Chapter Text
Acheron: So… I have a question
Natasha: Yes?
Acheron: What is…. ‘Luofu Old man yaoi?’
Asta: Oh it’s the ship between Luocha, Jing Yuan, Dan Heng & Blade
Asta: Blade’s the bottom
Acheron: Okay
Blade: @Asta Fuck You
Blade: I’d top
Jing Yuan: Oh~?
Asta [Replying with to Blade]: That sounds like something someone with bottom energy would say <3
Blade: Count your Fucking Days
Asta: Hehe :3
Gepard: Lets,,, perhaps calm down a bit?
Natasha: Agreed
Natasha: We do not need death threats to be thrown over such a silly hypothetical as this
Natasha: In most polyamorous situations it largely depends on both your partner and mood
Natasha: There is very rarely such limited rolls as ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ in actuality
Natasha: Especially when there are multiple genders involved
Jing Yuan: That a good point indeed Lady Natasha
Asta: Mhmm
Blade: Whatever
Natasha: If it makes you feel better @Blade I do believe you would ‘top’ so to speak
Natasha: Given that seems to be your desired role
Blade: Tch
Blade: At least you’re not all stupid
Asta: Okay bottom <3
Blade: I Will Find You !
Acheron: … and they’re back at it again
Gepard: Oh aeons…
Trailblazer: Actually @Natasha @Asta @Blade You’re all wrong
Trailblazer: Dan Heng is actually the coolest & therefore the ultimate top 💕💕
TingYun: Wait, does that mean you think bottoms are lame?
Asta: Only if they’re @Blade
Blade: I. Am. Coming. To. Kill. You.
Asta: Bet
TingYun: Astra’s on her suicidal ark rn
Natasha: Apparently
Asta: 💖
Trailblazer: Lmaooo
Trailblazer: but to answer your question: Nahhh
Trailblazer: I just think Dan Heng deserves it
Trailblazer: Plus he’s basically part snake and you know about snakes right?? ;))))
Dan Heng: @Trailblazer whatever you were about to type Do Not.
Jing Yuan: 👀👀
Natasha: Hmmmm….
Gepard: ??
Acheron: Huh?
Luka: I’m not really sure what’s going on!
Luka: But Dan Heng’s a pretty cool guy and a great fighter in the ring!
Dan Heng: Oh
Dan Heng: Thank you
Luka: So I guess I agree with Stelle?
Trailblazer: Fuck yeah!
Trailblazer: Team Top Heng!!
Dan Heng:
Luka: I mean as long as we’re going by coolness I definitely think Dan Heng deserves the top bunk :)
Blade:
Asta: LMAOOO
Trailblazer: HAHAHA
Natasha: That’s not.. quite what that means…
Luka: ?? Huh??
Natasha: I’ll tell you when you come to play with the moles later ^^
Luka: Okay? Lol
Jing Yuan: I must say I never expected ‘coolness’ to be the group’s deciding factor on such matters
Blade: It isn’t
Jing Yuan: Oh~?
Blade: It’s about power
Trailblazer: Exactly!!
Trailblazer: Which is why Dan Heng’s a top!
Blade: Wrong
Blade: I could easily take him
Asta: Of course you could ;))))
Gepard: ????!?!!!?
Blade: @Asta kys
Trailblazer: PFFF-!!
Trailblazer: Gave up on the threats IG
TingYun: HAHAHAH
Acheron: Lol
Luka: Dan Heng’s the Cold Dragon Young for a reason! He’s super strong and cool! 💪
Dan Heng: Thank you
Dan Heng: I’m very fond of you too Luka
Jing Yuan: Hmm, at this rate I believe our dear Caelus may be replaced in their ‘best friend’ status ψ(｀∇´)ψ
Dan Heng: At this point? Maybe.
Trailblazer: WHAT!!!?
Trailblazer: No way!!!
Trailblazer: Luka’s cheating!
Luka: ???
Trailblazer: This is so unfair!!
Dan Heng: Well then why do you never say such kind things like Luka around the rest of the astral express?
Trailblazer: I do!!!
Trailblazer: But only when it's part of a bit <3
Dan Heng: *Sigh*
Gepard: Going back to what we were saying before…
Gepard [Replying to Blade]: ,,,By that logic shouldn’t Jing Yuan be the ‘top’ so to speak?
Jing Yuan: Ohohoho~?
Gepard: I mean
Gepard: Generals are (at least in Belebog) the highest military position one can achieve
Gepard: They hold both military and political power in droves
Luka: Wait?
Luka: Does that mean Bronya would also be a top???
Asta: 👀👀👀👀👀
Trailblazer: Pfff~!
Acheron: Hm?
Gepard:
Natasha: Haha! Maybe~
Natasha: Who knows~
Gepard: Nevermind
Luka [Replying to Natasha]: Seele probably!
Gepard: NEVERMIND!!
TingYun: lol
Yukong [Replying to Gepard]: While I cannot speak for this Bronya person
Yukong: You are correct about the status of our generals Sir. Gepard
Dan Heng: Welcome Madam
Natasha: Hello Madam Yukong
Yukong: (Yes hello all)
Yukong: As I was saying
Yukong: The general of the Loufu holds tremendous power across not only the Xianzhou, but the universe itself
TingYun: That’s true~
Yukong: Therefor Jing Yuan is most certainly, by definition of power: a top
Dan Heng: I knew it was too good to be true
Trailblazer: OMG HAHAHAH
Asta: LMAOO
Natasha: Hard to argue with that logic I suppose
Natasha: Given the parameters of our definition
TingYun: akskduahajjfjahahsja
Jing Yuan: (≧∀≦)i
Blade:
Blade: You’re seriously going to sit here and seriously tell me that a man who uses emoticons like that is a fucking top?
