Chapter Text
December 13th 1985
Mike never mentions that night again, neither of them do, but even over a month later he can still taste the alcohol on his tongue and remember the scent of Dustin’s sheets and pillow. It’s fuzzy, but he also recalls resting his head on Dustin’s hand and the way the other boy’s mouth parted, red coloring his cheeks, that tense moment before he pulled away.
Mike is an idiot.
An idiot who ruined almost everything.
He’s completely forgone Nancy’s advice since that moment, just focusing on being a normal friend. It’s been difficult and his heart quite literally feels like it’s caving in anytime he sees Dustin talk to another girl or when Stacy tracks him down in the hallways.
At least winter break is coming up. He’ll be busy during it with family, so he can focus on all those problems and not his heart ache for his best friend.
Speaking of best friends, he’s tried to call Will multiple times after their last conversation but the line is either busy or no one picks up. The only time someone actually answered was late at night and Jonathan talked into the phone. When Mike asked him where Will was he got an extremely vague and garbled answer, the older boy making zero sense.
He quickly deduced Jonathan was high as shit and hung up.
Since then he can’t seem to get ahold of Will and he’s beginning to lose hope.
It’s lonely in his house since he’s been avoiding the curly haired teen more and more unless they’re in class.
Thats another thing, trying not to be touchy or talkative with Dustin is hard, near impossible actually. He thought he could handle it, but it’s not getting any easier, it’s only getting worse.
He can feel Dustin pulling away too.
So, when Mike notices the other boy out of the corner of his eye he dives into the closest room he can find, not bothering to see where he’s going. He presses his back against the door, holding his breath as he hears Dustin pass by, the teenager speaking to Stacy again.
His heart sinks when he hears her muffled voice talking about her pet gecko and his crush animatedly telling her all the facts about the reptile.
Mike sinks against the door, sliding down it as he puts his face in his hands. He sits there for a bit, just taking in the silence of the room before raising his head and wiping at the tear tracks on his cheeks.
Stupid…he’s a stupid mess.
If Dustin didn’t like Stacy before, he sure does now.
And what does Mike have to show for all the moments they spent together? Drunkenness, pushing the boy he loves away, wallowing in self pity and just giving up.
His chest hitches and he hugs himself closer, trying to focus on the room rather than his misery. His eyes scan the area, noticing it’s one of the teachers offices, clean and controlled. Some filing cabinets are off to the side and a second seat across from the desk. By the seat is a skateboard, duct taped and the bottom filled with stickers, the Hawkins AV Club being the same one he stuck on Max’s skateboard to annoy her.
With a start he realizes it is Max’s skateboard and he stands up and walks over to it. He picks it up thoughtfully, hand tracing the grooves in it and he frowns worriedly.
Why is this in here? Did she forget her board? Did something grab her? Is she okay?
What if it’s another Upside Down thing? What if he’s been agonizing over Dustin and something happened to Max?
Something clearly happened to Will or else his best friend hates him and that’s why he’s ignoring his calls.
He keeps pushing away everyone he cares about, Will, Dustin, his friends…
He ruins everything-
The door creaks open behind him and he jumps back, startled to see Max standing in the doorway of the dark room, light filling the office from the outside.
Her eyes practically bulge from her head when she sees him gripping the board and she slams the door behind her. The lights flick on and she stomps over, tearing the skateboard from his grip with a strong yank.
“What is your problem?!” Max snarls, shoulders shaking. “What are you doing?! Stalking me?”
Mike just stares back, his chest hitching again and he suddenly realizes he’s short on air. He can still feel tears rolling down his cheeks and he jolts, turning away to scrub at his face. His vision blurs as he just smears the tears across his cheeks, the action just making things worse.
The other teen is quiet behind him, no longer yelling at him.
Fuck- he needs to get ahold of himself.
Yet he can’t seem to calm down, mind spinning into a blurry mess of nonsense. His head is starting to pound too, a sickening dizziness spreading with every tear squeezed from his eyes.
Why is his chest so tight?
Why won’t the tears stop?
What is wrong with him?!
“Hey, just- just sit down, okay?” Max grabs him by the shoulders and guides him into one of the chairs. The teen girl kneels to his level and sets a hand on the arm of the chair, her eyes gazing at the wall and not at him. “It’s okay. I’m not mad.” she tries to comfort him, but her eyes stay glued in an entirely different direction and Mike faintly realizes she’s trying not to baby him since she knows he hates it.
They both hate it.
Mike closes his eyes tightly, attempting to regulate his breathing. His chest burns with every breath he takes and he finds himself failing at getting air in just seconds later. Everytime he tries to get oxygen back in his brain he just fails horribly.
He feels like he’s dying-
Fuck, is he dying?
“It’s okay. You’ll get it, just keep trying.” Max murmurs and Mike feels his cheeks flood with heat, shame settling heavy in his gut.
After a few minutes the air comes a little easier, but he still feels light-headed. His skull is about ready to burst and he opens his eyes with a small, somewhat shaky breath. His vision is bleary and he dries his itchy eyes with the back of his wrist.
He’s so tired, limbs feeling weak and boneless. He’s a wreck, a skinny, useless, wreck. He can’t do anything right and he’s certainly not good enough for Dustin.
The shame from before is back tenfold as Max hands over some tissues, without making eye contact. He takes them silently and makes for certain that his eyes and cheeks are completely dry.
The two sit there for a while and then Max finally looks at him, her eyes a little shiny too.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Mike questions in disbelief.
“You freaked out, man! Clearly you were upset and me yelling just made it worse. I always make things worse.” she finishes ruefully and stands up, gripping the skateboard against her chest with trembling hands.
Mike sighs and lets his head falls back against the chair. He stares up at the ceiling and swallows back the lump in his throat. He still feels congested from all the crying and he wipes at his face again despite it being rubbed so dry it’s raw.
“You and me both.” he murmurs in defeat, letting himself slump against the chair. “I never see Lucas anymore, I’m avoiding Dustin all the time and now I think Will hates me, him and El. I…I’m alone now and I think it might be for the best-“ his voice cracks and he buries his face in his hands, a few small tears escaping his already parched eyes.
Max takes in a deep breath and he feels a palm nudge him.
When he looks up her hand is outstretched and she beckons him twice before extending it again.
“I don’t hate you yet.” she finally says after a moment and against all odds he takes her hand, letting her pull him up.
The two of them walk side by side, just a few inches apart although Max sidles closer a few times, avoiding brushing shoulders with anyone who walks by. When she bumps into Mike by accident she doesn’t seem to mind as much as a stranger and they enter the cafeteria ten minutes late.
Mike breathes in the lunchroom air, wincing when he still feels a little queasy from his break down.
Could that be considered a breakdown?
It sure felt like he was losing his mind for a moment.
At least most of the stress on his brain has subsided.
Max and him go through the depleted lunch line and she pulls him to an empty table, the one tucked in a corner and with gum stuck to the bottom of it.
Mike pulls a face at that and the other teen rolls her eyes.
“It’s not that bad…you get used to it. Nobody will bother you here either.”
Mike pauses at that and relief floods through him, so strong that his shoulders drop and he takes a hesitant bite out of his slightly mushy apple.
The prospect of not having to deal with sitting next to Hellfire Club is far more comforting than he realized. He knows he can’t look at Dustin without being crushed or gaze at Lucas sitting at the popular table without feeling depressed.
He’s miserable all around, but he feels a little less miserable next to Max.
“Ms. Kelley should be back after her lunch break. I just forgot my skateboard in there.”
“Who’s Ms. Kelley?” Mike’s features scrunch and Max stares at him for a few seconds before just shaking her head with a sigh.
“The office you hid in is the school counselor’s office and you’re lucky she didn’t find you. You’d be getting a very long and informative therapy session. So, uh, you’re welcome for saving you.” her lips twitch slightly at the end of the sentence and she looks up at Mike, watching him carefully.
If Mike were any of his other friends he’d ask why Max was in Ms. Kelley’s office or if she needed to talk to someone, but he’s not.
He doesn’t pry and he knows that’s what Max is afraid of.
Now he knows there’s a reason she’s avoiding them, but he’s not going to dig any deeper than that unless she lets him in herself.
“My hero.” he replies instead, adding a small, sarcastic smile of his own and Max barks out a laugh.
“Oh, Wheeler, what would you do without your knight in shining armor?”
“Probably get therapized by the cleric Ms. Kelley and gain divine knowledge.” he passes a hand over the air and shakes his head with a chuckle. He drops the hand back down, smiling to himself.
“Divine knowledge? You are such a nerd, Mike Wheeler.” Max rests her elbows on the table and looks at him. Her usually dull eyes have a bit more sparkle in them at the moment. She almost looks happy or at least comfortable.
