Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Honeymaren was sitting on the far edge of Elsa's bed, her legs shaking under her hands. Her gaze was locked onto the bathroom's door, her ears were attentive to the sound of the running shower. When it stopped, she realized she could hear her own breathing.

Minutes later, Elsa was back inside the bedroom, fully dressed, with a towel over her shoulders protecting her clothes from her wet hair.

Honeymaren couldn’t keep her eyes away from the blonde's belly. The bump wasn't visible yet. But the idea, the reality that there was something there made Honeymaren feel uneasy.

Surely, Elsa had noticed because she wrapped her hands around herself, as if it would block Honeymaren's gaze, make her forget.

The brunette tried to glance to her face instead, distracted by lower from time to time.

"You should go home," Elsa said as she let her back find the wall.

"I shouldn't."

"I'm serious. This is none of your concern. I can handle this situation by myself."

"Can you?"

Elsa's lips parted, no reply coming out of them.

"Go home, Honeymaren. Your family is worried."

The girl got up this time. "I don't want to."

"Well, I didn't ask what you wish, I demanded that you leave."

"I can do as I please. I don't belong to you, remember?"

An irritated smile curled Elsa's lips. "What now? Why are you doing that? What do you gain from doing that?"

"Gain? Do you think I want to help you because I expect something from you?" Honeymaren asked, suddenly realizing what Elsa was implying about her intentions. It hurt her.

"Obviously..." Elsa whispered, so low Honeymaren was sure she wasn't meant to hear it.

The other girl walked past her, she grabbed her phone then dropped herself onto the bed, stomach on the sheets. Honeymaren scoffed at the immature move, at her stupid logic. "Do you seriously think I'm here, in your room, because I expect you to magically be grateful enough to fall in love with me?"

Elsa didn't look up nor speak. No one needed to be a genius to understand the answer was yes.

Honeymaren scoffed again. "I care about you! You're still my friend for fuck's sake. I told you."

Finally, Elsa gaze returned on her.

"I just don't get why you would do such a thing, even if...even if I didn't hurt you." Her eyes were full of confusion and surprise.

Then, it hit Honeymaren: Elsa genuinely didn't understand. The concept of her being kind and caring enough to offer her help in this situation seemed foreign to her. It was almost like Elsa didn't know what friends were supposed to do.

"Because I car..." The rest of the sentence died in her throat. Everything was suddenly clear in her mind. Elsa didn't understand because Elsa didn't have friends.

The memories flashed behind her eyes. The girl is front of her was always surrounded. Yet, just like the big silent mansion, she was lonely. Elsa didn't enjoy Anae and Janne's company. They were both clearly around her because of her status. Perhaps, she just indulged in their presence to fill the void.

If Honeymaren was being honest, Marisol and Elsa did not seem that close. She had no idea how their friendship had started, it could have been just like Anea and Janne. Marisol always seemed like a kind girl to Honeymaren, but she didn't know her that well. Would Marisol still be by her side if it wasn't for her crush? If Elsa wasn't an Oldenburg? Honeymaren was now noticing she had never seen any of them giggling with Elsa, nor whispering things to each other's ears.

She had no one to do any of this with. People were foaming around Elsa because she was Elsa Oldenburg, not because they liked her as person. No one ever had.

Elsa was aware of that, and she had never let anyone in too deeply. Until Honeymaren.

But even now, she remained doubting.

Honeymaren sighed softly, her anger now gone.

She circled around the bed and laid down besides Elsa. She stayed on her back. She reached for the girl's face. Honeymaren expected her to push it away. However, Elsa didn't. Honeymaren pulled a falling strand of wet hair behind her ear. Then, with the back of her hand, she caress her flushed and tired cheek. It was soft, the softest thing in the world.

"Not everyone wants to use you, Elsa."

This latter doesn’t react, her eyes were glued to the black screen of her phone.

"I'm coming with you, accept it."

They didn't speak for a while. The only sounds between them were the brush of Honeymaren's hand and the wind outside.

"What was even your plan, Elsa?"

She laid on her side to face Honeymaren. Her mouth remained shut.

"The closest center is at a four hours drives from here. You need to take the highway, your car can't. No bus goes that far."

Honeymaren turned on her side as well. "You're stuck in this town. What were you planning to do?"

Elsa closed her eyes. "I-I hadn’t thought about that...yet."

Honeymaren's hand returned to Elsa's cheek, attempting to ease her.

"My parents can take us there."

Elsa's irises were filled with hope.

"Really?"

"Yeah," the brunette smiled. "They might be angry at me when I come back but they will calm down."

"We can make up a lie, like we did for the hike and-"

"Elsa, you don’t need to lie. They will understand. I think they might even be more willing to drive you if they actually know why."

The other girl blinked in surprise. That was something Elsa also lacked the experience in: being close to her parents. She had probably seen Honeymaren in her house more often than them within the past months.

A light laugh escaped her for the first time that day. "Do you even ever lie to your parents when I'm not around?"

Honeymaren giggled. "I'm almost seventeen, of course I do. It's just...They're good people."

Elsa leaned in her touch.

Honeymaren wanted to cover her face with pecks. She held herself back, simply enjoying the sight before her until Elsa was ready to go.

It was quite unbelievable to think Elsa Oldenburg would ever need help. What was enough for her to push her pride aside and accept it? After all in the little fantasy Elsa had written around herself, she was invincible, untouchable, perfectly balanced and never flinched.  Honeymaren could have been fooled, she could have believed nothing would break her facade.

Yet today, Elsa was holding her hand, in the street for the bright day to see.

