Chapter Text
AUDIO LOG: RECORDED 4.24.20xx – [18:06]
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: And again, at any point say the word and the recording is paused. Do you understand?
[muffled]
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: I know it’s hard, but I need verbal consent.
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 2: Yeah [shuffling] it’s fine.
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: Okay, let’s get started then. This is session… four with Robin. How are you feeling today?
ROBIN: Fine, I guess. Not, like, murderous, or anything.
UNIDENTIFIED VOICE 1: [muffled] We’ve talked about this, kid. I need you to be honest with yourself, at least.
ROBIN: What do you want me to say Dinah? That nothing’s changed – oh, wait, a lot has fucking changed.
BLACK CANARY: Robin, breathe.
ROBIN: You know what Bruce said the other day? He told me it would be better for me to be homeschooled “for a while” until I “get over this.” Like I’m some toddler having a tantrum.
BLACK CANARY: I’m certain that’s not how he meant it.
ROBIN: How the fuck would you know? When’s the last time you were tortured and brainwashed? How’d it feel when you overheard Oliver talking about how you should probably just stay in your room for the rest of your life so no one would have to deal with you?
BLACK CANARY: Well, now I know that’s not what he said, if only because I know Batman well enough to know he doesn’t do big enough emotions for that.
ROBIN: [muffled; loud shuffling]
BLACK CANARY: I get that you’re angry. I really, truly do, but I also need you to understand that I am here to help you, Robin.
ROBIN: Quit calling me that.
BLACK CANARY: What would you like to be called then?
ROBIN: I don’t know.
BLACK CANARY: Will you tell me when you do?
ROBIN: I guess.
BLACK CANARY: Okay, see, that’s good. I want to know about you, not in some soulless Bat-report, but in present, verbal communication.
ROBIN: Why?
BLACK CANARY: Because I think you’re worth being helped.
ROBIN: That’s dumb.
BLACK CANARY: Why? Why’s it dumb?
ROBIN: Because the alternative is you see me like this, and you think ‘nah, I think I’m better off hanging out with Green Arrow in Star City.’
BLACK CANARY: [snorts; shuffling] Fair enough, I guess.
ROBIN: You really want to help me?
BLACK CANARY: Yes. That’s why I keep coming back to this Godawful city, y’know? It’s because I want to help you.
ROBIN: How do I get over it?
BLACK CANARY: How do you mean?
ROBIN: It’s just – I can hear him, like, all the time. He keeps calling me his son, and touching me, and then I feel the pain and he’s there and – he stabbed Kon. He stabbed Kon and he was going to kill Bruce and Dick and Babs and then everyone would have thought it was me.
[shuffling]
ROBIN: I hate it. I hate having someone else in my skin.
BLACK CANARY: That makes sense; I can’t imagine many people would be able to adjust to your situation easily. Can I ask something, though?
ROBIN: I mean, I guess.
BLACK CANARY: You told me that he – as in JJ – was scared of The Joker, right? [muffled] Okay. And you said that he was… remorseful? Remorseful over hurting Kon, correct? [muffled] Okay, so I suppose my question is, is he – as in JJ – the bad guy here?
[muffled; shuffling]
BLACK CANARY: I understand that you don’t like when he… gets autonomy… but I feel like it’s been more damaging for you to place the blame of your circumstances on him when, let’s be real, he didn’t ask to exist.
ROBIN: I don’t know, I guess it’s not, but like – it’s kinda hard to put my blame on The Joker.
BLACK CANARY: Why’s that?
ROBIN: He just seems so – I don’t know – far? Like every time I think about him he just doesn’t seem real. I don’t know, it’s stupid.
BLACK CANARY: It’s not, though. He did awful things to you – things that you’re still having to combat to this day. Your body and mind are trying to deal with that remembered experience – even if you weren’t yourself conscious during the entire time, your body experienced it and your mind experienced it, even if you, Robin, weren’t there.
ROBIN: Tim.
BLACK CANARY: What?
ROBIN: Can you call me Tim, at least during these sessions?
BLACK CANARY: Yeah, of course I can. Would it be easier to call me Dinah?
TIM: I sort of already have been.
DINAH: I know, but we might as well be official about the whole thing.
TIM: [snorts]
DINAH: Let’s move onto a different topic for now. You mentioned school? How’s that been?
TIM: Um… It’s okay. It’s sort of nice having something to focus on that isn’t… all of this… but it sucks not being able to explain to my friends what happened and why I’m not in class.
DINAH: Yeah, I can imagine trying to keep that line drawn is getting more difficult.
TIM: It is, but I think I’m managing. It’s gonna suck when my parents get home from their anniversary, though.
DINAH: When’s that again?
TIM: Three days. Babs is trying to teach me how to do my makeup to make them less… noticeable.
DINAH: Have you considered talking to them since we last talked?
TIM: Sort of. They would probably take it badly. Probably would want to move – my mom has family in Korea and I’m decent at the language.
DINAH: But…?
TIM: I don’t know. I guess it would feel like he won? Like he caught Robin, again, and even though this one didn’t die he still left Gotham – and then he gets another one-up on Batman.
DINAH: I get that feeling, but I need you to understand that in no way shape or form are you responsible for Bruce – or Batman.
TIM: Yeah [shuffling] I know.
DINAH: So what would moving to Korea look like?