It’s weird to think he’s the one that caused that emotion in her.
When they were younger they argued like there was no tomorrow, him too stubborn to let her in because of El and her sensing his aggression and throwing it right back.
In the end she just wanted to be friends.
And he wishes he would’ve got his ass out of his head sooner.
“If I’m a nerd then what does that make you?”
“Your valiant zoomer.” She responds instantly and takes a sip of her juice. Her eyes scan the lunch room and her grip on the juice box tightens as she turns her head back to Mike. “Don’t look now, Dustin is glaring at us.”
“What?” Mike looks up, eyes hastily flicking around until he finds the Hellfire lunch table. His eyes lock onto the other boy’s eyes and he watches as Dustin’s face turns beet red and he quickly stares at his food instead. From this far away Mike can just make out the angry line in his brow and the slight tremor to his shoulders.
His heart sinks as the sight and he drops his head onto the table with a heavy sigh.
“He hates me.”
Max takes another loud sip of her juice and sets the carton down.
“I don’t think it’s you that’s bothering him. I’ve been…distant and I think him and Lucas are getting a little upset.” she pushes her food around with her plastic fork before stabbing her salad and dipping it in ranch ruefully. “They’re probably mad we’re talking.”
“Why are you talking to me?” Mike asks genuinely, glancing up at her with his dark eyes. He feels like a kicked puppy, miserable and wishing his friends would just take him back. Not that it’d work anyway, clearly he’s the issue here.
Will started acting weird after their call, he stopped talking to Lucas afraid that he’ll relay the information to Dustin, and he’s basically alienated his crush other than classes or DND club.
“You don’t ask questions.” Max takes another bite, chews and swallows. “With Dustin and Lucas it’s always so much worry and pestering. You’re not like that. You don’t push and you treat me normally not like I’m a ticking time bomb or something.”
Mike processes the information, quietly thinking about it.
He hesitates then raises his chin to gaze at her face fully. His mouth dries out and he swallows, getting ready to say something that’s been bothering him, something he’s pushed to the back of his mind so he won’t think about it.
It’s been scratching at his brain ever since Will started ignoring his calls.
“I’m gonna tell you something, but I don’t want you to ask me anything about it.”
“Alright, Wheeler.” Max sets down her fork and turns all her attention towards him. Her gaze bores into him intensely, but Mike doesn’t find it so bad. It’s a little nice to have someone pay attention to him, he’s missed the adamant excitement his crush used to give him before Mike ruined their relationship.
“A month ago I told Will about someone I had feelings for…and he got really weird. Then he admitted to me that he also had a crush on a…girl, but she found someone else. Then he shut me out…and I’m worried we have a crush on the same girl. I didn’t even tell him her name, so it doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve been wracking my brain and I literally can’t imagine why else he’d be so angry with me.”
Max eyes him thoughtfully, tapping her fingers on the table. It’s a rhythmic motion and Mike tries to focus on that and not his self loathing.
He’s so tired, not just from his parents screaming every other night, but just from being drained of trying to be someone he isn’t.
He’ll never drink again. Not even consider it.
The action just messed everything up, not that he wasn’t already setting himself up for ruin.
“Honestly, I doubt whatever is going on with you and Will has to do with a girl.” Max finally says and gives him a small, semi reassuring smile. “You guys are so close that I’d be willing to wager he was just upset because you called about a crush rather than to just talk to him. I know he misses you.”
“How could you possibly know that?” Mike sighs tiredly.
“El’s letters.”
“El writes you letters?” Mike chokes in disbelief and the other teen gives him a sly smile.
“A new one every week.”
Mike shakes his head and drops his chin on his arm, leaning against the table.
“Does El hate me?”
“Believe it or not, no. She keeps asking me how you are and I don’t really know what to say, so I just tell her you’re doing great. Now, I seriously doubt that.” she pokes him lightly with her plastic fork and he gives her a defeated glare.
At least El cares.
Not enough to send him her own letters, but he supposes she doesn’t want to give him the wrong idea.
It would be really nice to have El advice on how to apologize to her brother though.
If only she still had her powers so they could communicate in her mindscape.
“Just give Will time. He’ll come around.” Max finishes the rest of her lunch, peering at the clock. “Well, I’m off to Ms. Click’s class.”
“Goodluck.” Mike says with earnest and she smiles wryly, walking off and leaving him alone.
He still feels a lot better than he has in a long time.
December 13th 7:00 pm 1985
“Mikeeee!”
Mike groans, throwing down the book he was reading through and trudging down the stairs. This is the third time his sister has screamed his name. Whatever she wants better be damn important if he’s coming all the way from his room.
He stomps up to Nancy and his eyes widen as she wordlessly shoves the phone into his hands.
A fragile hope leaps in his chest, threatening to completely burst through him.
Could Will finally be calling?
Its been so long-
Maybe Max was right about just giving him some time.
Slowly, he presses the phone to his ear, pulse rushing in it.
“Mike?”
The voice takes the air out of Mike’s lungs, his face turning a bright red. His mind flounders at the sound of Dustin’s voice, brain short circuiting in the most unholy ways.
Dustin called him?
Why didn’t he use the radio?
Then again Mike has been pointedly ignoring the walkie talkie unless it’s an emergency. It’s easier not to think about your big fat crush on a guy when you’re not hearing his lovely voice all the time.
“H-hey.” Mike winces at his voice crack, wishing the floor would swallow him up.
A voice crack?!
What is he twelve??
God, he hopes a demogorgon takes him now-
“Do you still have your fake ID?”
“…Yeah?”
“Eddie is performing at the Hideout later tonight. Do you want to come with me and watch?” Dustin asks, his voice small and oddly formal. There’s almost a hint of anxiety to it, but Mike writes it off as the other boy just being awkward that they haven’t talked much in a while.
The smartest choice would be to say no, close himself off more, but Will’s words rise to the surface of his mind once again.
Don’t let him pass you by.
He can’t be with Dustin, but he doesn’t want to lose him to time and poor decisions.
Maybe one night of fun could melt away the hardened atmosphere Mike created out of fear. Maybe he doesn’t have to be afraid.
Dustin doesn’t seem to hate him for that night, he didn’t even acknowledge it.
Maybe if he’s purposely not seeking a romantic relationship with Dustin, he can instead repair their friendship.
This might be just what he needs. A night with Dustin to cement into his mind they’re friends. Just friends.
Then all these upsetting thoughts and daydreams can go away and he’ll be normal.
“Are you still there?” Dustin asks again, voice tinny in the phone.
“Yes- yes, I’m here and I’ll be there. What time?” Mike asks, his chest getting all fluttery. He quickly tries to stamp that emotion out, heart racing in his narrow ribcage.
“Around eight-thirty. I’ll see you then?”
“See you then.” Mike says a quick goodbye and puts the phone back on its hook. He almost trips on himself in his hurry to get to his room, scanning the huge mess that’s his bedroom floor and closet. He flips through all the hangers of clothing, searching for something casual but still cool looking until he’s once again reminded this is not a date.
It’s a friendship renewal.
It doesn’t matter what he wears.
In the end he just chooses a pair of black jeans, a navy blue striped long sleeve and a black winter jacket with metallic zipper details.
He stands in the mirror of the bathroom, trying to decide if he wants to attempt to comb his slightly messy hair or lean into it. In the end he musses up his hair slightly more so to give it a tousled look, temporarily forgoing the hairspray.
It takes him about fifteen minutes to find his wallet and fake ID but once he gets ahold of them he’s out the door and onto his bike.
The ride to the hideout is thankfully silent, no one bothering him or accidentally scratching his bike with their car.
It’s peaceful yet it does little to calm his nerves.
With every foot closer to the Hideout, his heartbeat continues to pick up, nerves alight in his stomach. He almost stops pedaling for a second, brain short circuiting.
When he finally gets to the hideout he realizes only a few cars are around, better for him though, he doesn’t want any of his dad’s friends to see him in a bar and get him in trouble.
Mike gulps in a huge breath of air and shakily exhales, trying to clear his frazzled brain.
Just act normal.
Be his friend.
This isn’t a date.
Be his friend.
Make sure you don’t lose him.
Be his friend.
After locking up his bike he steps up to the door, quickly slipping inside. The bar smells like whisky and cigarettes and he wrinkles his nose, staring at the big neon signs and shiny, black leather seats. It takes him a moment to spot Dustin who’s bobbing his head to the sound of Corroded Coffin’s drums. He already has a glass of alcohol in his hands and Mike can’t help but glare at the drink as if it personally offended him.
Not this time.
Beer tastes like shit and makes you confess all your wrong thoughts to another man.
It’s a certified ‘never again in a million years’ for Mike Wheeler.