Honeymaren's hand was wrapped around Elsa's. She hadn’t let go ever since they had left her house, Elsa hadn’t tried to pull away. Honeymaren had a strange sense in her guts, it was the first time she wasn’t scared to be seen close to her. Selfishly for sure, she kind of enjoyed it.

The time wasn’t right to ask Elsa if she was sure she was ready being caught with her. Honeymaren couldn’t stand how she was focusing so much on the state of their relation, how it had been.

Arendelle had always been a calm and quiet place, like you would expect from a town lost in the upper part of Norway. In summer, the streets were deserted, its inhabitants running away. There was nothing left to do for anyone who'd lived here long enough to experience everything Arendelle had to offer. Tourism peaked in winter, visitors rarely came in the higher part anyway. The streets were empty, like the unusual hot sun had cleaned them up.

They took a turn, they had almost reached the large grass fields of the neighborhood Honeymaren's ancestors had settled in. A few meters away, a man was also on sidewalk, coming from the opposite direction.

Honeymaren's throw tightened. She took a glance at their intertwined hands. She released her grip, ready to let go of Elsa, excepting to feel that bitter, familiar, pinch of reject.

Yet, nothing happened. Elsa didn't move away. They passed by the man who glared at their joined hands and whispered something disgusting in his beard.

Honeymaren's skip a beat. She looked at Elsa as her cheeks burned. She suddenly felt a rush of joy. Maybe she… Maybe…!

The brunette snapped herself back to reality when her gaze landed on Elsa's stomach. She needed to stop allowing her delusions to take control of her brain. Elsa wasn't giving her any type of sign or hope, she just wished for a friend to hold onto.

Honeymaren breathed in the familiar green air. They walked and walked. Houses were getting rare. Mrs Hagen's property was standing on their right, it was the last one before Honeymaren’s, the latter grew nervous. Her perfect plan sounded so absurd now.

"Elsa, we can still find an excuse if- " As much as Elsa's safety mattered more, Honeymaren would still need an excuse if she wanted to help. What lie could she tell? Perhaps, she would say that Elsa had forgotten her keys inside the house and locked herself outside. This could work. Or-

"No, it's fine. The truth is fine."

"Are you sure?" Honeymaren exclaimed as stopped walking, accidentally dragging Elsa along with her. "I may have been confident. They don't have to know if that's not what y-"

"No. Listen," the blonde calmly began as she caressed her knuckles, "you offered me your help even thought you didn't have to. The least I could do is to spare you more lies. I made my mistakes by myself, I need to take accountability."

Honeymaren was speechless. What a strange girl…

Honeymaren carefully pushed the door of her house, as if it would magically make her mother forget everything. Fortunately, her father and grandmother hadn’t returned yet.

She held the door opened for Elsa, attempting to be as quiet as possible.

The blonde passed by her side with a sigh. "What are you even doing? You've already been caught."

"I'm stressed out, okay?"

Perhaps she had been a little too loud because the back door opened in a loud push. It revealed her very-irritated-looking mother, and her holding Ryder didn’t soften the picture.

"Honeymaren, you're lucky we don't have a basement because I would have locked you there forever." She quickly glanced at Elsa. "But perhaps, the barn will do."

Before Honeymaren's mind could go on a thousand roads to find the words that could —not— appease her mother's anger, Elsa stood in front of her.

"Livli, please, Honeymaren isn't responsible for any of this." She cleared her throat as the other girl inaudibly whispered her name. "Forgive my manners, good morning," on this couple of words Elsa leaned her head like the woman in front of them was some sort of high dignitary.

"How so?" Livli retorted.

"I called her early this morning. I wanted…I wanted to tell her something, I wasn't felling alright. And you know, she has a kind and loyal heart, she ran to me because she thought I wanted help…" She paused to glance with kindness and gratitude at Honeymaren. "Maybe she was right, I think I do. I apologize for being a nuisance; if you wish me to leave, then I will."

Livli seemed bewildered, caught off guard. The words wouldn't come. She hugged her son, too young to understand any of the issues surrounding him. "I'm sure your problem is very important, and I empathize, but you cannot just walk in and-"

Getting her confidence back, Honeymaren interposed. "Mom, please. I will do all my tasks! I'll be as efficient as ever, but please let her stay."

Her mother frowned. It would be a miracle if Honeymaren didn't end up next to her maternal grandmother's tomb by the evening. After a long moment during which she prayed the Spirits to show mercy on her, a loud and deep sigh escaped from Livli's nose. She placed Ryder in her daughter's arms.

"Go take care of the chickens, and you know the rest of it. I guess this won't be too hard for your friend."

Honeymaren gulped. "Th-Thank you."

Livli didn't hear as she had already crossed the backdoor. A certain guilt wrapped her heart, she was, yet again, causing worries with her careless attitude. She was delaying everything on this stressful day, she didn't not last long as not being a disappointment for her parents. She caressed Ryder's short hair for comfort.

She turned to Elsa with a weak smile, which disappeared as Honeymaren noticed she was hugging herself.

"Your mother clearly doesn't want me here. I should leave. Thank you, but really-"

"No, don't. Look, you don't have to, I swear. You know, what? I don't allow you to leave, you're my- my hostage."

The blonde had a little surprised jump, she giggled. "Uh, what?"

"You hear me, you won't leave my side until you still have something in there," she said as she pointed as her belly.

What Honeymaren had intended as a funny joke made Elsa's smile dropped. She cursed to herself. she was so stupid. The air between them was thick and cold now. Honeymaren's free hand pressed the tip of her braid.

Elsa's gazes was glued to Ryder, the hint of a tear on the verge. There was no need to to wonder where her mind had wandered. Trying to make up from her dumb remark, Honeymaren clapped her hand on her thigh.

"Let's get to work, shall we?"

