Chapter Text
Taako is more than capable of respecting people's boundaries.
It's just that he's kind of getting tired of having to.
He and Kravitz have been dating for like, months now, and the reaper still won't let Taako fucking touch him.
And Taako gets it; it takes him a while to warm up to people too. But, it's been a long while, and it's kind of really starting to suck.
Still, he tries to respect it. He doesn't comment on all the layers, or the gloves; he only lends Kravitz long clothes; he pays attention and doesn't try to push for anything the man won't say is okay, but come on.
He's getting kind of tired of trying to maintain all this fucking space between them in bed.
(Taako cannot for the life of him figure out how Kravitz was comfortable getting into bed with him before he was comfortable allowing actual skin contact, but it isn't his place to judge (despite the fact that he kind of is))
But, despite the fact that Kravitz eventually made a habit of sleeping when he stays over, Taako still stays awake more often than not.
If he's being honest, he hadn't actually expected Kravitz to be able to sleep at all. The invitation had really just been to try and incite some kind of physical intimacy, or to get Kravitz to finally lay down some explicit boundaries.
Neither of those things had actually happened, which is honestly just Taako's luck.
It figures that he's finally found a guy that he actually likes and is comfortable around, only for it to be a guy who doesn't want to touch him even a little.
Taako would have started to wonder if there was something wrong with him; if he wasn't above insecurities like that.
But the fact of the matter is that most of the time, Kravitz sleeps and Taako doesn't, and sometimes Taako takes advantage of that.
It's nothing bad, or horribly invasive; it's just that sometimes Taako wants to be able to look at his boyfriend without having to worry about how close he can get before Kravitz flinches away.
Taako's not quite unhappy in the relationship -everything besides this is going great- it's just that he could stand to be a little happier.
He's willing to wait it out, but he's not sure how long he'll be waiting for, and it's the not knowing that bothers him more than anything.
So yeah, sometimes Taako takes advantage of nights like these.
Mostly he just looks, because watching Kravitz sleep is like looking at an entirely different side of him that Taako doesn't see much elsewhere. Instead of the cool and collected "head up, shoulders back, back straight" poise that Kravitz usually maintains, when he sleeps Kravitz curls in on himself; head ducked and limbs tucked in and he looks so gentle and soft that sometimes Taako can't help but touch.
Small touches; playing with Kravitz's dreadlocks idly, or brushing his fingers against Kravitz's cool cheek and wondering how a guy like this managed to fall for a mess like Taako.
Kravitz sighs quietly, and presses his cheek into Taako's hand, and Taako melts in the moment before Kravitz opens his eyes.
They make eye contact, and the second the reaper realizes what's going on, he flinches back away from Taako and says, inexplicably, "Sorry."
Taako manages to keep himself from sighing in disappointment, but he can't stop himself from sitting up and asking, "Why don't you want me to touch you?"
It's rude, probably, and Taako knows that he himself would probably get moderately pissed if someone asked this of him, but he can't not know any longer.
But Kravitz doesn't look upset, he looks confused as he sits up to mirror Taako's position. "What- do you mean?"
The self control that Taako is expending to keep from rolling his eyes is honestly commendable. He deserves a fucking award. "Like, it's chill if you don't like to be touched or something, but fuck, can't we at least talk about this?"
Then he pauses, and he's above this, but "Or, do you just not like touching me?"
He manages to keep his tone at a moderately stern tone, instead of the weak whisper that the words want to be. This is ridiculous enough on its own, Taako doesn't need his fucking feelings ruining things.
(But, he would maybe get it. Kravitz is tall and lithe, and Taako is short and not. Kravitz doesn't seem like the type to care about that, but Taako's got enough experience with them to be kind of used to it; shitty as it is)
"Of course I want to touch you," Kravitz says, looking equal parts devastated and bewildered. The way he speaks makes it sound like he could never imagine not wanting to touch Taako, and Taako doesn't fucking get it. "It's me, I'm- cold, clammy... dead. Why? Why would you want me to touch you?"
Taako cannot believe that this is his life. "That doesn't bother me?!" It probably would have bothered him, but he's not about to say that. "I've touched colder things than you. Fuck." He buries his face in his hands, "I can't believe we've been doing this for months already."
Kravitz still hasn't managed to wipe the shell shocked confusion off of his face by the time Taako looks up again.
He sighs, "Can I touch you?" he asks, just to check.
"I- yes," Kravitz stammers.
So Taako gets him to lay back down, and then moves himself closer, so that they're pressed together. He won't lie, it's kind of chilly and a little unusual, but it's a better temperature than Magnus' fucking broiling cuddling, so not the worst experience that Taako's had.
He finally get situated only to realize that Kravitz is still stiff as a fucking board. He looks up to see the man looking down at him with anxiety written all over his features.
"What?"
"Are you sure-?"
"Darling, look," Taako is a little bit over this whole thing, especially this conversation. "Do I seem like the type to let myself be uncomfortable for other people?"
He gives Kravitz a significant look, and the reaper's face softens. "No," he says, and Taako nods.
"There you go, now go the fuck back to sleep."
Kravitz finally relaxes, and Taako barely has time to think 'thank god' before one of Kravitz's hands comes up to touch his cheek almost reverently.
"I've been wanting to do this for a while," he says, voice soft.
Taako leans into the touch just because he can. "It's your own fault it took so long," he says, and then promptly buries his face into Kravitz's chest and tries to force himself asleep so he doesn't have to ruminate on how stupidly happy he is.
In the morning, Taako wakes up to the feeling of Kravitz's fingers running through his hair.
Kravitz still seems quietly surprised that Taako is letting himself be touched, so Taako makes a point of touching him as they get ready, and presses a kiss against his cheek before he leaves for work.
Because Taako's been missing out, and he's got work to do in order to make up for all the wasted time.