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u/Doc_Anon96
AITA for assuming my coworkers were dating?
I (29F) work in the emergency department at a hospital in Pittsburgh and I’ve noticed that two of my coworkers have been acting differently recently, and I thought it’s because they were dating (spoiler alert: they’re not).
One coworker will be known as J (20F), and the other will be known as M (42F). M was J’s mentor when she first started at the ER, and they became really close. They still are very close with each other, but they’ve started working with each other less. I thought maybe they had fallen out, but I often see them talking in the staffroom together, so that couldn’t be it. I didn’t think much of it for a couple of weeks until I saw J kiss M’s cheek once when they were leaving work (together). Obviously a kiss on the cheek doesn’t necessarily indicate a romantic relationship, but it made the most sense, explaining why they have started distancing during work (to be professional) but are still really close outside of it. After that, I just had it in my mind that they were dating, and every time I saw them together after that just solidified my theory, noticing the little touches and smiles and all that.
This didn’t start to matter until a couple of days ago.
It’s been a couple of months now, and I had almost forgotten (or maybe I did forget) that J and M weren’t actually confirmed to be dating, and I accidentally implied that they were dating in front of them. It was just supposed to be a joke in passing, J and M were working on a patient together and a surgeon who will be known as S (40sF), who is also J’s mother, came down to check on that patient too. I noticed them together and called out, I don’t remember the exact words, but a joke about finally meeting the parents, or something like that. They seemed confused, and my also confused (and tired) brain said something along the lines of ‘you know, because you guys are dating?’. This was definitely the wrong thing to say, because J looked absolutely horrified, and immediately told me that I was wrong, and that I was rude for even thinking it. She said a couple more things, but she was so panicked, that’s all I made out. S had a similar reaction, and M just seemed to be worried about the whole situation.
I don’t know why J was so defensive and adamant about me thinking that she and M were dating, but now she won’t even talk to me unless we’re working on the same patient. I’ve also noticed that she and M have been interacting less at work, and I’m really worried that it’s my fault. I didn’t mean to be rude, and I didn’t mean to assume anything, I just said it without thinking, but given the repercussions, I feel like, well, an asshole.
I really don’t know what to do. I was never really close with J, but I do want to make things right because I feel bad about potentially having ruined J and M’s friendship. Am I the asshole?
Latest comments:
robinnotdabank
I would say NTA, because you didn’t mean anything bad by it, but I think there could be some hostility surrounding the situation simply because it’s a queer relationship that you’re implying. It could be that either J or M are homophobic, (in which case you’re most definitely NTA), but if S was homophobic, and you implied that her daughter was in a queer relationship, that could become a much bigger problem. You didn’t intend anything wrong, but it’s a tedious topic, and I think you should try and talk to J and/or M about it, and apologise for any harm you might’ve caused.
| See more replies.
Megatron9890
lol ofc she's gonna get mad, u just called her gay, id be mad too!
| advicewizard98 homophobe spotted in the comments! quick everyone, grab the tomatoes!
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HamilTrinSan
do you by any chance work at ptmc?
| Doc_Anon96 Is that you, Santos? Are you a Hamilton fan?
| HamilTrinSan we will never speak of this again.
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hilsonjcarter69
um, i think you should check out dr. j on tiktok…
| See replies.
— — —
8:16pm @dr.j.spam has posted a new video.
Audio transcript:
“So. I think I’m going to die again. For bad reasons this time.
I thought me and my girlfriend were being pretty subtle at work, no real PDA unless we were sure no one else was around, and even then it was only ever a hug or a kiss, and we kept everything professional. Apparently we weren’t being subtle enough, because one of my coworkers, who I don’t follow anywhere on social media, found out that we were dating. Or at least she guessed we were. I don’t really care if she finds out, she’s cool and she won’t be bad about it, but the unfortunate thing that happened was that she let it slip that we were dating in front of my mother.
I’m not going to get into details because quite frankly I don’t want to reexperience the look on my mother’s face, but the bits that you need to know is that the mere suggestion that I was dating DR. C.M made me take the bus home instead of being driven. Of course, I just went home with my girlfriend anyways, but my mother does not need to know that.
I don’t think my mother is homophobic, she’s never said anything bad about queer people, and she will occasionally nod appraisingly when she sees an LGBTQ+ activist on the news, and she never misgenders trans patients… I just don’t think she wants me being queer. I don’t think she even likes the idea of me dating, because I’m sacrificing time that could be spent studying.
