Work Text:
8:44
My World, Shane
Today 8:03 AM
my darling
my love
why am i getting texts from so many people?
😈
this is the most afraid and aroused i have ever been.
👋😈
moy lyubimyy, why does your demon wave?
wait
where is he going?
Today 8:15 AM
SHANE.
❓
SHOW YOURSELF. AND DO NOT JUST REACT TO MY TEXT LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO BUT THEN STAY HIDDEN.
🫡
omfg nobody understands what it is like living with New Shane now
😈
i know you are somewhere in our house
👀
there are not that many places you can hide? end it now.
😘
i can hear you giggling
🙊
Today 8:25 AM
ok now i feel you must be moving when i am distracted by another text
🧐
how many people did you message this morning?
💯
how is it even possible you found this many t-shirts?
💪
oh ok it is because you have sexy strong biceps. makes sense.
💅
you know what? i am going to go sit outside like adult because i think you want me to keep chasing you and New Ilya does not do that i have decided.
👎
Today 8:41 AM
I can hear you giggling.
lies.
Oh, so it's a ghost giggling? Not that my t-shirt choices are: 1. excellent and 2. accurate?
fine. it is funny but only because of pike's.
So... why do you sound a little bit sad?
where is mine?
Baby, not only did I pick one for you, it should be here later today.
are you serious?????
😘
you better hide hollander. game is back on.
🏃
10:10
Sorry Tour 1online
ShaneHi everyone. I assume you got my messages last night (this morning? It was pretty late/early). Uh, Ilya says I have to apologise for being so funny with allocating you all special t-shirts. So... sorry for bringing so much joy into your lives I guess?
😂
shane. terrible apology. do it again but way we practised?
😈
ShaneSorry for being authentically myself and gifting you with not only a t-shirt I am happy to order you (lemme know sizes) but also with my sense of humour that I have hidden for far too long.
👏
HayesSorry, Cap, but I'm kinda on Hollsy's side here. I like mine?
ShaneThat's the spirit, Hayes! Oh my god, maybe I could get them to customise it with 'Hayes does it for the girls, gays and theys.' Like, it'd rhyme way better?
HayesYES
😍
wtf hayes no!
Barrettyeah... sorry roz, but I'm with hayesy. I like mine too 🫣
ShaneYou're a good lad, Barrett.
i expected this from dillon and dykstra but you barrett? bozhe moy
☹️
ShaneThey can't help but have good taste, Ilya.
HayesWhat does yours look like, Troy?
Barrett
it's funny because it's true!
ShaneI mean, it took me hours to match everyone to their true destiny pride shirt.
HarrisNow when you say everyone? How much damage control do I need to do here?
harris let me put it this way... there is reason chat is called Sorry Tour with a number 1 added to it.
😈
HarrisOh, god.
How many are there?
are you sitting down?
HarrisActually don't tell me. Let me enjoy my shirt for a few more minutes in bliss.
DykstraLOL
I like you even more now, hollander
ShaneThanks, Dykstra. I thought you'd enjoy yours.
Dykstrahell yeah
it works for so many occasions!
wtf dykstra? name one more occasion this shirt works for
Dykstrait's all in the way you wear it roz LMAO
ShaneYeah, Roz. LMAO
Dykstrathis guy gets it.
he is being a brat, dykstra
Barrettbrat hollander is top tier comedy
BoodChiming in here but yeah, I'll cop a wild shirt every now and then to keep my front row seat to this show.
ShaneHey, Bood! Welcome to the shirt-show.
DykstraROFL
ShaneThis guy gets it.
BoodHow can anyone be against my shirt?
ShaneThat's what I said! I think Ilya might be a bigot?
SHANE!
ShaneFine fine I am just joking. But it's good to check your privileges sometimes.
harris i feel like this borders on hate crime?
Harrishoney, you're not gay.
i am bi??? ok so half a hate crime half a regular crime. same police.
ShaneLove you, please don't call police on me for sending our friends funny t-shirts. You might get fined.
Bood
Barrettahahahahahaha I love that one too!
BoodRight? Cassie thinks it should become part of our actual pride night gear.
Shanebrb I just heard Ilya scream from somewhere.
