Chapter Text
Eddie rose from his sleep slowly. He stretched a bit as he rolled over to the other side of the bed. He was met with free air as he tumbled off the mattress and onto the floor.
Disoriented he gasped at the impact, feeling the ache as he hit his knee on the hard floor. He reached around confused in the darkness. Crawling on all fours he moved forward in a straight line before knocking his head against something hard and sharp.
“Ow!” He whispered, sleep still clinging to his voice which sounded a lot deeper than usual. Maybe, finally, at age thirteen he was finally going to sound less like a little kid. Though overnight seemed a bit quick for that to develop. He reached to soothe the throbbing bump on his head, and he felt the soft material of something covering his eyes. Pushing it up, the sudden light of morning flooded his pupils that only made the pain in his head hurt more. The assaulting object that stood before him was a door. However, it was a door he did not recognize. Standing up he cracked it open and took in a strange looking hallway. The framed baby pictures of him that usually hung from the walls were gone.
“Ma?” Eddie called out cautiously. He really couldn’t shake this bubble that formed in his throat, the deepness of his voice not going away despite him swallowing. “Ma?” He said again, stepping out into the hallway. As he walked, he took in the strange place he was in. It looked nothing like his house, everything looked clean and well lit. He startled as a man appeared beside him, he yelped before tripping over something and falling backwards onto his ass.
His heart was beating in his throat, and he froze as he heard footsteps behind him receding. Holding his breath he slowly peaked over the edge of a small wall, the thing he must have fallen over. As he looked, the man he saw looked back at him. Eyes wide with worry, signs of his age showed with the wrinkles and definition on his face. His hair was brown and curly, cut into a sophisticated and short way despite it being a bit messy. As Eddie rose up to stand so did the stranger looking back at him. Going to open his mouth and speak the man mimicked him. Standing across from a mirror mounted on the wall, Eddie realized that the reflection was of himself.
Lifting one hand he waved it at himself before bringing it up to his face. Rubbing up and down his jaw Eddie felt confused at this strange dream he was in. Never in his thirteen years of life had he dreamt or imagined what he would look like as an adult. But here he was, looking at a bizarre reflection of himself in his early to mid-thirties. He walked towards the beautifully styled living room and plopped down on one of the odd cube-like chairs. Slumping down he hung his head between his knees and drew in a long breath. On the table in front of him there were a stack of letter and a familiar name written on the bottom corner: Edward Kaspbrak. He flipped through each piece of mail and every single one read the same name.
“So, I live here…” He mused before standing up. Returning to the bedroom where he originally came from, he looked around for anything to change into from the matching blue pjs he was wearing. All he found was a pair of jeans and a pale blue button up shirt that was a little wrinkled. Suddenly, he heard water running. He poked his head out of the room carefully to find the source of the sound.
“Eddiebear? Can you bring me my hair towel?” A voice asked from the presumed bathroom that was beside the bedroom door. Eddie froze at the mention of the nickname, one that only his mother referred him as. “Eddie? Are you there?” The woman asked again. He tiptoed down the hall away from the voice and found the front door tucked in a small adjacent hallway. “Eddie!” The voice was clearer and louder than before. Stepping out into the main hallway he was met with a woman’s stare from a few feet away. She looked to be around the same age as his reflection, though the roundness of her face added a more youthful glow. Her short blond hair was wet and dripped down her neck into the towel she had wrapped around her naked torso.
Eddie averted his eyes, blushing with embarrassment at the woman. If he weren’t already freaked out by this dream, he would have said that she even bared a resemblance to some of the old pictures he had seen of his mother when she was young.
“Eddie, honey are you alright? You look a bit flushed. Maybe you shouldn’t go into work today.” She said worriedly. He felt a little sick at the though of sticking around with this not-mother of his.
“No, I think I can, um, go. Yeah, I will go.” He fumbled as he backed away into the front foyer. A sharp musical tune chimed to his right. He grabbed a coat and some shoes he assumed were his and bolted out of the apartment.
Where was he? He searched around as he exited the main entrance of the building. Loud sounds of traffic mixed with the incessant jingle coming from somewhere behind him made everything even more frightening.
