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The Bear Was Just the Beginning

Summary:

Hayes:
But like I said, I won’t mention anything about the slide.

Roz:
ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh
see this is what i mean

Hayes:
Wait, it wasn’t about the slide?
What was it about then?

Roz:
????
were u not there for the bear?
nm
unsend
delete
siri help

Or: The Ottawa Centaurs' plane crashes into the Appalachians. Everyone walks away relatively unscathed. Unfortunately for Ilya Rozanov, this means a lot of witnesses to what he has come to understand was 'not his best work.' He is running out of time to do damage control before Shane learns what his soulmate prioritises in an emergency.

Notes:

Title fic

Important: This fic uses a Work Skin, so please make sure Creator's Style is kept on. Also make sure you scroll in the phones to read all of the messages!
This fic is not canon compliant, it takes place in a world where the flight does not make it anywhere except the forest, Shane/Ilya have come out to the Cens at the airport when Ilya comes home and Troy/Harris also speed run their feelings somewhere in there. It just made it funnier, okay?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Your love is terrifying and hot. In that order.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

9:41

Contact avatar

Shane

Today 9:01 AM

I am not very nervous about Bood's.

Should I be?

Normal people would be nervous going to meet their partner's entire team after a plane crash and near-death experience.

Especially if the team had only just found out about your relationship, oh, like two days ago?

When he says don't bring anything, is that a lie?

Does Bood lie?

Ilya, I need to know right now.

Sort your team into 'liars' and 'those who can be trusted.'

Send me that list.

Oh yeah, here come the nerves.

no u r perfect

they r ones who should be nervous

they are excited for u to be there!

have u forgotten when haasy nearly fainted?

That was pretty cute. I thought I scared him.

he startles easy

like little swiss bird

I'll keep that in mind.

I am just so glad they were all so immediately accepting. Makes for a nice change.

I'm really sorry I did all that, by the way.

I didn't even ask. I couldn't think.

Just got in my car and drove straight to the airport.

it was best surprise after everything

u were always going to be part of team and bbqs one day

u just made manager (?) decision. made it happen faster

so it is ok to lie yes?

because it made everything much better in long run!

it is decided, shane and ilya are ok with small lies if they are for the best yay :)

Executive decision

thx

I mean, I don't think that counts as a lie?

Let's not make a sweeping rule for our relationship over this. But thank you for being understanding.

Your team are actually kind of assholes in a way...

ok i did not expect that

did someone say something??

Huh?

Who? What would they say?

No I just meant being that supportive of us.

It makes it so much harder for me to go back after...

You know, to Montreal?

ah that makes sense, sokovyzhimalka

just say word and i will take care of pike

Out of the entire team you pick one of the two guys who have been kind of okay.

Wait do you mean take care or "take care"?

😊

Your love is terrifying and hot. In that order.

😊

I googled sokovyzhimalka by the way!

😠

😉

9:45

Contact avatar

Hayes

Today 9:35 AM

promise me hayes seriously

I promise! I keep my word, Cap.

thx shane is already stressed about crash in general

I know, Lisa won't let me out of her sight.

But like I said, I won't mention anything about the slide.

ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

see this is what i mean

Wait, it wasn't about the slide?

What was it about then?

????

were u not there for the bear?

nm

unsend

delete

siri help

9:58

Contact avatar

Harris

Today 9:28 AM

pls pls don't tell shane

Ilya, I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to you just yet.

i know i am sorry idk what came over me

I do! Some spirit of a Texan outlaw that you once were in a past life????

And a stubborn one at that.

yes u r so right

i just saw his name and i panicked 😥

OMFG I can't with you!

We could've gotten rescued even earlier!!!

i mean

Don't

it is pike we are talking about

so would that have really happened?

Today 9:47 AM

harris?

did we get disconnected?

put troy on

hey roz, it's Troy

why don't we play it by ear yeah?

I don't want Harris to stress out any more than he is already

troy!

troyyyyyyyyy

wait

pls do not forget how i backed u up when all hunger games talk started

uh... you didn't though?

FUCK

10:05

Contact avatar

Haas

Today 9:55 AM

how r u today?

Glad we all made it back okay, mainly.

that is the spirit haasy!

we had some laughs

Um, sure. It was also very scary?

yes u did very well

now for bood's pls just do not mention bear

Why? It was a big moment.

Our Captain? Defending both camps from a bear!

Why would we not talk about this?

wait u weren't there either?

wtf who was there then??

who told u i defended camps?

Nobody. I was part of Operation Squirrel because you said that I "deserved a promotion."

Do you remember?

