Chapter Text
10:06
Shane
Today 9:42 AM
I don't know why you had me take off my watch for that. It's hardly surprising that you wanted to be on top of things (don't say it) and keep the group in high spirits. That's what you're like. It's why you're so sexy.
🤐
Ilya?
u said not to say anything and now i cannot think about anything else.
You dick.
😉
yes i do.
I think at some point Apple is going to send an ambulance to my house based on receiving reports of my heart-rate spiking every other minute.
i thought u took it off!
I was holding it to put it back on. I didn't even think your pulse was strong enough to go through your palm but what do I know. You just get me going.
😏
apple did not plan for ppl to have such sexy russian hockey players talking to them. that is big problem on their part.
💯
Maybe I need to up my tolerance, like getting vaccinated against it.
‼️
shane. u say this as if i am some kind of virus???? 😥😥😥
No! I mean then I'd be able to handle higher levels of your mischief. I want to be able to take you better... Otherwise you're going to send me to an early grave.
😮
Because of dat ass.
😵
what has gotten into u?
Well I know what I wish had....
👀
if i had pearls on i would clutch them
I know something you could clutch and then I'll end up with a pearl necklace.... It's a win/win.
💀
Yes sir.
ok hollander i have things i need to handle today. you cannot suddenly spring sexting god onto me like this. i am confused and aroused. you know that is my favourite. it is unfair.
Okay okay I'll save it until we're together on the weekend. I just have been thinking about how sometimes your wild side and your passion are really hot. It's unpredictable, it stresses me out, but it's also like... nobody else is like you.
u have no idea.
Oh I think I do.
sure hollander but let us up that tolerance asap, that was a v good idea.
Right. So in preparation for Bood's BBQ this weekend, maybe we keep talking about anything I should know about the crash? I know it's worrying you what might be said. You should just tell me.
mmm i have been trying.
I know. You've been doing an incredible job. I can keep asking questions if that helps?
it does. it helps me remember things i had forgotten to manage.
Manage?
uh yes like process, whatever normal person would do after such event.
We have got to work on your tendency to text extremely suspiciously.
window is closing. ask your question.
Again, that is a weird way of phrasing it. But okay. So we know Bood was in charge of cooking at the camp.
👀
how do u know Bood was in charge of cooking?
I would bet my house that he was based on everything you've told me about him. Which is one thing: he cooks. I am begging you for even one other fact about your teammates.
they r clear roles. makes it easier to remember talking points. tell me your list so far.
Remember, this is based on literally all the information I've been able to gather from you over the past three months:
Bood - cooks
Harris - talks loudly
Troy - looks at Harris
Dykstra - trucker caps
Hayes - superheroes
Haas - Swiss baby
Chouinard - Centaurs player
I have a question mark next to these ones:
Wiebe - nice fascist
Dillon - there
😂
that is all correct.
❓
We're really leaving it at that?
👍
it will work. when u see dillon he will certainly be there.
Unbelievable. Okay so at camp, did anyone else have a specific role? I know you would have been camp leader and Harris might have helped with morale?
Wait. What have you told them about me? What is my mini description?
Is it 'boring'?
no! that is special name for us only
i think u know what it is
😑
...
Don't say it, I know.
you are number 1 '2nd best player' 💋
10:16
Today 10:06 AM
MAYDAY
Boodis this an apology emergency because I'm here. I'm ready to hear it.
what? no. ofc not.
HarrisI thought you were brighter than that, Bood.
oh IM sorry. sorry for thinking ur bbq cooking is better than using sticks in literal forest?????? bozhe moy.
send me right to jail for even suggesting that bood reheating squashed plane food while barrett tries to juggle tiny child cokes (badly) may not be michelin star dining experience
HayesI mean, when he puts it that way....
BoodI guess that is fair.
Troywtf? what is with the random drive bys? they were slippery little fucking cans.
HaasWouldn't smaller cans be easier to grab in your adult sized hand?
Dykstranah they could be like fish. wriggly and stuff LOL
cans were not wriggling on their own dykstra
HarrisBe nice to Troy. It's great to find something he's not innately good at for once.