“Excuse me, do you hear that sound???” He asked a man in a peacoat who was walking by.
“Hey Eddie! Come over here!” A nasally voice shouted over the street noise. “Get in the car we are going to be late!!” A woman urged pointing to the car with a hand holding a cup. Dumbfounded Eddie looked around to see if she was talking to someone else. That only seemed to annoy the woman who rolled her eyes and tapped a foot against the sidewalk.
“Today sometime Kaspbrak??” She tried again.
“I don’t get into cars with people I don’t know…” Eddie said shyly while looking for a clear path to run away.
“Ha, ha, very funny Eddie but you should keep your day job and cut me some slack here. Now hop in the car.” Nervously Eddie stepped forward as the woman handed him the cup. It was warm in his hand which made him more susceptible to being ushered into the car, as not to spill.
“Okay, so what is going on with you? You have this weird, glazed look on your face… I know that I’m your friend, but did you finally have a mental breakdown? If so, then I owe Marshall twenty bucks.” The woman went on, talking around him in her mouth.
“Wait, what?” He questioned. Out of anyone, this random lady wouldn’t be his best friend.
If someone asked him on the spot, he would probably say Richie was his best friend or even Bill. Eddie looked at his surroundings as it whizzed by the window. The city he was looking at was much larger and cluttered compared to Derry. For the life of him he couldn’t figure out where he was.
“You finally asked Myra to marry you last night, didn’t you? I knew it.” She said which threw Eddie off his train of thought.
“What? NO!” He yelped loudly, which the curly haired woman just shrugged at.
“Okay! Jesus.” She went back to fiddling with the little device in her hand.
“Here’s the thing, something seriously strange is happening… I woke up in an apartment that I have never seen before… There was a naked woman in house, and I almost saw her…” Eddie motioned to his chest like he was grabbing something that wasn’t there.
“Oh, God. Not her breasts. You need to grow up Eddie, it’s not like you haven’t seen them before. You are engaged now; you act quick Edward. How long have you been going out? 7 months?” Greta scoffed and slouched into her seat.
Engaged? How could he be engaged? He was only 13, he couldn’t get married!
Eddie could feel himself begin to panic. In his entire life he never wished so bad to be back in Derry, living with his mom and waking up in his own room. His breathing started to become faster as Eddie thought of what he could do to get back.
“Okay, whoa Eddie. Eddie. Just calm down, okay? I don’t need you to have a heart attack right now. We have a meeting in 14 minutes. Repeat after me: I am Eddie Kaspbrak, big time risk analyst for one of the biggest law firms in New York.” She stared intently waiting for Eddie to follow her instructions.
“I am?”
“Repeat it.” She urged him.
“I’m Eddie Kaspbrak, big time risk analyst for one of the biggest law firms in New York?”
“I’m a tough bitch. Say it.”
“I’m a tough bitch.” Eddie mumbled.
“I’m going to walk into that meeting with all those numbers and not let anyone know I am having a mental crisis.”
“Hey, I’m not…” He was cut off as Greta glared at him. “I’m going to walk into that meeting with all those numbers and not let anyone know I am having a mental crisis.” He repeated.
“Good. Now let’s get in there, Tiger!” She laughed and got out of the car.
Eddie was instantly bombarded by many people all talking to him at once as soon as he entered the building. Throwing small talk at him here and there. He just nodded and smiled awkwardly. He felt a bit like a dog that goes to a playground with kids around, too many voices trying to get his attention.
“Mr. Kaspbrak, do you need me to do anything else?” An older woman asked nervously, notebook in her hand.
“What like a favor?” He asked and she nodded slowly.
“Sure?”
“I need you to find this guy from Derry, Maine. Here’s his number. Thanks.” He grabbed the small notebook and scribbled down the one phone number he could remember. Maybe finding some sort of safety in his friend’s company. Someone he could trust to be there for him.
