Chapter Text
Squidward’s feet squeak hurriedly across the pavement, his breathing ragged, his voice hoarse. He sees Spongebob freeze in place as the ominous figure becomes visible in the eerie glow of the street lamp. As Squidward moves closer, the figure only grows larger and larger.
“B-Blackjack…?” Spongebob stutters, his whole body quivering.
Blackjack’s grin is menacing, and he snuffs out his cigar on the bottom of big, black army boots. When he speaks, his croon echoes around the empty street.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Baby Bobby. Y’know, I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show your face, but I didn’t expect you to come outta this ugly hunk of rock. Is that your girlfriend’s house?”
Squidward finally arrives, ridiculously out of breath and panting. “Hah... hah... h-hey! I’ll have you know that my Easter Island head is a masterpiece! You couldn’t hope to sculpt something even half as magnificent!”
“Ahh, and this must be her. Eugh, gross.” Blackjack glances over Squidward with a beady, judgmental leer. You got some real acquired tastes there.”
Spongebob’s eyes suddenly narrow, and he puffs up his chest. “Sh-show Squidward some respect!” He then whips around to face Squidward, his voice soft and low. “Don’t listen to him, okay? You’re gorgeous, and so is your house.” Squidward’s neck becomes hot. It’s sweet of him to say, though definitely not what the main concern is here.
Blackjack raises an eyebrow, smirking at the outburst. “Look at you, little buddy, growin’ a vertebrate!”
Spongebob realizes what he’s done, and his face goes pale. He looks at Squidward with an expression so haunting that the octopus jumps into action, positioning himself in front of Spongebob. “S-so… you must be this cousin I’ve been hearing so much about.” Now that Squidward’s got a better look at him, Blackjack is quite burly. Muscles on top of muscles, and as mean and ruthless as the stories describe. His knuckles make a sickening crunch as he cracks them, and Squidward suddenly feels very weak and tiny.
“W-Wait! Blackjack, you can beat on me all you want, but please, please leave Squidward alone! Spongebob sinks down, knees squeaking as they connect with the concrete.
“Oh, don’t you worry,” He cackles, then grabs Squidward by the neck and tosses him to the side. “Your turn’s comin’ up!”
Frantically, Spongebob rushes to Squidward and shields him, arms open wide. “N-no! I won’t let you hurt him!”
“Then I’ll just have to hurt him AFTER I hurt you!”
Spongebob’s body tenses under the weight of Blackjack’s grip. He lets out a pained squeal, and Squidward moves faster than he ever has before.
“Don’t you dare touch him, you maniac!” He manages to get a hold of Spongebob’s hands, pulling with all his might. Just when Squidward thinks he has a foothold, he feels a giant, porous hand surrounding his torso. Both of them are now in the air, screaming and flailing.
“Okay, okay. Since you don’t know how to be patient, I’ll just kick the shrimp outta BOTH of you!” Blackjack throws them as hard as he can, and they land somewhere just far enough away to make a break for it.
“C’mon, Spongebob!” Squidward’s tentacle wraps tightly around Spongebob’s hand, and their eyes meet again. Suddenly, his tentacle pads feel very clammy.
“S-Squidward, I-I-“
“Save it, Spongebob! He’s gaining on us!”
Spongebob yelps shrilly, and Squidward pulls him along. He’s not much of a sprinter, but his body doesn’t care. They need to get somewhere safe, and quickly. As they dart towards Jellyfish fields, Squidward searches tirelessly for some place to hide, occasionally glancing back at Spongebob. His eyes are wide, terrified, and filled with tears that are frozen in place. Squidward’s chest clenches. He’s been such a fool this whole time, pretending not to care, and all for nothing. Now, they would most likely be pulverized by some unhinged criminal, and Squidward would never even get the chance to tell him the whole truth.
“Wait, Squidward, turn here!” Spongebob reels Squidward back to the moment, mostly by taking the lead with shocking assertion. He pulls them into a small, damp cave.
“Normally, I’d be complaining about the cramped space,” Squidward mumbles. “But we can’t exactly afford to be picky right now.”
“Oh, Squidward, this is all my fault! I dragged you into my family drama! I’m so SORRY!”