TroyI repeat - what the actual fuck? did I sign up for a cens roast by accident?
OMG ENOUGH ABOUT U TROY
HayesWait a sec, Roz, I'm still trying to work out what 'tiny can ick' referred to. So Barrett's response to the plane crashing was to start learning to juggle?
Chouinardahaha imagine if that was your like adrenaline reaction to an emergency?
thank god we're safe, thx pilots. 👏👏👏👏👏
now to really lift everyone's spirits
🏈🫲⚽🫱🎱
HarrisHAHAHAHAH OMG Nick stop I'm going to pee
Troy....
Dillony does barrett bring so many random balls with him on flights?
HaasOh, Tanner.
Troyare you serious, my guy? you realise those emojis chouinard messaged aren't a picture of me. right?
Dillonyea but like y did he pick them then?
Booddillon, I think there are donuts in the breakroom. wanna come see with me?
Dillonum obviously i do. i thought u were going to go to a meeting w barrett.
Boodharris just told me that troy's taken himself off for an impromptu little de-stressing walk on the opposite side of the building before our meeting, so we have time to go look for donuts.
Dillonbarrett does improv? first juggling now comedy? wtf its like u think u know someone
HayesTanner, if you have any sense of self-preservation, come with me and Bood, okay?
Harris🙏🙏🙏 you are angels I'm texting covertly while troy does mindful breathing. it's kind of funny actually they really do work. maybe he could show you guys as well? before you say anything, it's not only because he's hot but yes I guess I should imagine it's 40% less interesting for normies. anyway
that is example of u texting like spy?
idk if i should even b asking this chat for help
10:32
Marly
Today 10:16 AM
can we go do some birdwatching sometime?
yes obviously
sick. since finding you that bird fact this morning I have been balls deep in bird facts.
marly that's gross
sorry dude but seriously. I did not realise birds were such a delight???
they truly r magical
I am fuckin reeling from this one
????
australian zebra finches sing a different little ditty to their baby birdies (birdlets?) when it's gonna be hot.
chicks? but i like birdlets.
hahaha how embarrassing.
okay well just for you, rozy, the lil birdlets then incubate (stay in their eggs) for longer and deal better with the heat after
what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
srsly?
g'day, lil feathery einstein
incredible. maybe it should be boston birds instead.
don't even tempt me hahaha
lol. marly can i ask u some advice?
normally I would say 100% always absolutely never let you down, brother
but I think you gotta gimme like five to process all this
only so I can be my best self to really listen
makes sense. thank u for being honest.
otherwise it's gonna be zebra finches all the way
<3 we will chat later
maybe have lie down and do not google any more birds for now
cockatoos have preferred feet (talons? claws?)
roz we must go to oz.
hahah ok marly. we will look into that.
do u think u would be able to handle seeing emu?
if you're there I can survive anything
❤️
10:55
Today 10:34 AM
Dykstraok so roz, dillon is gonna be busy with donuts for a little bit so the chat should've settled enough for you to share your mayday thingo.
Boodhayesy has taken first shift with the donut king.
is barrett ok? i may need his fleeting moments of genius.
Troyyeah I'm here.
HaasYou cannot let him get to you like that, Troy.
If he didn't logic himself into the situation, you can't logic him out. Isn't that what Wiebe tells us?
TroyI know it's just... how can one guy be so sincerely lost? on everything?
how he finds his way to rink each day is a miracle
Dykstrawhere'd ya boy end up, barrett?
Troyah he went to 'check on hayes' but I think he just wanted some timbits.
🫡
HayesDoes anyone else want anything from here before the changing of the guards?
is there bear claw?
🐻
Chouinardlol roz do they know?
HayesI have only heard rumblings of this bear thing but nobody will tell me a straight answer of what the hell happened.
and nobody ever will 😤😤
😂
Chouinardfunniest fucking thing that happened all crash tho
💯
Dykstrait was so funny ROFL
remember how fast the turnaround was?
‼️
ChouinardYES
😂
DykstraROFLMAO exactly but add the threat of a bear
💀
first of all i did not have hat
HayesThat's where you start?
second of all u two were not waiting as patiently as that for me at camp. u were no help.
