Chapter Text
Bradley felt as if someone filled his head with cotton. Yawning, he tried to get rid of whatever clouded his vision by blinking, and it seemed to do the trick - quickly, a barely familiar room came into focus.
Upon managing to find the strength to stretch, it became clear that the bed was empty, and he clearly recalled not falling asleep alone. Confused, hurt and still slightly angry, sure, but not alone - and truly that was all that mattered to him at that moment. He scanned his surroundings, searching for the one who both wronged and held him, and finally he caught a glimpse of him, standing at the opened door, which he had not noticed before - Max was talking with someone on the other side. Bradley sighed and relaxed again. Standing up could wait a moment.
“... yes, I’ll wake him up - yes , I know we have classes tomorrow- I don’t really care, no…”
He was probably talking to P. J., or maybe even Bobby, but Bradley sensed that his time in Max’ bed would have to be cut short - after all, it was not only Max’ room and its other occupants probably did not want to share it with Bradley of all people.
He slowly dragged himself up, letting the covers slip off of him. His head still felt a bit fuzzy, as it often does after an afternoon nap, and the knowledge that his lack of sleep these past few days truly did impact him. Usually, he stuck to a routine - his parents raised him well, after all - and anything that managed to break it was a big deal to him. Apparently it was not such a big deal if what broke the routine was Bradley himself.
“Yeah, dude, give me a minute, Brad just woke up,” whispered Max, as if to not startle his awakening object of admiration. “I’ll get him to his dorm, yeah.”
“I am perfectly capable of walking by myself, thank you,” added Bradley, tone less than pleasant.
Max turned around and a smile grew on his face. “Brad! Hey, it’s pretty late, P. J. and Bobby are bothering me and waiting for you to go so they can go to sleep.”
“Understandable,” yawned Bradley, pulling the covers off fully and sitting on the bed. “As I said, I can walk back by myself.”
“It really is no trouble though! Thought you might want to, uh, talk,...” Max scratched the back of his head nervously.
Bradley looked away. “I need to process this, Max, I-”
He sighed loudly. How can he explain his complex feelings to Max? How can he possibly express the slight fear of another such betrayal that was slowly creeping into every inch of his being? This could not be forgiven in a day. Maybe not in a week, maybe not even a month. No matter the undeniable, almost unbearable feelings he grew for the skater boy, Bradley knew love was not above all, and his own heart could be quite fragile, despite his constant tries to build a barrier between it and the cruel world which he himself so often gladly contributed to.
“Look, can I try to help you? I’ll apologize again and again, Brad, if it helps in any way…”
Bradley gave Max a sharp, piercing look. “This is not about your apologies, Maximilian. This is about when I can forgive you, and whether I manage to accept that apology.”
He refused to look at the boy in baggy jeans while standing up.
“I feel like I can at least understand Tank better. You know, why he didn’t accept my apologies and such. Even though, arguably, what I had done was far worse than a prank. ”
As Max realised he touched a sore spot, he had nothing left to do than to try to soothe whatever he managed to irritate. He slowly approached Bradley, who was now finally looking at him again, even if his glare was anything but the loving look he wished to receive from him. Slowly and carefully he touched his hand, seeking allowance, and when he met no resistance, he snaked his palm into Bradley’s, touch light as to give Bradley an easier escape from the hold Max was trying to soothe him in.
“Look, dude, I understand. I do, okay? I don’t expect you to forgive me now.”
“As anyone with common sense wouldn’t. I fear you are nothing special in this case,” scoffed Bradley, whose palm still rested in Max’. The defensive facade was obvious, and Max knew better than to tear into it forcefully. Brad has seen many, many times that it worked, that those he locked outside left, and Max was not about to prove him right again. He was allowed to use words coated in malice as it was the only thing he had over the person who was not worthy of his trust.
“Yeah, I’m an idiot, got it. But I want to be your idiot.” He squeezed Bradley’s hand. “I’m smart enough to know I have to earn your trust, Brad. And I’ll do whatever I can to achieve that.”
Bradley’s hand fell out of his, and the boy furrowed his brows in thought, but quickly relaxed them again, seemingly finding the answer he was looking for in his own mind.
“I suppose I can appreciate that… Max.” He forced a small smile, which quickly disappeared. “But I’d still prefer to walk back alone.”