“Shh! Quiet, Spongeb-“
“Aw, come on out, little Bobby! You know what happens when we play hide and seek!” It’s Blackjack, of course, and his voice is booming, scaring away the jellyfish. It’s getting progressively louder and more aggressive the longer he yells. “You can’t hide from me! I'll ALWAYS find you!”
Spongebob rocks back and forth violently, clutching his ears. His words are difficult to understand between panicked breaths, but he’s just repeating the same phrase over and over again. “He’s gonna find me, he’s gonna find me, he’s gonna find me-”
“Nothin’ can save you now, little Bobby! NOTHIN’! Mommy doesn’t care! Daddy doesn’t care! And don’t think I forgot about that ‘friend’ of yours. First, I’ll use his tentacles as a skipping rope! Then, I’ll pound him into paste and make you watch!”
Squidward visibly cringes as he imagines the scenario, and Spongebob is hysterical.
“Oh, sweet, Baby Bobbyyy??? You’re starting to make me MAD,” Blackjack sounds like he’s getting closer now, footsteps tramping heavily against the ground. The way he growls that last part in particular sends a cold shiver down Squidward’s spine. The pair sits there trembling, trying to sink as far into the crevice as possible, while Blackjack continues his rant. “When I get there, you’re gonna wish you just let me pummel you the first time instead of-” He pauses briefly, grunting as though lifting something heavy. “-RUNNING AWAY. But now? Now, I’m gonna have to REALLY do some damage.”
“No, no, no, no, no…” Spongebob’s folding into himself, vibrating. Squidward reaches for him, grabbing his shoulders firmly. The way that time slows as they gaze at each other makes Squidward almost wish they were back in bed, inches away from touching. Squidward decides he would rather deal with the monsters in his closet than this demented, feral sponge.
“Don’t listen to him, Spongebob. I won’t let him hurt you.”
“I don’t want him to hurt YOU!”
“Shh, shh! It’s okay, it’s okay. I don’t want that either, so we have to be qui-”
“AHA! GOTCHA!!”
Squidward and Spongebob scream, clinging to each other for dear life. Blackjack is posturing at the mouth of the cave, holding a giant rock high above his head. He tosses it towards them, and it shatters against the ground at their feet. Still screaming, they bolt between Blackjack’s legs and venture farther into the fields, rapidly losing steam. Before long, Squidward hears a thump and a squeak behind him, and he turns around to see Spongebob laying in a pool of tears.
“Squidward, I can’t do it! I can’t run anymore!” He cries out. His limbs are limp, and his breath is shallow.
Squidward can see Blackjack just over the hill. In the other direction, there appears to be a massive trench. How thematically typical, yet wholly distressing. No way out.
“Blackjack!” Squidward puffs up his chest, yelling at the top of his lungs. He doesn’t know what he’s even trying to do, but his veins are throbbing and his face is flushed. He’s never been more infuriated in his entire life.
Blackjack arches his eyebrow in response. “You’re in the way of our reunion, pipsqueak.” His lumbering steps close the distance with deliberate leisure. He’s toying with Squidward, trying to intimidate him and get in his head, the octopus is certain of it. He glances at Spongebob, who is cowering behind him, and his resolve strengthens.
“Fat chance, you aren’t gonna lay a finger on him!”
As soon as he says this, Blackjack smirks and stabs Squidward’s nose with one pudgy digit. “Oh, yeah? You gonna stop me, Noodle-Arms?”
Squidward smacks Blackjack away. “Get your grubby hands off of me!” He pauses to dust off his shirt, then points his tentacle directly in Blackjack’s face. “You think you’re so tough, don’t you? Beating on someone three times as small as you are? You should be ashamed of yourself! Spongebob is…” Squidward’s throat becomes dry as he takes another look at Spongebob, who’s face is crinkled up in a pained grimace. With certainty, Squidward continues. “... Spongebob is the kindest person I’ve ever met. Whether you need him or not, he’s always there. He makes people feed good… and welcome, and... and you’ve taken advantage of him for the last time!” Squidward stops to take a deep breath, but it catches fast when he feels soft, delicate fingers wrap around his hand. His brain is suddenly jumbled, and he can’t think straight. He forgets what he even wants to say next.
“Gee, you sure got some pretty words for such an ugly face. But I’m bored with you already, I just wanna give my sweet, little cousin a great, big hug,” Blackjack’s voice hardens and the words grind together as he speaks.