The chickens clucked in time with the wind. A few became agitated when they saw them in the huge cage, but nothing alarming enough to cause widespread panic. The dry-ground farmyard was half-covered by the maple tree, which must have been six times Honeymaren's age.

"Hello, ladies," she said to the hens. Another general cackling rose from the feathered crowd. What Honeymaren liked best about living on a farm was that, over time, the animals ended up understanding you.

The birds remained wary of Elsa, and even though they did not flee at the sight of Honeymaren, they did not rush to her feet as they always did with Livli. The girl had always had much more affinity with reindeer. She sometimes took care of the chickens before going to class, but she was more used to watching them from the other side of the fence.

"It's kinda weird to see chickens here," Elsa finally spoke, it was her first words in fifteen minutes.

"How so?" Honeymaren knew the answer, she merely wished to distract her friend.

"Y'know, the reindeer pat of reindeer farm."

"You're right. But our eggs sub-brand is twenty years old. Sure, we wouldn't bet on this business, it has its little success."

Elsa nodded. She knelt down and held out her hand, making silly noises to attract a chicken that had been bold enough to approach. Obviously, it didn't work. Instead of getting the message, Elsa waddled along behind the poor animal. Honeymaren stifled a laugh: she'd learn eventually.

She took off her brother from her back and placed him on the small table next to the coop. It was almost at the her chest's level and was equipped with a railing; this latter wasn't very high but Ryder hadn't reached the crawling phase yet. Though it was for soon, this boy was already five months old! Their father had build tables like this one almost everywhere across the farm to make working with a baby way easier.

Honeymaren gently pinched Ryder's chubby cheek. Then, she moved to the reserve where the grain bags were kept. She grabbed the opened one. Damn, that shit was heavy!

"Do you want help?" Elsa suggested.

"No, I'm good," the brunette retorted, despite being unable to hide the struggle in her tone.

She set it down on the ground and untied the string that held it open. Honeymaren took a handful of grain and threw it a few meters away. In a flash, all the hens rushed to the meager snack, running from the four corners of the pen. It was a technique her mother had taught her when she was smaller than this bag. It allowed her to keep the chickens at a distance until she reached the feeder, thus avoiding chaos.

Honeymaren emptied the rest of the bag in the metal container, only a few grains fell to the ground. She put two fingers to her mouth and whistled. The entire farmyard turned toward her, and some even came out of the henhouse at the sound of her call. "Breakfast!" she yelled.

As one, the birds swooped down on their meal, as if it were about to vanish, as if they had been starving for days. Honeymaren walked away before she could become a side damage. She returned to Elsa, quite proud.

"Impressive," Elsa commented.

"I know, I know. Now, let's check for the eggs."

She gave the other girl the basket she had dropped a minute ago, afterwards, she led inside the coop. Inside, most of the nests were empty, the hens left were half asleep. But Honeymaren would be interested in them later. She busied herself, checking each pile of straw, picking up the eggs one by one, then shaking them near her ear. It would be quick; there weren't many today.

"Aren't they going to be chicks? Shouldn't you be leaving some?" Elsa asked when she put seven eggs in the baskets.

"Do you see any rooster here?" Elsa frowned and took a moment to think. As expected, she shook her head in a 'no'.

"Then, you have your answer."

"So they're all females here?"

"Correct," Honeymaren said picking up three eggs at once. "Let's say it's a lesbian village."

Elsa laughed at her joke this time. "You have such an interesting way of describing things."

They glanced at each other, only the small sounds coming from the hens bothering them. Realizing, she still had her collect in her hands. Honeymaren pulled away and coughed.

"Can you uh- check on my brother?"

Elsa passed her head through the entrance. "He's fine.”

"You should try to pick some."

Elsa suspiciously glanced at the hens, then she winced. "No, thanks."

Honeymaren smirked. "Don't tell me you're scared of a little bird!"

"Scared?!" the blonde repeated as if this was the most offensive thing someone had ever dared to tell her. "It's not fear, I just… do not trust in those…little vicious eyes to not peck at me."

"So scared. You tried to pet one earlier, though."

"That's not the same thing," Elsa stated as she crossed her arms on her chest. "There is a difference between petting the hen and stealing its eggs.

Honeymaren rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic," she sighed as she wrapped her hands around her friend's wrist. She placed her in front of a nest safely guarded by a hen with golden feathers. With her free hand, she pushed the animal's body away. "C'mon"

"You're joking, right?"

"Elsa, nothing will happen to you. And she does, I'll roast her for dinner."

The blonde girl stared at her with disdain for a short while. But seeing Honeymaren was not going to give up, she grimaced and allowed her fingers to be led.

"I swear if it touches me, I'll sue you."

Honeymaren bit her lips to prevent herself from bursting out laughing, afraid she may scared the poor hen and end up in court.

Elsa watched with only one eye as Honeymaren guided her hand to the eggs. As excepted, nothing happened when she brushed over their warm and dirty brown shell. With a sigh of relief, she grabbed one egg and put it in the basket.

"So…did you suffer?" Honeymaren teased.

"Oh, shut up."

On of the way back, Honeymaren was holding Ryder and making stupid noises causing him to laugh loudly. Elsa was a few steps behind her, holding the basket full of eggs.

Before they could reach the house, Little Bean blocked their path. Yelana was straddling him.

"You reappeared," the old woman said. "I was worried."

"I know, I'm sorry. Emergency."

Yelana looked behind her granddaughter. "And she's there. The emergency, I suppose."

There was so much condescendence in her voice, it almost made Honeymaren walk away. Yelana had her fair amount of reasons to not trust white people. Honeymaren respected that and she mostly shared her ideas. But the unexplained disdain she had with Elsa specifically was exhausting. She had tried to question her but she kept getting met with silence and vague answers. It wasn't even like she had told anything of their affair to her grandmother.