Max nodded. What else was he to do? Force Bradley to do something against his will? Never. So he watched him hurry out of the room and quietly greet both of his friends that were waiting for their room to be free of Bradley. With no better option but to watch him leave, Max quickly sent him a ‘goodnight, love ya <3’ text, unsure if it was acceptable given the circumstances. But he had little time to worry about it as both Bobby and P. J. flooded him with questions.
“Duuude, he did not look happy,” whistled Bobby.
“Yeah, he didn’t. I’m starting to feel sorry for him, honestly.”
“Well, the prank was not solely my idea, so yeah, I suppose we should all feel a bit bad, yeah?” added Max. He was correct, but still he felt as if he was the sole offender ruining Max’ life, if he was being honest.
“We could apologize. Technically. Maybe that would help,” suggested Bobby, who was now halfway undressed on his way to his bed.
“Thanks, dude. Never thought of that one before.”
“No problem, dude!” Oblivious to the sarcasm, Bobby threw himself on the bed, exhaling happily.
***
It was dark outside and Bradley was honestly quite satisfied with not being seen by anyone as he was unsure what his facial expression was twisting into when he tried to think through what happened - he couldn’t risk being alienated further by his formerly loyal fraternity members. Or anyone, for that matter - if not being straight was not differentiating him from everyone else enough, making strange faces in the middle of the night might do the trick.
If he really thought about it, he was lucky he got to be with Tank while surrounded with boys raised by rich parents who filled their heads with conservative teachings. Despite everything he felt as if he was in the right when he wanted to push this luck to get Max too.
It was, due to nobody being particularly fond of him since the X-Games, not a surprise that someone would prank him. But, truth be told, he expected something like a bucket of water above the door, not to have his heart crushed again . There was no denying that the first time was because of his own wrongdoing, but self-inflicted suffering seemed like the better out of the two options. It hurt to know Max was capable of hurting him like this while apparently returning his feelings. It was not only his fault, and he was trying to protect Bradley from the harsh truth, but he still took what was given to him and ran with it. Was it wrong of Bradley to expect some maturity from the other boy? To tell his friends that the prank was over, that he caught feelings?
He knew it was never this easy. They hated his guts, and that damn girl from the coffee shop probably despised him even more, for what reason? He wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe because it was also her boyfriend Braley’s actions affected during the X-Games. It made sense for Max to keep quiet. Nobody wanted to lose their friends - neither did Bradley, but his selfishness and ego kept on ruining his plans - and that could have been exactly what Max feared in those moments. Bradley doubted they’d flame him for catching feelings for a boy, they seemed pretty supportive, but it was certainly different if that boy was Bradley Uppercrust III.
It was not his gender, not his sexuality, it was Bradley himself who seemed to be the recurring problem. And while he felt bad for thinking that way, it bothered him that there was nothing he could blame except for himself. It was him who has never done anything right, it was his selfish acts, his learned high and mighty behaviour and his inability to act normal for a day - being rude to everyone certainly was not normal. Acting like Gamma Mu Mu’s irreplaceable leader and treating its members like they were slaves probably wasn’t either.
Could he blame Max for hurting him if everything Bradley has done hurt others too?
Did he not deserve it?
The air must have gotten colder because it was the only explanation for the shivers down his spine.
No. He was not going to do this to himself - he was not a good person by any means, but that did not mean he deserved less. Change is never easy, and it wasn’t like he ever did something truly horrible he couldn’t be forgiven for.
Or at least that would be true if Tank had forgiven him.
He was going to have to talk to Tank, wasn’t he? If he wanted to forgive himself first to be able to forgive Max and his friends he needed to prove to himself that he did not deserve to be tortured by himself or anyone else. He needed to prove he didn’t fuck anything up beyond repair.
He wiped the wetness from his eyes as he entered the Gamma Mu Mu fraternity house and made it past a few stray members who were eating pizza in the main area, heading straight for Tank’s room.
***
Of course he hesitated before knocking, but who wouldn’t? The person on the other side had all the power in his hands without even knowing it, not to mention Bradley had absolutely no plan.
Yet he lifted his hand and knocked as lightly as possible, hoping Tank wouldn’t hear.
He clearly did as Bradley heard heavy footsteps and something along the lines of ‘just a second’ mere moments later.
A shirtless, getting-ready-for-bed Tank opened the door, shirt in hand. But before Bradley managed to take in all of the man who occupied all his mind not even a month ago the said man quickly pulled on the shirt, brows furrowed when he realized who was on the other side of the door.
