusement over the phone, and In-Ho wonders if he has that shit eating grin resting on his face as he speaks.
“I don’t know, it’s been a bit since I’ve gone on two… Dates,” Can he really even call these dates at all? The first one was just a man cheering up another who was down on his luck, but this one feels a little bit different. It was planned for them to meet up, eat and talk, and that ticks all the boxes for a date, right? “So I don’t know what one I should wear on the second date.”
“Just wear your normal clothes,” His friend says with a small comforting laugh, “Seriously, you might scare them off for showing up in a fancy outfit. They might think you’re all just business, no pleasure.”
“You’re not really helping me here,” A small sigh slips past In-Ho’s lips at that, and he shakes his head once more as he places the shirts down onto his bed, “Fine, I’ll forgo the suit this time around. I’ll just wear… Casual.”
“That’s more like it,” His friend burps on the other end of the line, and In-Ho physically has to remove the phone away from his ear, “Good luck buddy, you’ve got this. Maybe try and bring them back to your place this time, yeah?”
“Goodbye,” In-Ho says with a defeated noise this time, shaking his head for no one to see as he takes the phone away from his ear, “I’ll message you later.” And with that, he hangs up the call before his friend is able to comment even further towards him.
Taking the advice of wearing just normal clothes, In-Ho slips his shoes on after he pockets his house keys, and he lets a small, stressed excited ball of air escape past his lips, before making the move out of his apartment and down the road. The nighttime street isn’t as chaotic as it can be during the day, and the minimal cars that pass by him, help keep his nerves calm and in check while his mind plays loops of the last (well, first) time that he saw Gi-Hun. It’s weird to feel this kind of bubbly inside of his stomach, like his heart could just have that one extra beat that threatens to break his ribcage open, from just the sheer thought of this other man.
There’s never really been a moment in his life where he’s had feelings this, extreme, for someone else. He’s always been infatuated with the partners that have come and gone in his past, though they’ve never made it feel like the sun had expanded it’s rays inside of his own chest – warming up even the coldest depths of the insides, licking the flames across his bones, and heating up the bloodstream that felt so cold to his body. It’s a different kind of feeling to have right now, one that brings the promise of comfort mixed with tenderness in the chaotic state of his irregular heartbeat.
His shoulders brush past the others of the unknown faces, his mind not fixated on the world around him; as it swims in its pool of uncharted thoughts that makes his step skip just once.
The familiarity of the central park shows up quicker in his vision from how lost he was in his own mind, and he can feel the small shred of excitement slip through the cracks of his skin – as he slowly makes his way down the crooked pathway once more. His eyes glance towards the sky, small paranoia of a repeat incident of the bird last time. But the sky is clear for now, only stars shine bright in the darkened night; and his smile stays small, stays soft, as he looks back in front of him. Continuing the journey to the deeper parts of this park.
The silhouette of Gi-Hun appears in his vision when he makes the final turn on the pathway, his smile automatically widening even more when he sees the man sitting on that same bench once again; plastic bag in his hand that holds the food he promised to bring, and a jacket folded up next to his thigh. He hasn’t been spotted yet by Gi-Hun at all, and it makes In-Ho’s heart calm down for just a fraction of a beat, so it doesn’t look like he has ‘Pathetic Lovestruck Fool’ written all over his face when he nears him. Instead, he moves one hand to his own hair to comb his fingers through the strands gently, before he takes those final steps to reach the bench.
Gi-Hun turns to look at him when he senses that another presence has made themselves known. And when their eyes meet this time, on a starry night where the birds in the trees sing their tunes of communication; In-Ho remembers what it’s like to have a heart beat over a crush.
“Hey, you made it,” Gi-Hun’s voice is soft, a hint of mischief in it as well – that completes the code on the way he’s made, “Was starting to think you were going to stand me up. Is this how you felt the other time? I don’t have breadsticks or champagne though, so I don’t think it’s quite the same.”
“No, I thought we agreed to meet at this time?” In-Ho says with his own small smile, it seems to never fade when Gi-Hun looks at him, “I… Wouldn’t stand you up.”
“I’m just joking around with you,” Gi-Hun shakes his head this time out of amusement, shuffling on the bench a little bit for In-Ho, “But, something funny did happen to me.”
“Oh, and what could that have been?” He takes the seat next to Gi-Hun, his heart feels like it has traveled its way up to his throat this time, each beat feeling like it could restrict his airflow.