He slowly approaches the other teen and when he gets close enough, lunges forward and puts his ice cold hands on Dustin’s neck.
As expected the other teen lets out a shriek and recoils, nearly spilling his beer all over.
Mike laughs, smiling widely. His eyes gaze upon Dustin’s face, watching as his cheeks turn a bright red complimenting his pretty blue eyes.
“You’re an asshole.” Dustin manages to get out after a moment, cracking a tiny smile himself.
“The finest of assholes.” Mike responds, trying not to get lost in the other boy’s eyes too much.
The music starts to swell and Dustin closes his eyes, banging his head to the rhythm.
Corroded Coffin is pretty good even though Mike prefers more soulful music and he sways to the tune along with the other teen.
The place is overall very dark other than the neon lights and after a while his eyes start to hurt. He leans towards the shadowy areas, smiling when Dustin leans up beside him, drinking another beverage that admittedly looks stronger than just your average beer.
Mike really hopes Eddie is driving his crush home tonight.
He rather not Dustin fall off his bike and end up getting ran over.
Just the thought curdles his stomach and he grimaces, eyes half lidded as the music echoes in the background. It may be loud and pulse pounding yet despite it he feels oddly at ease. Maybe it’s because he’s so close to Dustin.
He’s missed him, missed how safe he feels around him.
“Why were you hanging out with Max?” Dustin asks and Mike startles a little at how thick his voice is with alcohol.
How much did he drink before Mike even got here?
He’s obviously steadily getting more and more mushed in the brain with every drink he has.
“We just bumped into each other and decided to talk. It’s been awhile since we caught up.” he answers easily, cracking an eye open to look at Dustin.
The curly haired teen is frowning, clearly unhappy with his answer. His fingers are grasped loosely around the small alcohol glass, his body swaying not to the music but from how unsteady on his feet he is.
“You’re lying.” He states and Mike’s mouth starts to dry up.
How does he know?
No one else notices if he’s lying.
No one else besides Will.
What else does he know?
Mike’s face starts to drain of color at the final thought, the pink in his cheeks disappearing. His chest tightens, lungs constricting once again and he’s reminded of his breakdown in Ms. Kelley’s office.
This isn’t a sign of another one, right?
He’s just tense.
He can’t freak out on Dustin.
He can’t.
This is supposed to be a friendship renewal!
“Why are you lying to me?” Dustin persists, staring at him with a hurt expression. It’s mixed in with a painfully pretty frustration, his eyebrows cinched. “Why do you keep avoiding me?”
“I’m not avoiding you!” Mike exclaims, the calmness from before completely vanishing. His palms and the back of his neck start to bead up with sweat, anxiety twisting deep inside him like a knife being plunged further in. “I’ve just been busy!”
“Busy enough to steal Lucas’s girlfriend?” Dustin accuses and everything leaves Mike’s mind for a brief moment.
All the music from the background fades away, his ears ringing. When his hearing comes back fully all he feels is a fresh wave of emotions, mainly pure, unbridled rage.
“Are you crazy?! Max is just a friend!”
“What? Like us?”
“No, not like us!”
“Are we not friends?” Dustin counters and the room stills. The boy’s piercing blue gaze stares into his, a steeliness to them. It’s beautiful in a bittersweet way.
Are we not friends?
Mike’s eyes fall to Dustin’s lips and the air suddenly feels thick. Every scent is much more pronounced, the musk of the bar, the alcohol on his crush’s breath, the fresh cigarette ash on the nearby trays.
“We’re…friends. Best friends.” Mike finally says, the words tasting foul in his mouth.
The other teen’s eyes seem to get a far off look to them and he turns away, downing the rest of his drink. His fingers are curled tightly around the empty glass as he heads back towards the bartender, completely ignoring Mike.
Best friends.
What a joke.
He should just go home.
Call it quits.
Maybe he can still grasp onto the last remaining threads of friendship with Lucas and Max.
Mike casts another look at Dustin and his heart aches. He takes a half a step forward then another and stops abruptly, forcing himself not to go over and kiss the other teen on the lips.
It’ll only make things worse.
The drums nearly drown out all his thoughts and Mike sinks into a seat in the very back of the bar. It smells especially thick of cigarettes and he watches as Dustin drinks glass after glass of the liquid.
He should do something, stop him before he gets too hammered, but Mike is a coward.
A coward who doesn’t want to ruin things any further.
A few times he swears he hears Eddie’s guitar miss a few strings and he wonders if the older teen can see one of his sheep on his way to getting black out drunk.
There’s the sound of heavy footsteps and Mike tenses as someone sits less than a foot from him. His eyes snap up to look at the rugged man. He looks to be about seven or eight years older but he seems rough around the edges, his deep brown eyes glittering in interest.
A deep uncomfortableness squirms in Mike’s chest and he slowly inches away, trying to keep his panic at bay at the fact he’s trapped inside the booth by a man much bigger and by the smell of it much more wasted than him.
“Could you move?” Mike asks, eyes darting around to search for Dustin. He can’t seem to find the other boy and his heart starts pounding faster. “I need to get back to my friend and you’re blocking the way. So, if you could just-“
“I don’t know…you looked pretty lonely to me.” the guy grins, all teeth as he swirls a tequila glass in his hand. “I figured I’d keep you company.”
Mike desperately glances over at Eddie, but he can’t catch his eye since the older teen is lost in the music and unfortunately too far away to notice Mike unless he stood up on the booth chair.
“Seriously, I gotta find my friend. He’s pretty drunk and I’m worried.”
“I don’t think he’ll miss you if he’s that drunk.” The guy tilts his head and Mike’s stomach churns, his breathing coming out strained.
He shouldn’t of said that-
Now the man knows Dustin is out of commission.
At least he doesn’t know he knows the lead guitarist.
“Whats your name, kid?”
Mike involuntarily shudders, squeezing himself into the back of the booth in an effort to get away. It only succeeds in trapping him further as the guy inches closer until there’s barely any leg room.
“Come on, don’t be shy.”
“Mike. Now, let me go.” Mike grits out, muscles pulled dangerously taut.
“Mike. Short for Michael?”
“Let me leave.”
“It’s a nice name.” the guy drawls, pushing over the tequila glass. “You look like you could loosen up a bit. Have a drink.”
Mike scans the area again in panic, trying to find Dustin or literally any other adult that can help. All the men in the bar appear drunk though and the bartender is preoccupied by some new patrons. He’s completely on his own, stuck in the small foot and a half of space, just a few inches away from the man’s legs.
He’s almost at the point he’s willing to yell for help, even of it outs him as a minor in a literal bar.
It’d get both him and Dustin in trouble but at least he’d be safe.
“Look, how about this, one glass and I move out of the way. Then you can go find your friend. Sounds like a fair trade, doesn’t it?”
Mike swallows thickly and stares at the tequila in the shot glass. It’s small, barely any alcohol in the tiny container. He could probably take one swig and finish it, then he’d be able to leave in peace.
Slowly he extends his hand towards the shot glass, flinching when the man’s fingers graze his. The drink feels heavy in his palm as he brings it towards his trembling lips.
One glass then he can get as far away from here as possible.
Easy…
He brings the drink to his mouth, trying not to wince away from its pungent scent. He takes a deep breath in and out, preparing himself to take it in one gulp when two hands slam onto the table and he drops the tequila all over himself instead.
“Get the fuck away from him!” Dustin’s husky and quite alarmingly authoritative voice cuts through the panic Mike’s been drowning in.
A few heads turn at the sound and the guy trapping Mike in takes a cautious look around at the patrons and smiles in false innocence, slowly exiting the booth.
“Relax, I was just talking.” he shrugs, his eyes lingering on Mike’s pale face and shiny eyes a moment longer before turning away and heading towards the door of the bar.
A tear makes its way down Mike’s face before he can even register it. By the time he realizes there is one it’s already dropped off his jaw, no time to wipe it away and pretend it never happened.
His cheeks heat up in embarrassment and his stomach knots painfully, roiling with nausea and fear. The type of fear that makes him all sweaty and tired, exhaustion setting it, but still not calm enough to rest after that horrifying ordeal.
The storm in his mind is back, but it’s no longer the struggle of his crush on Dustin, instead it’s tinged with real danger.
What if that guy is outside waiting for him?
Just lying in wait until he can strike?
Will he go missing like his best friend, but this time not come back?
“Mike? You can get out of there now.” Dustin’s slightly slurred speech is gentle and soothing and he leans halfway into the booth. He reaches out his own shaking hand, offering it to him. “You’re not trapped anymore, I promise. You’re safe.”
That’s all it takes for Mike to leap out of the corner and pull Dustin straight into a hug. He doesn’t care if he’s a teenager now, he doesn’t care if people stare or assume they’re fairies. He just wants to hold onto the sensation of safety forever, his fingers digging into the other teen’s jacket.