I’m really worried about everything because I’ve got a family dinner coming up at the end of this week, and I do not want to think about how that’s gonna go down.
Also, when my coworker made the joke about me and C.M dating, I basically immediately shot it down. I told her that she was rude and sick for even suggesting that, and I feel really bad, because that’s not what I think at all. I’m by no means ashamed of my girlfriend, or the fact that I’m dating a woman, I just panicked in front of my mother. We talked about it afterwards, and she said that she understands and that she’s not mad, but I saw her face when I said those things… She suggested that we should try and interact even less at work to avoid suspicion, but I think she thinks I might not want to be around her when I’m at work.
We’ve had fights before, and I know we can sort through it, we’ll be okay, I just need to say it out loud so I can feel better.
Sorry about this guys, I just needed to get this off my chest. You guys can go… comment something nice about your day to cheer me up, or something.”
Video description: all this and some sleep-deprivation on the side…
#medstudent #studentdoctor #rant #vent
Top comments:
Pinned comment: @dr.j.spam lol cee saw this post and we talked it over and its alg between us now! however, the family dinner is fast approaching…
@doctorjayfans our heart is with you girl, thoughts and prayers
@zombies_soda if it makes you feel better, it was really sunny where i live today!!
—> @dr.j.spam i remember the sun… ah that does make me feel better
@aririi09 bless you girl that sounds horrible 🙏😔
@paper.crowz this reminds me of a reddit post i saw lol
—> @dr.j.spam can u send it to me pls!! i need to see someone else having a worse day than me *sigh*
—> @paper.crowz www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/aita_for_assuming_my_coworkers_were_dating/
—> @unholytrinity holy shit! holy shit! holy shit! holy shit! holy shit!!!!!
@pr3tty1n.purple this is stressful and all but i DO have notifications on and i WILL be waiting by the phone for an update on the dinner
—> @dr.j.spam well you’re in luck…
— — —
10:42pm @dr.j.spam has posted a new video.
Audio transcript:
“Hi, guys, sorry I look, uh, a mess, right now. I just, um, came from family dinner. I’m sure you can — sniffle — guess what happened. Fuck. Sorry. Okay. Let me explain.
I brought Cee with me, that’s, um, Dr. C.M, by the way. She didn’t come in because, well, I didn’t want her to see my parents, and I didn’t want my parents to see her. She just waited outside, but my parents saw her car and immediately started up asking me about that stupid-fucking-joke. Asked me what I did to have someone assume something like that, and then talking about how I should be studying more, not staying over at coworker’s houses and ‘especially not with that Dr. C.M’. They said some other bad things, which I will keep private, but just know that they were rude, discriminatory, and so out of line.
Initially I was just taking it, but when she said that I kind of, um, snapped, or something. I basically accidentally came out to her out of anger and maybe shock, too. That didn’t seem to faze them too badly, until I said that I was dating Cee. They didn’t like that. Apparently they didn’t mind if I was bisexual, because I could still marry a good man. They just minded now that I was dating a woman. And one twice my age too. They mentioned that a lot. Among other things, that I don’t want to repeat.
They basically told me to break up with her, and I told them no. You know, I’m saying ‘they’ referring to my parents, but it’s mostly my mom doing all of this. My dad is just going along with it, he never goes against her. Anyways, when I told them that I wouldn’t break up with Cee, that I, you know, love her, they, uh, told me that I could start living with her then. And there was no place for me here because I was already living with my head up my ass. Well, she put it less explicitly, but that’s what she meant.
Basically, I have been kicked out, I am now living with my girlfriend, and I am definitely getting reported to HR. I really don’t know how I’m going to even show face at work tomorrow. Everyone’s gonna know, no doubt. And I just have to hope and pray that I don’t get a patient that my mother will have to see. At least I’m not going to be pressured to pick surgery as my specialty anymore. She’ll probably encourage an emergency medicine residency now, so that’s one good thing…
I’m not going to be posting as often now, because I have to deal with, you know, everything. Sorry, I’m still a little worked up. Anyways, I am going to sleep the second I post this. I have had the longest day.
Bye, guys. And thanks for listening, too.”
Video caption: update
Top comments:
@batdromeda that sounds horrific!! please take care of yourself
@doctorjayfans this is horrible for anyone to go through, i’m so sorry ❤️
@nattorcio whats ur moms address ill beat her up!!!
@samohanmed please add me back! i need to dm you
—> @dr.j.spam um hey………