“... Bradley? What are you doing here?” an all but welcoming voice questioned.
He could feel his heart beating in his throat. “I want to talk. Please.” He was taking absolutely no chances this time. He was going to make this right .
“Uh, as in right now? Look, yes, I know I said you need to apologize, but I’m kind of… busy.”
Bradley gave him a confused look, and as if to answer his unspoken question, he heard a voice from somewhere in Tank’s room.
“Tank, who is it? If you take much longer I might just fall asleep!”
Tank’s cheeks reddened as he sighed. “Just a second.”
He closed the door on Bradley and while he could hear Tank talking with whoever was inside he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Not like he was trying to, of course.
When Tank emerged from the room again he stepped outside fully, closing the door behind him. “Let’s go to your room.”
Bradley nodded. Not like there was much he could say. Making the few steps needed to reach his own door, he wordlessly invited Tank inside, who quietly made his way to Brad’s desk to sit on the chair - sitting on the bed did not seem appropriate. On the other hand, Bradley had nowhere else to sit but his own bed, so he took off his shoes and sat on it, legs folded underneath him.
“So, uh… he’s a friend. Been a friend for a long time.” Tank crossed his arms. “He was there for me after the X-Games, and, well… it’s complicated.”
If it was any other time Bradley would make remarks about Tank replacing him so soon, but knowing damn well that he’s more than just ‘complicated’ with someone himself, he remained quiet.
“You don’t need to explain, Tank, I understand-”
“We talked about you, you know. He helped me start working through my past relationship. Even before, when I couldn’t talk to you about, well, you, he was there to listen.”
It felt weird to hear about what he had with Tank as a bad thing, but truly, he shouldn’t be surprised - after all he labeled himself as the common determinator in everything that went to shit, and as their relationship did, it only made sense that it started going south way earlier without him even realizing.
He found himself praying that it wouldn’t happen with Max too.
“It makes sense, no need to explain further,” quickly murmured Bradley. “It seems both you and I moved on before our relationship ended.”
Tank looked away, eyes set on something Bradley couldn’t see. “... yes, seems like it.”
“I wanted to apologize. Properly this time - I think both you and me would benefit from it! If you will accept it, that is.”
Tank’s eyes focused again, this time on Bradley’s. He swore he felt something forgotten stir within him, something from a time when he used to fall asleep next to the boy in front of him. Yet as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared, and what laid between them was nothing but silence. Bradley felt the adrenaline starting to pump through him, attempting to override the fear of rejection.
If he wanted to be on good terms with Tank again after fucking it up, he would need to try harder .
“I want to let you know that, truly, I did think you could manage it.”
“Do I need to remind you I’m just a human again ?”
“NO! No, of course not!” said Bradley, too loudly, too quickly. “I always, you know, saw you as the pillar of our relationship - not that I wasn’t important, of course I was, I’m Bradley Uppercrust III, that name used to mean something - it felt as if you would survive anything .”
Tank wanted to argue again, growing impatient upon recognizing the same arguments as the first time Bradley tried to apologize, but Bradley was fast enough to not let him cut him off. That dumb grin was growing on his face again, and he mentally smacked himself for it.
“It’s no excuse, I see that now - I just wish for you to try and understand! If you were me, just less, well, me, but me physically, and you had a boyfriend who was strong enough to do everything you could only dream of doing, would your perception of them not be a bit… bloated?”
Tank pursed his lips a bit, thinking.
Bradley waited, hoping for any signs of understanding, and visibly relaxed once Tank managed a small nod, simultaneously signalling him to continue.
“It really was just adrenaline, Tank. And I really, really am sorry - I’m competitive, and well, um, I suppose I often look just after myself…” he looked down. Never before in the span of their relationship had he acted in any way differently than how he would with those he viewed as lesser even if Tank used to mean the world to him. The realization did not feel nice.
“We just weren’t made to be, it seems,” added Tank.
“With Max,” carefully added Bradley, “I feel more as an equal- as weird as it might sound.”
Tank glared at him. “It certainly doesn’t feel great that the man who I used to dream about saw me as lesser than him when we were together, no.”
Bradley shifted, uncomfortable by the pathetic, unfair feeling he just revealed. “You know how my parents are, Tank. They’ve been putting me on a pedestal from a young age, it would be beneath me to put myself at the same level as someone else who they did not deem as worthy as me!”