His pulse thuds in his throat, neck muscles tightening and he buries his face in the crook of his crush’s shoulder.
Dustin hesitates for a moment before clumsily setting his hands over the black haired boy’s back. His body slumps a little against the table, trying to keep them both standing up.
“It’s okay. It’s over.”
Mike can feel himself start shaking in Dustin’s arms, his whole body shuddering like it’s about to collapse in on itself, like a rickety cabin in the middle of a storm or a swing-set that’s chains are rusting. A certain coldness sets in too, the chill reaching underneath his skin and in his brain, too deep for him to warm himself up again.
He’s so tired…so cold.
Has he ever been this cold?
Probably not since the tunnels under Hawkins.
Slowly his crush starts to lower them further and Mike’s knees press against the floor as the two arms wrap around his back more securely. They hold him in place, a solid comfort and an absolute a promise of safety.
It’s okay…
He’s gone. The guy is gone and as long as Dustin is here nothing can happen to him.
He wouldn’t let that happen.
Footsteps barrel towards them and Mike flinches as another figure comes into view. He instantly deflates when he sees Eddie kneel down and look them over in panic. His wild eyes search their eyes for something Mike isn’t sure of.
“What happened?”
Both teens wince at the older boy’s serious tone and Mike feels himself wilting in shame.
“Some guy trapped Mike in the booth and was trying to get him to drink something.” Dustin explains, still holding onto the black haired boy tightly. His chin is right over Mike’s boney shoulder as he gazes at Eddie. “He’s gone now.”
Eddie’s face pales, his visage looking that of a ghost.
“Mike, listen to me.” The older teen shuffles forward and puts a hand on the teen’s free shoulder. “Did you drink any of it? Any of it at all? I need to know.”
“No, I didn’t have to. Dustin helped scare him off.”
Was that guy trying to roofie him?
Is that why Eddie is so worried about it?
The thought makes him feel sick, mouth filling with a sour taste.
Eddie’s expression crumples in relief at his words and he nods jerkily with a sharp inhale. His grip on Mike’s shoulder loosens a bit, but not enough to let go completely.
“Did he touch you at all?”
“No.” Mike shakes his head with a sniff and mentally curses himself when his lower lip wobbles and he swallows the gross taste in the back of his throat.
No weakness.
He’s too old to be crying in public.
In the shower? Sure.
In a bar where everyone can see? No way.
“Okay, okay…let’s get you home.” Eddie rises to his feet, helping the two boys up. He keeps an arm around both of them as he guides them towards the back of the bar where the other band members are putting away their instruments hastily.
Mike’s eyes catch onto Gareth who’s pacing back and forth nervously. His head shoots up when he sees the three of them approach and the tension in his shoulders drops.
“Are you guys okay?” he asks, walking to them and looking the younger teens over in concern.
Mike can’t even find it in himself to confirm he’s alright, his body weighed down with a painful tiredness.
Dustin doesn’t reply either, his shoulders shaking.
“We have to get them home. I’ll explain later.” Eddie says in a low voice and starts packing up his electric guitar.
A radio starts to play in the background, replacing the band’s music and the two younger teens sit down beside each other, sides pressed against one another.
Mike drops his head on Dustin’s shoulder, closing his eyes tightly. A headache is forming behind his eyes and he grimaces, his skull feeling as if it’s about to combust, straining for his mind to focus on the warmth of his crush and not the pain.
He just wants to lay down beside Dustin for a while, to sleep against him.
At least his pulse is slowing now that he’s close to the other boy, the sense of exhaustion starting to let him relax next to his crush.
The curly haired teen’s hand brushes against Mike’s and when the dark haired teen doesn’t pull away he interlocks their fingers.
Mike grits his teeth, willing his tears back at the gentle, pure touch.
Just friends.
Just…
Oh screw it.
Mike leans further into Dustin, their bodies the closest they’ve been in a long, long time.
The other teenager shudders a little and melts into the touch, their heads rested against each other with pure sensory input. His body is warm and Mike breathes in deeply, trying to settle his nerves all the way.
It’s okay.
He’s okay now.
“Alright, let’s go.” Eddie speaks over them and Mike opens his eyes to look at the older boy who helps them up. He once again wraps his arms around their backs, leading them into the parking lot and towards the van.
“My bike..” Mike protests softly and Eddie turns to him, looking him over.
“Where’s it at? I’ll get it for you.”
“Over there.” Mike points towards the bike rack and Eddie nods, helping both teens to the back of the van. He lowers them gingerly, tucking them right behind the front seats and patting Dustin on his curls.
“I’ll be right back. And Dustin, try not to puke in my car.”
Mike’s crush nods, slumping to the side of the vehicle.
With that the oldest teen moves away and Jeff, Gareth and Dougie set their musical instruments into the back of the vehicle, the youngest teens huddled on the other side.
When Eddie returns, he shoves Mike’s bike into the very last remaining free spot. His dark eyes flick over to the boys, shining with worry.
“You guys hanging tight in there?”
“Yeah.” Mike nods, his voice strained from how hard he’s trying to choke back any overwhelming emotions. He squeezes his eyes shut and rests on top of Dustin’s body, the curly haired teen leaning into him with no hesitation.
Once on the road the anxiety in him tapers away, until he’s almost chilled out enough to fall asleep right beside his crush. Where his head is placed he can hear the soft thumping of Dustin’s heart, the way it starts to slow once he calms as well.
“I’m sorry I accused you of stealing Max away from Lucas.” the teen whispers and Mike’s eyes snap open at the words. “I was just angry that you’ve been distant. I like hanging out with you and you almost got hurt because I was being an asshole about everything.”
There’s a long pause and Mike finds himself settling a hand over the other boy’s arm, his fingers pressed into the thick fabric of his jacket.
“I’ve been an asshole too.”
“You haven’t-“
“Yeah, I have. After I got drunk with you that night, I’ve been stupidly embarrassed about it. I didn’t want to complicate things so I stayed away. It wasn’t cool.”
Dustin’s gorgeous eyes blink open, hazed over with drunkenness as he gazes at Mike. His arm shifts from where it’s resting and clasps Mike’s forearm, a little heavy against the black haired teen’s thin arm. The intensity in his stare deepens as he licks his dry lips before speaking.
“What if I want it complicated?”
Mike’s lips part, an overwhelming surge of euphoria crashing over him. His ears burn and his stomach explodes in butterflies, giddiness replacing the fear from earlier. It’s like everything is bright and sunny for just a brief moment then he remembers the scent of alcohol on Dustin’s jacket and all over his own shirt.
Dustin is drunk.
He doesn’t mean it.
They just went through something really scary and his brain is giving him mixed signals…
And even if (and that’s a big if) he feels the same it’s not like Mike can lean into it or show him just how much he wishes it could be complicated too.
His best friend is way too under the influence for that.
It wouldn’t feel right to tell him about his true feelings or touch him romantically when Mike is stone cold sober and Dustin is completely out of it.
Mike slowly pulls his arm away from Dustin’s hand, crossing it to his chest.
“You’re drunk.”
“I want it complicated.”
“You don’t know what you want.”
Dustin’s lip pulls into a taut line and he doesn’t speak again, gazing to the side and just staring at nothing. There’s a slight wet gleam to his eyes and Mike looks the other way, unable to stomach seeing his crush like that, like the other boy actually wants to be with him.
Mike’s chest twists painfully, a deep envy running through it as he thinks of Lucas and Max, about how they would never mind being quick to voice their feelings. If only it was that easy for him to say what he really wanted while Dustin was sober.
Don’t think about it.
There’s been enough thinking for tonight.
As the drive continues Mike tries to focus on the tape playing or Gareth and Eddie discussing some movie they’re planning to watch once it comes out.
It sounds like a horror film judging off what Eddie is saying and he tries to think about that and not all the problems going on in his life, Dustin’s mixed signals included.
Speaking of Dustin…
Mike eyes the other teen, feeling an immediate sense of relief when he realizes the curly haired teen is fast asleep against the side of the vehicle, snoozing deeply.
“Mike? We’re at your place.” Eddie says gently, the van slowing to a crawl. “You might have to climb over the seat though. It’s going to be hard to go through the back.”
Mike sighs, waiting for the older teenager to crawl out of the front seat so he can vault himself over it. He tries to do it as gingerly as possible, not wanting to wake his crush. He nearly hits him with his shoe by accident, but he just misses him thankfully.
After his minor gymnastics movement, he clambers out the door and goes around to the back of the van where Eddie pulls out his bike and helps him get it situated.
“Thanks.”
“Hey.” The older teen’s hand reaches out and firmly grips his shoulder, gently pulling him back. “I’m gonna need that ID back. We can’t repeat tonight.”