HayesWhen did it even happen? How did we miss an actual bear?
HaasHayes, we were out on Operational Squirrel at that time.
HayesOhhhhhh. They all said that crashing and banging was Bood trying to ring a dinner bell.
You know, when I type it out, I hear it. I hear how dumb that sounds. And I'm pre-emptively apologising, Bood.
❤️
Boodappreciate it, man. but as if I would ever ring a dinner bell and what kind of dinner bell yells "IT HAS BOTH STICKS"
🧐
Troyhahahahah what? we didn't hear that bit.
HayesIt has both sticks? What sticks? Like sticks off the ground? Were you defending yourself?
Boodgo on, cap. it's time.
....no.
Dykstrarozy, we had a good run but it's over now, bud.
😢
fine. hayesy i may in fact owe u some sticks...
Hayes
merch u brought for hospital... sticks did not get 'crushed in crash'
HayesBut that's what you said happened?
Troyroz. we were already on a mission to get Wiebe's whistle back from a squirrel because of you. please. please do not tell me that while we were doing that... you were.... I can't. harris I need to go outside again.
i gave them to bear 😔
Hayes...
🐻
HaasI hate to add fuel to fire as it were but why would you give him the regular sized hockey stick and the ministick for children?
HayesYou gave a bear the ministick as well!?
HarrisILYA. Why did you give the bear BOTH of your weapons???????? The only things you had to defend yourself with??????? Troy, get your coat, we'll go outside again.
Chouinardto be fair to roz, he said he had a plan when he went out there.
HarrisWhich was....?
Dykstraidk but he said it had 'changed unexpectedly once bear took control of both sticks' LMAO
why would i plan for bear having both sticks in first place? i do not plan for failure.
HarrisHoney, maybe it's time you did just a little bit.
😮
11:11
Svetochka
Today 10:55 AM
Okay out with it, Ilyusha. Shane is worried.
excuse u
shane worries if we get to airport too late or too early. ignore it.
Marly too.
‼️
what? r u holding some kind of intervention?
They love you. You are stupid to keep running like this.
i think u will find running helped me in bear situation actually.
What is this about bear?
....
typo
beard situation
Okay I will play along. Tell me: what was beard situation and how did running help you? Hmm? I have time, Ilyusha.
no i hear ur phone ringing
Not only is that terrible excuse, it hurts my feelings you think I would believe you for a second. Ottawa has softened you.
ugh fine. no beard.
Color me shocked.
omg u r so scary when u r against me!
Ah toughen up, you know I love you deep down.
haha got u to say it first.
Okay you are still quite good.
anyway. i think i bit off more than mouth could hold.
And? When have you not handled that before?
there was actual bear, sveta
I am going to need you to take many steps back and give me exact details on how you came to face actual bear.
there is actually not much more to tell. i went out to look for pilot or help or i do not know. i wanted to be hero.
Mmm I can see you doing this. You have very big heart that takes up space your brain needs sometimes.
ow but fair.
so i took hockey sticks to push branches out of way because when they brush ur arms it gets a bit itchy later.
You should have known your city boy limits, love.
1. did not think i would see actual bear.
2. i thought bear would sense i was russian and let me go?
Why would an American bear have any sense what Russia is and know that meant you had some sort of bear skill?
I do not even know what that would look like? Russians cull bears. It does not even matter, I do not know why I am entertaining this.
i do not know sveta! see! i panicked and tried to reason. maybe bears have shared brain like birds.
Am I having a stroke?
no just ugh ask marly about birds
actually do not do that. he is already overwhelmed from excitement. give him five.
But what is bothering you so much about telling Shane? He is your love. He will understand.
i do not know. it has made me feel like child that needs supervising. i want to be strong. this has made me question so many things about myself.
Maybe that is good thing?
maybe. it does not feel like good thing right now.
Ilyusha, why did you go towards the bear in first place?
why do ppl go towards anything?
i think bear may just have been the beginning
Of what?
of what indeed
Bozhe moy. I think Marly and I should come visit.