TIM: I don’t really know for sure, but I think my parents would want me to skip a couple grades if possible, so that would probably happen. And then I guess I would try to figure out how to deal with the whole Joker-face situation.
DINAH: [muffled]
TIM: And then… I don’t know… pretend everything’s fine and nothing bad ever happened to me?
DINAH: And if you stay in Gotham?
[shuffling; muffled]
DINAH: What was that?
TIM: I was thinking about plastic surgery.
DINAH: Oh – okay, what exactly were you thinking about?
TIM: Bruce said that it was an option – sort of after everything cooled off a little – that if I wanted, he’d get a professional that could stay quiet and do good work and make it a little less… jarring.
DINAH: And what do you think of that option?
TIM: I don’t know. I hate the scars. I hate how they look, and what they mean, and how they make people feel; I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to have a scalpel that close to my face again.
DINAH: Let me ask you something, yeah? [muffled] You say you hate how the scars make other people feel, tell me how they make you feel.
TIM: [muffled; sighs] Like he owns me. Like when people look at me they’re going to think I’m part of him – and I guess I sort of am now.
DINAH: Is Jason part of him, too, then?
TIM: What? What the hell, Dinah? What kind of question is that?
DINAH: Jason had something taken from him; he was scarred by the Joker; and then the Joker got his “one-up” over Batman through Jason. By your own logic, doesn’t that mean Jason is a part of the Joker? Doesn’t that mean the Joker owns Jason?
[Fan whirs; shuffling]
TIM: That’s so fucked.
DINAH: But it’s the truth. Your own logic damns yourself, sure, but it damns Jason, too.
TIM: You’re a sick freak, Dinah.
DINAH: Why thank you.
[shuffling; water glugs]
TIM: I’m gonna talk to Bruce about getting the surgery.
DINAH: I think that would be good for you.
TIM: Do you think – I mean – I’m gonna ask Bruce to stay with me while it happens – if it happens – but would you mind – only if you want –
DINAH: I’ll stay with you if that’s what you need from me, Tim.
TIM: Thanks, Dinah.
DINAH: Of course.
TIM: [sighs] Is it weird that I miss actually going to school?
DINAH: I don’t think so, no. It’s a healthy routine, for most people at least. Gives structure witht he promise of socialization.
TIM: I was so annoyed with my photography teacher because she kept asking me to let her submit some of my pictures to some international photography journal.
DINAH: That’s really cool, though. Was it that she just wasn’t letting up?
TIM: Sort of. She only approached me once, but of course it was the day I was supposed to be at the Tower to hang out with Kon.
DINAH: How is he?
TIM: Kon? Yeah, he’s good.
DINAH: Just good?
TIM: Good enough for being stabbed.
DINAH: [snorts]
TIM: But yeah, it was just annoying that it had to be that day. And then I keep thinking, y’know, if I’d have stayed to hear her out just a few more minutes, Joker’s goons would have given up looking for me for the day. You know they told me. They told me that they were just about the call it quits when I rounded the street corner. Just my luck.
DINAH: I don’t think that’s fair to you to play the what ifs game, I think you’re far to pragmatic for it.
TIM: I’m not exactly in my right mind right now.
DINAH: Do I need to bring Jason into this again?
[Fan whirs]
DINAH: Thought so.
TIM: It’s just hard to not think about it – all the things I could have done differently to stop it.
DINAH: I get the inclination, but there’s only so much preparation you can make for shitty circumstances. Even Batman knows that.
TIM: I guess, still sucks though.
DINAH: Tell me about Kon, though.
TIM: He told me he had his last session with you last week.
DINAH: That he did.
TIM: Lucky him.
DINAH: [laughs]
TIM: We haven’t talked a whole lot since everything. It’s sort of difficult ‘cause I think he’s trying to give me space or something equally stupid and I just – I just want to know that we’re okay. I need to know that, at least, hasn’t changed.
DINAH: Have you reached out to him?
TIM: A couple times, but he’s been pretty short with me.
DINAH: Is it possible he’s blaming himself for what happened to you?
TIM: [muffled]
DINAH: A long time ago you told me Kon often will get in the way of hit, unprompted, just because he can. Have you considered that maybe he just doesn’t want to see his friends get hurt?
TIM: He is a big sap…
DINAH: Kon has a lot of… big feelings… and sometimes I think you forget that given he never technically learned how to regulate those feelings and so you assume that the choices he makes are made with a rational, analytical mind.
TIM: Kon isn’t me.
DINAH: He is not.
TIM: He thinks its his fault I got got.
DINAH: Very possibly.
TIM: Can I like, pause our session for like, I don’t know, an hour or so, for completely unrelated reasons.
DINAH: I’ll be at the Clocktower whenever you’re ready.
TIM: Thanks, Dinah, you’re the best.
DINAH: Of course, Tim.
Private Chat with boompowcrunch and NOTsuperboy
boompowcrunch (7:17 PM) Two-Toes Johnny’s Pizza Emporium in three minutes. Not arguing.
NOTsuperboy (7:18 PM) ???
NOTsuperboy (9:51 PM) can i at least pay next time??
boompowcrunch (9:53 PM) With BC rn ttyl xoxo
boompowcrunch (10:42 PM) no
NOTsuperboy (10:49 PM) not fair
NOTsuperboy (10:51 PM) i still luv u tho
boompowcrunch (10:53 PM) lmaoo
boompowcrunch (10: 55 PM) i love you, too, kon el