Mike hands the fake ID over without complaint, hands shaking just slightly at the exchange.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I feel better now. Just…tired.” Mike sighs and he looks up at the dark haired teen who’s watching him with open concern.
It makes something deep inside him ache like an infected wound.
He wishes Nancy looked at him like that, like she still wanted to hold and console him when he had a rough day.
His throat tightens and he lunges forward, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s thin mid section and hugging him tightly.
The noise of alarm the older boy makes almost has him letting go, but Eddie is quickly hugging him back before he can drop his arms.
The metal head squeezes him against his chest, one hand cupping the back of his head and neck. He keeps it there for a moment, the two of them embracing in an almost brotherly way.
Mike really wishes he had a big brother.
The closest he’s ever come to one was Jonathan and he’s far off in California with Will and El.
“You’re alright.” Eddie whispers with so much conviction that Mike actually believes it, his fingers digging into the metal head’s leather jacket till the fabric scrunches at the pull of his grip. His fingernails stay imbedded in it for a few more moments until he slowly pulls away from the hug, breathing in the cold night air.
“Try to get some sleep, okay?”
“Okay. Goodnight, Eddie.”
“Goodnight, sheepie.”
Mike rolls his eyes at the nickname and walks his bike to the house, leaning it against the side of the building. He steps inside the home and instantly flinches at the raised voices coming from the kitchen. He runs up the stairs in an effort to get away from it all, trying to get far off enough that he won’t hear the yelling and banging of things hitting walls.
Keep moving.
Make sure they can’t hear you.
If they can’t hear you then they don’t know you stayed out late and you won’t have to explain it.
When he reaches the second floor he notices that Nancy’s bedroom is empty and Holly’s room door is open a crack. He cautiously pushes it all the way open, glancing inside and noticing both his sisters asleep on the bed. The oldest is cradling the little girl protectively as she snoozes peacefully.
Slowly, he shuts the door, shrugging off his winter coat. He lies on the hard floor next to the bed, dragging over an extra blanket and using it as a bunched up pillow.
It’s cold and uncomfortable and his back is protesting right away, but he doesn’t care.
He wants to be with his siblings right now.
He needs to be.
December 14th 1985
“Mike…Mike, wake up. Mike…”
Mike groans at the voice invading his peaceful slumber. His eyes remain stubbornly shut as the person starts to push his shoulders, trying to rouse him. It’s not until two fingernails close around his hand and pinch his skin that he snaps awake.
“Ow! What the hell!” He shoves off the arm and sits up, instantly wincing at the all over body ache radiating off his limbs. It feels as if it’s in his bones, worming its way deep into the marrow and settling there with a painful chill.
Shit.
It’s really cold on the floor.
Why is he on the floor?
“Mike..”
He blinks and looks up, flinching back when he sees Nancy sitting right over him. Her brown, doey eyes are filled with worry as she reaches out and presses the back of her hand to his forehead then cheeks, seemingly unbothered when he pulls away with a grimace.
“What are you doing?” Mike mutters, wincing at the bad taste in his parched mouth. He could really go for some water right about now, cool water.
“You look like shit.” Nancy responds without preamble and sits back on her haunches. She looks a little less worried now that she’s put her hand all over his face, but there’s still a good amount of concern in her expression. ”Where were you last night? Holly and I didn’t fall asleep till ten and you weren’t home yet.”
It’s as if a rock settles in Mike’s stomach as he remembers the events of yesterday night, the sensation like sinking into the ocean spreading through him. Like he’s up a creek without a paddle, being held under relentless waves, a stone hitting the sea floor and staying there.
Some creep cornered him, Dustin saved him then drunkenly implied that he had feelings and…the hug with Eddie, the way he felt like he was being embraced by a big brother.
It’s enough to make his eyes feel watery, but he pushes down the emotion until it’s far away, contained in a box with all the other things he can never show.
“I went to watch one of our friend’s perform a band venue with Dustin. We got carried away and I lost track of time. I biked back as soon as I realized.”
Nancy’s eyes narrow and she crosses her arms.
“You’re lying to me.”
“What?!” Mike questions in exasperation.
How does she know when he lies too?!
Can everyone tell? Is he actually just a bad liar?
It’s getting ridiculous!
“You don’t make eye contact when you’re lying.” Nancy deadpans as if she can read his thoughts and shuffles forward, putting a hand on his arm. “Look, I know you Mike. Not as well as I used to, but you always complain when you don’t sleep with a blanket and you hate how cold the house floors are.” She stops for a moment, her expression holding something close to deep desperation and concern. “Yet you slept on the floor beside Holly and I last night. You didn’t even get any blankets from your room. That’s not normal. I know something happened, that’s the only reason you’d be willing to stay in the room.”
Mike swallows, sweat pooling in his palms until they’re uncomfortably damp and slippery. He opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it a moment later and just waits in the abrasive silence as he thinks over his options.
His sister has him backed into a corner right now.
He could lie, but he’s tired. He’s tired of just saying he’s fine.
He doesn’t want to be coddled by any means, but he doesn’t want to dodge it any longer.
Better to just rip off the bandaid.
“We went to a bar.” Mike says, not bothering to sugarcoat it. “Dustin and I had a friend make fake IDs for us so if we got questioned it wouldn’t matter. Some guy started hitting on me, but Dustin put an end to it pretty quick and after that our band friend drove us home.”
Nancy’s face is oddly blank for a moment then her whole face floods with red, nostrils flaring.
“Michael Benjamin Wheeler! You are in so much trouble!”
Mike laughs at that, he can’t help it, he can’t help the bitterness that echoes in it, poisoning it like a snake’s venom.
“Oh, you can’t be serious!” Mike stands up from the floor, ignoring how all his joints pop. “Newsflash you’re not my parent! You don’t get to call the shots! I’m not a kid anymore!”
Nancy stands up right after him, her fists clutched tightly. Her eyes hold a quiet fury, burning a holes into his face. Even her jaw is set in anger.
“Give me the ID.”
“I can’t. My band friend took it from me so this can never happen again.”
“Whats his name?”
“I’m not telling you.” Mike scoffs and rolls his eyes. He turns to leave the room but his older sister snatches his arm in an iron clad grip and drags him back to face her. “Hey! Let go!”
“Do you not realize how serious this is?!” Nancy stresses, glaring at him. Her hold doesn’t let up one bit, keeping him in his place temporarily. “You’re out here drinking and getting into trouble! That’s not okay!”
“I didn’t even drink!”
“Why do you smell like alcohol then?!”
Mike grits his teeth, rage bubbling up in him and he yanks his arm away from the older girl. It leaves an angry sting on his thin arm, a promise of a bruise and his eyes feel a little more wet than they should.
Shit.
He’s tearing up again.
“I smell like alcohol because that asshole in the bar was trying to roofie me! Dustin slammed his hands on the table and I dropped it all over me! Are you happy now, Nancy?! Is it a little easier knowing?! I sure fucking hope or is!” Mike spins on his heel and runs out of the room, speeding up when he hears his sister right behind him.
“Mike, wait!”
He slams his bedroom door in her face and turns the lock, panting out a heavy breath and stumbling back from the door at the pounding knocks.
“Open the door! I’m still talking to you!”
The door handle jiggles a little and Mike dives for the window, pushing it open and peering at the ground below. It’s a bit of a drop but there’s some bushes to cushion his fall. He’ll definitely get bruised, but it’s better than having to listen to the hammering on the door.
“Please, Mike! I’m s-“
Mike jumps out the window, bracing himself for the fall. He crashes into the bushes, instantly feeling the bruises forming on his knees and arms. He scrambles out of the shrubbery, patting away the brambles and running for where his bike is up against the house.
Nancy shouts something from on the other side of his door, but he’s already biking as far away as possible.
Pedaling through the streets, his heart is hammering in his chest as tears trickle down his cheeks. They’re messy and make his eyes puffy, nearly causing him to swerve into a sign post by accident.
He doesn’t even know where he’s going, just that he wants to get as far away as possible from Nancy and his childhood home.
Mike knows his sister would never hurt him purposely but his arm is aching at the way her fingers clamped down on his flesh.
The bike once again narrowly misses colliding into a bush and he reaches up, scrubbing at his soaked features.
It only succeeds in smudging the tear tracks all over his face and nose. Heat floods his cheeks and he turns out of his family’s part of the cul-de-sac, letting out a yelp when he slams right into a car. It just clips his bike and he hits the ground, palms and legs landing on the rough asphalt.
Someone cries out in alarm, but all he does is drag his bike upwards and keep pedaling, ignoring the small patches of blood on his hands and knees, some rocks imbedded in the mess of his mauled legs.