"Precisely," she retorted, attempting to make her voice as neutral as she could to not sound insolent.

"Get in the van, we're leaving in fifteen minutes." Yelana didn't let her the time to reply, she was already heading to her barn.

Honeymaren suspected the attitude as much to do with Elsa's presence as the worry the old woman felt after having to look for her. Yelana had never been good at showing her affection. Even though Honeymaren never got the chance to meet her grandfather, sometimes she wondered how Yelana and him had managed to stay married for three decades, or she even managed to give birth to a son as jovial and affectionate as Biejan.

Honeymaren turned to see Elsa. She was fiddling with the handle of the basket and staring at the grass. Guilt was radiating from her.

"I didn't mean to put discord between you and your family."

It was weird to see Elsa all embarrassed and shameful. Honeymaren still had a hard time grasping she was capable of this kind of emotion at all.

"Elsa," she said firmly, demanding indirectly she looked at her.

A knot formed in Honeymaren's stomach when their gazes met.

"What would you have done if I hadn't shown up?"

She hesitated. No answer escaped from her lips. So, Honeymaren already she was right, they had talked about it: Elsa had no plan.

"I'm sorry but if your pregnancy was something you could talk about with your family, I don't think you would be in my house. You wouldn't have waited for them to leave to…take care of this."

The sudden sadness and vulnerability in Elsa's eyes proved her right.

Unless most of the towns in the area, Arendelle was big enough to have a pretty small, yet decent hospital. However, the closest abortion center was almost at four hours drive from here. No bus went that far and Elsa's car wasn't allowed in the highway. Honeymaren had checked all of this while Elsa had been showering.

"You're stuck in this town, aren't you?" her voice softened. She walked closer to her. She raised a hand to Elsa's face, willing to cup her cheek. See that Elsa wasn't leaning into it, she dropped her arm back to her brother, quite hurt.

"Elsa," she called once again. She took the time to choose her words. "You're just a teenage girl, in an empty house, pregnant by a guy who probably doesn't want to see you anymore. What I mean is that… y-you're not a bother. It's fine if you can't deal with it alone.

A silent while past. Part of her wanted to take as much time as Elsa needed, the other knew she was still in a hurry.

Elsa's knuckles turned white from pressing the handle. She began to cry.

Honeymaren moaned. "Uh, I said stupid things again."

"No, no. It's- I'm so used to people wanting to please me because they idealize me. They all want me to like them because it's great to be in the favor of someone like me…not because they care about the way I feel. But, you are…being kind, standing by side at my worst, even though I put you through hell. All because, you can."

Honeymaren's cheeks burned. Her heartbeat accelerated. She fought against her mind not to melt. She tried to remember why they were there. But oh, those pretty eyes staring at her like she was the most valuable of treasure…

Ryder squirmed in her arms and groaned, bringing her back to reality. Honeymaren covered his forehead with her hand, suspecting he was getting uncomfortable in the bright sun.

"I should get ready. I can't put my tasks on a hold. I will leave for a few hours, sorry."

"Where are you going? Perhaps I could help."

Honeymaren grimaced. "At the slaughterhouse." A shadow passed though Elsa's face. "We received a pretty big order. They need about forty reindeer. I don't think you'd like to see me cut throats."

Elsa gritted her teeth. "Well, I'll try to bound with your mother then."

They started to walk again. "She already likes you."

"Mmh. Maybe I should also tell her about this," she whispered as her gaze dropped to her lower abdomen.

The first time Honeymaren had gone to the slaughtering house was when she was twelve. She had only watched, being kept safely away from the knifes. And despite being mentally prepared, despite having always known what happened to the reindeer once they had spent enough time in field, Honeymaren had only bared the sight of her grandmother cutting three animals' throats before throwing up on her own shoes. Once they had gone home, she had burst out crying and spent exactly one hour, twenty-four minutes and forty-three seconds against her father's shirt. She had had nightmares of her own neck being sized the three following nights, waking the whole household with her mortified screams. Honeymaren had gone vegan for five weeks.

The second time had happened three months after. She would have wished for it to never happen again but as rebellious as a younger Honeymaren had started to be, she had understood that she would have to do it by herself one day. She couldn't shatter centuries of familial traditions for sole feeling of guilt.

The second time, Honeymaren had still come as a spectator. She had hold back the vomit for the moment they had stepped outside. She had only gotten one nightmare during her sleep, one she had waken up from with only a gasp.

The third time, she had thrown up two hours later at the thought of a bunch of bloody nerves hanging off a corpse 's jaw because the cut had accidentally been too deep.

The fourth times, besides a knot in her stomach the entire time, and guilt seasoning her plate at lunch, Honeymaren hadn't reacted much.

The fifth time, she had just turned thirteen . There had been just one reindeer left. Livli had placed a knife in her hand and led her to the last animal. Mother and daughter had whispered sweet things against its ears, promise of a quick hand and a great next life. Her movement had been guided by Livli's experienced hands. A tear had run down Honeymaren's cheek when they had slayed her first reindeer.

The sixth time, Honeymaren had executed three reindeer on her own. Her guts had twisted themselves into painful knots and she hadn't been able to eat for thirty-six hours. Otherwise, Honeymaren had been rather fine. It had became easier every time she had gone.

The Nattura had always slaughtered their themselves, for generations. They used to do it on their farm, nowadays for hygiene purposes, they had a reserved spot in the slaughtering house of another town, behind the mountain barriers.

"Beijan! Here you are!" Arvid, the guardian said once the truck stopped in front of the entrance.