10:46Sorry Tour 1online
ShaneOkay I talked him off the ledge. He's agreed to come back.
🩷
mmm i apparently promised to "embrace being wrong" about "future of comedy"
ShaneExactly! It's an opportunity for growth, Ilya. This is a safe space.
omfg i will show you opportunity for growth in a second
HaasOh dear it is like watching my parents fight.
HarrisI think they like this kinda fight, Luca.
HaasWhat do you mean?
ShaneHaas, close your eyes.
I welcome any opportunity to have you teach me about growth, Cap 😉
Dillonget 'em, hollzy.
add me to the column of love my shirt
ShaneHahaha oh I forgot that one. Killer.
HaasAh I understand mine a lot more now. They are my parents.
and now you are grounded for supporting wrong dad.
ShaneIgnore grumpy dad. Let's go get ice cream.
Dykstrado we all get ice cream?
ShaneAbsolutely. Anyone who finds joy in this gets ice cream. 👀
i can get my own ice cream 👀👀👀👀👀👀
HarrisThis chat is the weirdest combination of cute and erotically charged. I don't know what to think but I do know it isn't the first time I've felt turned on and wanted ice cream.
Barrettummm... can you please tell me more about that?
HarrisMr Barrett! Why I never.
Also you were there.
ShaneHELL YEAH, TROYYYYYYY
HarrisHahaha oh god. I shouldn't say anything.
ShaneUm you totally should? Or have you forgotten your shirt already?
HarrisHow could I forget? I have a responsibility to yap about this kind of stuff.
HayesI have made popcorn for this.
BoodI have cleared my schedule. Best morning ever.
HarrisOkay so, let me set the scene. It was a cold and wintry evening. Fog cloaked the buildings like a blanket that the townspeople were readily settling underneath...
Dykstradang harris and troy straight up pride and prejudicing this shit.
ShaneOh man, if you think about it, the way Barrett used to be? They kinda ARE Pride & Prejudice hahahaha. Sorry, Troy.
Barrettcan't fault the facts. now we're pride & pride. wouldn't have it any other way.
😍
HarrisOMG pride & pride - siri, set a reminder to use that for some promos later. Anyway! One Mr Troy Barrett, face sculpted by the gods based on the dreams of one Master Drover, stirred in his abode and then decided to hand deliver me some ice cream. When he arrived I gasped and fanned myself!
CoachHey so, hate to interrupt Austen over here but I thought I'd just add my two cents before muting this chat so you boys can keep on chatting without worrying about your Coach reading it and all.
ShaneHey, Wiebe! How'd you like yours?
CoachVery good, Hollander.
omfg just kill me now
Coach
ShaneKinda groups us all in with Lolly and Chiron, hey?
ok that is all you had to say and i would have been all in from beginning, shane.
11:16Sorry Tour 2online
ShaneWelcome, Camp Friends! This chat is to celebrate your wonderful t-shirts and to share them with one another.
no. it is for you to air grievances and for shane to take accountability.
👎
Marlybrother, you know I am here for this kinda crazy.
maybe let someone else start, marly
👍
ShaneDon't stop, Cliff. He just didn't get the reaction he expected from the Cens chat.
BennettIlya, it's easier if you just ignore him. He will tire himself out on his own.
what did your shirt say?
Bennett
I believe mine is in reference to the bar that Hunter and I co-own... Though I don't know what Scott's shirt is like, I can only imagine.
ShaneHahahah yeah, Hunter's is a lil different. Matches with Kip's though. And yours with Kyle's!
shane.
ShaneYes, my love?
is that shirt cropped?
ShaneAnyway! What did Kyle think of his?
BennettHe actually loved it and swears he has one similar already. I wouldn't be surprised.
HunterHey everyone. Yeah, I was initially surprised to wake up to a pretty brazen jersey from Hollander but Kip's reaction to his made it pretty worthwhile in the end. I think you can work out whose is whose.
how can a company have all of these and still be in business?
ShaneMore like how haven't we found these before? They're SO perfect. Glad Kip enjoyed 'em, Hunter. Makes for an easy Christmas gift this year 😉
pricey, are you okay? how did you and fabian go?