Should he go to Dustin’s place? No, he’s probably sleeping off the alcohol.
Max? Not her either. It’s a Saturday and she probably wouldn’t be happy if he just dropped in.
Lucas? He probably wouldn’t ask too many questions and his parents usually go to breakfast together on the weekends so he should be free from prying eyes. Other than Erica that is.
Without really thinking about his decision much longer, he heads towards the Sinclair household, going past house after house until he reaches the right one. His eyes flick to Lucas’s bike which is neatly placed by the garage door and he leans his up beside it too.
Taking a deep breath in and out, he scrubs his face dry one last time and rings the doorbell.
His whole body is still twinging with anxiety, unable to keep the shaking from leaving his hands and his nose stuffy from all the crying. It’s making his eyes watery and he hates it, hates that his hands feel all tingly from the fall or maybe the adrenaline.
The door opens a crack and Erica peers out at him. Her brown eyes look him up and down and she purses her lips.
“Are you going to let me in?” Mike sighs after a few moments of silence.
“Fine, but I can’t guarantee Lucas will be too happy seeing you here.” Erica steps back and allows him inside, shutting the door after him. “He’s still pissy about you and Max hanging out.”
“We weren’t hanging out. We just sat at the same table and ate lunch together.” Mike mumbles, dragging himself over to the kitchen chair and sitting down. He blinks at his hands which have some smears of red on them, probably from when he hit the asphalt and he winces at the new bruising on the tender areas of the palm.
Erica turns towards the stairs, takes a deep breath and screams her brother’s name at the top of her lungs.
“Lucas!! There’s a friend here to see you!”
Mike flinches at her volume, grimacing when the movement jostles his knees which now that he looks at them are bloody. The new tears in his dark jeans showing the worst of it. The blood is mostly dried, but there’s is still some new droplets oozing out.
Great.
Just what he needed…to get blood on the Sinclair’s dining room floor.
Lucas thunders down the stairs, face pinched up in annoyance at his sister’s antics. He stops once he gets to the dining room and just freezes, staring at the dark haired teen.
Mike watches as annoyance spreads across his best friend’s features then something new, something akin to concern and then another emotion that almost resembles panic.
“You’re bleeding!”
Mike sighs dejectedly at his words and he stares at his knees.
“Yeah, I know.”
There’s a tense lull in conversation and Lucas practically jogs into the kitchen, pulling a first aid kit out of one of the lower cabinets and bringing it back into the dining room at record speed.
“He’s not dying, Y’know?” Erica remarks at her older brother’s urgency, crossing her arms.
Mike has to bite back a remark about the demogorgon and its fondness of blood.
Thankfully though she’s never had to encounter one so there’s no reason to bring it up.
“Go away, Erica. I need to talk to Mike in private.”
Mike gulps and glances over at the younger girl in a plea to not be left with Lucas alone.
Erica looks at him for a few moments then at her sibling’s intense glare and rolls her eyes.
“Fine. Have fun on your secret little gossip session, nerds.” She huffs out and runs up the stairs, leaving them behind in the too quiet of room.
“Alright, push up your sleeves and pant legs.”
“Why?” Mike complains, slumping against the far too comfortable chair.
He’s so damn tired even now.
Would Lucas be mad at him if he nodded off?
Probably.
He definitely doesn’t sound very happy right now.
“Your hands are a mess, man. I need to check to see if your arms and shins have any other injuries I need to address.” Lucas replies, his gaze anxiously looking back and forth at Mike’s knees and palms.
Mike groans in defeat and pushes up his sleeves without really thinking too much of it. He freezes in his spot when he notices the handprint on his limb and the red bruising that accompanies it. He yanks the sleeve downwards but is stopped halfway by Lucas’s hand which grabs ahold of his wrist and gently pushes it back up to study the injury.
His best friend gently prods the area, especially around the places where his wrist bone is most easily felt.
Mike does his best not to wince and grits his teeth, not wanting any hisses of pain to release from him.
“Do you have anymore bruises like this?” Lucas asks after a moment, calmly starting to disinfect the abrasions on Mike’s palms with a wipe and putting bandaids on the cuts that are a little bigger.
“No…the others are just from getting hit by the car.”
Lucas’s movements pause, the antiseptic cloth held over Mike’s palms. Two seconds pass and he goes back to dabbing the rest of the injured areas.
“Do I need to worry about internal bleeding?”
“No, it just clipped my bike.” Mike mumbles, squirming in his seat. His anxiety is back in full force, his skin wanting to jump off and crawl away somewhere else entirely.
Why is Lucas being so normal about this?
It’s almost concerning how his best friend is flawlessly handling all this knowledge and the injuries.
Then again he’s never really been hurt around Lucas, not since Troy and James used to pick on all of them anyway.
In the faintest of his childhood memories he can recall Lucas putting bandaids on Dustin’s cheek after he was shoved into some rose bushes.
He remembers him being calm then too.
Maybe he’s always been a caretaker and he didn’t really notice till now.
How many things has he missed about his friends through his life?
It feels like there’s always some new detail he picks up.
Lucas moves onto his knees, moving them side to side to inspect them. After a moment or two of contemplation he grabs some tweezers and starts carefully removing the tiny gravel debris from the injuries and setting them aside to be cleaned up later.
“What happened?”
Mike’s stomach sinks at the words despite already expecting them to be coming soon. He forms his hands into fists and instantly hisses in pain, uncurling them.
“I went for a morning bike ride to clear my head and I didn’t see the car. It’s not a big deal.”
Lucas gives him an unimpressed look then returns to his meticulous work.
“You and I both know I mean the handprint. Not to mention I can tell you’ve been crying and you usually try to isolate yourself when you cry. So,if you’re coming here, especially since we haven’t really talked in a while, then there must be a pretty good reason.”
Mike hangs his head at the words and stares at his scraped knees which are being swabbed with disinfectant now. His eyes water at the stinging sensation, but he pushes back the feeling once again until it’s out of his brain.
Should he tell Lucas?
He loves his friend, but he’s not so sure he’d understand.
His parents are completely loving and attentive.
Lucas and Erica fight too, but not like him and Nancy.
And it’s always the worst when Nancy is drunk along with his parents. She’s not dangerous or anything, but she’s just unhelpful and stressful to be around.
“I had a fight with Nancy because Dustin and I snuck into The Hideout with fake IDs. Something happened and I got a drink spilt all over me. I tried to explain it to her and it didn’t work out very well.” Mike pauses and glances to the side, not wanting to make eye contact. “I locked her out of my room and jumped out the window. I took off on my bike, but wasn’t really paying attention and the car clipped the side of my bike.”
Lucas studies him carefully, trying to find any sign of a lie, but in the end his expression clears up when he’s sure it’s the truth. His eyebrows are still knitted together in worry though, a seemingly permanent fixture as he puts some bandages on Mike’s knees.
He really wishes his friend would just say something, but at the same time is glad for the lull in-between questions.
His best friend always knows the hard ones even if he’s less to the point than Dustin.
“Is it getting bad again?” Lucas asks and rises to his feet to pull over a chair for himself. “With your parents?” he adds in clarification and Mike’s face turns scarlet in humiliation.
He can even feel his ears burning at the question, the very tips colored like a beet.
So much for not saying it outright.
“It’s…” Mike hesitates, torn between being honest and lying again.
He has a feeling if he lies Lucas will see right through it, but he won’t call it out. Not like Dustin would.
Still…
“It’s not great.” he finally mutters, setting his hands into lap. His fingers are shaking a bit and he pulls his palms into fists to stop them from trembling. “But, we’ve been managing. Holly is getting scared..” his voice turns a little cold at the last bit and Lucas frowns sympathetically, but his eyes flash protectiveness.
Erica is only five years older than Holly, both the little sisters of their respective families.
It’s something him and Lucas share in common.
Being big brothers.
Mike wishes he was a better sibling.
He wishes he was there for her more.
“And how are you holding up?”
“I’m fine.” Mike lies, the action being automatic to him. It’s been automatic ever since he was a child and his teachers studied him with a concern he couldn’t place.
Lying is easier.
It lessens the prying. Usually anyway.
Lucas doesn’t call him out, instead getting up and rummaging in the kitchen for a snack. He returns with some boppers and hands them over to Mike who sighs dramatically, but takes the food anyway.
They taste pretty good at least.
He thinks he’s seen Dustin eating these.
Probably because Steve has them in his house all the time or at least he did when Mike used to hang out there with his friends.
They basically stole the pool from the older teen who complained the whole time.
Steve never came to close to the water though. You would think he had aqua-phobia with his disdain for the cool waves.
Either way, Steve always had the best snacks and the best house to play DND in without being bothered by loud parents and the slamming of household items.
Mike stares down at the bopper in his hands thoughtfully.