Yukong: Yes.
Yukong: More then you at least
Yukong: I’m-14-and-this-is-deep looking-ass
Luka: AYO!!!!?
TingYun: AJDHHAHSBDHANSNS ?!??!
TingYun: MADAM YUKONG?????!??!
Acheron: Lol rip <3
Asta: Y E S
Trailblazer: HOLY SHIT HAHAHAHAHAHBA
Asta: GET HIS ASS!!
Natasha: I think she just killed him
Dan Heng:
Dan Heng: lol
Blade: @Yukong @Asta @Dan Heng
Blade: 7 days
Yukong : Hm
Asta: That’s the third time you’ve threatened to kill me in this conversation
Asta: I think that means you’re out <3
Blade: Soon you will be as well
Gepard: Ominous…
Dan Heng: It’s not he’s stealing his threats from an ancient movie
Blade: And I am about to give you Samara’s fate bitch
Dan Heng: Fucking try me
Acheron: Huh…
Acheron: I believe I am starting to understand
Yukong: ?
Acheron [Replying to Blade & Dan Heng]: This alone is enough for a 40k enemies to lovers fic
Dan Heng: What?? No!??
Asta: HAHAHAHHAA SO TRUE
Gepard: Pff
Luka: OOP-
Blade: Shut the fuck up
TingYun: OMG I’LL BETA <3333 LMAO
Dan Heng: You guys are the worst
Blade: I despise everyone here
Natasha: As I’ve said before
Natasha: Power of mutual hatred
Jing Yuan: ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚
Dan Heng:
Blade:
Natasha: Lol
Trailblazer: Oof wait
Trailblazer: I just realised
Trailblazer: No votes for Luocha L
Luka: Awww :(
Asta: Rip bestie
Trailblazer: @Luocha how does that make you feel?
TingYun: DONT @ HIM THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU AHHDJSJAHVDS??!
Trailblazer: Hehe~ >:3c
TingYun: Besides,,, Luocha could fill any role he wanted,,,,
Yukong: Oh?
TingYun: Including top!
Jing Yuan: Seems we have our first vote for Luocha *\(^o^)/*
TingYun: I,,, guess?
Yukong:
Yukong: Is it because you want him to top you?
Gepard: Ajahdnsnnebsnrnnsbahs??!?
Luka: YOOOOO ??
TingYun: HWAT?!?
TingYun: WHY ARE YOU ONLT ASKING ME THIS?!??!???!!
Yukong: Just curious…
TingYun: BUTNO ONE ELSE??!??
Yukong: Mmm
TingYun: !!!!?!!???
Asta: It’s still 1 against 2 sorry TingYun/Luocha ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pela: PH THANK FUCK!!
Pela: YOU’RE ALL STILL TALKING!!
Luka: Uh? Yeah?
Pela: PERFECT!
Pela: I HAVE A CHART!!!
Jing Yuan: A chart?
Pela: A CHART!
Pela: A CHART FOR THIS SHIP!!!
Asta: A shipping chart??!
Luka: Wait Fr???
TingYun: Huh?
Dan Heng: I’m afraid to ask, but,,,, a shipping chart?
Gepard: ^^^^^^
Yukong: Now I’m intrigued..
Pela: [Pela sent an image]
Pela: As you can see Luocha is actually the primary top!!!
Acheron: Damn you really are treating this like a fanfiction
Blade: What the ufck-
Jing Yuan: milf??
TingYun: FURRY BAIT ?!???????!!!
Trailblazer: im iNCLUDED?????
Asta: GIRL
Asta: Your fucking courage 😭😭😭😭😭
Dan Heng: W h y ?
Luocha: I’ve been largely too embarrassed to acknowledge this chat at the moment but I have to say
Luocha: Miss Pela what the fuck
Pela: Ajdhsjfhshhdjshahshdj
Luka: OOOOOOOFF
Pela: IM SORRY
Pela: IVE NEVER MET MOST OF YOU IN PERSON SO YOUR ALL JUST PEOPLE IN MY HEAD TO ME-
Jing Yuan: ( ˙-˙ )
Yukong: What the fuck
Asta: GIRL-
Asta: 😭😭😭
TingYun: Ajdhsbjshshajjdhsjs
Dan Heng: We’ve met??
Trailblazer: BRUH
Trailblazer: I HELPED YOU WORK AT THE MESUEM FOR A FUCKING MONTH
Pela: IKMOW
Pela: BUT STILL!!!
Gepard: I feel like I’m hyperventilating
Gepard: Pela please
Pela: IM CORRECT THO-!
Blade: No
Pela: OH SO WHEN YA’LLDO IT ITS FINE BUT MY CHART IS TOL FAR???
Gepard: As your superior officer I am literally BEGGING you to put down the shovel you’re digging this hole with-
Pela: BRUH
Gepard: Belebog is better than this I swear to Qlipoth
Trailblazer: Honestly this whole situation is so fucking insane I’m kinda here for it
Pela: YES!!!!!!!
Pela: YOU GET IT!!!
Dan Heng: @Trailblazer Why would you say that-
Pela: BECAUSE SHE’S RIGHT
Trailblazer: Lmaoo
Jing Yuan: ψ(ﾟ∀ﾟ)ψ
TingYun: Omfg
Yukong: Mmm…
Asta: LOL
Gepard: @Acheron I’m so sorry this is your first impression of this chat
Acheron: It’s fine
Acheron: I do not regret asking my question.. :)
Dan Heng: -sigh- Of course you don’t….