Chapter Text
“Jesse McCree, you need a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or, hell, friends that aren't me.”
Jesse looked up from where he was sitting in the floor, carefully removing a hair ball from Bastion’s tracks, and grunted. “Now, what makes ya say that, Lena? You should know by now that Bastion’s the only one for me, darlin’.”
He put the robot down, smiling as it bumped into his legs which he chose to read as affection rather than just the roomba doing its thing, and was promptly smacked upside the head. “Lenaaaaaa…”
“Don't you ‘Lena’ me, Jess. you've vag-blocked me 5 times, and I'm not letting tonight be number 6. Me and Am have a date, and I want to have sex when it's done, so you need to scram.” Lena crossed her arms, and Jesse flopped back on the ground with a sigh.
“An’ what am I supposed to do then? I was going to sit on the couch and watch television, but now you’ve gone and ruined my plans with Bastion.”
Still, Jesse let himself get chased from the apartment before Amelie arrived, not wanting to deal with seeing her in person. The 5 times he’d walking in on her or Lena in a state of undress was enough for him.
Okay—it wasn’t that he didn’t like Lena’s girlfriend, but she always gave him this smarmy look, and that just made him want to ruin her night in small ways. Things like hiding the salt when she was over for dinner, or running water when she was having a shower.
“…man, I’m a dick.” He finally admitted to himself, flopping down on one of the couches in the foyer of the apartment building, throwing his feet up on the coffee table and grabbing for a magazine off the side table.
Ah, yes. Modern Mommy, the perfect read for him.
And that was how, 20 minutes, one awkward conversation, and a bad joke later, Jesse McCree finally met the grandson of the landlord and found a couch to crash on for the night.
(Amelie was smug as hell the next day once she saw him, and he retaliated by spending an hour and a half in the shower before she got a chance to brush her teeth)