11:33
Today 11:14 AM
HayesOkay, Roz, we're all back from outside.
u all went?
HayesI thought maybe those breathing exercises might help right about now.
HaasI like a nice crisp walk outside every hour or so. Helps to keep focused.
DykstraI was bored.
Chouinardi wanted to keep talking about the bear thing with dykstra
Dilloni took the wrong door again
dillon. we need to set up buddy system for you. i am genuinely concerned.
Troynah, dillon has lots of potential, just gotta work out how to focus it. and find it first.
Dillonthx man. like how u learned to juggle?
Troyyep. just like that. 😐
Boodgood job, barrett. nice turnaround on that personal growth.
❤️
HayesAnyway. I think we all made some decisions that were not our smartest out there. It was a tense situation. It was nothing we had ever gone through before. We should all keep a level head when we hear about the reasoning behind some uhhh more creative choices.
HarrisHayes is right. As always. Like, we all tried to make ourselves look the best we could. Even if it meant fudging the truth a little bit, right, Troy?
Troywhat? are you bringing up the fish again? why do you think I would lie about something so specific like that? an eagle really did come and snatch it! I've googled it since. they live in the appalachians. they eat fish.
but exact time u manage to catch fish with bare hand eagle comes down to get it?
BoodI could see that happening to haasy.
HarrisOh totally. That has big Luca vibes. He has a bit of a Snow White thing going on.
u r so right. haas would meet fish and eagle in wilds.
TroyI can't believe the betrayal. et tu, harris?
HaasTroy if it makes you feel any better I do not believe you or I would experience such things.
Dilloni believe u barrett
Troythanks man but that really doesn't help my case....
HayesHey hey what did I say! Be nicer already, ya jerks.
Dykstrawe could all go around and say a dumb thing we did.
no i do not feel this will solve problem. it will not take back dumb things i did.
Troywe still love you, roz. what are you worried about? if anything we're all closer together because of it.
HayesYeah, I can't imagine a better bunch of people to get lost with.
❤️
u idiots. shane! i am worried about shane! can u keep secret?
Chouinardi had the chance to tell people my captain gave a kid's hockey stick to a bear and i didn't. of course i can keep a secret.
HayesI still haven't told them about the slide.
❓
HarrisI haven't told anyone about the phone. Though I have threatened to do it a lot and I stand by that decision.
BoodI haven't told anyone about how you put rocks on Dale's eyes.
HarrisNo, stop. What. We can't let that one pass.
he slept through whole thing??? i thought he was dead. i wanted to give him respect he deserved quickly
Boodyeah but people usually use coins. you were thinking of game of thrones hahaha. and the rocks you used weren't small.
Dilloni didn't tell anyone how u insulted my clothes.
ok let me clarify. i did not insult his clothes immediately.
Dillonu came up to me and said 'omg r u ok?' and i said yea. and u said 'but what about ur jeans?' and i said 'what do u mean?' and u said 'they look terrible!' and i said 'they came like this' and then wiebe said 'we have bigger things to worry about roz' and u said 'no we don't'
bc if they came from store like that they were coming home with us like that!
Hayes🤦♀️ Roz, Dillon was already having a hard enough time because all he packed was snacks and we agreed to move on from that.
Troyi'm sorry what?
HayesYeah he buys new clothes wherever we go and fills his bag with the snacks he likes. Honestly, there's no logical structure to it. Please let's move on.
Dillonthey don't have hawkins cheezies in florida.
Troyhave you checked??
u already know answer troy. anyway. my secret is that i actually think hollander is best player in nhl. so i cannot look like biggest idiot in nhl to best player ok???
pls help best player in nhl do this
TroyI thought you said hollander was number one?
ET TU, TROY? to ME he is #1. to all of u i am still #1. bozhe moy. this conversation = emotional plane crash.
11:33
Shane
Today 11:30 AM
Go somewhere private and call me.
what why? r u ok?
Just really need to see all of you right now.
calm down hollander. what happened to waiting until weekend?
I tried. Too far away. Need to see.
You should hurry. I got a two minute head start.
Take off your clothes.