Chapter Text
Chapter One
"Finding My Voice"
Buck
He feels like he's drowning, choking on a throat full of tears.
His shoulders feel like they weigh two hundred tons, and everything is so, so dark.
—
Buck wakes up gasping and coughing, struggling to catch his breath as tears stream down his face. He blinks, trying to make sense of his surroundings, but he just can't. The room is foreign, and is he in a crib?
Buck reaches for the railing to pull himself upwards and is able to successfully gain balance against the wood. Then, he takes a deep breath and swings his leg upwards. His foot hooks on the railing, but his leg strains.
It hurts.
Panic floods his system as he battles emotion with logic and he ends up losing to emotion. The tears start falling again and Buck can't help but be terrified to his bones from not knowing how he got into this mess.
As he cries, he knows there's only one more thing he can do now.
"HELP!"
Call for help.
And it comes.
It feels like there's barely a second between his scream and help's response, coming in the form of a nearly broken door. A man busts into the room, and Buck slumps at the sight of him.
It's Bobby.
Buck sobs harder and blabbers Bobby's name, reaching out a hand towards him.
He can't hear what Bobby is saying—not a word—but he can see his smile and he can feel him wrapping around his body.
Bobby redirects Buck's outstretched hand to his shoulder and wraps his arm around his back. Then, he reaches into the crib and grabs Buck's other leg, releasing him from the discomfort.
Bobby tries again to talk as he takes them to the floor, but Buck buries his face in the crook of his neck and hugs him tight, trying to anchor himself. This time, Bobby seems to get the memo and stops talking.
Buck focuses on the hand rubbing his back and the shirt underneath his own fingertips.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
After a minute or so, when the worst has finally passed and his heartbeat is returning to normal, he pulls away from the hug and wipes his nose.
"Back with us, kid?"
Buck nods, eyes closed as he uses his sleeve to wipe away the drying tears and their residue. He looks down at his new outfit; a simple pair of jeans and a long-sleeve dinosaur t-shirt. Chris would like it.
Buck looks back up at Bobby, who offers him a half smile.
"Are you hungry? I made fried rice."
Buck's stomach growls at the mention of it, causing them both to chuckle. Buck hears Athena laugh too, and he spots her by the door, smiling. He turns back to Bobby.
"Yeah, I'm hungry," he nods, wiping away another tear.
Bobby hums and stands. "Let's go eat bud. Maybe we can watch that cartoon with the dogs again," he jokes, smiling.
And it pulls an honest laugh out of Buck, coaxing more of the lingering anxiety from his body. He walks towards the door, where Athena offers out her hand. He takes it, and the three of them exit to the living room for dinner.
—
They don't end up watching Paw Patrol, as one might've guessed. Instead, they opt to watch a baseball game. Athena has a team to root for.
So the three of them eat together on the couch, Buck pressed in the middle, leaning against Bobby's arm. The man makes no complaint, nor does he move any more than to lift his fork to his mouth. His glass of water sits untouched on the coffee table.
Buck sucks on a juice pouch, one left over from the barbecue.
"Yes!" Athena shouts, just as the announcers declare a win for the Tampa Bay Rays. She claps and cheers for her team, victory dancing in her seat. Buck smiles and claps with her, despite watching for no particular team. Bobby joins in too, making her dance even more.
While the players are running around the field, Athena takes it upon herself to gather their plates and takes them back into the kitchen. Buck extends his curled up legs to the coffee table, his feet barely touching its surface.
"So, what do we think? Do we think changing the sheets on Harry's bed will be faster, or will blowing up an air mattress?" Athena stands near the fireplace, hands on her hips in contemplation.
Buck feels Bobby's eyes turn to him.
"I don't know if I want to sleep in Harry's bedroom," Buck answers.
I don't want to be in a different room than you.
He swallows. "Or at least, not right now," he saves, looking between both adults.
Athena nods, looking to her husband.
"Sounds good. I'll go get it set up." Bobby pushes off the couch and heads for the bedroom; Buck watches him leave.
He takes another sip of his juice, only to find he's sucked the pouch dry.
"Here, I'll throw that out. Why don't you follow him to the bedroom?" Athena holds out her hand for his trash and he obliges. "I'll bring us cookies," she winks.
"Okay," Buck laughs, jumping off the couch to run to their bedroom. He launches himself onto the bed, startling the hell out of Bobby.
"Hey kid," he chuckles, unfolding the blow up mattress. "Can you plug in the air pump for me? It's over there."
Buck follows Bobby's pointed finger to the end of the cord, and slides off the bed when he spots it.
"Thanks," Bobby murmurs, flipping the secondary on switch and stepping back so the bed can expand.
"No prob, Cap," Buck salutes, climbing back onto Bobby's.
"It's weird seeing you that young and then hearing you call me Cap," he notes, loosely crossing his arms over his chest.
Buck offers him a half smile.
"Are you doing okay?" Bobby asks next, tilting his head.
Buck shrugs, looking down at his hands. "Better than I was before dinner," he supplies, swallowing back the fear from earlier. He doesn't want to think about the dreams right now, but Bobby doesn't look too convinced.
Buck sighs. "It was dreams, I think. Memories, to be exact. Well. Memories turned to nightmares." And then, "I don't want to think about them right now," he adds quietly.
Bobby does that frowny pout and nods, signaling that he'll let it go now.
"You don't have to. I just needed to know that you're okay."
Buck nods, smiling again.
"And hey, you can talk now," Bobby adds, gesturing with his hand.
