Chapter Text
Oh, what must I cut off? Oh, what must I leave behind?
My stomach is emptier than my soul. I gag whenever I glance upon my own self. And if I think about my own behavior, my dry earthly eyes are suddenly converted into rainstorms. Existence is a sword, stabbing itself through my heart slowly and painfully until I have no choice but to close my eyes and never open them again. It’s been a week. Perhaps two. I couldn’t stand. My arms felt numb, frozen to the wider world surrounding them. It’s as if I didn’t exist. It’s as if my mind was the only thing changing in this sorry world.
Cease it.
When I felt the caring touch or heard sweet, loving words, I opened my eyes to a lie. I tried to scream, but all that was there was air. The room around me was a thick layer of soil, maggots digging into my flesh and mind. Soon, my muscles came undone, melting into pure isolation and guilt. I knew the truth about myself: I only caused pain.
I was alive. I was dead.
I was too weak to grab the cup. My soul was left to dry. Words I saw blended into eldritch abominations and amalgamations that my wet bag of a mind could hardly take. I tried to reflect, but my mind was opaque. They didn’t exist. She didn’t exist. Time was stopped. It was reality. It was a dream.
I was aways cold.
Dreamer, I look to the sky. Flying. Chirping among my own kind. I finally had it in me. Waking, nil. Void returning. Temperature dropping. It never meant a thing. Nothing did.
I just wanted to be loved.