The day flew by as Eddie attempted to play grownup in this strange dreamlike situation he was in. He got a lot of strange looks, but he made it. Breathing a sigh of relief, he slumped down into his office chair. He glanced at the items neatly organized in front him. A framed image caught his eye, the two people in them looked overly enthusiastic. The man was the same as his reflection from this morning, tight lipped and nervous. The woman standing next to him had a more genuine expression. She looked nice and friendly, but side-by-side with Eddie it looked like a picture of a hostage situation.
“Mr. Kaspbrak?” A meek voice asked before slowly entering. “I have the number of that Richie Tozier you asked for. I had to do some digging; the number you gave me was that of his parents. But here is his cell. I asked his manager, and he is living here in New York while he films his comedy special. I had to tell the manager that you were his doctor to get the number… So be aware of that. Do you need anything else?” She asked as she handed over the small, pink paper in her manicured fingers.
“Um… I don’t think so. Thank you so much!” He smiled, relieved at the perfect coincidence. Eddie reached for the phone on the desk. With all the confusing innovative technology he saw in the day, he was grateful they hadn’t changed landlines too much in the future. Slowly, he typed in the number of his friend. As it dialled, he tried to come up with a reasonable explanation to his situation that would get him some help.
“Hello? This is Richie T for Trashmouth Tozier.” A deep voice broke through the static. It surprised Eddie a bit to hear his friend’s name come from such a different voice.
“Hey Rich, it’s Eddie. Eddie Kaspbrak, from Derry?” He stuttered out nervously.
“Who? Wait what? E-Eddie??” Richie sounded confused, which Eddie didn’t blame him for.
“Been a while I guess, huh? Listen, I am in a bit of a situation, and I was wondering if you could meet me somewhere to talk? It would be better to explain in person.” Eddie hoped he sounded less desperate than he was.
“You’re in New York? Yeah, yes, we can meet. Do you know Maturin’s Roast? It’s a café on East 14th street.” Eddie scribbled the information down on a stray scrap of paper.
“No, but I’ll find it. Can we meet as soon as possible??” There was some shuffling on the other side of the line before Richie answered.
“I have some time tomorrow morning if that’s soon enough? We can meet around 10:30.” The warm cadence of Richie’s adult voice soothed Eddie’s nerves.
“That’s perfection.” Eddie cringed and bonked the receiver against his forehead. “I’ll see you then!” Richie exhaled a laugh into the phone before they hung up.
The next day couldn’t come fast enough. With Greta’s help he found his way back to his apartment. Fearing he would have to speak to the woman from this morning he entered cautiously. It was eerily silent, it felt like he was breaking into someone else’s house until he saw the many envelopes again that read his name.
A yellow note was stuck on the fridge door. It stuck out agains the dark grey metallic surface and read: “Eddie, I took the night shift at the hospital. You looked sick. Please take tomorrow off and go see Dr. Eylore! Love you, Myra”.
He took the rest of the evening to look around the apartment properly. It was a decent size for two people. There was plenty of space and even an extra bedroom. After looking in the fridge for food like a hungry raccoon, the stress from the day took over. His body felt heavy and sore as evening wound down. He claimed the untouched bedroom to avoid sleeping in the same bed with that woman; Myra as her name turned out to be. The moment his head hit the pillow he was out like a light.
He dreamt of being back in Derry. The Losers were at their regular meeting spot. Chatting and laughing much longer than the lunch break allowed.
“Hey Eddie, why do you have a wedding ring on?” Beverly pointed out. Holding his left hand up, it changed from a smaller youthful hand to a much larger adult hand. He looked down at himself and saw he was wearing a tuxedo. The scenery changed around him, and he was suddenly sitting somewhere else. His friends were gone and replaced with a long aisle lined with strangers. They all stared at him then back up the aisle at a white figure who stood facing away from him.
Standing up cautiously, he walked forward with no other option. Large, wooded doors locked behind him and the rows of people in what now looked like a church blocked him from moving anywhere other than forward.
As he made it to the end of the aisle, he grabbed the shoulder of the person standing there. She turned to face him, and it was his mother. Dressed in a white wedding dress, complete with large puffy shoulders, frilly headband and veil. As she lifted it, her face was covered in sores and open wounds that were swirling and infected. Eddie gagged.