Buck's smile falls as he realizes, his eyes going wide. Bobby breaks out into a laugh.
"I CAN TALK NOW!"
Buck grabs his hair, throwing himself backwards as he laughs.
"Bobby! Listen! I didn't even think about that!" he beams, gasping in relief.
"I can tell, Buck," Bobby chuckles, shaking his head fondly.
Athena walks in with treats, already laughing along from what she has overheard.
"Oh, Athena, finally," Buck sighs, greedily reaching for the cookie she's about to offer and whines when she snaps it back.
"Excuse me?" she scolds, tilting her head. "I was in the bathroom."
"Wait—no—sorry," he whines, collapsing on the bed face down into the throw pillow he was cuddling with.
"Say please," she orders.
Chin buried into the fabric, he tilts his head back up to her. "Please?"
She extends the cookie back out, fondly shaking her head. She lifts one to her mouth and hands the other to her husband.
"Yay!" Buck cheers, taking half of it at once.
Athena rolls her eyes. "Savor your food, why don't you?"
Bobby chuckles, wiping away some crumbs from his face. "Buck either never eats, or eats like there's no tomorrow."
Athena shakes her head. "And I don't understand how he doesn't give himself a stomach ache."
Buck, knowing he definitely has more than once, keeps his mouth shut. Instead, he eats his cookie a bit slower, nibbling at the edges. When he finishes, he wipes the crumbs off the sheets.
"Do you want your phone back tomorrow?" Athena asks, dipping the bed as she sits. "I think it's dead right now, but we can plug it in tonight."
Buck hums. "Yeah, actually. That would be smart."
"Be good. We'll have to take it away if you get in trouble," Bobby jokes.
Buck sits up and sends him a glaring side eye, earning a playful tap on the temple from Athena.
"You wouldn't dare," the boy challenges.
Bobby just shrugs. "Maddie might."
"Speaking of which," Athena starts looking for her own phone. "We should probably let her know."
Buck freezes. "Uh! We should wait till the morning. She usually goes to bed now. Might as well wait?"
Bobby raises an eyebrow and shares a look with Athena.
"She asked us to keep her updated Buck," Bobby reasons.
"I know!" Buck nods, gesturing with his cookie. "But hey, I'm safe, right? And she's a light sleeper. I don't want you to text her and wake her up."
Bobby's nod is barely a nod, and Buck knows he hasn't fooled anyone. He actually has no idea if Maddie is a light sleeper, for one. Still, Athena humors him.
"Well, then we can just take a picture and send it to her in the morning. How's that sound?"
Buck nods. "Yes, yes that works."
So she pulls up the camera app and turns it to selfie mode. Athena and Bobby turn, Bobby shuffling to her side.
"Aww," Athena admires, showing the two of them the photo. Bobby's goofy open mouth face, Athena's perfected smile, Buck's toothy grin.
"I'll send it to her in the morning," Athena reassures. Buck nods, finishing off his sweet treat.
"But next question, do you want more comfortable clothes for tonight? I think I still have some pajamas from when Harry was that age. I assume you wouldn't want May's clothes."
Buck's cheeks flush. "No," he laughs. "Probably not. But I'll take some of Harry's, if you can find any."
Athena turns on her heel and motions for him to follow. "Come look with me."
So Buck follows, and there's one thing he notices when he crosses the threshold, throwing him off track. He stands still, relaxed and not stiff, waiting for it to happen.
But it doesn't.
That fuzzy, dizzy feeling isn't there.
"Buck?"
He blinks, swallowing. "Sorry. I got distracted. What?"
Athena narrows her eyes. "Nothing," she draws, turning back to the closet. "Just come help me with these."
Buck scratches the back of his head as he walks over, as if he's trying to prevent the dizziness from coming at all. Then he grabs the other handle of the clothing box, hoisting it off of another. Athena crouches down to rummage in it and Buck stands out of the way behind her.
"These should do," she says after a moment, standing and head flicking her hair out of her face. "Some shorts and a t-shirt, and some pants if you're too cold. Or vice-versa."
Buck takes them silently and heads off to the bathroom. He avoids the mirror as he changes, and he changes slowly to avoid it longer. But then his shirt flows down his chest, and suddenly he's done.
He takes a deep breath and makes a tentative step forward.
When he looks at the mirror, he sees a face he hasn't seen in a very long time—about 25 years, at least.
A young expression of confusion and fear, brilliant blue eyes and a cream lop of hair.
The face of an eight year old.
Knock knock.
"You alright, kid? You've been in there awhile."
Buck jumps at the interruptions.
"Sorry! I'm coming out now," he says, reaching over to open the door. He turns around to grab his dirty clothes off the floor. "Where should I put these?"
Bobby waves him off, and Buck notices he's also changed his clothes. "Just leave them. We'll take care of them in the morning."
Buck shrugs and drops them back on the floor, ducking under Bobby's arm as the man flicks off the light.
When they walk back into the bedroom, Buck notices that his bed is fully made up.
"Check and tell me if the sheets are comfortable," Bobby asks. "And Athena found your phone. She's charging it on her side."
"Cool," Buck murmurs, and climbs under his sheets. He wriggles down and pats the comforter, looking over to Bobby.
"Comfy?"
Buck nods, yawning already.
Bobby smiles and walks back over to the door to flick off the bedroom lights too.
Buck cuddles in even more, and curls into himself.
"G'night Bobby," he yawns again.
"Goodnight kid. See you in the morning."