“It was my turn for a bird to shit on me,” There’s a surprised laugh that escapes from Gi-Hun’s lips, that sounds like a calming melody to In-Ho’s own ears as the amusement fills up his own glass, “But, I wasn’t wearing a fancy suit like you when it happened. Just this jacket,” He says, picking up the item of clothing that was folded by his thigh, showing it off proudly towards In-Ho, “Guess we’re matched with this now?”
“Wow,” In-Ho tilts his head to the side, eyes glancing over the material, noticing the white stain placed on it that makes his own smile nearly split his face in half, “The birds in this park really have it out for us, don’t they?”
“The first bird just wanted to piss you off even more, the second one who came for me, was just doing it out of spite,” Gi-Hun grins, folding the jacket up once more and placing it back down, “Bird One told Bird Two about us, and made it their mission to piss us both off on different occasions.”
“Well, when you put it that way, how can one deny the logistics behind that?” In-Ho says, shrugging his shoulders this time, before leaning back against the bench, “Maybe we should meet somewhere that isn’t the park.”
“Is that your way of saying a third meeting could be in place for us? That’s forward In-Ho, but, I like it,” Another chuckle rips its way through Gi-Hun this time, and In-Ho wonders if there’s a way he could bottle that noise up for a moment longer. One he could open up in the middle of the night when he’s feeling down, just to be reminded what pure joy could really feel like, “Oh, here, I told you I would bring the food for you. My mother made extra as well, when she heard I was coming to see you she jumped straight on the bandwagon for it.”
The plastic bag is being moved in front of In-Ho’s body, and he’s quick to accept it without a second glance; his heart swelling for a whole different reason this time, the chokehold this food has on his stomach is a clear way to make him fall in love just a bit quicker.
“I wouldn’t mind a third time meeting with you,” In-Ho finally says after a second, placing the plastic bag down near his feet, before turning his attention back to the other man, “Maybe, you can take me back to your house and I can seduce your mother properly?”
“Oh! I see how it is, you only agreed to see me this time in hopes of getting her food. And now, you want to see her and not me? Should I just give you her number?” Gi-Hun grins wider, his shoulder brushing against In-Ho’s own one lightly.
“I mean, if you’re offering…” In-Ho fades off with a smirk, his shoulder burns from the small warmth Gi-Hun’s brought him, and he kind of wants to feel it again.
“Look at this, over text messages you’re much more serious, but in person you know how to crack jokes!” The other laughs again, the shine in his eyes glows a bit more bright from the reflection of the fairy lights in the trees – and would Gi-Hun find it weird, if In-Ho looked into them for just a moment longer?
“I think it’s just what you bring out of me when we’re close,” In-Ho admits with a duck of his head, breaking the gaze he held with the other man in hopes of not coming off too weirdly for staring too long, “It’s hard to keep up the serious demeanor when you’re so… Carefree.”
“Well, I’m not complaining,” Gi-Hun looks back towards the field patch once more, the smile soft and content on his face as he speaks to In-Ho, “I like both of those sides of you, it’s like the two sides of the same coin. Completely different from the other, yet, completely the same, if you understand what I mean?”
“I understand what you mean,” In-Ho agrees with a small nod of his head, cocking it to the side as his eyes trace the side of Gi-Hun’s face, “I’m glad that I could see you again.”
“Really?” There’s a faint blush that makes its way noticeable on Gi-Hun’s cheeks when he speaks this time. The red crimson on his flesh matches the tone of his skin, makes In-Ho feel like his fingers could reach out to brush against it, just to feel the warmth that would radiate off of it, “I’m happy I could see you also, now, did you want to eat that food now or let it go cold?”
“I was thinking of eating it now with you, but, I might’ve had another idea just pop into my head right now.” In-Ho feels the way his own breath hitches at his own words, unsure of where this spark of boldness came from out of the blue – but his heart continues to rattle against his chest even more, and the worst that could happen is Gi-Hun says no when he asks.
“Really? And what could that possibly be?” He turns to face In-Ho this time, nothing but curiosity and amusement in his eyes.
“Did you want to go for a walk around the park with me? While the lights are still illuminated, and the crowds are thinned to just the one or two wandering eyes?” And he asks with his own propaganda in mind, a simple thought of how he wants Gi-Hun to feel even closer to him this time.