“Are you listening to yourself, dude?” Tank was getting impatient. If Bradley wanted to fix this he needed to stop bringing up unnecessary details that seemed to only do more damage.
“I- sorry, Tank. I’m sorry. Truly!” He laughed uncomfortably. “You meant so much to me, and I guess that what I had done tells something about me.” He lifted his finger up to silence whatever Tank wanted to say. “Before you say it, I know it tells how selfish I am. I promise you Tank… I promise I’ll change. I promise I’ll work on it. I know everyone but Max hates me, rightfully or not! But I need you to know that I miss you. As a friend. I’ll accept whatever you give me, forgiveness or not, but I need you to walk away knowing that what we had was true and that if I wasn’t such a snob it might have lasted longer.”
Ugh, Bradley putting himself down? Truly unbelievable!
But maybe, just maybe, it would be enough?
“Bradley, you know damn well that whatever you say I can’t really forgive you. My life was on the line, and you left. I can put in a good word for you so your reputation gets better, but I can’t forgive something like that.”
Ah. So it wasn’t enough. Bradley knew better than to beg for forgiveness again , so he let his face drop in defeat. This was it, then. It’s truly over. And he had no right to complain, since he couldn’t forgive Max either, at least not yet - and he couldn't forgive him for a prank, surely if he was in Tank’s place, he wouldn’t forgive himself either.
“I… understand.” It came out wobblier than he wanted it to, not that it mattered.
Tank shook his head. “I’m heading back now. We’re done with this, okay, dude? It was nice for you to truly come and apologize, but I just… I can’t forgive that.”
It was Bradley’s turn to nod.
“I just hope you learn something from this- You can be a good person if you try, Bradley. I just wasn’t the one you were willing to try for, it seems.”
Tank stood up, stretching and gazing upon Bradley’s defeated form. He stepped closer and put his hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sure you will try for someone else. Seems like that someone might be Max.”
Slowly, he stepped away, towards the door, leaving Bradley alone with his thoughts. As the sitting man heard the door close, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Breathing slowly, calming himself down, he reached for his phone, seeing Max’ goodnight message.
Still, he tried his luck, sending a message to him.
Bradley
I talked with Tank.
Not that I need something.
But I’d appreciate your stupid face here.
Truly, he expected no answer as he got ready for bed, trying to forget the talk he had with his ex, so when he heard a ping he thought he received a school mail about an assignment or something similar, but instead, Max’ name lit up on the screen.
Max
np dude
ill get there rn
hope you survived
He did survive, yeah. Ego hurt, no forgiveness received, but it was over. He knew damn well where Tank and him stood now, and they certainly weren’t on friendly terms. Still, Bradley felt at peace compared to before - he felt as if he completed a particularly difficult assignment and could finally cross that off his list.
He was glad Tank had someone who wouldn’t think of him that way. Not that what Bradley thought wasn’t the right way! But it certainly wasn’t the preferred one.
He sat on the bed, already in his pyjamas, and waited patiently for Max to text him that he’s at the door. His mind was comfortably blank, and while there was a quiet voice annoying him by reminding him how unlike his usual self he was acting these past few days, he tuned it out by the anticipation of the arrival of the one he adored.
***
He led Max up the stairs quietly, not wanting to wake up anyone already asleep. Max was dragging his skateboard with him, and Bradley was praying he wouldn’t accidentally drop it. A particularly loud step made him turn around, shushing at Max.
“Whaaat!” whisper-yelled Max, blissfully unaware of how loud his walking was.
“Be quieter , dear lord! If we wake anyone up they’ll never let this go!”
“What? Bradley Uppercrust III, sneaking a boy into his room? Truly shocking! College would never recover from such news!”
Bradley lightly smacked Max’ hand to stop his increasingly louder laughing.
As they reached the door of his room Bradley managed to quietly open it (thankfully it didn’t squeak) and carefully closed it behind himself after Max entered, still quietly snickering. He put his skateboard under Bradley’s desk and plopped himself onto his bed, kicking his shoes off. Bradley couldn’t find it within him to care how messily Max was behaving - what mattered was that Max was here.
So he locked the door, earning a whistle and a ‘seems like things are getting steamy!’ from Max, and walked towards his bed, rolling his eyes at the man sitting on his bed. He climbed in and laid sideways, propping himself up with one hand to keep his gaze higher than Max’ as the said man decided to lay fully onto the soft bed.