Arvid never greeted Honeymaren, Yelana or Livli this warmly, when he even greeted them at all. The girl had her idea why. She looked at the other window of the truck, irritated by the conversation, just like her grandmother was.

"How is your son doing?" the guardian asked. Of course, he would only cared about Ryder.

"Very well, you should see how fast he's growing."

"He's gonna be strong man, just like his dad."

The two men laughed together. the conversation was dragging. Honeymaren's patience was breaking. She hated how her father hadn't never noticed the way Arvid constantly ignored them. When another laugh came of their lungs, Honeymaren couldn't take it anymore.

"Dad, we have a lot to do."

Beijan suddenly went back to reality. Arvid gave his daughter the dirtiest of looks. How dare she interrupted their conversation? Not backing off under his murderous glare, she didn't falter and stared back with the same amount of disdain.

"Honeymaren's right. See you later."

The girl shifted back in her seat as the truck moved again. "Fuckass white man…" she spat low between her breath.

A raucous sigh escaped Honeymaren's throat. She digged through her pockets and pulled out a cigarette and her lighter. The burning appeased her immediately. She may be used to the slaughtering by now, it was never an easy task. She wasn't attached to herd, she had learned not to. But as much as she didn't feel sadness when cutting their throats, it still twisted her guts.

She was glad her grandma had picked up she had had enough. Honeymaren's mind was focused on Elsa she had left home. Anxiety started to show off and she took the tip of her braid, pushing the plastic cap aside. What if Livli said no? This wasn't an option she had considered. She should have had. After all, why would her mother agree to help a random girl get an abortion?

Why was Elsa going to do if she refused? What were they going to do?

Unable to keep her nerves calm, Honeymaren grabbed her phone and texted Elsa.

'Everything alright? What did she say?'

Elsa was online. Three little dots started moving. Then they stopped. Honeymaren bit the tip of her poisoned stick. It took one long drag from her cigarette for a reply to be send.

'She said yes,' Elsa wrote. 'Tomorrow 2pm.'

The weight fell down from Honeymaren's shoulders. She rejoiced for Elsa. Even though she couldn't relate to shat she was facing, and hopefully she would never, she was glad for her. At least, Elsa didn't have to worry about the when now, she only needed to prepare.

As a big cloud of smoke released in the air, Honeymaren thought about the pictures she was giving: a teenage girl, smoking quietly like she wasn't dressed in plastic white clothes, covered in blood. The image looked incredible. She wished she could pass by herself in the sidewalk.

She got up and set up her phone on the frame pictures mode. She placed the device on a streetlight and run back to where she was. She tried to look natural and expired a good amount of smoke.

Honeymaren hated being photographed, that was why she had first asked her parents for a camera as a birthday gift, back in 2007. Her little girl mind had naively thought that relatives and family friends would stop asking for pictures if she was the one taking them. It hadn't worked, she was still getting pulled in cheesy group photos. However she had soon discovered that there was nothing more thrilling than being behind the camera, there was something so special about being the only one to spot the perfect moment, to be first one to see the result of a vision.

Honeymaren grabbed her phone back and checked the results. Her camera could give a much better quality and the angle was kinda trashy. Of course, she wasn't objective because she was the subject. Yet, there were some good elements in these pictures. The lighting was delightful and sharpened all of her edges. And yes, she looked cool as fuck.

She bit her lower lip as she sent one picture to Elsa. It had already been seen before she had time to regret.

'You look like a maniac,' Elsa typed.

'A maniac? That's all you have to say.'

'You cover in blood and white clothes, what else do you want me to call you?'

'Cool and mysterious.'

'Shut up. You're not.'

Honeymaren smirked to herself. She was going to tease Elsa a little longer.

Livli put down her fork and looked at her husband, then her mother in law.

"Elsa's staying here for the night. I'm taking them out of own tomorrow."

Honeymaren sensed her friend freezing beside her. She intertwined their fingers under the table and stroked her thumb over the back of her hand.

"Where?" Beijan asked.

"None of your concern, darling. It's a girl's trip."

"Alright, as long as Honeymaren had finished all of tasks by tonight, I don't see a problem."

Honeymaren scoffed, quite amused. "Since when do I leave my work unfinished?"

"Well, I remember someone going missing this morning."

"I started later than I should have, nuance. As far as I'm concerned, the eggs are collected, the hens are fed, the reindeer are dead and the meat is in the fridge."

Her father raised an eyebrow then laughed lightly. "Fair." He took a sip of his water glass and turned his gaze to Elsa. "Do your parents know you're here?"

"I-I-"

"Of course," Livli intervened, Honeymaren was aware it was a lie. "I had them on the phone when you three went out."

Her husband nodded and focused back at his second round of lunch. Honeymaren watched Yelana from the corner of her eyes. She was suspicious, it was certain. However, she didn't let any of this show up, as calm as ever. Honeymaren bit the inside of her mouth. She had so many questions on the tip of her tongue. They would go unanswered because Yelana was always as silent and secret as a nameless grave.

Honeymaren got up. Both herself and Elsa had finished eating. Also, she still had two tasks to complete. She put her dishes in the sink. Her friend mimicked her soon enough, not without thanking her family and excusing herself.

"So, I still have things to do, you can stay in my room," she said as they exited the kitchen.

"Oh, can't I stick around with you?"

"Do you wanna pick up poop with me?"

Elsa's twisted in disgust. "No, thanks. I want to stay with you."

"As you wish, princess."

Elsa's expression twisted even more. "Don't call me that."

Honeymaren smirked as she took a piece of fabric in the drawer under the stairs.

They went to the barn. The reindeer greeted them with their groans. Sisi pushed the door of her box with excitement. "Hey girl," she shouted as she picked up a long fork and a bucket.