Squidward feels Spongebob’s grip tighten, but unfortunately, it’s not enough. Blackjack grabs hold of Squidward’s nose, yanking him from Spongebob’s grasp and throwing him to the side. Squidward rolls on the ground for a few seconds, and he’s too far away to prevent what happens next.
Spongebob is screaming as Blackjack lifts him high into the air. “No, please, stop! Somebody, HELP ME!!”
“Nighty, night! Don’t let the trench-bugs bite!” Blackjack’s toothy grin is purposeful, fear-striking. And then, he tosses Spongebob in.
“Spongebob!!” Squidward’s face pales, and his tentacles are twisting as he sprints to the edge of the trench. The black fog within is impossible to see through, and Spongebob’s scream becomes increasingly quieter until Squidward can no longer hear it. He sniffles thickly, and a tear runs down his face. Then, another one. Then, an overflow.
“This is kinda pathetic, I’m outta here,” Blackjack says from behind him, though Squidward is barely listening. All he can hear is the sound of blood rushing in his ears, and all he can focus on is his overwhelming sorrow.
“Spongebob… I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t… I wasn’t… oh… oh, Spongebob! Please come back!” Squidward wails and heaves, viscous tears soaking his tentacle pads as he holds his face in his hands. He can’t come back. Not this time. “Not unless…” Squidward now stands before the trench with a choice. He can run away and pretend this never happened, and just hope beyond hope that Spongebob makes it out somehow. Or he can take the plunge, and do for Spongebob what he has always done for everyone else. Squidward decides he is going to get him back. He has to get him back. He squeezes his eyes shut, and jumps.
Squidward wakes up in a daze at the bottom, head aching. There are all manner of disturbing noises reverberating around the walls of the trench, and the darkness is nearly suffocating. Panic sets in immediately. “Spongebob!” He calls out, hesitant. He doesn’t exactly want to alert any sea beasts that could be lurking down here. After another few minutes of calling and attempting to navigate, Squidward spots something blue and glowing just ahead. Upon closer inspection, it’s a jellyfish, and it leads him to an open area with many others floating in the water above. Squidward then notices a small, square-ish figure laying beneath the jellyfish. It’s almost as if it knew to bring him here.
“Squid… ward…? Is that y-”
“Spongebob!” Squidward wastes no time the second he hears his voice, and leaps to Spongebob’s side. “I-I… when you- you…” Squidward can’t get anything out, he’s all choked up. He throws his arms around Spongebob and weeps into his shoulder. After a very long time, Squidward finally speaks again, a rasping whisper. “I thought I’d lost you.”
Spongebob clings to him, voice cracking. “Y-you came for me…”
“I did. I couldn’t just leave you.” You mean everything to me. Squidward almost says it, and his skin prickles with goosebumps when he feels the hug tighten and the warm breathing on his neck. Then, there are tears running down his back, and now Squidward is crying, too. They sit together, holding each other, and neither of them notice the group of bioluminescent jellyfish that are now gathered around them. Long, sprawling tendrils make glowing, azure lines in the water, and the tops of the jellyfish look like little stars the farther away they float.
“Whoa, Squidward, look… isn't it enchanting?” Spongebob pipes up, gesturing all around with an innocent whimsy. Squidward scans the surrounding water. The jellyfish really are stunning, but none more so than the yellow sponge sitting next to him, his eyes big and sparkling, reflecting the glow around them. Squidward has to stop to swallow the lump forming in the back of his throat, and he clutches his chest as to stave off his heart’s thunderous palpitations.
“Yeah… you are…”
“W-wha-!?” Spongebob stammers and catches a breath, bright red splayed across his cheeks. “I am?”
Squidward is bewildered for a split second before he realizes what he’s said. Suddenly, he’s sweating through his shirt, and he can’t think of a clever way out. His chest heaves with a yearning sigh. “W-well, yeah. The way the blueish glow makes your eyes twinkle. The blush across your freckles. Your… smile. It kinda makes me wish I had my easel.” By the time Squidward is done talking, his hands are shaking uncontrollably, and he cannot for the life of him look at Spongebob directly. He hears squeaking, whimpering, and when he finally peeks through his eyelids, Spongebob is there, right there, boring into Squidward with a wettened gaze.
