Chapter Text
May 2017
Scott stretched in his bed, the warmth from the sunlight through the curtains waking him up. His hand searched for a body on the other side of the bed but it was empty, though still warm.
He opened his eyes and found a note. “Had to go shower before class. I left coffee and breakfast in the kitchen. Good luck tonight ♥️”. He smiled and buried his face and body on the other side of the bed, wanting to be engulfed in his smell and warmth for as long as possible.
They had been together for 3 months, kind of. Scott said they were together, and Kip said they were just dating. He refused to make it more until Scott came out and as part of that, he refused to stay over for more than 2 days in a row. Scott had managed to convince him to stay again after they had spent the weekend together so naturally, he left before Scott woke up.
Scott understood why he did it, why he wanted to be more careful than before and he didn’t blame him, but that didn’t stop him from hating it.
After a few minutes, he finally groaned and got up. He had a big day ahead and he needed to prepare for it.
The Admirals were having an amazing season. If they kept playing the way they had, they would definitely make it to the playoffs (though they weren’t supposed to say that out loud, wouldn’t want to jinx it). Scott was determined to win the cup, it was the one thing missing from his record book, the one thing he had always wanted.
He was so sure that they would get it that he had started planning to blow his cover once he had the cup.
He wished it could be as easy as just saying "I'm gay” and moving on, he wished it didn’t have to be a whole thing, but he knew that was not the case. It was probably not the case for the average gay guy and it’s definitely not the case for one of the most famous and well liked Hockey players of all time.
He knew how important this was, not just for him but for every gay boy out there playing hockey who has or will spend years hearing homophobic slurs from his team mates, coaches, fans and competitors. He needed to do it the right way and for that, he needed a plan.
The first order of business was calling his manager. Todd was not happy about it, at all. After assuring him that he was ok with it, he read him down a list of every reason why coming out was a bad idea. As if Scott hadn’t written that exact same list everyday since he made the decision. He knew that coming out had the possibility of ending his career prematurely and being a disaster for him, the team and the league, that’s why he needed to come up with a plan before he went further.
“Listen Todd, I understand that you’re worried, I understand that you’re concerned, but I know what I’m doing and I’m doing it, with or without you. I just thought that you would like to help me so I don’t lose my career, my reputation, my money and then have no choice but to fire you”
Todd let out an annoyed breath. “Fine, I’m calling you tomorrow with a plan. Don’t do anything without letting me know first”
Just as he promised, the next day Todd gave him a long presentation going over step by step everything they would do. Including but not limited to, going over his contract with his lawyers to make sure him coming out didn’t violate a clause, talking to the team owner, the league's board, a number of magazine covers and interviews, donations to LGBTQ+ friendly organizations and possible sponsorships in case he lost any of his current ones.
His second order of business was coming out to coach Murdock.
Scott had looked up to coach Murdock since he was a child. He almost jumped out of his body when he learned he would be coaching the Admirals 8 years ago. He respected him too much to keep him in the dark.
“You’re gay. That’s… I wasn’t expecting that” Murdock said.
“Yeah, I don’t think a lot of people are”
“Ok, and you’re coming out after the playoffs?”
Scott simply nodded.
“Well, I wish you the best. I will support you no matter what. I hope you’re ready to be a trailblazer”
“Are you proud of being one?”
“I am, yeah, when Carter came up to me my first day here and told me that seeing me play was the first time he realized that a black man could play hockey I almost cried. I hated it back then, at times it felt like people didn’t really respect me as a professional, they just saw my skin color, for better or for worse, I was just “the black one”, but I’m glad that I could do something for those kids. You’ll feel like that too, maybe not immediately, but you will.”
His last order of business, but certainly not his last, was telling his team mates, or at least Carter and Eric. Todd had a plan for when he would come out to the rest of the guys, but Eric and Carter were something he had to take care of himself.
He had been dreading this day. This could be the best or the worst thing he’d ever do in his life.
He had to constantly remind himself that his friends were not bigots. That they had no tolerance for gay slurs on the ice, that they happily and proudly participated in pride night, that they never had any complains when using the rainbow tape even though they were superstitious about their tape, that they had made appearances during pride parades, that they had donated to LGBTQ+ charities and did free advertisement for the Trevor project during the off season.
Plus, they loved him. For the last 15 years they had done nothing but show him over and over and over again how much they cared about him, how important he was to them, how much they were willing to do to make sure he was ok.
At worst they would be shocked and need some time to adjust, but there was no reason for him to believe that they would push him away or be disgusted by him, and yet…
He invited them to his apartment for dinner, he knew how much they loved to eat, so he would dime and wine them, distract them with a little bit of hockey talk and then drop the bomb.
Scott had wanted to cook himself, make it more personal and meaningful, but Kip reminded him that he was not a good cook and instead, got him to order food from Eric and Carter’s favorite restaurant.
By the time they arrived the pent house looked perfect. The food was arranged, ready to be served, he had an array of drinks that they would prefer and low jazz music was playing in the background.
“Jesus Scotty, are you going to propose to us?” Eric asked after seeing the set up. Scott laughed nervously.