“We are going to be together forever, Eddie. I’m the only one who can take care of you.” Sonia’s voice said in a warped and layered choir. Eddie’s feet felt heavy as he tried to run away. At the end of the aisle was a tall, blurry figure and a face he couldn’t see. The man’s hand reached out to him, urging Eddie to escape. But he couldn’t move. Loud church bells rung and he fell to the floor before snapping out of the dream.
Large beads of sweat dripped down his scalp and face. He took long breaths before he reoriented himself back the reality. The room was filling up with sun that leaked through the curtains. Checking the time Eddie realized he had slept in until 8:40 in the morning according to the digital clock or the bedside table. Frantically he searched around for a map to figure out where the meeting spot with Richie would be.
Stepping out of the apartment entrance with a folded-up map in his hand he walked towards the curb inhaled the taxi. So much for staying out of stranger’s cars. The city whizzed past him as he thought of what to say to Richie. How could he even begin to explain the events of the last 24 hours? Or rather the last 24 years?
“Sir we have arrived that would be $35.” The cab driver said as the car came to a halt. Luckily, Eddie found his wallet in the apartment with enough cash to get him to the café. As he stood at the front of the glass doors he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. Not really knowing how Richie would look as an adult, Eddie glanced around when he entered. A familiar, messy mop of hair sat near the far corner of the café. He approached slowly, nerves making his heart rattle in his chest.
“Richie?”
The man turned and and his heart skipped a beat. Richie had grown into his looks; his jaw had widened along with many other parts of him. The gangly kid that Eddie knew was now a grown man. Richie traded in his coke bottle glasses for some sleek tortoiseshell style frames. His haircut was more or less the same, shaggy and full of curls. Richie reminded Eddie of the Paul Bunyan statue in the centre of Derry.
“Holy shit… Eddie is that really you?” Richie said standing up to give Eddie a huge hug. He was tall, towering over six feet which surprised Eddie.
“Yeah man, it’s me.” Eddie chuckled.
“Shit, how long has it been?? Over 20 years? You look good!” Richie stepped back and gave Eddie a good once over. Eddie’s cheeks flushed a bit as Richie’s eyes scanned. “Have you been living in New York long? How have we not run into each other? What do you do for work?” Richie’s motormouth went off. Same old Richie, no matter how the years have passed. “My manager said you were a doctor or something? Your secretary said you were at least. You finally got your PHD?” Richie winked.
“Yeah, it’s been a long time. It’s a bit tricky to explain what I do… Something with numbers and figures. What about you? Mr. I have a manager. Are you an actor or something now?” Eddie always wondered what Richie’s future career would look like. His jokes and voices were surely going to lead him to a life in the entertainment industry.
“Well, I am a semi-popular comedian I will have you know. Sure showed ol’ Mags and Went that I can actually make a living telling dick jokes.” Richie loved his parents despite the times he would chirp back at them. Eddie envied that relationship.
“Okay, here’s the thing, I have a reason why I reached out to you. It’s going to sound crazy, and I don’t expect you to believe me, but I don’t remember the last 24 years of my life. The last thing I remember is my birthday and after… Nothing.” Eddie sat in the chair across from Richie and started to fidget with the packets of sugar. When he looked back at Richie, a puzzled look covered his strong face. Eddie studied the wrinkles between his eyebrows and beside his eyes. Indicating a life filled with laughter and happiness, which is all that Eddie wished for his friend.
“Whoa. That’s pretty heavy stuff… You drink a lot on your birthday, Eds? Do some heavier stuff…?” Richie rubbed a finger under his nose and sniffed.
“What? No! I can’t drink. I’m only- I mean… Let me start over. Do you remember by thirteenth birthday? Well, after that party I woke up yesterday not knowing where I am or what happened. I have a huge gap of memory, and I don’t know what to do!” Searching Richie’s worried eyes, Eddie sighed in frustration as he knew how unbelievable his tale sounded.
“Hey, it’s okay. We can figure this out. Have I ever let you down Eds? How about we talk about this somewhere without an audience?” A large, warm hand covered Eddie’s and halted the mess he was making with the sugar. Something odd pooled in his stomach as Richie’s hand squeezed his. Eddie nodded.