“Squidward, you keep saying such nice things to me, and it makes me feel really, really, really happy. All warm and fuzzy, but also like there’s jellyfish in my stomach, and sometimes they sting because… because… oh, Squidward! It’s the reason I… I… kissed you before. And I feel absolutely awful because I can’t help how I feel, and-“
Spongebob just keeps apologizing for that stupid kiss, and Squidward can barely stand it. He doesn’t want him to apologize. To make matters harder, it seems as though Neptune himself is cursing them with all this natural beauty and serenity in the darkness- the perfect place to abandon all woes and release all burdens. Maybe even open a door, or two. Perhaps what occurs next is the result of said curse, or maybe it’s just because Squidward is so, so tired of the façade. If he can be honest with himself even for just a moment, it will offer sufficient ease. He gives Spongebob a long once-over before gently lifting him and pecking his mouth with a fast, firm kiss. Their lips smack as they part, and Spongebob’s face is so flushed and flustered that Squidward’s stomach flips. There’s a slight annoyance in his tone, but only because he had to kiss him to get him to clam up. “There. Now we’re even. You can stop talking about it now.”
“S-S-Squi-” Before Spongebob can finish his thought, a loud yell can be heard from high above, accompanied by the sound of propellors.
“Spongebob? Squidward?” The drawl carries over into the trench’s opening, and when they crane their necks upwards, the origin of those noises becomes abundantly clear.
“Sandy!? Oh, we're SAVED!! SANDY, SANDY!! WE’RE DOWN HERE!!!” They call frantically in unison, and miraculously, she hears them.
"Hold on, guys!" Sandy lets down a rope, and as soon as Spongebob and Squidward are safe inside her submarine, she begins grilling them. “What in tarnation were ya doin’ down there? Doesn’t seem like a regular night for y’all.”
Squidward and Spongebob give each other a shy glance, and Sandy raises her eyebrow. Squidward is the one to eventually speak. “Erhm, well, unfortunately, we got into an altercation with Spongebob’s absolute maniac of a cousin. He threw Spongebob into the trench, and then I-”
“HE DID WHAT!?” Sandy interrupts, her face steaming, red and angry. “Well, let’s pay this cousin a’ yours a little visit, shall we?” She narrows her eyes and stomps on the gas, and the engine roars to life with vigor. Spongebob and Squidward share another look, one that knows just what Sandy plans to do. They quickly arrive at the pineapple where Blackjack is sprawled out on the step, rooting through a pile of Spongebob’s mail.
“Boring, boring, boring, ooh! Money from Gramma, yoink! Hmm, boring, bor-“
“Well, well, well, if it ain’t the infamous Blackjack. You’d best apologize t’ my friend, ya hear?” Sandy stands just feet away from him, legs apart in a commanding stance.
Squidward snickers. He’s elated that Sandy is about to give Blackjack the beating of a lifetime. It’s a long-time coming, and it’s going to be unimaginably cathartic. To Squidward’s surprise, however, Blackjack completely ignores Sandy, and instead turns his attention to Spongebob. Even though Sandy is there, the hairs on the back of Squidward’s neck stand on end, and he is immediately alert, grabbing Spongebob and holding him close, just in case.
“Little buddy! I knew you’d make it outta that trench sooner ‘er later! Though I wasn’t expectin’ the submarine and the furry, buck-toothed freak. Anyway, I was just waitin’ for you to get back so I co-”
“HEY!! Didn’t ya hear me? I said apologize!”
Blackjack scoffs, blowing a piece of stray hair out of his eyes. “And who are you? Another one of Baby Bobby’s weirdo girlfriends?”
“Naw,” Sandy chortles, a slow, deliberate sneer spreading across her cheeks. “But I am the one who’s about ta whoop your lily-livered bee-hind! HY-YAH!” As furious as a tornado, Sandy rushes Blackjack, catching him completely off guard. She repeatedly karate chops his body, battering his legs first, then moving to his back and stomach. Blackjack is doubling over, groaning and blubbering.
“Y-You cheated! You caught me by surprise!”