He wonders if Dustin will tell Steve what happened at the Hideout.
Last night was…confusing.
Dustin was drunk….but he’s still hopeful.
It’s a naive hopefulness, possibly even a foolish optimism, but the prospect of his crush actually liking him is liberating.
How will he know for certain though?
Maybe he needs to go back to Nancy’s advice?
He’s already listened to him and told him how great he looks.
The next one is to indulge in his interests.
Is that not the same as listening to him?
He supposes maybe it has more to do with actually participating in said interest.
What does Dustin like?
Lots of things. He’s a fan of a lot of things.
Reptiles, cats, fish, animals in general, Star Wars, planets and space, stars, rocks, science, nature, even some genres of film.
Whats his favorite thing to hear his crush talk about?
Probably outer space and stars. It’s amazing to think of how vast it is.
He still remembers some of the things Dustin told him about it, but he’d love to learn more about it to be able to communicate back with his own knowledge.
He’ll find a book at the library- a space book! Then maybe next time he hangs out with his crush they can look through Dustin’s telescope and he can tell him what he’s learned.
“Earth to Mike?” Lucas gives him a light nudge and he startles from his thoughts, cheeks burning once again, but it’s not from shame, instead it’s the thought of how Dustin would react to him knowing all about one of his favorite subjects.
“You okay man?”
“Yeah…just thinking.” Mike murmurs, eating the last bite of his bopper to avoid talking. It tastes concerningly sweet. He’s not sure how Dustin can eat food like this and still have stupid attractive muscles.
Probably because all the working out…making his body all chiseled and-
Mike almost chokes on the bopper and gags, eyes watering.
“You’re literally choking on your food.” Lucas deadpans and Mike rolls his eyes, forcing himself to swallow with another rough cough.
“I have a lot on my mind.” he huffs, gazing at the clock just past Lucas.
It’s really yet, but the library is probably going to be open in about fifteen minutes.
Should be bike there?
The car didn’t messed it up too bad, just put a dent in the bike’s frame and took off some paint.
“I can see that.” Lucas sighs, glancing around the room, seemingly checking for any sign of his little sister and her prying eyes. “Is that why you were hanging out with Max? You were just talking to her about everything?”
Mike gnaws on his bottom lip thoughtfully, not wanting to give away any sensitive information Max might not want him to share.
This question requires a delicate touch, a delicate half truth-half lie crafted to excellence.
Lucas will probably realize it’s not the truth right away but he has to at least try.
“Kind of. She doesn’t push, so I can just talk and she’ll listen. It’s nice because I know she’ll never make me divulge any information I don’t want out in the open.” he pauses for a moment, looking at his best friend who’s listening intently. “We’re both going through our own problems so it was like a solidarity thing. We both talk and neither of ask questions. I didn’t mean to make it look like I was stealing your girlfriend or anything…”
Lucas’s eye twitches and to Mike’s complete befuddlement starts laughing like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard in his life.
His best friend sets a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the giggles and he shakes his head, breathing in deeply.
“Oh man, you’ve been talking to Dustin, haven’t you?”
“Yeah?” Mike blinks.
“Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re ‘stealing’ Max from me. That was a Dustin thing. He was obsessing it after school yesterday, going on a full rant about you and Max. I don’t know why he was so worked up over it, but he was boiling.” Lucas shakes his head with a fond smile. “I think that’s the angriest I’ve ever seen him since I pushed him into the freezing cold lake that one summer.”
“He was that upset?” Mike murmurs softly, his face warming and heart skipping a couple beats, fluttering in his chest like tiny caged butterflies yearning to be released.
Was Dustin jealous?
It sounds stupid, but it feels like the obvious explanation.
The odd formality when he asked Mike to come to the concert with him, how avoidant he became when he said they were just friends, and then the way Dustin looked at him in the van, his blue eyes staring at him as if he hung the stars.
It’s almost too good to be true.
“Yeah, it was weird.” Lucas answers, his gaze switching to something calculating as he scoots his chair closer. “Is there something going on with you two?”
“What? No! No, we’re just friends.” Mike quickly waves his hands in front of him, cheeks heating to inferno levels.
“I wasn’t implying anything other than friends.” The other teen raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms as he leans back on the chair.
“Oh.” Mike says dumbly, insecurities clawing at his brain and leaving the urge to stand up and flee for the hills, far enough away so he doesn’t have to think about the way he almost just outed himself in the dumbest way.
He’s such an idiot!
“I think he likes you.”
Mike wheezes, the breath escaping from his lungs and floating somewhere in the in-between space of his hazy realizations and stuttering brain.
What the fuck-
What does Lucas mean by that?!
“Y-yeah, we’re good friends.”
Lucas sighs in disappointment and rolls his eyes with a shake of his head like Mike is being difficult or something!
Him? Difficult?
Ridiculous!
It’s his best friend that’s putting him through mental loops!
“Do you like Dustin? As more than just a friend?”
Mike swallows, his tongue sandpaper against the roof of his mouth. It feels like a sponge sucked of all its water, leaving it dry and uncomfortably rough around the edges.
“Best friends?”
“Oh my god, Mike!” Lucas exclaims and puts his face in his hands. He’s shaking slightly with laughter though and he wipes at one of his eyes. When he meets the black haired boy’s gaze, his eyes read pure determination.
“I think Dustin likes you, really likes you. Not as a friend, not as a best friend. And I think you like him too. You don’t have to turn my questions in circles…this is a judgement free space, okay?”
The tension in Mike’s shoulder lessens and he turns his attention to the spotless kitchen flooring, courtesy of clean freak Mrs. Sinclair.
Its do shiny Mike swears he can see every pore on his face.
Horrifying.
“Are you sure? You don’t care if I…like boys?”
“I couldn’t care less, Mike. I’ve…experimented before and even if guys aren’t my type, I’m good with the concept.”
“You don’t think I’m diseased or anything?” Mike feels his voice start to give and he swallows thickly, gazing into his best friend’s face with wet eyes.
All he sees is warmth in the other teen’s expression, a fond, brotherly warmth.
It almost makes him break down crying right then and there, but he swallows away the lump in his throat and blinks back the tears threatening to trickle down from the corners of his dark eyes.
“We grew up together. The last thing I think you are is sick and diseased.” Lucas smiles and reaches out to squeeze the black haired boy’s shoulders, giving it a firm embrace. “I’m serious about Dustin by the way. I think he likes you, a lot even.”
“How do I know for sure?”
He doesn’t want to risk his and Dustin’s friendship, not other something as stupid as a schoolyard crush.
It’d hurt, he knows it.
He can’t lose the curly haired boy. He already lost Will and El.
“Tell him how you feel. If he says he doesn’t feel the same, I know for a fact he won’t hold your feelings against you. He’s not the type to weaponize or monopolize on one’s emotions. I’m pretty confident on his feelings for you though.” Lucas lets go of his shoulder, his warm hand slowly pulling back.
Would Lucas be upset if he hugged him?
No, he doesn’t need a hug. He’s already fell apart enough today.
The squeeze to his shoulder already helped exponentially, his chest bursting with relief and joy at the acceptance and open affection.
“Wait- what do you mean you’ve experimented?!”
Lucas lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head with an amused look.
“I was wondering when if you were paying attention to that.” The teen rubs the back of his neck awkward;y and looks to the side with a wistful smile. “One of the guys on the basketball team, a Sophmore. We kissed behind the bleachers once or twice just to try something new. It wasn’t for me in the end, but he’s a really nice guy.”
“Huh.” Mike mumbles, dumbfounded into silence.
A basketball player?
That’s the last type of person he’d guess to be gay, the guys who actually seem to fit the narrative of high school.
“So, what were you actually thinking earlier when you spaced out?”
Mike’s face flushes, turning strawberry red and he stares holes into the floor. He opens his mouth a couple times, trying to find the words, but failing over and over.
With Will it felt a little easier, but then he just disappeared and Mike is sure it’s his fault.
He must’ve said something to upset him.
“I…want to get a book from the library.” Mike mumbles, feeling stupid saying it aloud. “Dustin really likes the stars and planets so I want to learn about it too. I thought it’d be fun to surprise him with something he didn’t tell me yet…if he hasn’t told me already. He loves space.” a small smile spreads across his features and he runs a finger over one of the bandaids on his hands.
“Well, you can never go wrong with space when it comes to Dustin, or theoretical science. He loves theoretical science, but if he’s going to talk about that you have to prepare to clear your schedule for the next few hours.” Lucas smiles fondly.
“Yeah…I think I’m gonna go to the library now. Before anyone else can crowd the space section.” Mike murmurs, feeling a spark of excitement at the thought of Dustin eventually telling him about theoretical science, about how energetic he must get over it.
