Chapter Text
He had hoped, when he first met his soulmate, that it was a sign from the universe. Permission to be. Permission to find happiness, and love, and have a life for once.
Now, he wondered if it had all been testing him.
Because this? This was crueler than anything Miraz had ever done to him.
It took him a few minutes to find Edmund, fingers digging into the dirt as he hid behind a tree, gasping for breath as tears slipped down his face, and Caspian sank to his knees beside him.
“I’m here,” he whispered, and Edmund glared- or, at least, he tried to glare. Halfway through he broke down in a sob, reaching out and clinging to Caspian as Caspian held him in a tight hug. “You’re alright,” he whispered. “You’re not alone.”
“Cas,” Edmund rasped, fingers digging into Caspian’s back, and Caspian clung tighter to him.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m right by your side, the whole way through this.”
What else was he supposed to say? He’d never had to deal with this. He’d never doubted his heritage- Miraz had made it painfully clear how much he would have liked for Caspian to be anyone but the prince- and he’d never had to deal with finding sudden family where he thought he had none.
If that was what was happening, but…
Well. To his mind it seemed obvious that it was true, but his mind wasn’t as reliable as Edmund’s.
After several minutes, Edmund calmed down, the wrenching sobs growing quieter as Edmund sagged against Caspian, exhausted.
Caspian shifted a bit, till he could hug Edmund properly, holding him close as he tried to remember all the grounding exercises his tutor had taught him.
“Breathe with me?” he asked, and Edmund nodded, his chest rising and falling with Caspian’s, till the tears had stopped and he collapsed forward, Caspian catching him entirely.
“…They’re telling the truth, aren’t they?” Edmund asked, and Caspian grimaced.
“I… I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “It seems like they are. If they were trying to trick us into something, they would hardly let us wander free.”
Edmund pushed himself out of Caspian’s arm, leaning back against a tree and staring up through the leaves, his eyes swollen from crying. “…There was a statue of a faun,” he began. “In my mother’s garden. I used to stare at it, and wonder where I’d known him from.” He shook his head. “…Jadis’s garden,” he corrected himself. “One way or another… she’s not my mother.”
“Jadis,” Caspian agreed. “The statue?”
“Right…” Edmund closed his eyes, his entire body screaming of exhaustion. “…I remember seeing him. In a cell. He said I was ‘Lucy Pevensie’s brother’. I remember agreeing.”
Oh. “…Why would Jadis have a statue made of him?”
Edmund blinked, before his eyes widened. “Oh… no, that… stone statues… she can turn people to stone,” he explained, and Caspian blanched.
That sounded like a horrible fate.
“So… she’s not your mother, you’re sure of that,” he began, and Edmund nodded. “And… you think you might be their brother?”
Edmund sighed, closing his eyes again. “…It makes sense. Fuck- it makes sense. I’ve been hearing Susan’s voice in my head for years, I knew Lucy’s name before they told me- I-“ he stopped, and swallowed, before speaking again in a quieter voice: “…I remembered arguing with Peter about something. While they were talking. But this- it doesn’t make sense.”
“Except it does,” Caspian whispered. “…Life doesn’t make sense. This… makes the amount of sense you’d expect.”
He got a snort of amusement for that one. “…I feel insane.”
Ah. “…Is there something wrong with being insane?”
“It’s insane,” Edmund repeated, and Caspian tried not to shift uncomfortably.
“Perhaps. But I won’t abandon you, even if you are. Would… would you abandon me?”
Another snort, this one derisive. “If you were insane I’d have to keep an even closer eye on you, just to make sure you stayed out of trouble.”
Caspian was able to relax a bit at that. “…What’s scaring you, Edmund? What about all of this is so awful to you?”
It was a few moments before he got an answer, Edmund thinking through his response. “…If they’re right… if I am their missing brother… that means I’ve been a prisoner for the last eight years of my life. That I… that I missed out on having a family. That everyone in my life really did hate me… it means I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out on my own.”
“You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met,” Caspian insisted. “It’s not your fault you were lied to. And… yes. You missed out on having a family. But if this is all true, then they’re right out there. And they want to be your family. We’ve been running away from our childhoods this whole time… have you ever stopped to think what we were running to?”
“Sap,” Edmund muttered, and Caspian smiled.
“Yes. But am I wrong?”
Edmund shook his head. “No. No, you’re not wrong.” He sighed, looking around. “…I can almost see the sea from here,” he whispered. “I’ve never seen it before. It’s beautiful.”
“It is,” Caspian agreed, staring over at the water.
Come here, it whispered. Come home, Caspian.
He turned back to Edmund, offering him a smile. “Should we head back to the camp? I don’t know about you, but I haven’t eaten all day.” After a moment, Edmund nodded, and Caspian pulled him up onto his feet. “No matter what happens, I’m by your side,” he promised.
I can only hope you’ll be by mine if it comes to it.
Susan was waiting for them on the edge of camp, and she smiled as she saw them approaching, nodding for them to follow her. “Lunch is ready by our tents,” she explained, leading the way as Edmund kept his head up, his face carefully blank.