Sandy cackles even harder, picking Blackjack up and twirling him on her finger like a basketball. “Oh, I ain’t done with you, yet!” She begins dribbling him, then slam dunking him into a nearby dumpster. For some odd reason, there is a scoreboard above the trash receptacle, and it buzzes, showing: “Sandy: 1, Blackjack: 0.”
Blackjack lugs his body out of the garbage, dripping with filth and staggering around as he tries to get on his feet. He doesn’t have much time for respite, no matter how he begs for her mercy.
“And now it’s time for the grand finale! YEEE-HAWWW!!!” Sandy hoists an anchor over from somewhere in the vicinity, and with expert precision, hooks it to the back of Blackjack’s pants.
“N-no! PLEASE, NOOO!!” Blackjack screeches, tears and snot pouring down bruised cheeks and puffed-up lips.
Sandy begins to whip the anchor around her head like a lasso, and with a final wink to Blackjack, she releases her grip on the chain, sending the anchor, and Blackjack, flying off into the distance. She sighs cheerily to herself, and dusts off her palms. “Welp. That takes care a’ that! Now then,” Sandy whips around to face Spongebob, an irritated look on her face, and fire in her tone. “Why in tarnation didn’t ya call me!?”
“I’m sorry, I thought you were at the science expo!
“Well, shoot, Spongebob, I ain’t leavin’ ‘til tomorrow! I was outside makin' preparations when I heard ya both screamin'!”
“O-oh… heh,” Spongebob chuckles, scratching the back of his head. “Must’ve gotten the dates wrong…”
Sandy’s demeanor shifts in an instant, and her smile is wide and warm. She envelops Spongebob in a crushing hug, lifting him off the ground. “Aw, it’s okay! I’m just happy you’re alright!” She chimes, and he giggles in response.
Squidward watches the exchange with just the slightest glint of jealousy in his eye. He shouldn’t be jealous, but he also knows that his relationship with Spongebob is far too chaotic and messy to actually work out in a healthy way. He deserves someone who can be there for him, like he is for everyone else. He needs sunshine for his garden to bloom. What Squidward doesn’t see is Sandy gently nudging Spongebob forward with her elbow, nor does he notice when Spongebob is directly behind him. It’s only when he feels resistance coming from the hem of his shirt, does he stop to turn around.
“Squidward, where are you going?” Spongebob sounds so tiny, so cautious.
Squidward sighs, his shoulders drooping. “I’m going home, Spongebob. I’m going home to my bed where I can lay down, maybe get a few hours of sleep, and try to forget about this whole unfortunate ordeal.”
Spongebob’s fingers encircle his shirt tighter. “The whole th-thing…?”
“W-well…” Squidward sort of wishes there was a way to go back to how it was before, when he wasn’t in constant danger of his heart being ravaged, or when he didn’t have to be so vulnerable all the time. But then, there’s a bigger part of him that so desperately wishes for things to change, for Squidward to finally be free, to not have to hold himself on trial. He exhales, releasing the tension from his face. “… maybe not the whole thing. Some parts were…” Exhilarating. Liberating. “… really, really good.”
Spongebob’s face lights up, and as if on cue, the sun peeks just over the horizon to illuminate those enchanting, sea-blue eyes with its pinkish glow. Squidward wants to kiss him, again. He refrains because he knows if he does, he won’t want to stop.
“Do you think we could…” Spongebob looks a bit sheepish, and he shuffles his feet awkwardly. “…s-still… lay in bed together?” His words tumble out in a frenzy, and his eyelids are squeezed shut.
The corners of Squidward’s mouth turn upwards into a lopsided smirk, and he rolls his eyes playfully, feigning reluctance. “Hmm, your stuff is still at my house. Not to mention your snail…” He pauses for dramatic effect. “Fine, I guess. But only for today, then it's back to normal!” Whatever that means.
Spongebob gasps, a captivating look of pure joy on his face. Squidward basks in it, and he feels complete somehow, like the storm clouds in his head have parted just enough to let beams of golden light shine through. A balance. They clasp hands, their silhouettes dancing with the rise of the morning sun.
One day, Spongebob… Squidward’s heart leaps to his throat, as he watches the little sponge skip merrily beside him. … I’ll be ready to show you just how much you really mean to me. His pupils widen, and his eyes become glassy. He may start crying, but he doesn’t care. Spongebob is happy, he is safe, and everything is as it should be. Everything feels right again.
End