I assumed because when we came back there was no damage but also people were very stressed about the bear you had found.

hahahahah ok ok

yep i protected camps

it was right thing to do 🫡

now make sure u do not bring it up at all

ever

i am very modest about these accomplishments

This is Rozanov, yes?

Is this a test?

10:16

Contact avatar

Dykstra

Today 10:07 AM

dykstra

pls i think i am fucked

bud, whats going on?

cant be worse than the plane crash

LOL

shane does not know about bear

ROFL

i had a plan 😥

LMAOOO

no

okay well not that many people saw it though?

only me and chouinard

troy harris hayes and wiebe were with boss baby on his mission

and dale was well yeah doesn't matter about dale really

so that just leaves tanner and bood?

tanner was at second camp by then i am sure

maybe bood did not hear because of cooking?

ready made meals on a tiny fire couldnt make enough noise to cancel out the way you came barreling back into the OG camp, man

you were yelling RUN! IS NOT DRILL!

i do not think i sounded like that

yea soz you're totally fucked

dead man walking

pray 4 me

👍

11:30

Contact avatar

Marly

Today 10:30 AM

ok ok pls just do not mention when bear grabbed my stick

you okay, bro?

is this some sort of gay code?

has there been an incident?

at a gay bar?

what happened at the gay bar!?

who is he

which fuckin bear grabbed your stick????

it better not be anyone stateside

oh he better run

first a plane crash and now this?

roz, you point which way he went and I am there

you know your secrets are always safe with me btw

but you have NOTHING to be ashamed of

and you've got a great stick

but anything other than an enthusiastic yes is a no, man

your body your choice

fuck, even when guys have nothing they still have the audacity

Today 11:25 AM

ah fuck

sorry marly

texted wrong number

u r such a gem 😘

wrong number?

okay are you trying to break my heart or something now?

no, sorry, everyone processes in their own way

love you brother

love u marly

do not worry

stick is still only shane's

it was real stick

and real bear

will tell u more later

I know you will

r/AITA • 3h ago

Posted by u/normallyverygoodatthings

AITA? car crashed in jungle & i caused problems for my friends

B-List Celebrity

will keep it short and not many details or u will work out what this is about lol
so car crashed in jungle last week and friends are mad because i tried to make things better but did not do very good job
tried to boost mood and be good car captain but plans did not work and made things worse

edit: i did not choose flair for post b-list? really? also i am not ilya rozanov but he sounds like excellent hockey player and friend

12210 💬 800 CommentsAwardShare

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mythrowaway529583 • 2h ago

Wait, your car crashed in a jungle? What does that even mean? Why were you driving there? I think we need more information before we can make a judgment...

1847 💬 ReplyAwardShare

normallyverygoodatthingsOP • 2h ago

it does not matter focus on heart

1 💬 ReplyAwardShare

seventyoceans • 1h ago

is this about the centaurs plane crash???? are you ilya rozanov?
OMG what did you do?

1072 💬 ReplyAwardShare

normallyverygoodatthingsOP • 1h ago

r u blind? it says car and jungle

1 💬 ReplyAwardShare

seventyoceans • 1h ago

yeah that's basically the part that made me think plane and forest, man.

461 💬 ReplyAwardShare

normallyverygoodatthingsOP • 1h ago

YTA

1 💬 ReplyAwardShare

seventyoceans • 1h ago

lol okay

818 💬 ReplyAwardShare

AITAModTeamMOD • 30m ago

Please refrain from judging the replies.

1 💬 ReplyAwardShare

rcensational • 45m ago

Okay I think I can suspend my disbelief enough to skip over the concept of a 'car captain' and offer some actual input....
Like how bad are we talking problems-wise? Because if you're in an emergency and you try to get help or uh make a jungle shelter and it doesn't work, well who can really blame you? But if you started swinging punches and ate all the car snacks, that's a totally different story.

729 💬 ReplyAwardShare

normallyverygoodatthingsOP • 40m ago

more like creative nicknames and get to know u questions and active listening and maybe showed bear way to camp and mood booster activities yes?

1 💬 ReplyAwardShare

hedblehockeysticks • 28m ago

ahahahahah my man really trying to slip in a BEAR amongst mood boosting activities? wtf

317 💬 ReplyAwardShare

getawayaccount • 17m ago

Pray tell, what bears live in a jungle?

199 💬 ReplyAwardShare

normallyverygoodatthingsOP • 11m ago

panda

1 💬 ReplyAwardShare

canyouhearmeow • 8m ago

IMMEDIATELY one of my favourite Reddit threads ever. OP crashed his car in China and led a panda to the camp as car captain. No notes.

438 💬 ReplyAwardShare

Notes:

sokovyzhimalka = juicer