Honeymaren was going to start by her mount's little gifts or she was going to be insufferable and loud the whole time. She entered the box and closed the door behind her to avoid Sisi bothering Elsa.

The reindeer ran to her and brush her heads over her chest, almost pushing her rider off balance. Honeymaren caressed her head a little before pushing her away by the horns. "Sit" she ordered.

For once, Sisi directly obeyed. She settled down in front of the exit, blocking the way out. Honeymaren sighed at that. She couldn't expect much from her stubborn girl. She placed the fabric in front her mouth and nose and tied around her head. She grabbed her fork and got to work. The cloth wasn't doing a lot to cover the smell, but it was better than nothing.

Elsa was leaning against the box, her arms crossed on the wooden door to support herself.

"Thank you," she suddenly said.

"For what?"

"Helping me, for everything."

Honeymaren nodded as she grabbed a big disgusting excrement. She had considered putting a cork in Sisi's butt multiple times within the past years. Could a reindeer learn to clean its own box?

"I know I said I didn't expect anything in return" Honeymaren began. "But from now, I'd like for you to be honest with me." She noticed Elsa gripping the wood beneath her. "I don't mean that you have to tell me your every secret, however, I'd appreciate if you stop lying all the time. I'd like to know the real you, not the one who you want to show me. I'm quite confused on who you actually are, Elsa."

"I understand, I…I'll do my best to do that."

"I get that you want privacy and it's complicated to trust anyone. But you came to me first and… I think it's hard to trust your words. I can't tell the difference between truth and lies, it's tiring."

Honeymaren was done clearing Sisi's box. She moved the bucket over the barrier to the next one. Aware that her mount wasn't going to move aside, Honeymaren pushed herself up and climbed over the wall to the great disappointment and surprise of the reindeer. Little Bean only raised his head to acknowledge her presence when she landed on the straw. Elsa followed her, still in the main alley.

"We start simple. Tell me something true about yourself that I don't know yet. Can be anything."

Elsa hesitated, thinking for a moment. At the same time, Honeymaren focused back to her tasks. Little Bean had been less generous than Sisi. Typical.

"My hair…"

"Your hair?" Honeymaren repeated, looking over her shoulder.

"Most people assumed it's genetic. It's not."

"Do you mean to tell me you've been bleaching your hair the whole time?"

Elsa shook her head, giggling. "No! I was born with a hair depigmentation on my scalp, that's why my eyebrows and eyelashes don't match. I would probably have my father's hair color if it wasn't for that."

Honeymaren was only noticing that Elsa's facial hair were of three different shades. "I wasn't expecting that but…interesting to know."

Their little game continued until Honeymaren was done with the barn. Elsa went on with her little facts. Honeymaren was happy to listen. She loved to know that Elsa was deathly scared of Octopus, or that the discreet scar she had in the fold of her left knee was due to her falling on the heating black after trying to steal on bag of crisps in the upper drawer, or even that she rewatched The Never Ending Story at the beginning of every season.

It was nice, different.

"Do I have questions for you as well?" Elsa asked as they reached the enclosure next to the barn.

Honeymaren bit her lower lip and shook her head in a poor attempt of hiding her grin. "You will have to deserve them."

"And what do you expect me to do?" Elsa responded, amused.

"I don't know yet. Figure it out and I shall decide."

Elsa giggled. The laugh was melody in Honeymaren's ears. It was as light and tender as the first blooming of Spring. Her belly was dancing from joy. Her face flushed from being the reason behind it. It'd been a while since they had shared such a moment, deprived from tension.

"This is my last task. I…I wanna show you something once it's done."

Honeymaren trotted over to the trough and grabbed one end. She nodded toward Elsa. "Take the other. We're gonna flip it to the side."

Elsa did as she was told. Once she was in place, the other girl announced: "Ready? Go."

A few seconds later, the huge metal object was lying on the ground. The brown water, strewn with blades of grass, began to soak into the parched ground.

Honeymaren went to take the garden hose that was hanging from the barrier. She turned on the faucet. "Cut it when I tell you," she told Elsa who moved where Honeymaren had been right before. She cleaned the inside of the trough, as much as she could with the hose. She was not going to pick up the poops and rubbed the trough on the same day.

"Cut it, Elsa!"

They put the trough back in its feet and Honeymaren refilled it.

Honeymaren had never taken anyone to the clearing before, not even Duiri. The thought of her best friend reminded Honeymaren that Duiri would call her a thousand nuances of stupid and traitor if she ever heard of it. She would make sure it wouldn't happen.

"Where are we?"

Elsa's voice sent electricity behind Honeymaren's ear. Her grip around her waist tightened. Honeymaren thought she might die here and there. For a moment, she considered making Sisi walk around a little longer, just to keep her hands where they were.

The gnarled tree stood before them, a few meters away. Honeymaren stopped her mount. She willingly freed herself from Elsa's embrace and got down from the animal. Then she helped her friend as well.

Honeymaren didn't tie Sisi, allowing her to wander how she wished. The reindeer wouldn't go far anyway. She then turned to Elsa and a smile formed on the corner of her mouth.

"That's my sorrow tree," she confessed. "I used to come here every time I was feeling down as a child." She paused. "I don't do it as often now, but sometimes, yes I- When you and Eden, uh-"

She cleared throat and looked away from Elsa for a while. "Anyway, I don't know if it can help you. But the tree is not judging you, nobody ever comes here, except me, so if you-"

The sentence was cut short by Elsa pulling her into an embrace.

"Thank you," she whispered in Honeymaren's hair. "Thank you…"

She inhaled, she exhaled. "You're welcome."

