Chapter Text
L was waiting for Light to wake up, it was taking a while. More than usual actually, Light usually slept 8 to 9 hours give or take but it now had been 10 which made L come up with the hypothesis that Light may not be asleep but he doesn’t want to discuss what happened the night before. L like he always did had to test this theory out, quickly drafting a plan that would work, it was a tad plain but all interesting ways to prove his theory were too risky and would definitely wake Light if he was awake. L slowly put his hand on Light's pillow, two and a half centimeters to be exact, if Light was awake L’s hand being near him would annoy him as L sitting slightly too close to Light would annoy him. Light stirred a bit trying to be discrete with slowly moving away from the hand but he wasn’t very good at it, L had found that Light did not like physical contact which is why Light letting L hug him the night prior was strange.
“Light I know your awake”
Light sat up and looked over at L, his under eyes stained a sheer pink as well as being puffy.
“Okay”
“Would you like to talk about your self harm now?”
“God L do you have to be so direct?”
“Is Light annoyed?”
“Yes I am”
“Okay” “but we do have to talk about it”
“I am leaving”
“Well you can’t really actually do that”
L was a tad bit disappointed that Light's vulnerability had turned to apathy but it was only reasonable for someone so accustomed to pretending as Light.
“If you don’t want to talk about it know I can bandage you up first”
Silence, so L took it as a reluctant yes. L made his way to the bathroom tugging on the chain for Light to follow and got the fist aid kit before sitting Light down on the bed. L wasn’t fully sure why Light’s face was slightly flushed, but questioning Light’s behavior could be saved for looking over the footage since the current situation demanded attention and he could always ask Watari later if he still couldn’t understand it. L put his left hand on the bed to steady himself and the other on the cuff of Light’s boxers starting to pull them down to be able to treat Light's scars.
“Are you ready to talk yet, Light?”
“What is this an interrogation”
Light flinched when the alcohol wipe touched his skin.
“If it could be if that will get you to speak”
“Whatever”
“Why do you cut”
L waited for an answer, there wasn’t one until he had patched up Light's thigh.
“I don’t know, it just calms me down I guess”
“Well we have to figure out how to move forward since you can’t just go on like this”
“Yes I can”
“It’s not healthy”
“You’re one to talk with your sleep schedule”
“Light please” L said, getting up off his knees moving his hands off Light. “Please take this seriously” he continued with a sigh. “Why are you acting like this?
“It doesn’t matter”
“It does matter” L sits down next to Light looking at him.
“There is nothing to change! This is just how it always will be! Stop trying to change me!”
“I’m not trying to change you Light, please just talk to me”
"Yes, you are! Sorry that I can’t magically open up! Sorry that I can’t be the Light you’d like to think I am! Sorry that I’m not Kira!” Light exclaimed his voice dripping in a concoction of angry sarcasm and sadness.
“Light”
“Yes?!”
“Light, I can only meet you halfway if you don’t want to talk to me. That's fine but you have to understand I can’t just let you do this to yourself. Please stop acting around me, I don’t want you to be anything you aren’t but I’m not going to just let it all get worse”
Silence. L just stared at Light who was avoiding his gaze. Light's eyes drifted slowly to L’s like a ship into harbor.
“Why do you even bother? You know I won’t change.”
“Because I care about you”
“What the hell does that even mean, you barely know me”
“I’ve been chained to you for almost every second these three months, you don’t think I’d notice things about you? You don’t think I’d be able to tell when you're lying and when you're honest, every small emotion on your face, how your body language changes when you're uncomfortable and when you're defensive? I know you like to believe that nobody will ever know you but that’s not possible” “you’re not incapable of change, Light but it won’t happen if you refuse any help you can get”
L could see the front Light puts up crumble for every sentence he spoke, Light hid his face in his knees.
“I’ll only hurt you”
“Well I think that’s better than you hurting yourself, I’m bound to die an early death regardless”
“L please L, please don’t say that”
“Light please let me help you, you don’t have to suffer in silence. You shouldn’t have to play a part to be accepted, your not happy and we both know that”
For a second or three there was silence until there was sound again.
“Fine”