Richie brought them back to his apartment. His place was a lot nicer that Eddie’s, with taller ceilings and fancy décor which made it look like a fancy magazine that Eddie would find in his mother’s bathroom. If it hadn’t been for the clothing scattered in little spots around the main room, it looked like no one lived there at all.
“You have a nice place, Richie.” Eddie hummed as he removed his shoes. “You really grew up… And I missed it. What happened to us anyway? All of us, the Losers Club?” Richie’s face twitched a little, as if the memory hurt to think of.
“Well, you said the last thing you remember was your thirteenth birthday party. Everything fell apart after that pretty much. You want something to drink? Whiskey?”
“Do you have Coke?” Eddie nodded, then ushering Richie to continue. As he returned with Eddie’s drink, he poured himself something stronger. “As you remember, I got to your party late. You were all playing that game, spin the bottle. Greta sent me into the basement closet, and you flipped when you realized it was me and not Amber. We all tried to calm you down, but you had a full-blown panic attack. When you screamed at me, called me a dirty fag and stormed off. But hey, turns out you were right!” Eddie swallowed thickly and slumped into the couch. “After that you were so distant. Then you became a regular at Greta Keene and her cult’s table… We just stopped talking.” Richie avoided eye contact swallowing his drink in one go. He only lifted his head to see Eddie’s reaction.
Tears stung at Eddie’s eyes as 24 years of guilt and regret washed over him. Flashes of memories returned from that day now different from what he remembered only a day ago. A broken cassette player, a slur, and tears. “I- I am so sorry Richie.” Eddie choked out, his breath quickening. He grabbed fistfuls of pant leg as he searched for his inhaler. Did he even use an inhaler anymore?
“Hey, Eddie you have to breathe dude.” Richie moved towards the man in front of him. Eddie’s chest heaved as he tried to control his breathing. A gentle hand grabbed Eddie’s shoulder, and he rubbed his teary eyes furiously. What right did he have to be upset?
“How could I just say such a thing to you? Such a d-dick move.” Eddie gasped, taking in a big gulp of air. His breathing slowed as Richie’s warm hand squeezed his shoulder.
“That’s it, in and out.” Richie’s face had twisted up in concern. Eddie nodded as he stood up. He needed air, and some space to calm down. “Maybe you should go home Eddie. You’re pale.” Richie stayed close as Eddie shuffled to the front door.
“Yeah, you’re right. Not sure what came over me. I’ll just go.” Eddie wiped a cold drop of sweat off his forehead. He felt hot and chilly at the same time. Cold, clammy hands grasped at the door frame as he took a deep breath. Taking a step into the hallway in front of Richie’s apartment, Eddie turned and smiled sheepishly back. “Arrivederci, Richie.” He waved. The weight of what Richie had told him pulled his body to the earth, heavy and painful.
“Au revoir, Eds.” Richie smiled back. Though it looked as if those words were uncomfortable to say, the shapes his tongue had to make unused for the last 24 years. Their silly ritual they used to do upon departure, now something tarnished.
The walk back to his apartment left Eddie absolutely drained. He needed time to think about what Richie told him. With each step, the memories of that day began to rewrite itself from what Eddie remembered. Entering his building felt natural, routine like he had been doing it for many years.
“Eddie? Where have you been? I tried calling you, but your cell was here at home!” Myra asked. She had an apron on and was stirring something in a pot on the stove. “I’m making this new dish I got from Sandra. It’s some kind of quinoa salad and it’s really good for your digestive tract.” Eddie didn’t know how to reply to anything she was saying. His mind was too far gone in thought.
“I think I’m just going to bed. I have a headache.” He mumbled as he trudged towards the bathroom. Like muscle memory, he locked the door and say down against the cool metal bathtub. The only peace he had from his mother’s nagging, his sanctuary was when he locked himself away. He knew he needed to get out of this place. There was nothing more he wanted than to be thirteen again.
Eddie had to find a way to fix this. He couldn’t figure this out alone. He needed Richie, even if the other man hated him.