“No, I just, I wanted it to be a nice dinner, that’s it”
They ate and talked for about 30 minutes before Eric said something about their current setting. He had an idea of what he was going to tell them and he was more than ready to hear it, had been for a while.
“So, what’s up?” He asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re going to tell us something, that’s why you’re filling us up with delicious food and wine. What is it?”
“Umm” Scott said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.
“Oh my God, you’re not retiring, are you?” Carter asked in a panicked voice. “You’re still young despite what Rozanov and Hollander say, you can play for like 5 more years, at least.”
“No, I’m not retiring, don’t worry about that.”
“Ok, so, what is it? Is it about K?” Carter asked, going back to continue his meal.
“Yeah, actually, in a way, I guess.”
“So? Go on” Eric encouraged him.
“Ok, well. I, umm. You guys know that hockey has been everything for me for the last 20-odd years, it’s been the only thing that has kept me going and that I've cared about, it’s where I always belonged, but very early on I realized I didn’t fully fit in, there was something about me that was different from all of you guys. I pushed it down and just focused on being the best. I just wanted to play and not think about it, but the last couple of years it was just too much.
“I wanted what you guys had, a family, someone to come home to, someone to cook a warm meal, someone to just hang out with, but it became more and more clear that that wasn’t going to happen, that I was never going to get that, until I did and it was great, it was amazing, everything I had always wanted, but my fears and my worries ruined it.
“I couldn’t give it to this person. K. I couldn’t give K what they deserved, what we both deserved because I was so afraid that I would lose everything if I did. I would lose hockey, I would lose you guys, but I realized that by doing that I was losing me and I was never going to be able to get myself back.
“I say all this to say that I love you guys, you’re my family, you’re everything to me and I never want to lose you. I understand if it takes you some time to get it and accept it, but I just don’t want to lose you guys. I-”
Before he could finish his sentence, Scott broke down, his shoulders shaking harder than they had ever before. Years of fear rushing up all at once. Eric and Carter immediately hugged him, no questions asked. Eric was sure of what he was going to say, but Carter was still processing his words.
What could have Scott so afraid of losing his career and his friends that he’s shaking in their hands? He had heard the rumors, they had gotten louder in the last couple of months, but that couldn’t be it, could it? Thinking about the number of things that could make a hockey player worried about losing their career and their friends, there was only one that he could seriously consider.
“Are you gay?” He asked, once he felt Scott calm down a little bit. Scott refused to look up and simply nodded.
“Oh man” Eric said before hugging him. “Why didn’t you tell us before?”
“I-I was just afraid, I didn’t want to lose you guys”
Carter remained silent while Eric and Scott hugged, swaying back and forth. He couldn’t believe that all this time his best friend had been holding that in, suppressing who he was, afraid of losing everything.
Carter’s silence worried Scott, it worried Eric too, he would hate to have to cut him off if he didn’t react to this appropriately. Carter felt their eyes on him and finally spoke.
“Sorry man, I just, I’m processing everything. Wow”
“Yeah, I know it’s hard to accept but-”
“No, that’s not it. I accept it, I accept you, you’re my best friend, that’s not changing. I’m just, I don’t know, shocked that you held onto all of that for so long without telling us. I just think that must have been lonely and I hate I wasn’t there to, I don’t know, let you know it was ok. I’m sorry I never noticed”
“You weren’t supposed to notice, no one was, I made sure of it, it’s not your fault”
“So, what about K? Who is he?” Eric asked.
“K is Kip, he-”
“Kip? What the fuck, that’s fucking adorable man” Carter said, making the other two men laugh.
“Yeah, he is. We met back in 2013. We dated for a while but, you know, he’s been out since he was 18 and I was pulling him back in the closet so it didn’t work out. We reconnected a few months ago and it’s been nice, going slow, taking out time. He doesn’t want to make anything official until I’m out and I think it’s time. I don’t want to hide who I am anymore”
Eric and Carter simply nodded. “Have you told anyone else?” Carter asked.
“I told Todd and coach. I wanted to tell you guys before going to the team owners and the league”
“What about the rest of the team?” Eric asked.
“I have a plan for that, but we still have a cup to win, I don’t want to get ahead of myself and ruin it for everyone”
“You’re right, we still have to win. That would be a fairytale ending for you” Eric said. “You get the guy and you get the cup, what more could you ask for?”
“Well, let’s not jinx it, I still have to actually get both, so”
“Speaking of the guy, this Kip person, do you happen to have a photo? We would like to know who’s the guy who made you lose your mind for the last 3 years.” Carter said.
Scott quickly pulled up a photo of Kip and showed it to them. “Oh, our Scotty has good taste,” Eric teased him.
“Yeah, he’s cute, adorable, the name fits, Kip, I love that” Carter added.
Scott laughed and looked at his friends, who continued to tease him all night. Now that he had crossed the bridge, he couldn’t believe he was so afraid of doing so, but he was glad he was finally on the other side.
After all, he was going to have the guy, the cup, and the friends. He quickly looked past Eric and into a photo of his parents sitting by the door. “Thank you,” he said in his head, before turning back to his friends and joining the conversation.
He still had a long way to go, but he would worry about that when he got there. For now, he was going to enjoy being free.