Caspian thought he might see some fear in his eyes though, and he nudged his fingers against Edmund’s, just in case.
Edmund glanced over at him, and tried to offer him a slight smile.
They’d get through this. Somehow.
The tents they arrived at were two of the largest in the clearing, and in front of them there was a table laden with fresh fruits and vegetables and breads, and Lucy stood up, gently grabbing Edmund’s hand and tugging him closer.
Caspian followed, intrigued that Edmund let it happen.
Lucy had Edmund sit next to her, Caspian taking the next seat on one of the many cushions surrounding the low table, hopeful that this would be a less volatile meeting than the last few they’d had.
Which.
In a way he got his wish.
No one spoke.
For several minutes there was absolute silence as they ate, sometimes stealing glances at Edmund, but never actually making any comments towards or about him, or about anything.
Every once in a while one of them would glance over at Caspian, but they never said anything to him either.
Eventually he’d had enough. “How did you end up the generals for Aslan?” he asked, and for a moment everyone stopped moving, and then Susan nodded, and spoke.
“We came to him after Edmund was killed- or… after we thought he’d been killed. We wanted to make sure she couldn’t get to any of the rest of us, and he wanted us to lead his army, due to the prophecy. We couldn’t exactly leave, go back home without Edmund, so… we stayed.”
“And how exactly did she get me?” Edmund asked, his tone cold and dispassionate, and… scared.
Caspian thought there might just be some fear in that tone.
Peter cleared his throat. “You… ah… went to her,” he explained. “You’d been to Narnia before. Had met her then. We don’t know exactly what happened, but some birds later said they saw the interaction. Saw her offer you food… Aslan later said that any food of the Witch’s was enchanted, that you’d been bound to her through it.”
“We wanted to come after you,” Lucy put in, “but… the beavers said then she’d have all of us, and then she’d kill all of us. That Aslan was our only hope to save you, and we had to try and get to him, but…”
“There was a fight,” Susan continued. “At the waterfall along the Great River. Some of the wolves caught up to us, and we thought… we tried to follow them. To find you. By the time we did…”
Edmund shook his head, clutching Caspian’s hand under the table, and he was shaking.
Caspian didn’t know what memories Edmund was uncovering, but he cleared his throat, trying to offer some distraction. “I’ve only met Aslan the once, is he always so serious?”
“Oh, goodness no,” Lucy put in. “He’s actually really nice, and playful even, it’s just…”
“A rather serious topic,” Peter finished. “…There’s been a lot of blame, passed around, these last few years.” He nodded to Edmund. “Losing you… kind of tore us apart.”
Edmund was squeezing Caspian’s hand tighter, and his hand was starting to grow cold, so Caspian cleared his throat. “Thank you, for lunch, I think we need more time alone, Edmund?”
Edmund hadn’t even waited for Caspian to finish talking, pushing himself to his feet and dragging Caspian out of camp with him, even as Caspian waved kindly back to the others.
It wasn’t until they were out of camp that either of them spoke again.
“Not that I object to you holding my hand, but could you possibly ease up on the ice a little?” he asked, and Edmund pulled his hand back sharply.
“Shit- I’m sorry-“
There were tears on Edmund’s cheeks, and Caspian quickly wrapped an arm around him, steering him towards the trees. “You’re alright,” he promised. “It’s okay. Let’s just sit down for a bit and rest, alright?”
Edmund nodded, hands held close to his chest as he sank down into the moss, taking careful breaths as he shook. “…I’ve never been this weak before,” he whispered, and Caspian shook his head.
“You’re not weak. I promise, you’re not. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, you’re just going through something scary right now. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t have their world shaken by this.”
“My-“ Edmund stopped, and sighed. “…Jadis wouldn’t.”
“The Witch isn’t exactly the best role model,” Caspian pointed out, and Edmund chuckled a little bit.
“…No. She isn’t.” he sighed, leaning his head back against a tree. “I wish I could just… remember. I feel like if I knew for myself what had happened, it would make all of this so much easier.”
Caspian thought about that. “…Is there a spell for it?”
It was fascinating, watching Edmund think. His eyes grew unfocused, and he tilted his head, his fingers tapping on his knees as he sorted through his mind searching for the answer.
Then he sagged.
Leaned back against the tree.
“…Fuck.” Caspian waited, keeping a hand on Edmund. “…Not to regain memories. Not that I ever saw. But… I used to sneak into Jadis’s private study. She had books on magic. Including one on memory loss… fuck- how could I not have seen it?”
Edmund groaned, running his fingers through his hair.
“I’m such an idiot,” Edmund muttered, and Caspian shook his head.
“You’re not. You trusted what you were told, that doesn’t make you an idiot.”
“I know better,” Edmund tried to argue. “I was raised to question everything- why did I never question her?”
“Maybe you did,” Caspian offered. “Maybe she erased those memories too?” That had Edmund standing up, a strange fire in his eyes Caspian hadn’t seen before. “Ah… Ed? Where are you going?”
“To find the only one around here that seems to know more about magic than me. Jadis hates him after all, so at the very least it’ll piss her off.”
Oh.
Alright then.
Caspian stood up, and followed after him.