Chapter Text
Three years. It’s been three years and yet this day hasn’t gotten any easier. It took him hours to fall asleep last night and he feels like his limbs are made of lead. Even though this is the most devastating, tragic day of the year, it’s also the most important. He rolls over, looks at his clock and groans. Kuro makes a soft noise and cuddles up next to him. Since losing Shiro a few months ago, Fushiguro has been treating Kuro like the king he is.
“I have to get up,” Fushiguro mumbles. Kuro huffs and shoves himself up to lick Fushiguro’s face. He pushes him away and sits up before he has the chance to rot in his bed for the rest of the day. His breath catches when his feet touch the cold floor, and he’s about ready to get back in bed when his phone rings. ‘
“Hey buddy,” Suguru says. A lump immediately forms in Fushiguro’s throat and he struggles to swallow it down.
“Hi,” Fushiguro says.
“Satoru wants to take you out for lunch, are you up to that?” Suguru asks. Fushiguro looks at the sun slanting in the window and his dog’s head resting on his knee.
“Sure, yeah,” Fushiguro says, “just… give me a couple hours?” Suguru hums and he can hear Satoru say something in the background.
“Of course,” Suguru says, “let me know if you need anything before then, yeah?” Fushiguro feels the tears starting to well in his eyes, so he hums and quickly says goodbye before hanging up. He looks at Kuro and runs his fingers through her fur.
“I’m going to shower and I’m going to function like a normal person through the day today,” Fushiguro says. He stopped feeling crazy for talking to his dog years ago. It has actually really helped him through everything. He takes a cold shower and manages to keep his tears at bay until he opens the cupboard for coffee and sees Itadori’s mug alongside the rest of them. On a normal day, he looks at it and smiles softly. Today, everything is a million times harder.
He spends the couple hours before Suguru comes to pick him up sitting on his balcony staring at the street below. He finds that if he doesn’t spend too much of the day thinking, he can make it through without bawling his eyes out. When Suguru and Satoru show up at his door though, he can’t stop himself. They both push their way inside and Suguru holds Fushiguro to his chest until he can breathe properly again. “I keep thinking it’s going to get easier,” Fushiguro says.
“I don’t think it’ll ever be easy,” Satoru says, “but I think you’ll spend less time sad about it as time goes on. There are a lot of amazing things to look back on about him.” Fushiguro nods and finally steps back from Suguru’s arms.
“Lunch?” Fushiguro says. He really does need to eat and a meal he doesn’t have to pay for is a great way to do that.
–
The rest of the day goes just about as well as it can. He spends lunch talking about all the good memories they all have of Itadori. It’s a bittersweet thing to talk about, but Fushiguro knows it’s important. He’s never going to forget how much of a ray of sunshine Itadori was. After lunch, Kugisaki takes him on a hike to a beautiful waterfall and lets him get all of his feelings out. She’s so gentle and kind with him during his times of grief and he’s extremely grateful for that. When he finally gets home, he wraps himself in a thick blanket and cuddles up on the couch with Kuro.
He looks at the envelope sitting on the coffee table in front of him. There are a few tear stains and wrinkles in the envelope, but it’s the most prized possession Fushiguro owns. He reads the contents every year and he will for the rest of his life. He knows once he reads it, his heart won’t stop beating frantically for the rest of the night, so he sits there preparing for that for what feels like hours. When Kuro whines and nudges him to keep petting him, he snaps back to reality and grabs the envelope.
His name is written on the back in Itadori’s neat, but wobbly writing. There are little hearts around it and a flower in the corner with a big smile on its face. It’s so dorky and so Itadori that it makes Fushiguro’s heart swell every time he looks at it. He slips it open with careful, shaky hands and pulls out the red card inside. He takes a deep breath and puts the envelope down on his knee gently. He runs his fingers over the surface of the card, over the scribbled drawing of himself and Itadori.
He opens the card and feels himself start to well up with tears. He takes a few more deep breaths and tries to reel himself in. He doesn’t dare risk smudging the ink with his tears, not when each word is so utterly important to him. He made a copy of the letter of course, but nothing will ever be as beautiful as the original. With one final breath, he looks down at the words and starts reading.
To Megumi Fushiguro, my love, my life, my world
I know my brain is starting to go and I want to make sure I write down all the things that are important to me, to us. I hope my words are eloquent enough that you really understand everything I say. I have loved you since the first time we met. You have always been so effortlessly beautiful. You have been kind to me from the beginning and you have brought light to my life in a way I didn’t know was possible. I felt this magnetic pull to you and I don’t think the words exist to explain how amazing it felt to realize you felt the same. I had counted myself out of the whole love thing. I loved seeing people in love, I loved the idea of it, but I sort of accepted that it would never find me. But it did. You taught me what it really means to love. Love is to sacrifice and pour yourself into someone. It’s to be there unconditionally and to think about someone nonstop. You have taught me some of the most important things in my life and I will forever be grateful for that.
There is not another person on this planet that I want to spend the rest of my life with. You sacrificed so much for me and I don’t think you’ll ever be able to understand how grateful I am for that. I don’t deserve all the love you give me, but I accept it openly and willingly and I do my best to give it back to you tenfold. You tell me all the time that I’m like walking sunshine, and if I am, that means you’re walking moonlight. You’re beautiful and gentle and strong and you pull tides in your wake. You ignited something in me that was laying dormant for so long. I can’t possibly explain how much of an impact you made on my life and I truly think I’ve survived this long because of you. You give me strength I didn’t know I was capable of.
When I die, I want you to remember me for all the good. I don’t want you to ever forget me, but I want you to keep living. Don’t let the memory of me hold you back from loving and living and exploring. You are capable of so much love and it’s not fair for me to take all of it with me to the grave. Spread your love, spread your moonlight and show the world everything you’re capable of. Hold me in your heart and use that to guide you through the rest of time. A part of me will always be with you and I hope you can take me on all kinds of journeys.
I love you and I always will. Yours forever and always, Yuji Itadori. <3
Fushiguro looks down at his left hand. His wedding band sits comfortably on his ring finger, and Itadori’s, smaller because of all the weight he lost, sits on his pinky. Itadori is always with him and he will live and he will explore. He owes it to Itadori to do everything he can in this lifetime. He folds the card back up and slips it into the envelope. He scratches Kuro’s ears, wipes the single tear from his cheek and kisses the flower on the corner of the envelope. He will live, he will explore, and most importantly, he will love.