They didn't move from a while. They didn't say anything either. The only sounds came from the light wind pushing the branches and leaves, accompanied by little groans belonging to Sisi.

Elsa slowly pulled away. She crossed her arms behind her back and started circling around the tree. Honeymaren followed her.

"You're so nice. Maybe slightly too much. You shouldn't worry that much about me."

"Elsa, I already told y-" she interrupted herself when she saw the sincere, truthful smiled on Elsa's face.

The blonde stopped walking. She cupped Honeymaren's cheeks. "I am fine," she said, detaching each word. "I was more worried about how would do it rather than if I would do it. Now that it's figured out, I'm relieved."

Honeymaren leaned in her touch.

"If I'm being honest, I surely feel worse about not having any guilt for what I'm about to do. But I can't be anything but grateful for your care."

It's normal, I'm your friend, Honeymaren wanted to say once again, but she had said it enough times for today.

The movie ending woke Honeymaren up. She had no idea what could have happened, she had fallen asleep on her father shoulder maybe half way through it.

"That was so predictable," Elsa's eyes roll was almost audible in her voice.

Honeymaren stared down at her. Elsa was still curled on the ground like earlier, she had remained there despite Honeymaren offering her place on the couch.

"Yeah, I saw that plot twist coming light-years ahead," Yelana agreed.

The music of the outro was playing and all the credits were rolling on the black screen. Yelana started booing at the TV and Elsa joined her, her parents sighed out of desperation. Honeymaren blinked, her eyes passing back and forth between the two of them. Had she traveled through sleep and landed in an alternative universe where these two where friends?

"Wow, how long was I gone for? Since when do you get along?" Honeymaren asked, rubbing her sticky eyes.

"You missed a lot! They were insufferable, they trash-talked the movie the second you fell asleep!" Biejan scoffed. "I swear, it was just like those idiots on the radio who critique every single sports game as if they'd actually played in them!"

Yelana's hand flew to the back of her son's neck. "Respect your mother, ungrateful little brat!"

"Yes, Biejan, respect your mother," Elsa emphasized.

He stared at Honeymaren in disbelief, who played clueless, then turned to his wife as his last support. "Please, you ,the love of my life, are you not going to side with me?"

Livli threw her hands up in the air to clear herself. "Don't bring me into this. I know better than to argue with your mother."

Biejan groaned, giving up. He then grabbed the remote and turned off the TV before getting up. "Let me check on my son, at least he won't be against me."

"Well, he won't side with you either," Yelana mocked as she passed by him."Goodnight!"

They said the same as she and Biejan both went upstairs, still arguing.

Elsa also got up, stretching. "That was lovely. But if you excuse me, I will go to bed too."

"Of course, you need to sleep," Livli reassured her.

At that, they waved goodbye and Elsa departed. Honeymaren was now alone, in the silent living room, with her mother. She felt the trap closing around her. The awkward conversation was already knotting her stomach. She needed to take her leave and quick.

Honeymaren was halfway on her feet when Livli brought her down. She gave her daughter a look that could unmistakeably translated as 'don't you dare'.

"What was gotten to you?" Livli snapped.

Honeymaren brought her knees to her chest, avoiding her mother's gaze. "I'm alright, why does it matter?"

"Why does i- You left without a warning!"

"Mom, there's barely three hours of night these days. Like what? Do you expect some big scary monster to jump on me from the shadows?"

"You know what they do to girls like you."

Honeymaren scoffed. She hated these conversations. It wasn't that their worries were unfounded or that Honeymaren never feared for her safety.

But there hadn't been any real hate crime in Arendelle against a Northuldra since the nineties. The people in their town were, for sure, prejudiced and vocal about it, however they didn't go as far as in other places. They picked up, they bullied, they shoved, they insulted, they glared, but they didn't attack. The Northuldra community of Arendelle was too big and united for them to dare anything too bolg. In this small area, the assaulter would be caught in a day.

On some levels, Honeymaren understood their worries. The crimes and the griefs were real, but she was almost an adult. Her parents needed to let her breath, to trust her. They had smothered her during her childhood and early adolescence, and that, combined with her constant sense of injustice, was largely to blame for her rebellious behavior at school.

Livli pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"Look, you were worried for your friend, rightfully so. But I don't want you to ever leave like you did, okay?"

What was so bad about going out in the morning? "Whatever."

Her mother fell silent for a while. "No phone until school started again."

Finally, Honeymaren looked at her. Livli had her arms crossed over her chest. Her attention was focused on the black screen of the television as if it was still playing.

"Are you serious?"

"Well, pretty much. Your actions have consequences."

"You're being unfair!"

"I'm not unfair, I'm your mother and things will happen as I say."

"More like a fucking drama-queen…"

"Do not curse at me!" Livli shouted.

"Then, stop being so ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? Ridiculous? I'm worried about you! You scared me!"

"That was all in your head."

"I don't want to lose you!"

"Mom, you're not gonna lose me over going at my friend's house!"

"How can you know?!"

Honeymaren didn't dare to answer. Her mother's voice had echoed in the entire floor and she was sure the others had heard it too. A tear ran down Livli's cheek, and a pinch of guilt stroked Honeymaren's throat.

"I need to know where you go. Because if I don't, it might cost your life, do you understand that?"

Honeymaren passed her hand over her face. "I do but-"

"Your aunt Lohcca," Livli began interrupting her daughter.

Lohcca was Livli's twin sister. She was divorced and lived in another town, two hours drive away from Arendelle. Well, her house was there, at least. Last year, she had began traveling across the country since her children, Nila and Maarja, also twins, had left for university.

"When we were your age, maybe a little younger, we… We used to sneak out at night and, well, steal your grandfather's car to go in places girls our ages shouldn't have been at."