“Well, how was Tank?” grinned Max.
“What do you think, smartypants? Does it look like he brought me flowers for apologizing to him?”
“Nope. So I assume it didn’t go that well.”
Bradley turned on his stomach to achieve a more comfortable position, folding his arms under his head. “He forgive me. Which, I suppose, is fair play - I forgive your either! Yet, I mean.”
“But he won’t forgive you? Ever?” asked Max, turning with his body towards Bradley.
“He said he won’t. Said he will put a good word in for me, though. He found himself someone else too.”
Max hummed softly, acknowledging that it was probably for the best. At least Bradley felt more… free.
“He said our relationship got fucked halfway through, though. This was just the final straw.”
“A pretty big straw, if I do say so myself!”
Bradley groaned in annoyance. “No need to rub it in, Goof! I know that already!”
Max spent some time watching Bradley, listening to his breathing.
“And… what now?”
“Nothing. Concerning Tank, I mean.”
Max sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I know that, dude. I meant concerning us .”
“Well, I’ll try to be better. I won’t let this go to shit too.”
“Such strong words for such a stuck-up nepo baby! I’d expect you to yell at others for cursing, but it seems like you’ve let yourself go!”
“Oh, quiet! I’m allowed to curse all I want! I don’t think this is the main point of this conversation!”
Max nodded, grinning. “It isn’t! But it is fun to tease you sometimes.”
Bradley didn’t find it as extremely funny as Max, that was certain.
Unsure of how to convey what he wanted, what he had yearned for, what he needed , Bradley turned on his back, shifting until he found the side of his head pressed to Max’ neck.
“You could’ve just asked me, y’know.”
Max wrapped his arms around Bradley, palms pressed to his back, as Bradley turned towards him to hide his face into the crook of Max’ neck. Max’ arms immediately travelled lower than expected, and Bradley smacked him away - it wasn’t the time. He felt exhausted all of a sudden. Not that he has done anything exhaustion worthy, but the pitiful amount of sleep he would get will make it hard to wake up tomorrow. Well, today, if he could believe the clock.
“I’ll get P. J.’ girl to talk to you. To apologize. And others too. I feel like you deserve an apology from all of us.”
“No need to drag them into this, Max. I know they despise me enough already.”
“Well, they will have to start being friendlier if they want me around as much as I was before. ‘Cuz now you’ll be with me too.”
Bradley blushed. “I… I’d like that. And the apology, I suppose.”
The comfortable silence was draping itself over them as Max climbed out of the embrace to turn off the lights, just to climb back and into the same embrace again.
“You know I’ll forgive you, right? Sometime. I want this.”
“I’m not rushing you, Brad - take the time you need. But right now we need sleep, dude.”
He placed a soft kiss on Bradley’s forehead, and he felt himself melt. It wasn’t that he wasn’t accustomed to soft touches, but this was Max . If he weren’t as tired as he was, he would certainly be panicking internally over the fact that he actually managed to get with the person he wanted. His mind was shutting out Tank and making room for Max.
“You’re so cuuute when you’re sleepy, Brad! I can’t believe I never saw you so relaxed before!”
“What a way to ruin the moment… Shut up and let me sleep!”
Max’ hand travelled up his spine, to his head, where his fingers combed through his locks, which fell without the support of a spray.
“We’ll talk to them tomorrow, okay?”
“Mhm,” mumbled Bradley, already halfway to the land of dreams with Max’ soft touches lulling him to sleep. There was a faint memory of a bigger body next to him, bigger fingers lulling him to sleep, but the face was blurred - there was only Max. “We’ll talk.”
“Yeah. You’ll see, they aren’t half bad, just…” Max smartly decided to stop himself before bringing up the X-Games incident again. Bradley had enough time to work through his mistakes throughout the day, there was no need to get him out of this half-lucid state he was in by reminding him again.
Was it just lust that led him to someone like Bradley? What could he call this invisible force that kept on pulling them together? Did he truly feel this attracted to the harsh words, Bradley’s seemingly perfect facade and the promise of a change for the better?
He did. He truly did. And with a sleeping, usually composed man in his arms, who was now snoring slightly, he chose to believe that he would be forgiven and that Bradley would change. He was in for the long ride, and everyone including Bradley would have to deal with that.
He placed one final kiss on Bradley’s forehead before closing his eyes, letting the sound of Bradley’s snoring lull him to sleep.