PriceThis is Fabian! Ryan said I could 'deal with the chat' while he had a shower. Firstly, Shane, I am *here* for this rebrand. I knew you had it in you. Secondly, my shirt is to die for and I would like an actual version pretty please.
Okay so here's mine and Ryan's:
HunterEric, we may have gotten off lightly here.
ShaneIt's all about having a healthy perspective.
BennettHahaha at least ours weren't cropped.
MarlyI don't know, man, I like mine more because of that.
marly tell me he did not give you crop.
Marly
ok i cannot lie you would rock that.
Marlyit's in the cart, my friend!
VaughnGood morning, team! Now, Shane, you were onto a winner for mine because it also sums up how I feel about this whole chat business.
ShaneRemind me to show you Dillon's because they go together pretty well.
😂
is that everyone? have we seen all horrors now?
ShaneUh... not quite. Hehehehe.
J.J.Ah, capitaine. Saving the best til last were we? Hmm?
jj you choose when to reply?
J.J.Dramatic effect, Rozanov. Have to make an entrance. Now, please feast your eyes on this beauty:
(drumroll please?)
Shane🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁
🫶
J.J.
PriceOMG <3333333333 (this is Fabian still)
J.J.J'adore you all.
😘
ShaneRight back at you, J.J.... One more to go, I see him reading the chat...
PikeRozanov. This may be the only time we agree with one another okay? But I want you to remember that Shane made it happen so I am still on his side.
🫡
11:40Sorry Tour 3online
i cannot bear to know what he sent you two.
RoseAw, Ilya. Has yours been the worst one?
ShaneI haven't even shown him his yet hahaha.
RoseShane! Don't torture the poor man. He has been through so much lately.
ShaneHe loves it! Right, baby?
no
ShanePfft. If you could see him right now, he's grinning.
lies. i was about to sneeze.
SvetlanaIlyushka, stop this. You don't grin when you sneeze. Just admit you love your unhinged Shane.
Be honest like you were when you texted me how hot you found it all when you woke up this morning.
ShaneI KNEW IT
sveta! i tell you these things in confidence!
SvetlanaWe are all part of bigger family now, zaychik 🐰 No sense in keeping it from family yes?
Rose1000%. Svetlana, I love you.
🩷
ShaneMe too.
🩷
she loved me first.
ShaneOf course she did. She knew she needed to so she could meet me and Rose 😉
😂
Rose
SvetlanaOmg. That is delightful.
RoseRight? I especially love the fact it's sleeveless. Though I'll have to work on my biceps so I can proudly show them off.
SvetlanaI am sure they are perfect already.
Shane👀
👀
SvetlanaWhat? Rose Landry is beautiful woman. I cannot speak the truth? Just because Hollander fumbled?
👀👀
Shane👀👀
RoseWow. I hear random compliments on the daily from people who want to suck up to me or lovely fans but I gotta say, it hits different coming from someone as STUNNING as you, Svetlana!
Shanenow kiss
shane! do not spook them!
RoseI mean, I'm not against it.
👀
SvetlanaMaybe look at my shirt first and then we decide?
why did shane just throw his phone across the room and scream into pillow?
sveta? why would your shirt do this to shane?
RoseI literally cannot wait to see this.
😉
Svetlana
SHANE HOLLANDER.
RoseVerbal contract! Verbal contract! No take backsies.
😈
ShaneMy god. I am the best matchmaker ever. Everyone clap for New Shane.
👏
you cannot start applause for yourself but it was very smooth. 👏
SvetlanaYes, Hollander, big round of applause for you and your very obvious plans.
😮
ShaneObvious? Pfft. Sure. It worked though, right? Has Rose already messaged outside of this chat or not?
RoseHey! I may be overly keen, obvious, awkward and have already messaged Svetlana outside of this chat but I am not ashamed of it!
Now, quickly show us yours and Ilya's so we can get on with our days.
Shane"Get on with our days" sure. (Text me later!)
SvetlanaI can still see this?
(text me later sveta)
💋
Shane
oh my god. fuuuuuuck, hollander. you did not say ours were cropped though there was hope. and you say these arrive this afternoon? when? bring up tracker? right now. okay time for everyone to get on with their days. talk to you soon. love you both. hanging up now. bye bye.
😈