“Don’t get hit by another car.”
“Har har.”
“I’m being serious.”
Mike sighs, running his hands over his face.
The worst part is Lucas is being completely serious and he knows it.
*****
Mike jogs up to Dustin’s house, glancing around at the empty street. It’s late into the night now meaning that Mrs. Henderson is gone at her job and her son has the house to himself.
He knocks on the door, giddiness rising in his throat as he repeats all the star patterns and planet facts over on his brain. He spent hours absorbing all the information until it stuck and he thinks he might be just as big as a space fanatic as his crush now or at least getting there.
He waits patiently at the door, but as the seconds tick by his patience starts to wither and he knocks again.
Maybe Dustin is still hungover…somehow.
He doesn’t want to wake him up.
Especially if he’s resting.
Maybe he shouldn’t have knocked so loud.
He steps back and nearly gets hit in the face by the door as Dustin opens it up.
Star Wars is playing in the background, The Empire Strikes Back…he thinks.
The curly haired teen’s face turns bright red upon seeing him and the two of them just stare for a minute, not knowing what to say.
It’s a tense moment and all Mike can hear is the pulse in his ears as he tries not to stare at the other teens pink lips.
“Do you want to watch the stars from your telescope??” he blurts after several too seconds too long.
A look of shock passes Dustin’s face, coloring his features before he completely lights up. His smile is so blinding that Mike almost stumbles back, letting out a tiny yelp as his crush tugs him inside and drags him towards the living room.
Steve is watching the movie with a popcorn bowl and looks up when the two of them enter the room.
Surprise etches into his expression and then he looks from Dustin to Mike then back and forth again twice. He sets down his popcorn bowl with a sigh and presses pause on the movie.
“I’m guessing we’re postponing movie night?”
“Yes. Get out of my house.” Dustin says abruptly, but he’s grinning ear to ear, his eyes alight with pure joy.
“Right.” Steve eyes the two of them warily and stands up, brushing the popcorn kernels onto Mrs. Henderson’s clean carpet.
“Steve! You’re getting it everywhere! My mom is gonna make me vacuum!” Dustin complains and the older boy flicks kernels at him then at Mike who recoils.
“Ew! Those are greasy!”
“Yeah, yeah.” Steve grabs his jacket and slides it over his shoulders, once again eyeing the pair of boys before turning his gaze to Dustin. “Okay, have fun you two and Henderson, don’t do anything without protection.”
“What?!” Mike wheezes, jaw dropping as he stares dumbfounded at Steve, his eye twitching.
He didn’t just imply what he thinks he implied, right??
There’s no fucking way-
“He means space protection! Like to protect your eyes from uh- harmful UV rays! Yeah! Stars can do that!” Dustin babbles incoherently, his cheeks flushed as he shoves Steve hard in the arm. “Right?! That’s what you mean, right, Steve?”
“Yeah. UV rays.” He confirms with a roll of his eyes and Mike blinks in confusion.
He doesn’t remember reading anything like that in all the books he memorized?
At least not in that context.
He doesn’t think looking at stars could hurt them?
What would they even need to use to protect themselves from that? Goggles? A face shield?
Dustin grabs Steve by the sleeve and drags him towards the front door, leaving Mike alone. He can still hear them whisper-yelling in the other room though, the voices too muffled to make out the words, but loud enough to know that his crush is clearly upset about something.
UV rays…
Was Steve actually talking about that or something else?
He doesn’t think so…Steve seems like the type of guy to be homophobic, not playfully teasing about it.
“Goodnight, Steve!” Dustin calls loudly and slams the door shut, running back into the living room with a goofy grin. He snatches Mike’s hand a little too roughly, pulling him towards his room and the dark haired teen can’t help but flinch as his crush presses down on the bandages on his knuckles.
It’s like Mike’s hand has burnt Dustin, the other teen dropping it like hot coal and glancing at him guiltily, his expression that of a kicked puppy.
“Sorry- I shouldn’t have grabbed you. I just got excited.”
“No, it’s not you! My hand just got scraped up when I fell from my bike. See?” he presents his palm forward and the curly haired teenager carefully takes it to look over the multiple bandaids. It takes him a moment before he moves to the other hand, grimacing at the injuries on it too.
They don’t look that bad, right?
They only bled a little.
Yet Dustin seems so distraught at the small wounds.
Slowly, his crush cups his hand around Mike’s palm gingerly and pulls him the rest of the way to his room with much more care. He leads him to his room where he grabs his folding telescope, having to let go of Mike’s hand.
Mike glances at his palm with a frown.
It feels cold without the imprint of the other boy’s hand in his.
Still, he follows him into the backyard and sits on the grass as Dustin maneuvers the telescope upwards, positioning it to the stars twinkling directly above.
“It’s pretty clear tonight.” Dustin smiles, pulling away from the lens and beckoning the dark haired teen over. “Come look.”
Mike hesitantly comes over, hand looping around the telescope but he doesn’t put his face against the lens yet. He turns to his crush with a small apprehensive look.
“What about the UV rays?”
The curly haired teen’s cheeks turn pink and he looks to the side, clearing his throat.
“Um…that’s only for the uh, bigger telescopes-yeah! This one should be fine! Steve was just really uneducated and an idiot.”
“He is an idiot.” Mike agrees and carefully leans into the cool metal. He peers through it at the sky above and can’t help a tiny gasp that escapes him.
The stars from down here are pretty cool despite being hard to see, but from this view they’re breathtaking. He can even tell which ones are planets much easier. He slowly moves the telescope around, trying to get a better view until he lands on Orion. The constellation is absolutely breathtaking from here and he just stares for a few moments.
“Orion is amazing.” he whispers softly. “I knew it was more prominent in Winter, but this…this is so sick.”
“I never told you Orion was more prominent in the winter.” Dustin mumbles in confusion and the grass rustles. “I didn’t did I?”
“No, I read it in one of the books at the library today. I memorized a bunch of space facts so I could understand more of what you were telling me.” Mike replies, still gazing at the stars and how brightly they’re shining, like miniature silver suns. “You already told me there’s eighty-eight known constellations, but I learned forty-two are animals, twenty nine are inanimate objects, and seventeen humans or mythological characters. And the brightest star is Sirius which resides in the constellation Canis Major or The Greater Dog. I think I get your space thing now…this is so cool.”
The silence that follows is so thick that Mike’s skin starts to crawl.
Why isn’t Dustin saying anything?
Are stars supposed to be just his thing?
Did he get something wrong?
He missed the UV ray thing somehow.
Reluctantly he pulls away from the telescope and peers at his crush.
His heart skips a few beats when he sees Dustin staring at him in wonder, the curly haired teen’s eyes glittering under the stars.
“Do uh, do you want to look at the telescope?” Mike mumbles, blushing hard.
Dustin snaps from his stupor, nodding as he goes to stand by Mike and looks into the telescope, the two boys hands brushing but neither flinches away this time.
“You’re right, Orion looks really nice tonight.”
Mike smiles and sprawls onto the grass, looking up at the stars from the backyard for now.
“Hey, Dustin? Is there anywhere special you want to go winter break?”
There’s a pause as the other teen seemingly considers it.
“Hawaii might be cool.”
Mike scoffs, shaking his head with a wide smile.
“No, like nearby?”
“Oh,” Dustin pauses for a few seconds, thinking it over. “Chicago. There’s this huge indoor reptile museum that I’ve always wanted to visit there. My mom says it’s too far this time of year though. Too much snow to drive through.”
Mike hums in response.
“What about you?”
“I don’t know…Chicago sounds nice. Would you wanna go with me? We could look at some reptiles and get pizza afterwards.”
Dustin goes deathly silent then slowly pulls back and looks at him with big eyes.
Mike smirks, looking at him with mischief alight in his eyes.
Come on…
You know you want it.
Come with me.
“Your mom is gonna drive us?”
“I’m going to drive.”
“You don’t have a drivers license?”
“You’re right, I don’t have a license, but my dad taught me to drive and what if I told you I could steal my ID back from Eddie? That way we have a back up plan just in case.” Mike sits up and rests his chin on his knees, smiling sweetly. “What do you say? One more crazy adventure before the end of the year?”
“You’re crazy.” Dustin chuckles and turns to look at the telescope with a small smile. His eyes get a dreamy look to them, glimmering happily in the starlight. “Okay. If you can pull this off, I’ll go with you.”
“Yes!” Mike drops back to the ground, spreading his arms over the frosty grass. “You won’t regret it!”
“Okay, Mike.”
This is gonna be it!
He’ll put Nancy’s last piece of advice to work and he’ll finally go for it.
He’ll tell Dustin exactly how he feels and it’ll either be over forever or just the beginning.
At least he’ll finally know.