Honeymaren's jaw dropped at the confession. Her nice, stable and calm mother had done worst than her!

Livli blushed under her daughter's judgemental, yet amused, gaze. "Oh stop looking at me like you do."

"Mom! And I thought I was a bad kid. Skating in the hallway and skipping classes don't sound so terrible, uh?"

"I never once did neither! Whatever, me doing bad things when I was younger doesn't give you an excuse."

"Yeah, sure…"

Livli laughed.

After a minute or so, her gaze went dry once more. Her tone got serious again. "As I was saying, we would do stupid things in the city and come back before dawn. Your grandfather never noticed, he was too exhausted for that. One night, we went to a bar, we got involved with older boys. They were fascinated by us, I mean, it's not every day you see Northuldra twins, unsupervised. They got us drinks, I made out with one of them, I felt so good. I was disobeying my dad, getting a lot of attention—you know how it is. And then... I noticed that Lohcca wasn't there anymore. I-"

Her voice broke into a sob. Disoriented, Honeymaren placed her hand on her mother's knees for comfort. The woman intertwined their fingers.

"I went to check outside, I heard noise in a nearby street. Those same boys…Two of them. Your aunt looked completely lost; I don't know what they'd given her. T-They were forcing her into their car. And- I screamed."

She paused. Air seemed to have a hard time finding its way to her lungs.

"The barmen saved her and your grandfather was furious, but he still managed to come at the hospital and brought us home. Everything went alright. Your aunt doesn't remember what happened to her that night and I lied to her. It's been over twenty years but I- I- I still have nightmares and I keep wondering what would have happened if I didn't catch them in time."

Honeymaren was caught off guard; she didn't know what to say. She was just acutely aware of all the remorse gnawing at her.

"It's not a game, Honeymaren. It’s not that I don’t trust you or that I’m overreacting. It’s just that I know. I don’t want what happened to your aunt to happen to you too—I won’t be there to save you. I don’t want to lose my daughter."

They sat in silence, until Livli's stopped shaking and she dried her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Reni, I got overwhelmed."

"No, it's okay, Mom."

"You can keep your phone, I guess.

Livli drew Honeymaren into a warm hug. She showered the side of her head with soft kisses. Honeymaren melt into the touch. She could hardly feel anything—probably due to the shock.

She promised she would never do it again.

Elsa was curled on the air mattress Honeymaren usually pulled out for Duiri. The curtains hadn't been drawn, flooding the room with the orange glow of the sun. Honeymaren stepped over her to reach the window.

Then, she dropped onto her bed and, propped on an elbow, stared at Elsa. "Told you to take the bed, stubborn, aren't you?" she whispered to herself.

Elsa's blue eyes were on her again. Honeymaren gulped. "You've done enough for me, I wasn't going to steal your bed too."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I wasn't sleeping," she replied, her voice yet heavy with tiredness.

"Well, get on the bed."

"Do have I a choice?"

"No."

Elsa climbed onto the bed. Satisfied, Honeymaren was about to swap their place. However, an arm stopped her at the waist. She tried to ignore the fore that started inside of her.

"Lie down with me?" Elsa asked, pleaded.

Before Honeymaren could register she had agreed, she was lying next to Elsa, her friend her arm wrapped over her shoulder. Her heart was beating too fast, and she was sure she could hear it echoing in the body pressed against hers.

They didn't speak, why would they?

Honeymaren wanted to ask about Kaija. It could wait. She could wait, right? Waiting was merely the only thing she did with Elsa anyway.

Elsa took Honeymaren's hand and placed it on her stomach. She missed a breath, but she didn't pull away. She caressed it, she looked to check if Elsa minded. She was only met with a sincere and exhausted smile.

Her hand moved in another rub over's Elsa body. Her soft hums were caressing Honeymaren's ears like a song of pure velvet. She was unable to remove her hand. She lightly hide some pressure, it wouldn't go unnoticed. Yet it wasn't enough for Elsa to accuse her, to notice the sudden possessiveness of her gesture.

Something inside of Honeymaren, quiet, sinister, disgusting, was urging her to press harder, to claim. Something inside of Honeymaren allowed her mind to wander into places she should never explore. She should shove the dishonest thoughts away.

Instead, she closed her eyes and saw it. She saw Elsa and herself, older. She imagined this estranged little creature as their child, the one they would have chosen to raise. A child who would share no blood with her, but who would never doubt their unwavering bound. She would be their mother. And despite her lack of interest in motherhood, Honeymaren smiled at the idea. Perhaps it was more the aspect of Elsa being fully hers. Perhaps, she didn't care about a child, she only wished to imagine a world where Elsa would have never picked anyone else over Honeymaren.

Her mind moved, traveling to different place, a place that reeked of rotten. That future did not exist. She opened her eyes. Her gaze was burning enough to reduce Elsa to a pile of roasted flesh. Honeymaren had to fight as to not transform her caress in claws. She pictured this estranged little creature as a thing belonging to her. She pictured herself as the reason. She would be the one to blame, not Eden. She would be the one who had caused distress. She would be the one who…

Elsa intertwined their fingers over her stomach, interrupting the flow of thoughts Honeymaren would hate herself for later. Honeymaren looked up, meeting gentle blue eyes. A wave of shame passed through her spine.

Elsa adjusted herself to lie on the side and faced Honeymaren properly. She brought their hands at their necks' level, inside the gap between the pillows.

Elsa smiled at her once more, her dilated pupils shining in the dark before she closed her tired eyes. It didn't take long for her to breath in a calm rhythm, her consciousness far from this bedroom.

Honeymaren didn't dare to let go of the joined grip. The warm made their palms sweat, but she simply couldn't.

Get a grip, she told herself.