“A walk?” Gi-Hun smiles once more, softer than before, almost like it was meant to be a shared secret between them both, “I wouldn’t say no to something like that.”
“Then, let's do it,” In-Ho says when he stands up this time, and he grabs the plastic bag with one hand, moving to stand in front of Gi-Hun as well – and he takes one more bold move with this all, by sticking his hand out just enough for Gi-Hun to grab onto if he really wants it, “Let's take that walk.”
Gi-Hun’s eyes lock with In-Ho’s own when he looks up from where he’s sitting on the bench. And they glisten bright just once more from the lights in the trees glowing around them; the smile on this man’s face grows an inch bigger, setting off the weird feeling of warmth in In-Ho’s chest, as Gi-Hun’s hand reaches back out to be placed in his.
“Let’s walk.” Gi-Hun says so softly, almost like a whisper and In-Ho’s head wants to keep that voice echoing in the back of his mind for just a beat longer.
❣❣❣❣
The warmth of Gi-Hun’s hand in his own, first spreads through the pores on his palm – seeps into the bloodstream, and travels its way to the beating muscle trapped behind bone. It makes his insides feel like a tidal wave could hit him, and not a single drop of water would latch to his clothes. The feeling brings a sense of security to his body when the other man's fingers interlock with his own, and the slight squeeze of pressure confirms the foundation to start building his feelings more intensely.
There’s no denying the way his emotions rattle around inside of his body this time, that he’s feeling the effects of a deepened crush on this man; and he can’t wipe away the childlike smile that rests on his face, as their feet move down the path and their hands stay intertwined as one. There’s never been a time in his life where he has felt such comfort brought to his mind, from a simple gesture of holding hands with another person.
The birds above their heads fly around once more, squawking to the others about only god knows what – and the gentle breeze allows the trees to move softly against the wind, as the heat that radiates from between their bodies, keeps them warm enough to rid any sign of goosebumps on their skin. It’s peaceful as they take this small journey around the park, not a screaming child in sight, or a bickering couple; just tranquility in the air around them, as their own voices stay soft as they speak and walk.
“It’s still so funny that we’ve both been pooped on by birds since meeting,” Gi-Hun says with a laugh, a tender one to strum against In-Ho’s heart, “Maybe we should start looking at it as a sign of good luck, instead of misfortune.”
“And why should we do that?” In-Ho asks this time, his hand softly squeezes the one in his palm.
“Well, think about it, maybe whatever was up in the sky that night and tonight, knew we could bond funnily over bird shit,” He says shaking his head, his fingers never leave the lock they have with Gi-Hun’s own, but he moves so his shoulder can brush against the man’s one as well, “I like to think it’s a funny way to bond even more.”
“I would love to see the world from your point of view,” In-Ho grins as his eyes shift down to their hands once more, before looking back at the world around them as they walk, “I bet it’s all full of vibrant colors and streams.”
“Maybe,” Gi-Hun says with a small snort, the smile on his face stretches wider to the point where it has to ache – but In-Ho never wants to see it gone, “But instead of seeing things from my point of view, maybe you should just let me show you how the world can be beautiful, if you know where to look.”
“Is that an invitation to get to know you even more this time around?” In-Ho cocks his head to the side just a little bit, enough that his eyes can see the silhouette of Gi-Hun’s face once more as his fingers squeeze the others in his hand.
“It might be,” Gi-Hun nods only once, the crimson blush back on his cheeks as he keeps his eyes forward on the path, “If you don’t mind holding hands again with me next time?”
“Why would I mind it?” In-Ho challenges with a little spark in his voice, moving their hands a little bit higher between their bodies as they walk; squeezing the palm and fingers once more, “When I think your hand feels… Nice intertwined with my own one?”
“Then next time, I’ll show you just how beautiful the world really can be, but for now, let’s just keep walking.” Gi-Hun says it soft, says it quiet, almost too quiet for In-Ho to hear – but he does, and it pulls at his heartstrings even more, the smile on his face aches once again as he turns his head to face Gi-Hun one last time.
And maybe, next time, on their third meeting… In-Ho could wonder what it would feel like to have his lips pressed gently against Gi-Hun’s own as well. But for now? He’s content with just holding this man’s hand in the park, while his heart slowly learns to beat properly once more for… Love.